The Return of Swamp Thing

 Welcome back Readers of Rotten. I am trying to get more blogs out this summer, while looking for more writing work. Any freelance writing suggestions, feel free to toss them my way. Today I wanted to continue a tragic hero of the DC Comics universe. Now I know that is extremely vague and doesn't help anyone but I am getting to the character. For a couple of actors, they will be reprising roles in the continuation of the harrowing adventures of Doctor Alec Holland. This is The Return of Swamp Thing.

 

Ayyyy....

 

 

 

 

 

With the recurrence of this noteworthy and dark storyline based character, Doctor Holland a.k.a. The plant/man hybrid known as Swamp Thing (Dick Durock of Stand By Me, Swamp Thing, Runaway Train, Return of Swamp Thing, Delirious, Swamp Thing TV series, Die Hard with a Vengeance and The Hunted) has a life filled with agony and loss.   Wes Craven's original run gave us his humble beginnings as a passionate scientist, whose only concern was to aid his fellow humanity with his restoration formula that would magnify both plant and animal.   This time however, we get a more tongue in cheek story with Jim Wynorski (The Lost Empire, Chopping Mall, Sorceress, Hard Bounty, Demolition High, Against the Law, Raptor, Busty Cops and The Curse of the Komodo) at the director's helm. 

 

First, kippers and then take over the world!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 With our film opening with bubbly Abigail Arcane (Heather Locklear of City Killer, T.J. Hooker, Dynasty, Melrose Place, Double Tap, Spin City, Scrubs and Looney Tunes: Back in Action) who is bustling about finishing her packing and heading out to attend her mother's funeral.  A somber event no doubt.   With that she visits her stepfather Dr. Anton Arcane (Louis Jourdan of Letter from an Unknown Woman, Gigi, The Swan, Escapade, The V.I.P.s, The Young Rebel, Swamp Thing, Octopussy and Counterforce), who Abby hasn't really seen since she was a little girl.   The "good" doctor has always been consumed by his work. After a near death experience, Arcane wishes to make amends to Abby and assure her she is the most important thing in her life. Abby strikes me as a tad naive.  How can I say such?   Well her dad has a private mercenary army at his fingertips. Seriously this cat has more protection than Dr. Quest. 

 

Bill Shatner, you go too far!

 

 

 

 

 

Of his gunsels...hmm thugs? Mercs? Oh I got it! Lickspittles! Head of security Lickspittle! Mr. Gunn (Joey Sagal of World War III, Final Jeopardy, Quiet Cool, The Hidden, Out for Blood, Bloodfist VII: Manhunt, Barb Wire, Whatever It Takes, Lost Treasure and Retrograde) and Ms. Poinsettia (the lovely Monique Gabrielle of Deathstalker II, Bachelor Party, Emmanuelle 5, Amazon Women on the Moon, The Big Bet, Not of This Earth, Hard to Die, Body Chemistry II: The Voice of a Stranger, 976-Evil II, Evil Toons and Angel Eyes) have enough sexual tension between them, pretty sure the rest of the guards are chuckling and commenting quietly, "Just screw already." Now I am certain some of you are confused.  To recap, Dr. Acane had Swamp Thing flogged, netted and then chained up.   He attempted to duplicate Holland's formula, had a goof and morphed into a chitinous mutant pig monster that Swampy dispatched.   Soooo...what in the cheese and crackers is a-going on?

 

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the assistance of Dr. Zurrell (The stunning Sarah Douglas of The People That Time Forgot, Superman, Thundercloud, Superman II, Conan the Destroyer, Falcon Crest, Beastermaster 2 Through the Portal of Time, Return of the Living Dead III, The Demolitionist, Stargate SG-1 and Heavy Gear: The Animated Series) whom Arcane has been seeing and Dr. Rochelle (Ace Mask of Big Bad Mama II, Not of This Earth, The Return of Swamp Thing, Transylvania Twist, 976-Evil II, Munchie, Sins of Desire, Ghoulies IV, Victim of Desire,Babylon 5 and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) have been working on these various mutations trying to re-create the formula and flooding the swamps with mutants. They tampered in God's domain and Gunn's men haven't really busted their collective butts to capture them all.   C'mon, Doc. Ya gotta pay the overtime.

