Well it wouldn’t be a zombie film a bit of gore and cheesy
comments but this one takes the cake on music steals, bad dubbing, and yes even
sound effects’ timing is off. So grab
your bug out bag, machete and solid rifle.
This is Toxic Zombies.
Spoilers can only be
destroyed if you get the brain.
Charles McCrann
is our writer/director/lead actor brings us the depths of this utter hell that
this film is. Violence with no real
explanation nor any real attempt at character development and all back stories consists
of people babbling about events we have not seen or these people should not yet
have knowledge of. Citizen Kane this is
not. Hell I wouldn’t even give it
Citizen Toxie. With a cast of no one I
could recognize other than John Amplas
(of
Martin, Day of the Dead, Creepshow and No Pets) and he is not even a
lead part. He remains in the shadows of
obscurity. To start us on this journey;
pot growers are using government land to score 2 million big ones in grass and
have no qualms about killing officials to keep their crops. We open this film up with what I thought was
two hunters with rifles. I mean commonly
you see two guys decked out in flannel and hiking boots you would come to that
conclusion too. Cut to a topless bathing
scene? Well of course there’s one. We are two minutes and forty seconds into
this flick we got to keep the male audience or their attention span might
wander. So we get spliced cut shots of
hunters and back to topless sudsy goodness.
After a quick dress she is informed the two hairballs with rifles are
federal officers, she tries to bail and they shot her in the back…well the back
of the neck according to her cheesy flesh wound. No sooner have these crack officials realized
they shoot a woman, that by the way was their only concern. Not that they just shot an unarmed person but
the fact she happened to be female. Stay
classy, movie. Two hippies do in the
officials and the frigging knifing sound effect is about a second and a half
off from the strikes. Yeah this is not exactly quality entertainment.
Establishing from Commander Exposition and
Junior Plot Point; two other officials realize the only way to tend to this
problem is to release an untested chemical on the government land and thus
destroying the pot. With the help of a
drunken sot of a pilot the chemicals are released and the hippies turn more
yellow than a colony of vegans.
Suddenly more violent tendencies are occurring in the hippies and they
proceed to do away with anyone that is not as messed up as they.
Our hero/writer/director acts his way into the paper bag and
cannot leave there as he and his wife’s passionate lovemaking turns night to
day and vice versa with fade scenes.
Random campers and their children are not safe in these insane making woods
as they are laid siege upon.
Now let us step back and observe for a second. These zombie like folk are wielding hand
weapons, rocks and even mastered fire for torches again and all without the aid
of Dr. Rickles from Day of the Dead teaching them, so not exactly certain how
to describe this lot, other than all messed up. Most of the music for this flick has been
lifted from Day of the Dead, a sped up version of Halloween, Dawn of the Dead
and a mutilated version of Jaws as well.
I am not certain but I can manage some disgruntlement. Go enjoy your evening outside or sit in with
a book.
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