John Carpenter Week...

Howdy readers, this week I am honoring sci-fi/horror director John Carpenter.  This will be a look into his history of story telling and production.  As well as a director, John Carpenter composed, edited and wrote most of his work.  With films like The Thing from Another World and Village of the Damned, were adaptation of the originals.  Vampires was based on a novel by John Steakley.  I will try my level best to entertain and inform as always.  Enjoy!

Zombies...again??!!!

Well gentle readers I have returned and decided I am reminiscent of my review roots and therefore you guessed it!!!   A zombie movie!!! Well you didn’t think I reviewed every single last zombie film in two years did you?   So grab a chair, prop it in front of the door and be still until they walk by.   This is Zone of the Dead.

Spoilers are the end of days, my friend.  Make no mistake about it.

Director Milan Konjevic tackles his first film debut as the head man.  From Second Unit director to a creator of comic series called Generation Tesla, Dusk Fighters and Romero, Knovjevic takes the plunge into directing his own written works.  Shot in Serbia this zombie flick moves at a fast pace, drags its feet a bit and then fast pace reasserts itself again.  The story line is a simple one and should be commended for that.  Military training exercises are going on in the immediate area so satellite frequencies are re-routed.  Cell phones would be unoperatable so lane lines are about all that can be used.  Even CB or walkie talkie if you prefer is clouded.    A prisoner (Emilio Roso of Baby’s Momma Drama, Freedom’s Gate, Border Lost, Mad Men and Corrado) is being transferred from Belgrade to London via Interpol and Serbia police force.  Agent Mina Milius (Kristina Klebe of The Other Shoe, She Hate Me, Delirious, Halloween and The Accidental Husband) is placed in charge of security, transportation and route to make it smooth sailing.  Retiring Agent Mortimer Reyes (TV and Movie character actor legend Ken Foree of Dawn of the Dead, Terror Among Us Knightriders, T.J. Hooker, Remington Steele, The A-Team and Babylon 5) is on his way back to the states leaving Interpol.  Just twelve more hours `til retirement, Riggs.   He and his partner Dragon Belic (Miodrag Krstovic  of Savior, The Professional , The Reject and The Fourth Man) are there purely for supervisory standing so what could possibly go wrong?  

Two towns over an ecological disaster occurs at the train yard, with north winds whipping a gaseous liquid of unknown origin it kills everything in the immediate area and re-animates it in minutes.  With this entire story occurs within the 18 minute mark so it is made room for lofty exterior shots, zooms and long crane shots.  Mostly this film is hand held and Dolly track shooting. The cinematography is impressive but the dialogue what you came to expect.  Buddy cop routine, sprinkled with classified information and a dash of paranoia.   There also seems to be a Romero influence as several of the death scenes are throwbacks to Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead. The gore is mildly pronounced in those scenes that require more of a terror factor has such.

Oh yes I always have a bit of nitpicking.  Now keep in mind that several of the dialogue is dubbed over so the voice over work sounds a bit rushed, confused or otherwise lacking in the proper inflection the scene shows us. Several of the sound effects such as: automated doors sound like something of the PC game X-Com, the zombie cries are very similar to those heard in the Doom games and several of the gun shot sound effects run parallel to a first person shooter game in 1995 Rise of the Triad.

Certainly not the worst of the genre I have seen but it is also nothing new here.  I was hoping for a regional spin on the zombies but it feels more like Return of the Living Dead with less humor and less nudity.  Not all that impressed but hey not too shabby first time running.

Painkiller Jane: Heroine or Menace?

I've noticed more than a few valid complaints about how there are no really decent superheroine movies and I agreed.    Most are given skimpy outfits, one liners that would make Spidey groan and a love interest that is not merely farfetched but over exaggerated.   No real depth into a backstory or explanation on how they came to be.  Several characters have been overlooked.   Vampirella for example is a powerful, capable woman that happens to be a vampire with a great mental capacity and physical strength.  Granted her outfit looks like dental floss but nevertheless badass gal.   Dynamite Comics however has a character that essence was more or less captured on a Syfy Channel TV Movie. 

So make a munchie run, grab me a Mexi-Coke and let’s sit in.   This is Painkiller Jane.

