Hello again readers! This week I wanted to focus on some amazing pieces of film that falls under a genre that tends to get the nose turned up to it because of where the term hails from. Blaxploitation films were created in the 1970s and are predominately a black cast including lead and most secondary characters. Blaxploitation or Black Cinema was an attempt to reach more urban audiences by developing heroes, anti-heroes and situation that not every white person would get, understand or comprehend. These films were the first of its kind to introduce soul and funk soundtracks to movies. Primarily these movies were based around gang violence, cops working the streets and mobsters making their mark in the world.
Snap kick, Sucka!!
What these film did was to bridge the gap and cultural understandings between different ethnic backgrounds and try to tell a good story. Like with all exploitation films there are some that just stand out from an amazing cast to a terrific story. Others like Dolemite, tend to be shot in the South were apparently every other white guy is a racist in a position of power trying to bring the brothers down. Some examples of this black empowerment like Shaft and Coffy gave creditable performances, great story line and a kick ass soundtrack.
Racist vampires??? Say it ain't so!
Many organizations felt this cinema genre would cause race riots, uprises and a surge of crime waves and cast white people as horrendous people hell bent on being slavers, heartless oppressors and in general; scumbags. For those in that disgruntlement bracket, I suggest you read a little history prior to the Civil War and GET OVER IT. The irony of this genre is that the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People), The SCLC (Southern Christian Leadership Conference) and The Urban League that are all African American foundations felt these movies were base, crass and had no moral value which consequently ended this genre for a time.
This movie concept was to break free of the shackles of stereotypical writing for black actors getting foisted into criminal, war mongers and bad guys of the week and show people that hatred had been around a long time and here is another side of it.
So some of these films will blow you away like they did me and some will be like Dolemite, so buckle up kids cause we are going for a ride.
Howdy again girls and boys and welcome to the last day of
Valentine Week. Valentine’s Day in fact
is graced with a lovely throwback to thriller rather than gorefests of
current. When thieving film ideas of
this magnitude it is always important to sample from Halloween, Friday the 13th
and a dash of the original Black Christmas.
Stir that in a pot and let it bake for at least an hour and a half and
you have the makings of an ambitious attempt at a thriller/horror film. So grab your coat for it may be chilly, grab
a fella for some snuggling and enjoy multiple clichés. This is Lovers Lane.
Spielberg Presents: Hook: The Lost Tales
Chloe Grefe: We have to
go back for Brad!
Michael Lamson: Brad is
spoiling dead, alright!
Our story opens with a flashback sequence and I tell ya
after 3 of these this week I was shocked that was going to happen. Thirteen years ago, on Valentine’s Day, a
couple getting hot and heavy at lover’s lane Dee Dee(Diedre Kilgore of Good Luck, The
Falls, Approaching Union Square and Hawaii Five-0) and boyfriend Jimmy
(Carter
Roy of White Face, The Elevator and Me + U) get attacked by a nut with
a steel hook. They flee to another car
and find another couple deader than disco.
The sheriff arrives on the scene to find out it was his wife and town
stud Ward that were murdered. To make
matters worse apparently it was bring your daughter to a double homicide day as
young Mandy sees her mom bound up in a sheet that Valentine’s Day. Ray
Hennessy (Ed Baily of Lovers Lane)is locked away in Weston State
Institution and treated by Dr. Jack Grefe (Richard Sanders of WKRP in Cincinnati,
Berrenger’s, You Can’t Take It with You and Men of Honor) and ladies
and gents he is no Doctor Loomis to be certain.
Remember to buckle up before being brutally slain, kids.
End flashback and hello present day as Mandy (Erin
J. Dean of Blackbird Hill, Lolita and The Journey of Allen Strange) is
the slightly quiet and removed from cliques girl and an uncanny resemblance to
her late mother, her dad is still sheriff of the town and teens will be teens
planning a big bash for Valentine’s Day.
Geez, didn’t any of these punks see either My Bloody Valentine
flicks? So they prep for a night of
drinking and debauchery as Ray has not only kills his guards but reclaimed his
hook for more bloody terror.
Now what is to be said about this film? No stranger to danger in Issaquah Washington since 1990 when
Twin Peaks was first introduced to the airwaves, we have a prime small town
location that will offer enough eerie to cause the hairs on the back of the
neck to RISE…and make it difficult to ignore.