Let's not forget those darn, pesky kids Darryl (Daniel Emery Taylor of The Return of Swamp Thing, Road Trip, Hell-ephone, Hell House, The Legacy, Resurrection, Night of the Cannibals, Mountain Mafia, Camp Massacre and For a Few Zombies More) and Omar (RonReaco Lee of The Return of Swamp Thing, Career Opportunities, Paris Trout, How I Spent My Summer Vacation, Sister,Sister, Girlfriends, Committed and The Shield) whose parents clearly are not watching them AT ALL. Yes they are a bit of comic relief, kid hi-jinks and an element of the big green's humanity. At 6'6", I think we can call him a jolly green giant.

 

Swampy spends a little time with these two, saves them from a few mutants and even poses with them for a few pics. Pre-Selfie! What we have here is a superhero story of Swamp Thing falling for Abby and vice versa. Arcane is being a typical mad scientist and control freak and some good fight sequences and explosions. Hell we even get Swamp Thing getting behind the wheel of a jeep. Not to mention CCR (Creedence Clearwater Revival for you younger readers) Born on the Bayou as opening credits intro. Flawless victory!!

Is it a bit goofy? Yes. Does that bother me? Hell no. We got mutates, Swamp Thing getting to smack creatures and mercs around like tennis balls and maybe even get a girl. Anything's possible. For me I saw this when I rented it from Blockbuster in the day. We got it and had no expectations, only to be pleasantly surprised. I loved it and have it in the collection. So yes, old school superhero fans grab a copy, you'll thank me. 

 

Hehe, I'm high on...me.

 

 

The Misfits

 Greetings, Readers of the Rotten. Today is a recent release because I needed a break from the typical stuff I view. A mixture of a heist movie worthy of Ocean's 11 and The Italian Job with the stunt work car chases of a Fast and Furious flick. Round that out with a decent cast along with the charm of Pierce Brosnan. This is The Misfits.

 

Vodka martini? Stop copying me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A quick heads up for potential viewers of this movie. Nick Cannon does a lot of narration voice over in this film. You have been warned if you're not a fan of his voice. If this isn't a problem then disregard the warning.

A gentleman thief, Richard Pace (Pierce Brosnan of Remington Steele, Noble House, The Deceivers, The Lawnmower Man, GoldenEye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The Thomas Crown Affair, The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day, Laws of Attraction and Momma Mia) breaks out of a maximum security prison, his fourth one in fact and is off to acquire ill-gotten gains. With a bit of detail, he knows of a fat cat Kuwaitti prince with a collection of expensive time pieces, making him easy pickings. No sooner has he snatched up the watches, the local police, FBI and the creator of said private prison Shultz (Tim Roth of Resevoir Dogs, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, Pulp Fiction, Rob Roy, Four Rooms, No Way Home, Planet of the Apes, The Musketeer, The Incredible Hulk, Lie to Me and Broken). Shultz may be a trifle miffed with Pace. There's the escaping his prisons and making him look professionally like an ass but Pace also plowed Shultz's wife soooo...yeah, that could be motive.

Yeah, I know Tarantino.

 

 

 

 

 

With watches in hand, the authorities hot on his heels, Pace accepts a lift from his mark, simply known as The Prince (producer/actor Rami Jaber of 2 Hours 2 Vegas, Fate, Tough Love, The Misfits, Last Man Standing, WarHunt and The Good Neighbor). A con man, fixer and wheeler and dealer of justice.

His crew, the Misfits deal justice to people cheating the system, swindlers, deadbeat dads and general scumbags. The Prince's face, Ringo (Producer/writer/actor Nick Cannon of All That, Shall We Dance, Roll Bounce, Even Money, Monster House, Weapons, Day of the Dead, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Berserk and The Misfits), hardass strong armViolet (Jamie Chung of Samurai Girl, Dragonball Evolution, Sorority Row, Sucker Punch, The Hangover Part II, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For, Gotham, 1985, The Gifted, Sherwood and Dangerous Lies) and explosives expert Wick (Mike Angelo of Full House, Surprise, Raak Boon 2, Wuxin: The Monster Killer, Kiss Me, My Little Princess and Mr. Swimmer). 