Spoilers hurt so good…

The crux of the character is sound but her background and profession was altered.  So from being a hard hitting cop we alter Jane (Emmanuelle Vaugier of Saw II, House of the Dead 2, 40 Days and 40 Nights, Unearthed and Far Cry) into a Spec Ops Captain in charge of her unit: Painkiller.   What would be a major heroine processing and distribution center on intel turns out to be some sort of biological lab, patients are infected and soon Jane and her men too receive side-effects.  Desperate to vacate the Captain and men haul ass out only to run into about 20 men armed with Ak-47s and Hazmat suits.  Jane and her boys valiantly fight them but are cut to ribbons and left bleeding on the alley street.  The End…or is it?

5 days later Jane awakes in a military hospital, her wound dramatically healed leaving faint tissue scarring that should be the result of weeks of healing not days.   Her commanding officer Colonel Watts (Richard Roundtree of Shaft, Outlaws, Seven, Vegas Vampires, Desperate Housewives and Heroes) feels they need to do more testing for the fact she was the only one in her unit to come out alive.  Doctor Graham Knight (Tate Donovan of Love Potion No. 9, Partners, Hercules, Friends, The O.C. and Damages) establishes a rapport with Jane and gains her trust with his promise to fix whatever occurred.   Jane notices other aspects of herself beyond her healing such as: heighten state of awareness to her surroundings, dexterity, speed, strength, to process information at an accelerated level and analytical thinking on a scale that rivals gifted intelligence.    

While slightly reveling in her new found abilities, Jane also knows the military will use her as a weapon, escapes during a military transport to a safer location and without killing or even injuring her captors.  Doctor Knight may be the only man to help her but can anything be made to assist her?  Will she want to give up this new abilities and what of Timmy trapped in the well?

TV director Sanford Bookstaver (The Chronicle, Fastlane, The O.C., Bones, and House M.D.) tackles a comic book character devised by Joe Quesada (The Ray, Batman: Sword of Azrael, Daredevil and Ash) and Jimmy Palmiotti (Punisher, Ghost Rider, The Nam, Daredevil and Ash) and frankly as a fan of the comic itself I though Vaugier’s portrayal was spot on.   Tough as nails when the bullets start flying but emotional when the danger has subsided, trying to figure out her next move or if she in fact even has a next move.  Okay a lot of TV movies are hammier than Shatner’s  $h%* My Dad Says but overall my only complaint is the story moved too fast and didn’t allow for some real development but hell it was two hours so guessing a mini-series arc was the way to go.   Say now, isn’t there a Painkiller Jane series starring Kristanna Loken?   Hmm…I wonder.

No power in the verse can stop me...

Okay readers I am back again with another TV series that went well before its time but nevertheless receive the love from yours truly.  I need you to sit back in your seat, put your tray tables in their up lock position.  This is Firefly.

Gorrahm spoilers in my space…

Show creator Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Dollhouse and The Avengers) embarked on a TV quest to make the encompass of both past and future and prep it for the present folk kick back and enjoy.  Firefly was in essence Wagon Train in Space.  Put on the air in 2002 (Yes 10 years ago…ooOoOoO ancient.) The Earth as we knew it grew full of Homo sapiens and we began colonization into other worlds such as terraforming (creating an environment artificially for oxygen and nitrogen atmosphere for human life) and the more “civilized planets or core worlds as they were called are part of a large conglomerate of civic minded citizens called the Alliance.  The planets that had more of a rustic nature, almost a throwback to Steam Age were simple known as Independents. Hard working people that had no desire of joining a universal government that told them how to live their lives instigated a civil war spanning across the universe and all neighboring planets.    After many years of this conflict the Alliance won and the Independents were crushed. 

 Enter a band of thieves and smugglers sneaking contraband on the down low is the crew of the Serenity, firefly class cargo vessel.  Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Nathan FIllion of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Miss Match, Slither, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along and Castle), First mate Zoe (Gina Torres of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Cleopatra 2525, Angel and Suits), gunfighter Jayne Cobb (Adam Baldwin of Independence Day, Stargate SG-1, Angel, The Inside and Chuck), goofy but amazing pilot Hoban ’Wash’ Washburne (Alan Tudyk of A Knight’s Tale, I, Robot, Ice Age, Young Justice and Tucker and Dale vs Evil) and sweet, innocent mechanic Kaylee (Jewel Staite of Flash Forward, Just Deal, Wonderfalls and Stargate Atlantis). Barely escaping Alliance custody with their ill-gotten gains; the crew is underpaid, tired and ship is running on fumes.  The scams, hustles and usual snow jobs pay better than honest cargo hauling but are just as equally risky.  The crew has no option but to pick up passengers that want to see the galaxy for a reasonable fee.