Well the formula is nothing we have not
already seen. The cops are worthless, the teenyboppers practically demand to be
killed viciously and the killer is a stealth god given the lights simply dim
whenever he is around. The SFX make-up
is fair, the actors really do try to offer credibility to a slasher film and
while some of the responses are more wooden that the Hundred Acre Woods the
technical aspect to the film are bang on.
Really decent handheld and lighting done for the nighttime exteriors
this is the hallmarks of a horror movie, I just feel bad they didn’t get a
screen release at all as this was a fair thriller. They would have easily found an audience.
Day 3 of the madness that is Valentine Week and let me just
give you folks a shout out. I apologize
if these blogs are not churning out as quick I normally do but I am devoting
most of my attention to my book that I have been working steadily on and hope to
get it e-booked soon. I spare you the
details for now but you will recognize its tone and writing rather
quickly. Well our glorious holiday is
almost upon us or as most of my single friends like to call it the last of the
biggies of the year. As a single person
if you do not throw yourself on your sword or in front of a bus during
Christmas, the New Year and Valentine’s Day; you can pretty much handle a
zombie apocalypse.
So instead of that dark note, how about a film that’s
trailers made it far too easy for me to figure out who the killer was. So be a nice girl, don’t pick on the
spazzies, gimboids and thickies and be pure of heart…or die horribly. This is Valentine.
Hummel figurine from Hell!!
Paige Prescott:
[sarcastically, to Brian] You brought me
upstairs to show me your spoiler? How sweet!
Our opus opens up with true Slaughter High flashback sequence
of a junior high dance in the way back time line of 1988. I hear those kids actually had to use
payphones to call their parents for a ride home. The dark ages aside, a young bashful lady
named Jeremy ask 5 girls to dance separately.
Three just shoot our lad down, one declines politely and another tricks
him into dancing with her and then screams sexual assault…because she can. The boy is humiliated, forced to go to reform
school and there will be no Sybil Danning or Wendy O. Williams to show him life’s
consequences.
13 years later, Med student Shelley (Katherine Heigl of Grey’s Anatomy,
Knocked Up, The Ugly Truth and Life as We Know It) is practicing on a
cadaver when she finds a disturbing Valentine card and is chased about moments
later by a tall black clad man in a Cupid mask.
An important safety tip, ladies is to not hide in a body bag. It is morbid and foreshadow.
Buffy, I am happier with Bones is all. We can still be friends.
After Shelley’s death her friends of yesteryear all receive an
equally disturbing Valentine’s card but no one thinks anything of it because it
was never mentioned in the news.
Homicide is funny that way to no give out M.O.s the killer might be
hoping the media blabs about. As the
girls’ friend Lily (Jessica Cauffiel of Road Trip, Legally Blonde and White Chicks)
gets filled full of arrows by the killer…hey the killer is Oliver Queen! Pushing ahead the cops are actually
treating this murder with a bit more diligence than the last one as it looks
like a serial killer may be in the works.
The girls get together and somehow string the theory of a boy they
tormented 13 fricking years ago is the culprit. Folks, to be honest if I could actually
tally the amount of people I have irked, annoyed or openly mocked over the
years I would be a memory god.
The story is a standard scarred and scared boy that nobody
loves vowing revenge on those evil girls and blah blah blah. The effects are sound, the death scenes
though elaborate are convincing more or less but the need for a twist ending
became a staple of the beginning of 2001 we have been seeing this duplicated
over and over now.
This is more common for the remake slasher films though to
make it more edgy and bloody. Bloody,
yes. Edgy, nope. While
these films attempt to ratchet up the tension they seem to miss the point which
is deliver a film of interest, suspense, thrills and chills.
Valentine is not by any means a gory film, the level of
violence is not over the top and done with a level of discretion. Still for what was a recycled idea it tried
to make people jump out of their seats but relied far too much on jump scares,
dramatic pauses in dialogue and conclusions that were on whole, pretty far fetched.
Not a bad film but not exactly wowing
me at the same time.
SHOT THROUGH THE HEART!!!! Must be a Bon Jovi fan.
Welcome back my loyal readers to Day 2 of Valentine
Week. Yesterday we had to tackle a less
than savory remake of a less than noteworthy 80’s slasher but guess what?? Nothing? Not even gonna try. Fine, well we are going to endure the
original now. The one of the worst
things to hail from Canada this side of Final Sacrifice and Justin Beiber, this
film is cheesier than a Quattro formaggio pizza and we get to experience it
together. I know you are counting
yourselves lucky in this but hang on.
