Resident Evil

Hey Folks. I'm back. My hiatus has been a series of headaches, paid writing work and penning Episode 2 of the impending Noir Horror radio show I will be producing, Fiends and Flatfoots. Those excuses aside, I felt I got to make it up to my readers. So what kind of pain should I endure? The pervy standings of Jesus Franco? Nah, not enough agony. Godfrey Ho movie? Well I am editing Robovampire for Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Reviews on YouTube so no. Perhaps a Bruno Mattei movie? Then as though a bolt of lightning charged through, it hit me. I must endure the burden of Barry Burton. That's right! Old school tank controls, lines delivered so awesomely bad and the forever pornographic term, Jill Sandwich. This is Resident Evil.

Jill Sandwich? OMG that is filthy!

A Capcom treasure for so many, brought to us by Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil 1,2,3, Dino Crisis 1,2, Resident Evil: Code Veronica, Resident Evil Zero and Resident Evil 4) in 1996 for Sega Saturn, Play Station, Windows and Nintendo DS. And yes yes yes, nerds. It is called Biohazard in Japan. Frankly a better and more descriptive title. HAPPY?! Now shuddup. Gotta get my Barry on.

Bravo Team of S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics and Rescue Service) lost control of their helicopter. It was on the H train. The helicopter crashed and no one has heard anything of them for several hours. Alpha team moves in to conduct the investigation, locate Beta team and find out what's all the hooting and hollering on about, eh?

Hope I get Frost's stereo after he's Zomberman chow.

Set in the time of July 8, 1998 a bizarre rash of murders have broken out around the fictional Midwestern town of Raccoon City. God the name alone. How do you take RCPD seriously at all? Moving on, Alpha team leader Captain Albert Wesker leads his band of special forces and tactical weapons experts in the the woods past Spencer Mansion only to lose the first red shirt, Joseph Frost. The team's pilot Brad Vickers goes complete wuss, fires up the choppa and abandons the whole team and dammit if he isn't getting a hot poker in the ass later.

The team is ambushed by zombie dobermans (Zombermans, you're welcome) and they flee to the nearest structure, the Spencer mansion. Now at this point of this single-player survival horror you can be former Air Forces spec ops, Chris Redfield or former Delta Force, sneak thief and gets waaay more ammo Jill Valentine. FYI, she can pick tricky locks in the mansion and doesn't have to waste time looking for small keys. "The Master of Unlocking!" Oh Barry, how your dulcet tones can make me cringe.

Lockpick?

I chose the Jill route so throughout the cut scenes she is paired up with former SWAT(Special Weapons and Tactics) vet and weapons specialist for STARS Barry Burton. Whose line delivery are as deemed, awesomely bad. Yeah hit YouTube, get the original game walkthrough with no chatter and listen to the Jill scenarios as Barry gives us such gems of utter oddity. 

 For those not clued in the Norwegian voice actor Barry Gjerde worked as a translator in Japan and lent his voice for Clock Tower, Soar High! Isami, Fastening Days, Bloody Roar and Mega Man X7 (Red).

Bear in mind, Barry doesn't defend Jill throughout the game and she is 100% bad ass. Okay a few spoilers...Hey! You had 20 years! Suck it up. The mansion has catacombs, secret caverns, hideouts and highly illegal labs conducting experiments with the T-Virus, a highly contagious and mutagenic bio-weapon or agent. Experiments were conducted on plants, animals and insects creating twisted works...oh what's the line? "He tampered in God's domain." 

With these results, Umbrella Corporation will be using them as bio-weapons to sell at the highest bidder and TAKE OVER ZE VERLD!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! They could also just want to improve their stock portfolio. So there's that.   Can you even fathom the company picnics?  Sir? The Zombermans are loose at the playground.

With random encounters of giant bugs, zombies, lizard creatures called hunters, not everything is as it seems. Betrayal! Corporate overhead! Super soldier creations known as Tyrant, Jill or Chris has some serious issues. For some reason you cannot put items down you pick up so I really hope you needed that defense dagger. Yeah these bizarre happenings is just one of the factors that makes the game a bit odd with its dynamics. Also apparently a size 10 boot can't kick down a door.

Chris' item slots is an amount of 6 to Jill's 8. Chris' campaign is more difficult which yeah a bit sexist. Jill is one of my favorite video game protagonists...so after Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil: Apocalypse, imagine how thrilled I was. Go ahead. I'll wait.

For further mishaps on Bravo Team, look into Resident Evil Zero. Be warned continuity is very tricky in this franchise. I mean not to the level of the Resident Evil movies or God help you, the Highlander franchise but it does get a bit screwy. Also check out the paperback novels of the Resident Evil by S.D. Perry. Pretty entertaining.

Man, that hall rug is gonna need serious steam cleaning.