Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold

 Howdy Rotten Readers! Well I felt we could stay away from Horror and that means we're gonna dive into some more Blaxploitation. We will be heading back to the 6'2" heroine with a mean mule kick and dead eye aim. This is Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold. 

 

You're very tall, Rupaul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our amazonian agent Cleo Jones (Tamara Dobson of Cleopatra Jones of Fuzz, Cleopatra Jones, Murder at the World Series, Jason of Star Command, Buck Rogers in the 25^th Century, Chained Heat and Amazons) gets a call from her superiors about a couple of her fellow agents, the Johnson brothers, Matthew (Albert Popwell of The Peace Killers, Dirty Harry, Night Gallery, Fuzz, Search, Cleopatra Jones, Magnum Force, The Single Girls, The Enforcer, Steel Cowboy and Sudden Impact) and Melvin (Caro Kenyatta of Night Gallery, Trader Horn, Cleopatra Jones, The Young Nurses, Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold and Uncle Joe Shannon), from the first film have been captured by a notorious casino owner known as the Dragon Lady (Stella Stevens of Say One for Me, The Nutty Professor, The Silencers, The Poseidon Adventure, Adventures Beyond Belief, Down the Drain, Santa Barbara, The Terror Within II, Eye of the Stranger, South Beach, Little Devils: The Birth, Hard Drive, Molly & Gina and Illicit Dreams), a militant lesbian with world conquering objectives. Again another lesbian drug queen-pin. Yeah even Doctor Doom can't top that.

 

We get you Happy Ending, no sweat!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ms. Jones finds the boys were shanghaied in Hong Kong and she'll need local information. Ultimately she's looking for a guide and not a partner but she's getting both with Mi Ling (Ni Tien of Shui wei cai, My Darling Slaves, The Rat Catcher, Forbidden Tales of Two Cities, All in the Family, Wu qi bu you, Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold, Black Magic 2, Crocodile, Little Dragon Maiden and Edge of Darkness) also known as Tanny, Ling has the goods on the Dragon Lady in knowing her Macaoian casino is also importing heroin and distribution to the masses.

Cleo and Tanny whoop some serious ass in the infamous Walled City, working side by side like true partners cleaning out a den of scum and villainy.  No they're not in Mos Eisley. The best part of this is a bike gang joins them in their struggles in order to crash through the casino.

Most of the story unfolds like a Bond movie, minus Cleopatra isn't seducing women left and right. The violence levels as well as sex isn't anywhere near a Pam Grier flick. Dobson refused to do any nudity and overall the film feels like a spy drama than it did blaxploitation. As for as action and fighting is concerned, this movie ratchets up the drama. Solid gunfights and plenty of chase sequences. That even surpasses the original film. Stevens actually had some training with a sword. Take that Christopher Lambert!

 

 It's Cleo. Ms. Jones, if yer nasty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 We have enough martial arts in this flick to give it a Hong Kong Cinema vibe as well. The Shaw Brothers were heavily involved with our movie as they were WB's Hong Kong Kung Fu flicks go-to guys. To say it is a trifle confusing is like saying Ghengsis Khan was a bit adventurous.

Between bikes flying around as much as the lead being spewed, Cleo reminds the kids they aren't Evel Knievel. Maybe a bit of Steve McQueen via The Great Escape buuuut, more of the tossing a baseball at a wall rather than the bike stunts.

 

I still love that her previous handler Crawford (Dan Frazer of Take the Money and Run, Tick, Tick Tick, Fuzz, Cleopatra Jones and Deconstructing Harry) mattered so little (in spite of helping her in the first movie) that they don't even go into detail while he wasn't handling her case files anymore. Instead I got the best laugh when Mr. Roper (character actor Norman Fell of The Good Life, Love, American Style, The Heist, McCloud, Three's Company, Needles and Pins, Rabbit Test and The End)as Stanley Hagel. If he was any less hip, his pants would be around his ankles.

I was a little bummed that Mrs. Johnson (Esther Rolle of Nothing But a Man, The Bold Ones: The Senator, Who Says I Can't Ride a Rainbow!, Cleopatra Jones, Maude, Summer of My German Soldier, The Incredible Hulk and Good Times) wasn't a reprise. I mean her boys have been abducted for crying out loud!

The god awful silver eyeshadow Cleo wears has been dabbed on by Dobson rather than a proper makeup artist. No idea why that happened but it did. The film and its precursor was released on DVD by 2010. WB released it on an inferior version (looked like a conversion from VHS to DVD) in 2004. 

 

Hey man, this ain't L.A. Knock that off.

