The Flash Season 1

Yup back again. It's okay I know you missed me. So four seasons have passed and I haven't even done the first season of the Scarlet Speedster?? If I am not careful I may lose more geek credits (Still getting crap for never following anything of Harry Potter) and frankly I cannot afford to lose any more. So today we talk about the metahuman (super powered being in DC universe classification) super hero that watches over Central City. This is The Flash.

Matrix bullet time...cool.

Forensics scientist, Barry Allen (Grant Gustin of 90210, Glee, Arrow, Vixen, Supergirl and The Flash) first appeared on-screen in Season 2, episode 8 dealing with the first of the Mirakuru (Miracle) super-soldiers. Boy that sounds silly when you write that up. Barry shows a very human side of himself revealing his mother was killed by a metahuman and his father framed for the murder. After aiding in the case, saving Ollie's life and finding out his secret identity, Barry went back in time to witness the birth of an exotic matter particle accelerator that will bring about change in the world as we know it.

With the use of S.T.A.R. Labs (Scientific and Technological Advanced Research Laboratories) and their golden boy, published theorist/scientist Dr. Harrison Wells (Tom Cavanagh of Scrubs, Ed, Yogi Bear, Arrow, Supergirl and The Flash) at the helm, many are worried while others are excited. The experiment puts out a strange pulse wave of almost lightning and Barry is struck in his lab around an assortment of chemicals, putting him into a coma for nine months.

Hehe snuck whiskey in my mug.

Awakening after so long asleep to Lady Gaga's Poker Face, Barry sees Dr. Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker of Sky High, Empire Falls, Friday the 13^th, Bones, Justified, Arrow, Supergirl and the Flash) biochemist, M.D.and electrical engineer and manufactorist, Cisco Ramon (Carlos Valdes of Arrow, Vixen, Supergirl, Legends of Tomorrow and The Flash) as they explain to Barry how the coma occurred and that he has changed.

Barry thanks them profusely and DOES NOT sue them or CCPD for the lack of safety margins for a lightning strike as he heads out to see his favorite person, Iris West (Candice Patton of Commander and Chief, The Guest, The Game, Con Man, Supergirl, Arrow, Legends of Tomorrow and The Flash) childhood friend and long time crush...has moved on to seriously dating a cop crushing Barry's puppy love. He takes off and lands about 700 feet in the opposite direction as suddenly he is propelling at great speeds.

Heading back to S.T.A.R. Labs to find out what is wrong with him they see he what he can do. Other than travel at ridiculous speeds and damn near set his clothes on fire. Little writing gag is as a speedster's power grows, he or she can emit an aura around them and those traveling with them so they don't melt or freeze depending on the travel and environment.

Jason Vorhees, is that you?

But Barry isn't the only one effected by the dark matter particles that was released in the blast, as he decides to do something about these villainous metahumans, suits up and proceeds to kick some ass.

Trying to keep his activities quiet, Cisco makes Barry a suit that withstand his high speed travels and makes him a mask to conceal his face. Reluctantly Dr. Wells and S.T.A.R. Labs team join Barry as he creates his alternative identity, The Flash. The man in a yellow costume that killed his mother years ago is back. To torment the Flash?

Reminiscent of the 1990 The Flash, several of the actors come to this series playing different or familiar roles to the previous series. John Wesley Shipps who was Barry in the 1990 The Flash is now Barry's father, Dr. Henry Allen.

A side note, Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell of Prison Break are teamed up as Flash Rogues, Captain Cold and Heatwave.

DCU TV seems to be on a booming track as these shows are risk takers deeming the DC characters of the three best known characters, Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman are not in their own series...yet.

Rocket Maaaaaaaan...

Erratic Viewings: Friday the 13th (2009)

Welcome back to Erratic Views Week...that isn't really a week planned persay. Well it is finally here. I am caving into this request and subjecting myself reprising to the horrors that is music video and feature film director Marcus Nispel (Janet Jackson: Design of a Decade 1986/1996, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Frankenstein, Pathfinder, Conan the Barbarian and Exeter). Allow me to elaborate. I sat the 2003 The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and was bored to tears. Sadly the only upside to this movie was Jessica Biel in a wife beater undershirt in the rain maker. Yup, one sexist pig thought and that was its only redeeming value.   Conan wasn't bad.   Thought Momoa did a good job, Stephen Lang was a bit over the top but nothing was as tragic is accepting tiny Rose McGowan as a demonic sorceress. So with this all in mind, once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more; This is Friday the 13^th.

So the rain soaking all yer bits? Sorry hun.

We flashback to the far past of 1980!!!! Why, they had payphones, Sony Walkmans and Atari 2600!

So we look on to primitive humanity as Pamela Vorhees (Nana Visitor of One Life to Live, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Dark Angel, Wildfire, The Resident and Torchwood) apparently has cleaned house and no Adrienne King to lop her head off. Or is there? Yeah so the last counselor is dealt with and mongoloid toddler Jason finds mom dead and then fade to modern day. Such story telling skills! Enter our collective twenty something chuckleheads!!!

