Amityville Uprising

 Good day Readers of Rotten, I was staying away from Horror until I was looking through IMDB and saw bombastic and snooty remarks made on Thomas Churchill's creation. Thomas Churchill as many of you may remember as a writer and director of the following: The Day of the Living Dead, Check Point, The Emerging Past Director's Cut, The Rack Pack, The Hard Way, Nation's Fire Xenophobia, and The Amityville Moon. So what's with the hatred? With the collective production companies of Action House, Church Hill Productions and Lions Gate Entertainment, we have an environment survival horror/action film. This is Amityville Uprising.

Seriously doc, crack a window in here. Phew.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I know, folks are tired of the title Amityville usage but several Indie Horror films have managed some clever concoctions, so let's give it a chance before we have preconceived notions.

A small town adjacent to an existing military base is going on about its usual daily activities. Unbeknownst to the townies, the base was involved in a highly experimental conglomerate of chemicals that would have dire effects. "He tampered in God's domain." So with our plot device into effect, a massive explosion blasting the town of Amityville. The aerial shots covering this was quite impressive, as the facility has gone completely tits up, the military assigned find bodies strewn all about. With this assortment of chemicals released into the atmosphere, a pending bout of acid rain will happen, the people have been warned but you have seen how well Americans reacted to Covid, so expect mass stupidity.

Ox Hungry!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Attempting to keep the peace, civilians are running in droves as the acid rain produced something else. Walking corpses rising from the ground they dropped on and in the search of fresh meat.

With the cops being swarmed by civvies and the undead, our team are trying to keep their cool and smoke some Zed Heads.

With level headed Sgt. Dash (Scott C. Roe of Dollhouse, The Stalker Within, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, J. Edgar, Road to Marakesh, NCIS, General Hospital, Megalodon, Alien Warfare, The Dawn and Big Freaking Rat), Lt. Howie Stevenson (Tank Jones of The Devil's Tomb, The Broken Hearts Club, Dollhouse CSI: Miami, Breaking Bad, Easy Rider 2: The Ride Home, The Sparrows: Nesting and Union Bound), tattooed bad ass Detective Lance McQueen (Mike Ferguson of Axegrinder 2, Meathook Massacre Part VI: Bloodline, The Devils Heist, 5G Zombies, Angry Asian Murder Hornets, The Beast Beneath, Arachnado and A Cry in the Dark) and officers Malloy (Troy Fromin of Street Soldiers, The Perfect Weapon, Saved by the Bell, A Doggone Christmas, A Doggone Hollywood, Bikini Car Wash Massacre, Horndogs Beach Party, Killer Waves 2, The Stalker, High Rise and Amityville Uprising) and Rossi (Kelly Lynn Reiter of Holy Terror, The Z Virus, Harker: The Awakening, Halloween Pussy Trapp Kill! Kill!, Dead De La Creme,How to Get Over a Breakup and Nation's Fire) are all that can hold back the zombie onslaught.

Aw man, I got brains on my shoes! Damn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not enough crazy in this fustercluck? How about Dash and his son Jimmy(Kole Benfield of YA Campaign Ambition, The Rack Pack, Nation's Fire, Amityville Uprising and Devilreaux)having a strained relationship DURING A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK. Dammit boy, keep that crap down until the crazy is handled. It is an actual heartwarming performance between the two. I saw something similar in 30 Days and Night but that portrayal came up short compared to the Dash family. Emoting and having a rapport between a father and son in the course of virulent epidemic? How many films successfully pull that off?

 

The biggest complaint from critics of this movie has been the pacing. God forbid a bit of foreshadow and putting characters together showing strengths and weaknesses, right? The pace for me felt like how an 80s action drama was setting everyone, the plot and the major antagonists into play against our heroes. Personally? I am grateful of fleshing out the players and allows for more of a connection to these people, making you wonder who will survive and who will sacrifice themselves for the good of the others? That's how you build suspense.

I would like to take the time to point out Thomas Churchill has also acted. My favorite to date is his fixer/bar owner character from Syndicate Smasher. The team dropped a couple of keys on his table and we both screamed "What the F*ck?!" He was genius in that. His rant would have impressed Joe Pesci. Yes that last tidbit was really for me.

Back to his technical prowess, this aerial shots, low pans, looks like some handheld giving a near claustrophobic sensation as we get into the police station. Hell even the lighting set an eerie as Hell mood. Grab your Raccoon City green herbs, boomsticks and flashbang grenades lady and gents.

The vibe I got from this flick was a mixture of Romero's Dawn of the Dead and Lucio Fulci/Bruno Mattei/Claudio Fargasso's Zombi 3. With the outbreak, civilian mass panic and seeking aid from the cops alone, and yet they question why they aren't doing enough. Ugh. Poor cops.