 

WHAT?! WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

This crew brings Pace a chance to pull a major heist. In one of the prisons outside Dubai is devices set aside for terrorism campaigns. 35 million in gold bars. The thing is they want to steal the gold and do good with it. Pace has been looking out for himself since he started being a thief. It has costed him a marriage and a strained relationship with his daughter, Hope (Hermione Corfield of 50 Kisses, Mission: Impossible- Rogue Nation, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Fallen, xXx: Return of Xander Cage, The Halcyon, Bees Make Honey, Star Wars: Episode VIII- The Last Jedi, Rust Creek and Slaughterhouse Rulez), a UNICEF worker and may have learned a fair amount of skills from her father at an impressionable age. Bumping into Hope, the alarm bells go off in my head. An impressive caper, the random encounter with his daughter and Shultz hot on his heels?? C'mon Pace, there are no coincidences.

Hope still holds out...well hope that her father can be altruistic and do some good by removing this gold to avoid future terrorism. The crew is solid, the plan is feasible but there is a lot of planning and prep. Thankfully "The Prince" has deep, deep pockets. Think Tony Stark mixed with even more connections and contacts. Less armored suits of course.

Will Pace and crew pull this off? Will Shultz have them all in the slammer?

So overall, it is a pretty predictable story but I have seen enough heist flicks that the formulae is easy enough to create. The dialogue feels dummy down to appeal to a larger audience but it doesn't detract from the full staple in the film. Six individuals doing good and is loving every minute of it. It didn't blow me away but it was well-executed.

 Pierce and Jamie have a bit of sexual tension there and that felt like they just wanted the same effect of Grace Kelly and Cary Grant via To Catch a Thief with a mixture of The Italian Job car stunts and Ocean's Eleven worthy con jobs. As a whole, it was an enjoyable film and I could watch again. 

 

I miss teleporting.

 

Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe

 What's going on kiddies? We're back with the day of June 22^nd is the birthday of actor/writer/producer Bruce Campbell (The Evil Dead, Moontrap, Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn, Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, Tornado!, Escape from L.A., Ellen, Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess, Bubba Ho-Tep and Burn Notice). From the humble Super 8 beginnings to three novels, this actor boy has been a Three Stooges fan as a lad and got the acting bug roughly about the same time. Today's movie gives us a glimpse into Burn Notice character, Sam Axe and what brought about his mustering out of rank and military clearance. This is Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe.

 

Ash and the Mandalorian side-by-side

 

 

 

 

 

 As our film opens, Sam (Bruce Campbell, in case you missed that.) is in his dress uniform and being brought before a military hearing for his conduct of his last "fact finding" mission in Columbia 3 years prior to the series. The fact this hearing is even happening means everything went pear shaped or SNAFU. Admiral Lawrence (John Diehl of Stripes, Miami Vice, Fail Safe, Lost Souls, The Zeros, Pearl Harbor, Jurassic Park III, The Shield, Land of Plenty, Point Pleasant, Gary's Walk and Gabe the Cupid Dog) wants Sam to walk him through all these events that lead up to the flaming dumpster fire of a mission.

 

What do you mean "sidekicks"?

 

 

 

 

 

As Sam re-accounts his actions bringing him to his mission, he was doing a bit of reconnaissance... or spot the submarine with a rather dishy blonde, Donna (Chandra West of Universal Soldier II: Brother in Arms, Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business, NYPD Blue, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, The Gates, Z and Spiral). The downside to this lover connection? She happens to be the wife of his superior officer, Admiral Maitland (Alex Fernandez of F.E.A.R. 3, Driver: San Francisco, NCIS, Dallas, Killer Women, Devious Maids, True Detective, Stevie D, Lucifer and Christmas Crime Story). Talk about not taking in your surroundings.