Wade (Jonathan Sadowski of American Dreams, Pool Guys, She's the Man, Live Free or Die Hard, $#*! My Dad Says and Young & Hungry), Whitney (Amanda Righetti of Pipeline, Return to House on Haunted Hills, Role Models, Captain America: The First Avenger, The Mentalist and Colony), Richie (Ben Feldman of The Perfect Man, Cloverfield, Friday the 13^th, As Above, So Below, Silicon Valley and Superstore) Mike (Nick Mennell of My Little Eye, Halloween, The Lost Tribe, Friday the 13^th, Southland, Bad Parents and Crossbones) and Amanda (America Olivo of The Thirst: Blood War, Friday the 13^th, Neighbor, The Last Resort, Bitch Slap, Maniac, Chicago P.D. , Defiance and Mission: Impossible- Rogue Nation).

Well beats a potato sack, I suppose.

What is our trope troop doing out in these foreign and dangerous woods??? Looking for cannabis. Yup weed hunt. So they can score large quantities I guess. One of the doofs claims this is the best region for such and if he did so much research to that why the f*ck didn't he know about gruesome murders 30 years prior??!! Oh what's that? Oh he knows it happened and he got this all second hand. Brillant. The power of exposition tells us in a very half-assed way about a lone counselor took out Pamela, Jason got her eventually and no real even hint to why or how Jason rose from the dead.

So spoilers, the party gets butchered like pigs except Amanda because...she has a passing resemblance to mommy?? So clearly chain her up and keeps her forevers and evers. Yeah Jason's brain functions have always been in question but hey it's new?? Worry not guys, there's bouncing boobies. You're welcome.

I think Dean's not telling me everything.  I dunno.

Six weeks later, more cannon fodder comes to Crystal Lake to...screw...drink...smoke a spliff and die. Yeah I know I gave away the formula so carefully guarded all these years. Trent (Travis Van Winkle of Accepted, Transformers, Friday the 13^th and The Last Ship) and his buds all go to his parents' summer cabin for beer, bonding and bootyah!!! Ugh. Trent's lady friend Jenna (Danielle Panabaker of Sky High, Empire Falls, Piranha 3DD, Bones, Necessary Roughness, Justified, This Isn't Funny, Arrow and The Flash) encounters a strapping stork of a fellow name of Clay (Jared Padalecki of Gilmore Girls, Flight of the Phoenix, House of Wax, House of Fears, Supernatural, Friday the 13^th, Supernatural: The Animation and Phantom Boy) rocking his proper Sam Winchester hairdo and not his Prince Adam coif from House of Wax. Clay is out searching for his sister Whitney and I really wanted to help him but have not yet mastered the Bugs Bunny/She-Hulk/Deadpool breaking of the fourth wall so he will just have to settle for Jenna's help as she needed some air, be away from douchey boyfriend and aid others in their time of need. No offense to Winkle there but Sammy boy is vastly prettier.

Jason (Derek Mears of Cursed, The Hills Have Eyes II, Dragon Wars: D-War, Hellbinders, Predators, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, Hatchet III, Grimm as the Krampus and True Blood) dispenses with the usual hide and go seek and gets right to doing our party goers in. Dinking around in the forest, Jenna and Clay head into the former Crystal Lake cabin area to see Jason dragging a body of which, you know you never really saw that much in the originals. You saw them propped up or tossed through a window or my favorite, strung up in a tree but yeah not a lot of the prop building seminar. Will Jenna and Clay make it out??? Can they find Whitney???

Okay the rants begin. So rather than the traditional Harry Manfredi music and given Michael Bay production, they went with the so-so composer Steve Jablonsky (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hitcher, Transformers, Dragon Wars: D-War, Gears of War 2, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Transformers: War for Cybertron and Battleship). So it's either hyper-testosterone driven FPS and third-person games or loads of horror remakes. The film itself is professionally done as in lighting, sound, editing and acting buuuuuut.... the story just feels like the first three original flicks dropped in a blender and hit frappe. No real story is explored, the dialogue is painful and these "characters" are for the most part one dimensional. It's Texas Chainsaw Recon all over again!!!! Actually Panabaker and Padalecki are the only ones with decent and feasible dialogue.

Loads of questions come to mind. Who killed Pamela?!? Why were these deaths in 1980 never investigated??? How has Jason's body somehow be preserved all this time?? How come the power company hasn't shut off the power to an long since abandoned summer camp? Where in the nine hells did he get the hockey mask!?! I saw no Shelly roaming around with a mask. Do the locals not believe in exorcising the lake or getting liquored up, grabbing rifles and shotguns going on a Vorhees hunt?? Why did the title appear 23 minutes into the film?! What about Scarecrow's brain!?! WHO THE HELL IS THE MUFFIN MAN!???!

Sadly our film was brought us by the writers of Freddy vs Jason. In acknowledgement of this suffering, I will be the better man and not give out their names nor will I google their home addresses for you to wreak deadly vengeance on them. Of course you could IMDB them by title alone and then google them but again, must be the better man. Okay rant ended.

Gurgle...