Upon getting new passengers we see a loosely based member of the crew, companion Inara Serra (Morena Baccarin of Justice League Unlimited, Stargate SG-1, V, Homeland and Old Days) a lady of refinement but also of solicitation.   The good but enigmatic Shepherd Book (Ron Glassof Barney Miller, The New Odd Couple, Rhythm & Blues and Teen Angel) Doctor Simon Tam (Sean Maher of Party of Five, The $treet, The Playboy Club and Make It or Break it) has smuggled his brilliant sister, River Tam (Summer Glau of Angel, The 4400, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Dollhouse, The Cape and Alphas) away from an Alliance secret project so this just increases the stakes.

Whedon and crew referred to Serenity as the 10^th character of the show and in many ways this massive set fits the bill.  Dirty, rusty and falling apart, this old girl has plenty of charisma but looks like a mild popcorn fart would tear it to shreds.  Yet as a vessel this was really a home for lost souls seeking a sense of belonging and peace.    But out on the rim lurks pirates, slavers and the worse of all, reavers.  Men and women had gone cannibalistic.  So keep a hogleg handy, yer wits about you and you’ll make it through the day.  Oh best part of this storyline is the mixture of American and Chinese culture.  Even if you have the IQ of a nerf herder you can speak Mandarin. 

The Boys are back in town!

Say, what do you call a show with two pretty boys with hand-to-hand, firearms melee weapons training? Welp about this time them Winchester boys got themselves in a peck of trouble banged up the Impala and shook Pappy about.  So pop this DVD in, grab a soda and some chips.  This is Supernatural Season 2.

Spoilers can be found at a crossroads…

Hospitalized after a major car accident Dean Winchester (Jensen Ackles of Days of Our Lives, Dark Angel, Dawson’s Creek and My Bloody Valentine) wakes from a coma under mystical means as his father gave his soul to save his boy to the same demon that took his wife.   Brother Sam (Jared Padalecki of Flight of the Phoenix, Gilmore Girls, House of Wax, Cry Wolf and Friday the 13^th) informs Dean what happened to Dad.The irony was steeping against the Winchesters to an epic level.  This season we have more than a few familiar guest stars appear this season, such as: Emmanuelle Vaugier (Saw II and Painkiller Jane) Dan Gauthier (Tour of Duty, Teen Witch and Son in Law) Tricia Helfer (Battlestar Galactica, Burn Notice, Warehouse 13, Dark Blue and The Firm) Gary Cole (Midnight Caller, Office Space, Crusade, Family Affair, Kim Possible, Wanted and The West Wing) to name a few.  Our young hunters are trying to carry on the mission their father assigned with to safeguard them and preserve them, sacrificing their normal childhood but giving them skill and will to spare future children the losses they have felt.  Wither from bad jokes, cheeseburgers or half assed bonding moments the brothers are there for each other as best as they can be.  The yellow eyed demon that slew the boys’ mother has been concocting a plan that has span over 2 decades and our heroes must thwart his plans.

 We are also introduced to Ellen (Samantha Harris of The Evidence, The 4400, Gray Matters and V) a former hunter now bar owner of her own roadhouse for hunters.   This season also has one of the better villains The Trickster from episode 15.   This is so worth the watch, folks and no not to be confused with the Flash’s villain played by Mark Hamill.

A few things of note pointing out the FX linked to this series.  TV and movie makeup crew Andrea Manchur (Sanctuary, X-Men: The Last Stand, Kyle XY), Toby Lindala (X2,The Butterfly Effect, Final Destination 3 and Lost Boys: The Tribe) and Julie Beaton-Pachauer (X-Men: The Last Stand, Scary Movie 4, TRON: Legacy and The Cabin in the Woods) which in junction with some of the CGI, handheld cam, zooms and fair amount of dolly track the creatures have scope, definition and frankly are creepy as hell.

Seasoned Visual Effect supervisor Ivan Hayden (Stargate SG-1, Andromeda, Special Unit 2, Damaged Care and Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed) along with Grant Lindsay (Warriors of Virtue, Voyage of Terror, Air Bud 3, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses and Andromeda) have brought us spooks, specters and demonic effects that could very well rival most movie productions.   As each season seems to progress, the writers up the ante and the monsters seem to be a bit wilier to thwart the Winchester boys.  So grab a copy from CD Universe, Netflix or heck hit your local video store if you have one in your neighborhood.

Burn Notice Season 3...Boom.