 

Can't help you, Sam. I'm just a cameo.

 

 

 

 

 

A near miss with Maitland, Sam leans on his buddy, Michael Westen (Jeffery Donovan of Bait, The Blair Witch Project 2: Book of Shadows, Touching Evil, Hitch, Crossing Jordan, Burn Notice, Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe, Sicario, Shut Eye and Wonder Woman: Bloodlines) back between missions in Afghanistan, takes in Axe's blunder and gives him the advice to lay low and avoid the whole mess.

  No sooner does Sam leave the bar hopping, he is picked up by the SP (Shore Patrol) and delivered to Maitland. Rather than hanging Sam from a yard arm, Axe is given a mission to Columbia to observe the accounts of a rebel movement, Espada Adriente (Flaming Sword, gringos) and work with army liaison Comandante Veracruz (Pedro Pascal of The Good Wife, Lights Out, The Adjustment Bureau, Sweet Little Lies, Red Widow, Game of Thrones, Graceland, The Mentalist and The Mandalorian) then report back their findings. As time passes, Sam feels this is no milk run and uncovers the Colombian army under Veracruz seems to be heavily involved in cocaine trafficking. Ho boy. 

 

Okay, kid. Look. I just like Boba Fett more.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meeting with a relief aid worker, Amanda Maples(Kiele Sanchez of Married to the Kellys, Related, Lost, Football Wives, Samantha Who?, Insanitarium, A Perfect Getaway, 30 Days of Night: Dark Days, The Glades, The Purge: Anarchy and Kingdom) and only doctor in the region, Ben Delaney (RonReaco Lee of Man of Your Dreams, Madea Goes to Jail, Worst Week, In the Motherhood, The Good Guys, Let's Stay Together, Complications, We Are Family, The Quad and Running Out of Time), along with seemingly lost orphan Beatriz (Ilza Ponko of La Teacher de Ingles, Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe, Burn Notice, Lynch, The Darkness, Hands of Stone, La Piloto, Ruta Madre and La Reina Soy Yo). The Colombian army is coming down on Sam's head and all the people he may have interacted with. Armed with peasants, farmers and locals, Axe is feeling the hurt and running out of ideas and gas. All must be made silent.  Kinda getting the vibe they have mass burial sites at the ready for such an occasion.

Beatriz wants to fight along side Sam but he wants her to do something to give them an edge instead. Sam has to get the good guys on his side against Veracruz, who is claiming anything he chooses to discredit Sam and then go mop them up. 

 

With directorial by Jeffery Donovan, he and Matt Nix (writer and creator of Burn Notice) got Bruce's speech patterns and dropped a bit of dialogue that worked well with him. A few spoilers is Bruce getting the use of a chainsaw and yes Deadites, we do get a groovy in there. A few goofs I noticed and only because I am a military brat, I give you the following: Naval officers wear white shoes not black ones with dress uniform and he wasn't wearing his SEAL trident.

As far as film goofs of continuity, I couldn't help but notice Sam had his sidearm the whole time, including being kidnapped prior. Overall, the Campbell fans and Burn Notice fans will appreciate this TV movie. I think Matt Nix might have been a Get Smart fan as the opening sequence was similar to the hallway walk through.

Happy 63^rd birthday, El Jefe!

 

Soooo...no beer then?

 

Justice Society: World War II

 Hey all and welcome back to the blog. Today is Memorial Day and we are staying away from the typical Indie films and gore fest horror flicks. I thought we'd make our way back to Warner Brothers and enjoy an animated film. With the fate of the world in the balance, a traveler will be witness to these events and help where he can. This is Justice Society World War II. 

 

The pilot and the princess.

 

 

 

 

 

With something as simple as a picnic out of town, Barry Allen a.k.a.the scarlet speedster, The Flash (Matt Bomer of Tru Calling, Traveler, Chuck, Superman: Unbound, White Collar, Will & Grace and Doom Patrol) is on a date with his long-time girlfriend Iris West (Ashleigh LaThrop of Sirens, Fifty Shades Darker, Fifty Shades Freed, The 100, The Kominsky Method and Utopia). Barry is nervous and still not exactly how to balance being a hero, a forensic officer and boyfriend.