This is My Bloody Valentine a.k.a. The Secret.
What does cannon fodder mean?
Mayor Hanniger: (reads
card out loud) From the spoiler comes a warning, filled with bloody good- cheer,
remember what happened as the 14th draws- near!
Yes there is a mighty large shindig, possibly a hootenanny
to happen Valentine’s Day in the mining town of Valentine Bluffs, Nova Scotia…you
get the feeling that cable modems, coffee shops and stimulating conversation is
a long way away from them… Ahem back to the astounding story, this will be the first Valentine’s Day party
in over 20 years as the crappy flashback sequence will tell you an accident
occurred and men because security for the mine was partying as well. Methane built up and no one there to check
the levels so one good spark and BABOOM!
The sole surviving miner Harry
Warden (Stuntman/actor Peter Cowper of Oh Heavenly Dog and My Bloody Valentine)
had to survive on the meat of his former coworkers or you know, eat a Hot
Pocket so better to resort to cannibalism at that point. A whole year later Harry found his two
supervisors, killed them both with a pickaxe, tore their hearts out and left
them in Valentine candy boxes as a warning to the town that if another
Valentine dance occurs, he will go on a bloody rampage. Warden
is caught and shacked up in the wacko basket so the younger generations deem
him nothing more than a ghost story.
So the town tries to rise from the ashes of this insanity
and get their Valentine’s dance groove on.
The Mayor (Larry Reynolds of When Michael Calls, PCU and Blown Away) and
Sheriff Jake Newby [I swear I did not just make that name up] (Voice actor Don Francks of
Cadillacs and Dinosaurs, Monster Force, X-Men, and Journey to the Center of the
Earth) look at a box of chocolates sent to the mayor with a note with
poor penmanship and a severed human heart as a warning about the impeding
dance.
I sense a dirty cavern joke here somewhere.
Desperate to calm the fears of the Mayor and himself, Newby
(snicker) calls the asylum to find out they have no records of Warden, his
known whereabouts or what’s become of him… A loony man that butchered his
bosses is somehow missing and they didn’t think to call the town and warn
ANYBODY??!!!! In this dinky, little
town; the local sheriff has no idea of a get together involving booze, sex and
drugs?? Oh, c’mon! You know all these kids by face and name,
man. You rousted them out of kegger
nights and confiscated their pot and you have no clue where they are setting up
a drinking and debauchery binder?? They can’t afford a hotel and the owner
would just narc on them ASAP so of course the mine!!! Give me your badge, you chucklehead!!
Frankly I recognized only one cast member and that was
Helene Udy because she was a main character on Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman as
frontier town Colorado Springs’ premier prostitute. Yes when you date, you get to watch more
shows and films than you ever considered viewing in the first place.
Moving along to the technical aspect of the movie, I found
the gore effects via blood and prosthetics to be well done. Researching the FX crew I found a family name
that sticks out in FX legend. I speak of the Burmans. Ellis, the father cut his teeth in the biz
doing Lon Chaney Jr.’s transformation to the Wolf Man. His brother Thomas is known for his makeup
works on Die Hard 2, Grey’s Anatomy and Nip/Tuck. Thomas’s son Barney is one of the leading TV
and Movie SFX makeup artists for shows and films like Star Trek III: Search for
Spock, Brain Dead, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Galaxy Quest, Planet of the Apes
and Men in Black II. This is literally
the wildest family tradition. In this
household you hear a father say, “The hell you are becoming a doctor! Now go make realistic vomit and gross out
your little sister right now, young man!”
Last note was the
MPAA, made Paramount cut 9 minutes out of the film because it was FAR TOO
GRAPHIC!!! Screen tests proved that
people pooped their pants on this so Paramount refused to make an unrated
version for DVD viewers. Lion’s Gate
having no qualms about blood splatters or obligatory breast shots bought the
rights to the film and released an unrated version of My Bloody Valentine
around 2009 to co-inside with the release of the remake. Smart marketing, fellas.
Greetings to Valentine Week and I thought I would start the
cheese right with the foul taint of a remake. Yes as if the 80’s didn’t produce
enough regurgitated slasher nonsense we clearly need to re-imagine that. So call your incompetent law enforcement, run
up the stairs when you should go out the door and lock yourself in a
closet. This is My Bloody Valentine 3D.
Yo Sammy, you down here?!
SPOILER CAVE-IN!
