Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Death Factory...Hmm must be Kenner

Yup the title says it all…Death Factory.   Now if you look at it from philosophical point of view you could say the manufactory of guns, tanks, bombs and jets could be viewed as this and have endless debates about peace vs. war.   Well alas extensionalists, that ain’t the case.   Ten to one teens are involved.  So grab your guy or girl, get some drugs and booze, this is Death Factory.

There a few spoilers ahead.  You know the drill.

The genius at work on this cinema feature is Brad Sykes (which is a rude name in the Newcomer language of Alien Nation) writer and director of such films as: (Camp Blood, Camp Blood 2, Goth and Plaguers) in 2002 under the blessing of Brain Damage Films (Apt name) comes this story…such as it is.  With 5 million in the kitty, the film was created and the magic happened…no wait that was Escape from New York.   Our story unfolds with a couple making out in the grass near the “factory” and they decided it would be a great idea to explore the factory and not each other.  Gee, I wonder what is going to happen.  No sooner than nitwits one and two wander in they are killed off.   Boy, who would have seen that one coming.  
This piece of sputum was shot on Digital Video.  I mean lower than the Panasonic.  A flip cam would have gotten better shots.   The pace of this movie is at the speed of curdled milk.  Okay how do I put this in polite terms?  Heck I will give it a shot.  The resonate sounds of the factory walls disrupts the actors’ dialogue.  5 million in the kitty and nobody were miked at all.  You hear lots of echoing in this vast empty warehouse that is allegedly a factory.   The only thing more wooden than the frame around the warehouse was the lines that felt less than natural to say.  The actors themselves look baffled when they should be terrified or they appear ambivalent when they should be serious.  They look like they could be doing anything else and just got roped into this gig.

 Our ensemble cast rounds off with Rachel (Lisa Jay of Two and a Half Men, Creepies and Tuesday), Luisa (Karla Zamudio of The Shield, Hard as Nails, Shakedown and The Mexican Dream) the sassy one, Troy (Jason Flowers of The Brink, Papa Zeus and The Lost Girl) The musing metal head, Derek (The Brink, Creepies and Tuesday) Dopey frat boy, Francis (David Kalamus of Alien 3000 a.k.a. The Unseen Evil 2 and In the Closet) and his girlfriend Letica (Rhonda Jordan of Urban Playground, The Mummy’s Kiss, Galaxy Hunter and Bad Penny) are the token black couple.  I swear this need to pair people off like that.  Cubby and Roy couldn’t attend.  

Our gathering of MENSA members were all supposed to party at Francis’ house when his folks went away for a trip but they canceled at the last minute.  Hmm where to get our groove on now?  Why, how about that abandoned factory on the other edge of town that even the cops don’t patrol?   Brilliant!    There are no subplots or perhaps a good flashback sequence that would explain what happened here or why it was truly abandoned but some meek word of mouth rumors/urban legends which sounded more preposterous than a vengeful leprechaun in da hood.   I assume the ridiculous banter which was to be hip and amusingly ironic was NOT supposed to fall flat on its butt and sound just plain snarky.    The main cliché’ of course is booze, drugs and sex.  Now I get that these youngsters have no clubhouse or apartment to use but my God an old couch exposed to elements of weather, insects and rodents?  Oh baby take me right here on the pile of rat droppings.  If the creature doesn’t get them the chigger bites should.

Best part is there is a bed in one room with fresh sheets.  The monster turned down the bed for them.  Isn’t that thoughtful?  The warehouse er um high tech facility has a few strewn papers calling it Dyson Chemicals and without any background in biochemistry the plucky younglings figure out that experiments went awry and caused one of the workers to go completely crackers, mutate and start mauling her fellow employees, I mean this was a bloodbath that somehow was kept out of the papers and TV.  Forget local; that would have been national news.  Suffice to say this had nothing new to bring to the table.  You have blood and boobs folks.  Heck why don’t we just do a series of those films and call it a day.  Blood and Boobs Part 3: Silicone and Slaughter!  Wow my cheesy made up title was better than this whole flick. Seriously, go read a book, sort your sock drawer or give an old friend a phone call.