Granted I could slap Barry for choosing Metropolis for a picnic in the park. METROPOLIS?!!! What's a matter, Barry? Gotham at midnight was already taken? Iris makes her point, stresses her love and want of growth with Barry but isn't certain if he wants the same thing. An explosion occurs and Barry runs into action, teaming up with Superman (Darren Criss of Glee, American Horror Story, Supergirl, The Flash, Transformers: Robots in Disguise, American Crime Story, Batman vs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Midway and Superman: Man of Tomorrow)against the cybernetic organism known as Brainiac.

With a series of McGuffin events tied together, Barry gets chucked into the speed force, transporting him into another place and time. Clad in his suit and getting bounced about, Flash lands in front of all people during civilians being shot at by Nazis..? Confused but being the good man he is, Flash proceeds to take the soldiers down, leaving them unconscious when he is violently grabbed and slammed against the wall by the Amazon princess herself, Wonder Woman (Stana Katic of ER, 24, Quantum of Solace, The Spirit, Castle, Batman: Arkham City and Absentia). A military outfit of special forces and metahumans code-named Justice Society with archelogist/reincarnated warrior prince, Hawkman (Omid Abtahi of My Own Worst Enemy, Brothers, Last Resort, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, DuckTales, World of Warcraft: Shadowlands, The Mandalorian and American Gods), the martial artist with a sonic cry, Black Canary (Elysia Rotaru of iZombie, Supernatural, Countdown, Arrow, Reapers, Mass Effect: Andromeda, Residue, Lone Echo, Dead Again in Tombstone and The Age of Adulting) 

Flying the not so friendly skies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The chemist/physicist and speedster Jay Garrick/Flash (Armen Taylor of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, Rage 2, One Punch Man, Crystar, Call of Duty: Mobile, Wicked Woods: A Descendants Halloween Story, Kingdom Under Fire II, Asgard's Wrath, Super Wings!, Darksiders Genesis, Yakuza: Like a Dragon and The Seven Deadly Sins), chemist/physicist and strong man Hourman (Matthew Mercer of Resident Evil: Damnation, Fire Emblem: Awakening, Fallout 4, Overwatch, Attack on Titan, Ghost in the Shell SAC_2045, The Last of Us: Part II and Blood of Zeus) and USAF Colonel and liason for the team, Steven Trevor (Chris Diamantopoulos of Family Guy, Skylanders Academy, Voltron: Legendary Defender, Go Away, Unicorn!, Disney Mickey Mouse, Silicon Valley, Harley Quinn, Dirty Diana and American Dad!).

 

TOO MUCH COFFEE!! Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee!

 

 

 

 

 

The overseas combat stretches around the world (as the name World War would indicate) and our service men are hard at work. Their war correspondent dubbed Shakespeare tabulates their stories but has to keep the team out of the headlines as they're a secret weapon against the Axis powers. With Hitler's forces encroaching throughout the world, trying to claim religious artifacts for further the Reich, our heroes must work together, putting aside their differences and join in this struggle as one.

With Trevor being smitten by the Amazon princess, there is also a bit of sexual tension between the Canary and the Egyptian war prince. Hourman and Jay have common ground as scientists. Barry also connects to both scientist heroes. With all that is going on, the Alantians are also throwing in their weight to the surface world. With a few examples similar to Barry's time, he notices this isn't simply the past but a different world. An Earth-2 if you will.

 

AMAZON FURY!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can the heroes stop the awaiting onslaught? Can good triumph over evil?

This story gives credit to DC comics writing as far back as the early 60s when the JSA (Justice Society of America) and the JLA (Justice League of America) were establishing timelines and continuity. These stories are older than I am and this film tips its hat to, really projecting the Golden and Silver Age of DC Comics. Did I enjoy it? Yes, very much. Was there anything to complain about? A few things but not enough to give credence too. I know, me not complaining about a flick is almost unheard of. Young and old will enjoy the action-packed film and have a good time with it as well.