 

 

 

 

 

 Like many sequels they are deemed inferior to the predecessors. This film has enough going for it but I do understand why this didn't have the draw as the original did. Fast paced it may be, but the story felt a bit too close to the original and really lacked a cohesive story path of its own.

Maybe the audience wasn't digging the scene as there was a dip in blaxploitation by 1976. So The Mechanic and Dirty Harry series were more viewed? Cleo is not quite the anti-hero there so this could be the reason behind that standing. Overall I felt it could have benefited from a third movie to round out the series but due to the lack of ticket sales, WB just didn't see a third film was likely.

 

Fine, Mr. Roper. I'll smack Jack.

 

Darkman II: The Return of Durant

Well after last write-up it was a sequel, I thought I would tackle another sequel and make it less painful than Ninja Death II. This time around we look at a Renaissance Pictures (Sam Raimi, Rob Tappert and Bruce Campbell's production company) continuation. This time however, Sam Raimi serves as Executive Producer this time, allowing director Bradford May (Fatal Friendship, Mortal Sins, Amy Fisher: My Story, Hawaii Five-O, Tremors TV, JAG, Supernatural and Reluctant Nanny) for time to shine. This is Darkman II: Return of Durant.

Them bandages itch my snout.

A quick recap as Peyton Westlake has had a makeover from Liam Neeson to Arnold Vosloo (Hard Target, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, Warrior Angels, Agent Cody Banks, 24, Blood Diamond, NCIS and Green Lantern: Emerald Knights) as Westlake's former squat had been exposed by gangsters and most of the abandoned warehouse was destroyed.  Time for new digs as Westlake still fights crime from underground at an disused subway track as he continues to work on his formula for synthetic skin. Research is funded by criminal swag.  Hell given his access to superhuman levels of strength and his nerve endings aren't exactly connected, he can soak up a lot of damage.

Laz weapon or camcorder?

Still unable to get the skin to breach the 99 minute time frame, he has a mild temper tantrum when he sees a MacGuffin er um article of a one Dr. David Brinkman (Jesse Collins of Rin Tin Tin: K-9 Cop, The Santa Clause, Kung Fu: The Legend Continues, Ready or Not and Blaster's Universe) working a similar process but is able to make the photo-sensitivity of the cells and possibly a means to make the skin permanent.

With enough problems on the rise, another resurrection occurs as Robert Durant (Larry Drake of L.A. Law, Dr. Giggles, Star Trek: Voyager, Stargate SG-1, Dark Asylum, L.A. Law: The Movie, A Nero Wolfe Mystery, Paranoia, Prey, Inferno, Firefly and Justice League) awakes from his copter crash induced coma. Being back in action, running guns and drugs he says it's time for something new and improved.

He gets his thugs to release a mad scientist Hathaway (Lawrence Dane of Scanners, Happy Birthday to Me, Airwolf, Rolling Vengeance, Memories of Manon, Day One, The Red Green Show and Side Effects) to create particle beam rifles. Yeah energy guns. Too sci-fi? Hey somehow a sudden impact explosion via chopper didn't kill Durant. Don't cry disbelief now.

Don't forget my bunyans need working too, dear.

Brinkman and Westlake meet and decide to form a partnership but Brinkman is trying to keep the lights on to his building that ultimately he wants to build a workshop/research labs for scientists of all countries and disciplines to pool ideas to improve the world. Westlake is ready to get money for the building as a silent partner however, Durant is looking to use Brinkman's building as a new site to create his new weapons. He sends two bully boys give Brinkman an offer he can't refuse. A slight interaction of Brinkmans, David and sister Laurie (Renee O' Connor of Night Game, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, FBI: The Untold Stories, The Flood: Who Will Save Our Children?, Xena: Warrior Princess, Alien Apocalypse, Diamonds and Guns, Bitch Slap,Ark and Last Chance) to further exposition and Westlake can meet Laurie.

Durant was not pleased by Brinkman refusing to sell so he gets the chop and a bit of a TV movie explosion. Westlake pokes around to find Brinkman's research and find that David is missing his right ring finger, a signature of Durant. Now Westlake feels the need to protect Laurie in the way he couldn't for David. Time to break out the masks and dispense justice.

Will Westlake survive? Can Laurie be saved? Can Durant be put back in the dirt?

Now again as this is still in the same universe as the original film, "The City" is never named. Looks like Toronto or possibly Detroit. Arnold Vosloo does an excellent job of playing Westlake/Darkman and really paid attention to Liam's performances. With fish eyed lenses, random 45 degree angles and some excellent crane shots, this 93 minute film is rated R for the naughty language and violence. I think it a decent follow-up to the first film but I don't feel it surpasses it. Still plenty of fun to be had from it.