So let's look at the overall. Plot device for the pandemic? Check. Likeable characters? Check. Replay-ability? Check. We got a solid zombie story with some gruesome gores, next to no lame ass jump scares and it does grip you. Really think Mike got some of the best one-liners in this. He delivered. Frankly, I felt the pace was at a good speed, allowed for a build-up by the 40 minute mark and then just balls out guns blazing, zombies getting smacked. So naysayers; if you feel you have to bash a film, give me something more tangible than it's so slow or this sucks. 

 If you haven't sat through a Jesus Franco movie, you don't get to tell me what sucked. 

 

Contortionist zombie! Run!

 

Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

How do Readers of the Rotten. Well, it's time once again for a fan request and yeah it's a Troma movie. I'm not pleased at that but I will let it go and not vent my spleen. Yeah we are back in B-movie territory so buckle up, brace yourself and make peace with your dear and fluffy lord. This is Chopper Chicks in Zombietown a.k.a. Chrome Hearts a.k.a. Zombie Town a.k.a. Cycle Sluts 

 

Looks like they just barely "Escape From the Bronx!"

 

 

 

 

 

Yup right off the bat, we got alternative titles with writer/director Dan Hoskins (Pretty Smart and Chopper Chicks in Zombietown) seemed to wanted some dark humor with his horror film and I believe he managed it.

Our opening title card begins with "Life's a bitch and then you die. Usually." Followed by a maniacal cackle, I think that sets a tone. Cut right to the girls on bikes zooming along. Hey! California is a helmet law state! Rule breakers!

A gang of biker chicks are out raising hell and giving it their all. They screw around in this remote California town Zariah, scaring the locals and creating all sorts of malarkey. Heavens!  They could ratchet it up to tomfoolery. These girls are far less intimidating than The Switchblade Sisters and I love the serious tone the film is trying to put out. 

 

Welcome to Thorton's Casting Couch.

 

 

 

 

 

These group of Jezebels are ran by Rox (Lyica Naff of St. Elsewhere, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Fame, Lethal Weapon, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Return to Green Acres, Total Recall and The Flash (1990 version), this brunette smoke show and IMDB is showing her as T.C. Sooooo somebody screwed up and I don't think it's the film.  Getting back to our opus of a film, the girls had an encounter in the last town and gave exposition about a member name of Candy, stating we don't need any more heat on us.  FYI, their gang is called The Sluts. Not exactly terrifying. Might I make a few suggestions that won't get you laughed at? The Vipers? The Ball Breakers? The Insanguinators? Hoes of Death? Just mull those over.

Feels like I just stepped into some 70s biker exploitation movie and got a little bit of zombie on my boot. Big surprise is the local yokels don't take kind them there biker trash. The local mortician just removed a body and replaced him with sand bags in the coffin. Foreshadow perhaps? Or maybe he's either a necromancer (mage with powers over the dead) or a necrophile (man or woman with obscene infatuations for the dead). Either way, I am sure it will progress the story.

Bob's gotta roscoe now, see? Meh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The local dwarf, Bob Littleton (Ed Gale of Howard the Duck, Phantasm II, Child's Play, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Dolly Dearest, Land of the Lost (1991-1992 version) and O Brother, Where Art Thou?) is in charge of population. That is he and his chalkboard establish the live ones accounted. Bob Littleton. They really just gave Bob the shaft there, didn't they? Guess Seymour Butts was too classy. FYI, Ed there is credited as Chucky's stunt double in Child's Play. Does that mean they tossed him into fireplace or the wall? One wonders.

The town Sheriff Not Wiggum (Lewis Arquette of The Real Ghostbusters, A Pup named Scooby Doo, Tango & Cash, Tales from the Crypt, Book of LoveYo Yogi, Hypernauts and Mojave Moon) and his mustache might not care for these chippies in his here jurisdiction. And yes he is father of Patricia, Rosanna, Alexis and David Arquette. Even stars in Scream 2 as Chief Hartley.

 

Ernie?!

 

 

 

 

 

Shockingly enough, our mortician is also a mad scientist name of Ralph Willum (Don Calfa of 1941, The Return of the Living Dead, Weekend at Bernie's, Bugsy, Doctor Dolittle, Downward Angel, Night Creep and Sharkskin) is responsible for all this mayhem to even happen. Shame on you, Ernie! Didn't you learn from The Return of the Living Dead?

Naturally the best way to not provoke the undead, the supernatural or demons is to STOP PESKY KIDS. You all know what I am talking about. They read from the book, they trash the cemetery, they take a crap in your refrigerator's crisper bin.  KEEP an eye on these little chaos factories.