 

Another budget meeting.

 

The Mandalorian Season 2

 

Welcome back oh Readers of said Rotten. I thought we would take a small break from Indie Horror and Indie Action and go the franchise that many new and old fans are enjoying this particular creation of Jon Favreau (Swingers, Made, Zathura, Iron Man, Iron Man 2 and Cowboys & Aliens) as Disney carries on the galaxy far, far away.

This is The Mandalorian Season 2.

Well, this is another fine mess you have gotten us in, Mando.

 

 

 

 

 

Catching back with the Mando (Pedro Pascal of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Sisters, The Good Wife, Lights Out, The Adjustment Bureau, Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe, Sweet Little Lies, Red Widow, Game of Thrones and Graceland) as he is now a clan or tribe of two. His mission is to watch over the child and bring him to his own people. To do this, he will have to find fellow Mandalorians and his best best is hitting the Outer Rim systems. With hunters chasing the Razorcrest down, plus Remnants of the Empire in full swing, the sky is getting crowded.

Moff Gideon (Giancarlo Esposito of Miami Vice, Sweet Lorraine, School Daze, Do the Right Thing, Malcolm X, New York Undercover, Big City Blues, Homicide: Life on the Street, The $treet, Girls Club, Chupacabra Terror, South Beach, Breaking Bad and Payday 2) current commander of the former Imperial sector has need of the child as he has exhibited a high degree of natural force control. Most likely another means to an end.

Beskar's chafing my ass, Phil.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mando can't always be the lone gunfighter. He has made quite a few enemies but thankfully he also has allies.  Greef Karga (Carl Weathers of Rocky, Rocky II, Death Hunt, Fortune Dane, Predator, Action Jackson, Tour of Duty, Street Justice, In the Heat of the Night, Happy Gilmore, Assault on Devil's Island, Brothers and Magnum P.I.) running the township of Nevarro, alongside former Rebel ground trooper Cara Dune (Gina Carano of Blood and Bone, Haywire, Almost Human, In the Blood, Heist, Deadpool, Daughter of the Wolf, Mandness in the Method and The Mandalorian) With the shadow of the Empire's end and the light of the New Republic being formed, the galaxy is quite busy.

This season pushes the conventional story telling bringing in new threats, new character and reprise characters you have encountered before. Guaranteed to offer something you may have or not seen before.

 

Mon Calmari's tough on drunk spacing.

 

 

 

 

 

Following a trail of bread crumbs, Mando is trying his level best to watch over the child, contact those that could instruct the boy in the Force and handle bounties as always. Going from being a manhunter to being a guardian is a shift in his character's dynamic and he wears it well, in spite of being out of his element.

What makes this series highly enjoyable, is the simplistic writing but complex characters. Almost every facet of it feels like the proverbial Spaghetti Western. The lone gunslinger helping the helpless, facing bandits, back shooters and existing government men. All the while, it incorporates the Star Wars legacy of stories yet to come. From effects, costumes and vehicle set and planetary set designs, you cannot help but feel you have sat through a Star Wars mini-movie. Heroes, villains and everyone caught in-between, this is the Star Wars continuation that you look forward to.

As a child of the original era, I can say I have thoroughly enjoyed these two seasons and really look forward to seeing the next adventures to come. 

 

I'm still adorable, right?

 

Assault on VA_33

 Howdy all! Freelance work is coming in bursts so to speak and I have been neglecting the Readers of Rotten and I apologize. Today's film gets a lot of negativity due to be low budget and a "knock off of Die Hard". Look, I can direct you to close to 25 films using this particular formula, coupled with the fact is the talent that went into our movie of the day did a bang up job. I have one nitpick about the flick but we will get to that later. This is Assault of VA_33. 

 

C'mon out to the VA, do some tests, have some laughs.