Just the two of us...we can make it if we try...

Ninja Death II

I return! Much like the film of today it is random and without common sense. Okay actually it was a fairly long film broken up into three films. I told you I would return to it. You were warned. Okay, feel free to run for the hills if the continuation of said movie is not your fancy. For those masochistic few, welcome. This is Ninja Death II.

Cold waters turn Tiger into cub. Shrinkage!

We recap with Tiger (Alexander Rei Lo of Kung Fu Commandos, Shaolin vs Ninja, Shaolin vs Lama, Mafia vs Ninja, Shadow Killers Tiger Force and Ninja: The Final Duel). We last we knew, Master and the old Blind warrior were in fact uncles to Tiger and they were each instructing him in different forms of martial arts. Also the princess was still alive. Tiger must still do battle with the Grand Master, who also happens to be Tiger's uncle. Christ, Kurosawa couldn't follow this plot.

We open our flick with an assortment of back flips in ninja gear because...it looked cool? Um it was the 80s and there were metric tons of cocaine?

We have tons of wire work, so Anime levels of leaping, also they under-cranked the film so it could be sped up in play. Now it looks like speedsters with blades. What should be the opening credits ends up looking like a martial arts expo. I mean I really cannot think of anything else an orange backdrop would be used for beyond that. Yet again, no credits. Could be potential audition tapes for Hand recruiters.

Grand Master is so proud of being such because it only took him 80 years. Wait whaaaaat? So your brother had Tiger when he was 50? Tiger and Master continue training because...furthering the plot. Tiger is told by Master, the impending invaders from Japan are coming for them both and they must be ready. Mind and body must be as one. Heart, courage and skill.

No! It is I who has fabulous pjs!

Did I mention Master is constantly high? Yeah he is a fan of cannabis. Toking and training goes hand-in-hand...apparently. I mean I have heard of Drunken Masters but Higher than a Georgia Pine Master, well that's a new one. Master goes on to explain to explain the cadre of ninja that is after them was trained for only one mission. Yup, we got another per-ordained or destiny story line.

He could have also been high and paranoid. Methinks opioids got rubbed into his spliffs.

We are back to piss poor English dubbing. Ranging from American slang to the Queen's English. So yes it gets a tad confusing. Also the brother and sister from the brothel are back.

Sister (again I still don't know her name) still has the hots for Tiger and they knock boots. Apparently having her in servitude creeps him out. Guess not everyone is capable of having a sex slave/woman warrior at their beck and call. In their off hours, Master and Tiger seem to like cosplay. Master is almost always decked out as Hobo Gandalf and Tiger looks like a newsie complete with flat cap. What frickin' time period is this? I lost track. I see 80s era dressed folk accidentally put in the film (NO PERMITS) so is this a period piece? Modern day conflict throughout the ages? What in the sam scratch is going on??!!!

Meditation or long drawn out poop?

With the wacky montage of Grand Master either whipping the monkey shit out of his ninjas I mean training them or his master playing a flute; to the standing around Tiger and Master seem to do in quite a few scenes, this film's pace is all over the place.

Blind Master is...zany. I mean his scenes are and it's clever that he gets to whack folk in the head with his cane while performing snap kicks and windmill kicks. I still don't know what in the nine hells is going on and I am watching the damn thing!!!

Will Tiger and Grand Master have their showdown? Does it bother Tiger he is fighting an 80 year old guy? What the hell is going on?

Congratulations Ninja Death II, you made Master Ninja TV mini-series turned TV movie make more sense. I'd love to tell you that all the questions I had from the previous flick were answered BUT THEY WEREN'T!!!! Better luck with Part III or should I just give this a rest? Yes there's still titty in this stink burger of a flick. 

Dom DeLuise is the Last Samurai.

Shaft's Big Score

Hey folks I have returned. Yeah it has been awhile since these reviews were back to back but I am just managing time better. Wibbly Wobbly aside, today I wanted to delve back into Blaxploitation and clear up a misnomer. One being today's film is the direct sequel to the private dick that's a sex machine and NOT Shaft in Africa. Yeah I know I have heard otherwise. Look at your chronology sucka or Hell just get on IMDB that surprisingly has this one under wraps. So yes we are getting a dose of Richard Roundtree being a bad mother once again. This is Shaft's Big Score.

He's undercover.

Not to be confused with Score's Big Shaft. Yeah not proud of writing porn but it pays the bills. Is he kidding? Figure it out yourselves. Nutty idea you could always ask when you put in film requests. 