With events of Season 2 almost wrapped up and his handlers meeting an untimely demise, is Michael finally clear from all the point and counterpoint of his mysterious higher ups???   Well...grab a seat, maybe some popcorn and a tasty beverage and try to not wince.   This is Burn Notice Season 3

Spoilers can be very disconcerning

Michael just finished a five mile swim to shore after leaping about 300 feet from a moving helicopter.  Seriously this man is in too good of shape.  Damn near exhausted he looks about the beach trying to get his bearings when he notices that local law enforcement is a might too keen on his person and proceed to apprehend him.   A daring foot chase comes to an end when at the end of the day; it would be easier to dodge questions rather than bullets.  

Sam visits him in the clink to offer a standing on his current situation.  Laymen’s terms he is now on the radar for anyone or any organization to find.  Management true to his word leaves him truly out in the cold.  Michael, Fiona and Sam rack their collective heads together to see how to clear Michael of impeding police issues, assist in rebuilding a rapport with his mom Madelyn as well as get Michael in good with the CIA.      As always should he or any of his team members get shot up in the crossfire of espionage, well the Alphabet companies won’t care about a burnt spy, a boozehound former Navy SEAL or a former IRA terrorist.

Fiona and Michael are attempting to formulate something of a normal life but Michael is hell bent to solve the mystery of his former CIA contact’s murder.  A nasty piece of work by the name of Gilroy (Chris Vance of Prison Break, Mental, Dexter, Rizzoli & Isles and Transporter), a blood thirsty hooligan with a penchant for explosives, high velocity sniper rifles and being a prig decides Michael may not be the boy scout his reputation made him and wants to go into business together for a gig.   Naturally Gilroy is cautious and paranoid, so he keeps the details close to the vest.   Michael realizes as bad news as Gilroy is, that he will pull this job off with someone else if Michael refuses.   Michael goes into business with Gilroy if only to sabotage his efforts, inform the authorities and take him down.  Sam and Fi’s constant pleading for Michael to walk away from Gilroy and dump it in the laps of the people paid to stop psychos like this is being ignored.  Without any true hard evidence Michael knows officials won’t listen to him and it is all up to him to see that Gilroy’s contract of devastation is null and void.   Sheesh, bit corny there for a second folks.  Sorry about that. 

 Local police force and FBI are convinced Michael may have gone rogue and is actually the threat his burn notice claims him to be.   Can Michael and crew win the day, save the country and still get the trip to Maui?  Tune in and find out!

Lake Placid's magic..

Well folks I am back with the end of sequels that really didn’t need to be and what better way to round that out than with another creature feature series than a series of killer crocodiles not indigenous to the area.   So strap on your meat suits, grab your stupid signs and don’t bother wondering what’s in the lake with you.   This is Lake Placid Collective.

Spoilers stay around where the prey is…

In 1999, TV writer David E. Kelly (L.A. Law, The Practice, Ally McBeal and Boston Legal) took a whack at a treatment that got enough love to be made into a feature film that has been a cult classic. Lake Placid is helmed by Director Steve Miner (Friday the 13^th Part 2, Friday the 13^th Part III, House, Warlock, Forever Young and Halloween H20: 20 Years Later) is probably more used to biped creatures that don’t seem to die rather than a creature out of its usual element.  In Black Lake Maine lurks a 30 foot saltwater crocodile munching its way through the ecosystem.  Fish and Game are doing a survey on perch in the area and notice unusual drag marks in the mud.  A paleontologist from The American Museum of Natural History (Bridget Fonda of Godfather Part III, Point of No Return, Singles, Army of Darkness and Kiss of the Dragon) is to examine a tooth that may be part of the cause depopulation in wild life.  The local sheriff (Brendan Gleeson of The General, Mission: Impossible II, Wild About Harry, Troy and Beowulf) is dragging his feet on the possibility that there is a huge predator around this massive lake until he find decapitated moose head and head of a Fish and Game deputy. 

What makes this film so enjoyable is Mrs. Delores Bickerman (Betty White of Mama’s Family, Golden Girls, Pound Puppies, Boston Legal, Hot in Cleveland) as a crotchety mature woman with the most vulgar mouth raising and feeding said croc and Professor of ancient mythology and crocodile fanatic Hector Cyr (Oliver Platt of Flatliners, Diggstown, The Three Musketeers and Three to Tango).  These two have some of the best lines and as mix mashed as the group feels it all coalesced together.  With a massive amount of tranquilizers the croc is taken in alive.  All is well until a second croc appears and the sheriff gets to vaporize it with a 40 mm grenade launcher.  God bless rednecks, huh?  As our film comes to an end we see Mrs. Bickerman feeding infant crocs thus bringing us to…yeah a sequel. What, do you want a cookie for getting that right?  Moocher.