 

 

 

 

 

Jason Hill (Sean Patrick Flanery of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles, Suicide Kings, Best Men, Simply Irrestistible, The Boondock Saints, The Strip, Dead Lawyers, Demon Hunter, The Insatiable, Savage Planet and The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day) is a highly decorated vet suffering from PTSD (Post Tramuatic Stress Disorder) is meeting his sessions, dealing with the stress and the freaking out, trying to be a civilian for the sake of his little girl Sara (Sarah Elizabeth Jensen of Homicide City, Ministry of Evil: The Twisted Cult of Tony Almo, Assault on VA-33 and Jungle Room) and his wife Dr. Jennifer Hill (Gina Holden of Final Destination 3, Psych, The Butterfly Effect 2, Blood Ties, Flash Gordon: A Modern Space Opera, Screamers: The Hunting, Harper's Island, Saw: The Final Chapter, Dear Santa, Sand Sharks, The Exorcism of Molly Hartley and Boy in the Attic) who specializes in treating Vets that have suffered mentally and physically from foreign wars. 

 

Do NOT interrupt Sudoku time!

 

 

 

 

 

Jason and Sara have a lunch date with Jennifer but she gets a last minute arrival patient that needs to be evaluated for the Pentagon's satisfaction, the head of Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Welch (sOooooo many grape jelly references to be had) (Gerald Webb of The Stalker Within, In My Sleep, Megashark vs. Crocosaurus, Camel Spiders, Battle of Los Angeles, Almighty Thor, 2012: Ice Age, A Haunting in Salem, Zombie Apocalypse, Super Shark, Lizard Man, Hold Your Breath and Android Cop) who is torn from his last mission and how his men were put into the equivalent of a wood chipper and he is messed up from it.

While he is in session, a collective of mercenaries are assembled under the command of Adrian Rabikov (Weston Cage Coppola of Lord of War, Raven, Rage, As Night Comes, Undercover, Circus Kane. NCIS: Los Angeles, D-Day: Battle of Omaha Beach, Get Gone and Assault on VA-33), a Brativa Captain and looking for revenge for his imprisoned brother. He is our Hans Grubber if you will. The man with the plan. FYI, son of this Nicholas Cage guy. I hear his dad has done some movies here and there.

The mercs move in, secure the building, load it with explosives and have men at key entry points assuring no interference. Hill heads out with his daughter but his trained eyes senses something is off and proceeds to call the cops. Chief Malone (Michael Jai White of Silverhawk, Spawn, Universal Soldier: The Return, Exit Wounds, Justice League Heroes, Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?,The Dark Knight, Black Dynamite, Blood and Bone, Mortal Kombat: Legacy, Falcon Rising and Skin Trade) tries to talk down Hill with a bit of condescension and hangs up on him. 

 

Healing is a slow process and it can.. Hey! Eyes up here!

 

 

 

 

 

Their main sniper Jackson (Marc Dacascos of Only the Strong, Drive, The Crow: Stairway to Heaven, Brotherhood of the Wolf, Cradle 2 the Grave, I Am Omega, Wolvesbayne, Kamen Rider: Dragon Knight, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. And John Wick: Chapter 3- Parabellum) is topside and takes care of the roving cop checking on the VA, only to get smoked like salmon.

The chief is required to get the lead out of his ass and the crap out of his brain. He sets up a command center only to be swayed by the FBI telling him the old song and dance, " We do NOT negotiate with terrorists."

 

Hill dealing with his demons and the mercs is making his way to his wife, using weapons tactics and some solid martial arts. If anything, watch this for Dacascos and Flanery squaring off. AWESOME SCENE!

 

Yes, I will get Nicholas Cage's autograph for you.

 

 

 

 

 

Will Hill save the people in the VA? Will he lose his wife or daughter? Will Zero get out of the van?

Okay for those having an issue with the budget, shaddup! Solid stunt people co-ordination, airsoft guns and rifles with post-production instead of blank guns? Boo hoo! It is capable work, good cast and crew and gave it a concrete standing. My lone complaint? Michael Jai White NOT getting to whoop some ass. Oh sure, he got a gun fight but I didn't get to see him uncork and break out his substantial collection of martial arts. It's a popcorn flick! Don't look for a deep meaning or extensional philosophical mindset. All in all, a fun film and was well put together.