 Shaft (Richard Roundtree of Portrait of a Hitman, Game for Vultures, City Heat, Maniac Cop, Night Visitor, Crack House, Roc, Se7en, Rescue 77, Shaft and Soul Food) is back in the streets, doing his thang when he gets wind of a racketing gig out of a friend Cal (Robert Kya-Hill of Shaft's Big Score, Death Wish, Lou Grant, Good times, Ryan's Hope and Sue) business being a funeral parlor. Trying to reach our protagonist on the horn (My guess he's all tuckered out from whatever girls he was with that night) and tell Shaft his plight. It's definitely more than a boggle.

Worried about his sister Arna (Rosalind Miles of Shaft's Big Score, The Black Six, Girls for Rent, The Manhandlers, Attack on Terror: The FBI vs.the Ku Klux Klan and Friday Foster) he asks Shaft to keep her safe and meet him at his office. With a serious bomb explosion, the Captain of the precinct, Brolin(Julius Harris of Live and Let Die, The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, King Kong, Split Decisions, Darkman, Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence and The Gifted) is grilling Shaft while his buddy Cal has been char broiled. Not cool, brah.

This is for getting more booty than us!

Once again directed by the late great Gordon Parks (Flavio, The World of Piri Thomas, The Learning Tree, Shaft, The Super Cops, Leadbelly and Moments Without Proper Names) so we are in good hands. A quick moment to talk about this amazing man, Parks was a photographer and reporter for Life Magazine in 1948-1949, is godfather to Quibilah Shabazz, daughter of Malcolm X , co-founder of Essence Magazine and alongside Melvin Van Peebles (Sweet Sweetback's Baadassssss Song, Don't Play Us Cheap, Gang in Blue, Tales of Erotica and Bellyful) are the founding fathers of Blaxploitation. Yeah babies, that is heavy.

Back to the movie under the MGM title, we are making away through Harlem, Laguardia and New York Manhattan proper as this mystery is just getting started. Hey am I wrong wanting Fred Williamson and Richard Roundtree to either team-up or have to duke it out? Shaft is trying to work out what brought this down on his buddy and solve his murder but more than a few bumps are in the road. Including mob boss Bumpy (Moses Gunn of Wild Rovers, Shaft’s Big Score!, The Cowboys, Rollerball, Good Times and Vega$) rears his head out of the sand as it would appear $200,000 is unaccounted for and Bumpy wants a payday. The funeral proceeds on schedule, Shaft and Arna get back to the house finding it tossed looking for the missing dough.

Those pigs call me booty?

To make matters worse, a rival crime boss, Gus Mascola (Joseph Mascolo of Hot Spur, Shaft's Big Score, Jaws 2, Bronk, Gangster Wars, Sharky's Machine, The Gangster Chronicles. Santa Barbara, General Hospital, The Bold and the Beautiful and Days of Our Lives) was in bed with Asby's partner Johnny Kelly (Wally Taylor of Roots, When a Stranger Calls, Palmertown, U.S.A., Circle of Power, Rocky III, Seduced and Night of the Creeps) tells da boss the 200 gees is in the wind. With the property being in Harlem this can only lead to a gang war.

Even after the death of his partner, Kelly is running numbers on sports gambling and it's business as usual. His runners are out and about. So classy is our boy Kelly slaps his girl Rita (Kathy Imrie of Shaft's Big Score, Let's Go for Broke, Night Heat, Street Legal, Street Law, Shadow Creature, Soul Food and Doc) for speaking while he's scheming and sweating out dealing with the Italians.

No sooner he has a sit down with Mascola, Kelly is already thinking of bringing the action to Bumpy. Maybe the hope is the rub each other (Not that erotic way, ya pervs) and then the landscape is clear for Kelly to cruise on through. Yeah fellas there is plenty of T & A to go with this action packed film. Oh ladies, they were gonna ask. It was inevitable.

Can Shaft get out of this one? Will Bumpy get his just due? Will Kelly be hanging from a lamp post?

With a budget of 1.9 million, the mechanics of the cinematography have vastly improved, getting the same screenplay writer Ernest Tidyman back and the sheer larger scale of this flick felt like a Bond movie. Hell even the original posters gave that vibe. We got helicopter chases, car chases, gunfights and even a good boat chase.  Issac Hayes does not come back for his iconic Shaft theme as apparently he and Gordon had a falling out.

Finally saw a High Standard Model 10 bullpup 12 gauge. Something I haven't seen since Jame Caan's Thief and Miami Vice. 12 gauge, five round capacity and it's semi-automatic. Awesome cannon.

So yes this is a good solid sequel. Not truly a stand alone film as it does rely heavily on the predecessor but still a good follow-up, decent lines and Shaft being a total bad ass.

Bad mutha with a boomstick!