Lake Placid 2 is helmed by Syfy Channel director David Flores (Boa vs Python, S.S. Doomtrooper and Sands of Oblivion) appears on the scene 8 years later after the original was made.  Bit of a delay but hey Syfy channel needs their creature features somehow. We do the cliché that Mrs. Bickerman passed on and her sister Sadie (Cloris Leachman of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Young Frankenstein, Mary Tyler Moore and It Happened One Christmas) now has the house by the lake as well as there’s a new sheriff in town and his name is Bo Duke…er…um I mean James Riley (John Schneider of Dukes of Hazzard, Loving, Touched by an Angel, Nip/ Tuck and Smallville)and well this Duke boy finds shenanigans in this made-for-tv movie with unrated scenes via DVD only.  This means if you find the lack of original plot annoying, don’t fret because boobies are on the scene.  The CGI of the crocs looks unfinished, they move like at the speed of pregnant yak and the Fish and Game apparently have access to military hardware.  Sadie apparently had been feeding the crocs meat with growth hormones and this is the reason they were enormous but not why they were badly digitized.  Pa Kent takes out the crocs and yet no one does a sweep of the area for a nest thus leading to…yeah you know it.

Lake Placid 3 is tackled by Mockbuster director Griff Furst (Universal Soldiers, I Am Omega, 100 Million BC and Swamp Shark)

A year later from the second incident and a couple of teens munched for screwing on a mud bank later; Sadie Bickerman passed away…off camera (Cloris either didn’t want to do a sequel or asked for more money) and her nephew EPA Agent Nathan (Colin Ferguson of Rowing Through, The Opposite of Sex, Because I Said So and Eureka), busybody real estate wife Susan (Kristy Mitchell of The Royal Today, The Bill, Triassic Attack and Silent Witness) and delightful scamp son Connor (Jordan Grehs of Oliver Twist, Scoop and Just William).  Young Connor discovers baby crocodiles and more or less adopts them by feeding them meat.  Yes genius does run high in the Bickerman gene pool.  The current sheriff Tony Willinger (Michael Ironside of Scanners, Highlander 2: The Quickening, Total Recall and Bloodsuckers) assures Nathan that the sweep he did over a year and a half ago points to no more crocs in the area and everything is just tickety boo.    Nathan notices a drastic decrease in Elk and goes to investigate believing it to be a poacher Reba (Yancy Butler of Savage Weekend, Drop Zone, Witchblade, Wolvesbayne and Kick-Ass). Oh don’t worry about the crocs, they look almost believable now and there are also boobies for the guys yet again.  Thanks Unrated DVD!   Yeah so basically same plot with same jump scares and humans triumph over crocs…or did they?   

Lake Placid: The Final Chapter is brought to us by not the number 4 but director Don Michael Paul (Renegade, Pacific Blue, Half Past Dead and The Garden) Reba (Yancy Butler of Savage Weekend, Drop Zone, Witchblade, Wolvesbayne and Kick-Ass) ,former poacher of Lake Placid 3 somehow survived getting shot and chewed on by crocs; decides to be on the side of the angels as an EPA Agent and Black Lake has become a secluded crocodile sanctuary.  Think about 300 acres worth. The area is fenced off and the waters are gated until the friggin gate is left unlocked??!!  Man I don’t leave my house door unlocked.  Mind you I just have a couple of cats but you get my point.  Pesky teens get on the land in question and another fricking Bickerman strikes in these here waters.  Poacher Jim Bickerman (Robert Englund of Eaten Alive, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Mangler and Hatchet) gives a great performance whilst there is running about, teenies screaming and getting naked prior and oh yes big fricking guns.  Oh yes, yet another sheriff Theresa Giove (Elisabeth Rohm of Angel, Law and Order, Miss Congeniality 2 and Abduction) hard hitting, tough as nails gal with her deputy Nermal.  Yes the world’s cutest kitty cat has a gun?  Well you can guess the plot overall and it was mildly entertaining but only the original made me laugh as much and frankly SyFy went apeshit over a film that unfortunately got a lukewarm response at the box office.  Much love in rental and purchase though.   That is my take on this series and hopefully you may find something beloved in it that I missed.  Always glad to hear some input.