 

When paintball games go bad...

 

Rattlers 2

 Hello there Readers of the Rotten! So I received a few films courtesy of The Williamson Management Company, it was at the request of an old friend that I could give a review. Well considering I thought I was only getting a screener, I think I can get started on this.

So a sequel to a TV movie in 1976, thus putting 45 years since the previous outbreak; who could have seen a return of a creature feature? Why, the director/producer Dustin Ferguson (Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5, Nemesis 5: The New Model, Runaway Nightmare, Meathook Massacre II, Horndogs Beach Party, House of Pain, Aliens in LA, Axegrinder 2 and Tales for the Campfire 3) is bold enough to try. This is Rattlers 2. 

 

I just wanted a bath!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Giving you a bit of continuity; in 1976 deep in the Mohave Desert, a town was infested by a plethora of rattlesnakes due to an experimental nerve gas that the government cancelled for use. It was buried into an abandoned mine that the snakes just happened to been dwelling in and they went mad, attacking people left and right. A cover-up, a military tribunal and a lunatic major was the order of the day, along with bell bottoms, dated dialogue, a misogynistic herpetologist (study of reptiles) and a very angry feminist photographer. 

 

Killer snakes? This is what you bother me with?

 

 

 

 

 

Penned by Josh Price (After Hours Cinema, Rattlers 2 and Lone Star Horrors) and Lee Turner (Shadowmarsh and Rattlers 2) tells the tale of 45 years later, a small town in California has been having a rash of snake attacks. Our film opens with a series of establishing shots that says... yes this is Southern California, possibly the Mohave. Some wonderful drone shots on the very rattlers in question. Enter our hapless photographer on a quest to be first one attacked. Taking snaps of rattlesnakes and getting closer and closer to them. Yup can't foresee anything bad happening there.

From the title card, it really feels like a throwback to the 1970s TV creature feature era, which I love.

The Sheriff's station is going to get more than a few concerned citizens calling in, but I don't think he'll have enough deputies at hand for this potential crisis. Sheriff Wilson (D.T. Carney of Cold Blood Canyon, Forbidden Border, Transmorphers: Fall of Man, John Dies at the End, Garlic & Gunpowder, Moon of the Blood Beast and Tales for the Campfire 3) has got his work cut out for him. With a minor amount of exposition and flashback footage of the original film, Josh Price and Lee Turner manage to connect the two films without it feeling like it was forced down your throat.

It feels like a natural progression and catches folks up to speed.

 

SNAKE HICKEY!!!

 

 

 

 

 

With all the blasting around the rattlers and given their mutations from the first film, 4 decades could easily create new hybrids ready to reek havoc on the town. Commissioner Lewis isn't going to close the beaches..er wait. No, sorry that's Jaws. My bad. The tearing up and rebuild will bring revenue to the town and this talk of roves of killer snakes is poppycock. Dare we even say balderdash?

We do have more than a few familiar Ferguson faces attached to our feature. The original Scream Queen herself, Brinke Stevens, amazing character actor Mel Novak, the wonderful Dawna Lee Heising, the very comedic Shawn C. Phillips, the tattooed beauty horror actress Julie Anne Prescott and Malvolia: The Queen of Screams herself Jenn Nangle. I really enjoyed Mercedes Peterson's performance as Dr. Kaye and cannot wait to see what she does next.

You'll have to bear with me as I had only seen the original twice in my life. Once when I was all of 5, and later about 42 when Cinematic Titanic was teasing and riffing their way through it.

Naturally I feel the name of  Professor McCauley is a nod to writer/director John McCauley (Rattlers and Deadly Intruder) and the film truly feels like an homage to the original.  This was clearly a labor of love and well executed. It's almost reminiscent of Richard Franklin tackling Psycho II to Hitchcock's original, in the sense a fan made film did as well; if not better than the previous movie. Once again, Dustin knocks another one out of the ball park. 

 

Damn snakes even attacked my paperwork!