Oh we could be in a
world of excitement or utter hurt.
Director (Patrick Lussier of Dracula 2000, Dracula II: Ascension and White Noise
2: The Light) drives us down nostalgia lane with no seat belts and
doing 30 miles over the limit. With the
assistance of writer (Todd Farmer of Jason X, The Messengers, and
Drive Angry) I feel as though we are in suspect hands for our movie
viewing. Ten years ago in the mining
town of Harmony, a drilling accident caused the mine to collapse and six miners
were buried alive. After 6 days of
digging the rescue team found only one man, Harry Warden (Richard John Walters of Smart People,
Neverland and Art Thief Musical) alive but in a coma, and the other
miners skewered by his pickax. The
conclusion was that Harry did them in to save the oxygen for himself. The son of the mine owner Tom Hanniger (Jensen
Ackles of Supernatural, Smallville, Devour and Batman: Under the Red Hood)
failed to vent the methane out of the mine and blames himself for the
happenings of that accident.
Luke, join me and rule these mines as father and son...
One year into his coma Harry awakens, starts making a mess
with the hospital staff Jason Vorhees style and heads back to the mine. I guess it is his Crystal Lake. A gathering of teens are having a party in
the mine are attacked by Harry and panic ensues as the teens flee while Tom arrives
late. Injured and looking as though his
life is about to end, Tom heads back into the mine to evade Warden only to see
Harry shot down by the town sheriff. For
the teens ten years have came and went.
Tom Hanniger returns to lay his father to rest and sell his family’s
mine in the hopes to lay some ghost to rest.
His former girlfriend Sarah (Jaime King of Sin City, Pearl Harbor, The
Spirit and White Chicks) is married and has a grocery store while her
husband Axel (Kerr Smith of The Forsaken,Dawson’s Creek and Final Destination)
is the town sheriff and the townies are trying to meek out a life as best as
they can. Okay, off topic this town is
white. I mean Clarinda Iowa white. Devoid of people of color, coordination and
dance moves white.
We now return you to our scheduled write up. When last we left off the town of Harmony
was a downer and suddenly murders occur within days of Tom’s return. As Tom and his mine manager Red (Jeff
Hochendoner of I Am Number Four and Unstoppable) are jumped by Warden,
Tom is forced into a cage and Red meets his fate at the hands of a pickax. Former friends of Tom show the common
denominator and Hanniger is looking guilty.
Will Tom be able to prove his innocence?
Will the town care about justice?
Who is the muffin man? What is
the mystery of the Yeti?
A combination of 35mm Spherical and D-cinema was use to
blend this footage together and yes gore fans this is messy. A lot of gags were thrown in for this that
blood is caking the floors and walls.
Lot of torso and limb attacks so yes that is making a mess. Overall regardless what I thought of the
cast, I found the plot to be lacking, the characters underdeveloped and my time
wasted. The original was just as equally
campy so don’t feel as though I am hoisting it aloft to the gods as a tribute.
Boy, Debbie sure can shovel it in...*slaps self for bad pun*
Hiya campers! I have returned after the FUBAR that was my computer issue of which is both good and bad news. Good news is I was able to re-cable my old computer back to working order. Yeah I know, how did I have an issue with that? Well truth is, I have not done any computer work and upgrades in 12 years so behind the curve and forgot a fair amount on the internal dynamics that is a computer tower.
Bad news I kept screwing up my cabling in my new tower so I had to ask my Dad to do it. Yeah I felt like Franklin Richards playing with one of Reed's new inventions, got busted and he had to bail me out. ( Fantastic Four reference so read some comics, people) Turns out I just misunderstood a connection I should have been doing and Dad got it up and running no sweat. Apparently it needs a new hard drive though. Damn, Dad was raised in the right age to work tools better than I.
HONEY, WE JUST NEED SOME COUNCILING!!!
But enough of all that jibber jabber, you folks have Valentine's day around the corner. A time when some men are convinced lingerie and chocolates make up for you being a total knob around the rest of the year. It doesn't, fellas. This overly commercialized holiday makes single men and women feel like they are worth less than nothing if they haven't received a card or some much as an e-mail and I will not stand for it. So this week we will focus relationships that have gone south. No, no romantic comedies and see whether or not they will iron out their wacky indiffernces. I was thinking more a horror themed Valentines so grab your comfort food, lock the doors from impending psychos and grab at least one sharp utensil in case they burst through the door.