As luck or plot point would have it, a bus full of blind orphans (many of which are smoking) has been stalled out not far from the abandoned zombie mine. Uh-oh Spagetti-Os! By the way, as a subplot, no I have no idea why the blind orphans are doing out in the heated two lane blacktop. Traveling to go see The American Gladiators? That may require sight. Um...off to hear New Kids on the Block? No wait, that would require wanting to listen.

Well, the cat or in this case, the scourge of zombies? Maybe a plethora of zombies? A mass of zombies? Well however you want to quantify it, the ghouls are loose and looking for flesh.

 

Sheriff Not Wiggums asks for the Sluts' help in saving those blind orphans and defending the town. The proper answer is NOPE. ALL THE NOPES! Alas the Sluts may have hearts of gold and join in the fray. With the populous be zombie food? Couldn't they call in the National Guard or Raccoon City's S.T.A.R.S.?

We have a quote from the Austin Chronicles via its VHS box cover claiming, "Shades of Night of the Living Dead and a bit of The Seven Samurai, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is a very smart and very funny movie." Hmm, late 80s...beating the deadlines. AHA! Cocaine was the deciding factor!  It all makes sense now.

What did I take away from this picture? Well the humor was dark to the level of Night of the Creeps, some decent tongue-in-cheek gags and the zombie FX was fair for this low budget job. Gorgeous girls beating the crap out of zombies. Sorry fellas there is absolutely no titty in our flick today WHATSOEVER.   I too, was stunned at this.   Guess they were going more for female empowerment rather than give off a jiggle fest.  Now use those McDonald's napkins and dry your tears, boys.  At the end it was gory and goofy. Felt like I took my brain offline and just had a few laughs.

 

She really likes that jukebox.

 

Morbid Stories

And I'm back my Rotten Readers! Readers of Rotten? Gotta word shop this or fans could give us a better tag. Okay today I have been asked by writer/director/actor Phil Herman (Jacker, Jacker 2, Burglar from Hell, Tales for the Midnight Hour, HorrorTales.666, After Midnight, Into the Woods, Sickened, Tales Till the End, Hell on Earth: Arena of Death and Tales for the Midnight Hour II) invited me to see a five part anthology Horror film. This is Morbid Stories.

Patene: Fight the apocalypse with great hair.

Brought to us by Avail Entertainment, we open with some wide shot of a town resembling New Mexico. Looks like drone shooting, a bit smoother than helicopter is. Some static ridden reports over the radio seems to be pointing catastrophe in the making. A young woman, Candy (Courtney Akbar of Frontlines, NCIS, Parks and Recreation, Smoke Filled Lungs, Astro and Paradise Apartments) is enjoying a warm, sunny day with her Pomeranians. Hey I am a little irked these dogs probably get a better breakfast than I do. Candy now minus her boyfriend is moving out shortly but the house itself seems to have gotten sinister. With electrics and gas seemingly turned off, a car radio announcement confirms something is awry and danger is on the rise.

Witness an apocalyptic end of the world and Candy just finished her last car payment.

Fade to black wipe and a title card telling us New York 15 hours prior. Cut to night shot as we see an injured man with a bite in his throat where he clearly bled out and is doing some tell tale zombie shuffling. Time for some patented Tallahassee Zombieland door smacks. Of course the guy could have had a rabid squirrel bite him and he twisted his ankle. From a Satanist POV, he's destined to be worm food.

Dammit, Kool-Aid man is drunk again.

Over to a snoozing couple as the hours of the night tick tock away. Love that the ill-fated Carnival of Souls is playing on their flat screen in the bedroom. With rapping at their house's windows, the Singers Helen (Crystal Loverro of Guardian Devil, Success, Morbid Stories and Scars of Ancient Futures) and Jamie (Shane Smith of Morbid Stories) grab a deterrent (ballbat) and go investigate the mystery of who the hell is knocking at the door at this hour. A refugee from a 90s metal band?

Who is this long haired stranger (Tim O' Hearn of Dry Bones, The Legend of Six Fingers, Killer Rack, The Dummy 2, Death House, Blood Prism and Johnny Gruesome) decked out all in black complete with leather trenchcoat? He claims he and several of his friends were in an accident up the road and need to use the phone for fire and emergency to come to their aid. Jamie reluctant but eventually gives in to assist. He seems weirded out by these folk and who can blame him? They demand to be invited in. Things aren't what they appear to be and Jamie is still considerate enough to let them in the house. Now being paranoid as I am, I think that jug of holy water and my crucifix would been out about that time or at the very least a shotgun leveled at taking a head off.

In a word, badass. Helen is hell on wheels. Considering her newfound enemies are Nosferatu or Nesuferitu if you prefer.

Now unlike typical anthologies, this is edited a bit differently. It would appear Candy's story is the main one and the others are happening as the day and night progresses. I saw something simple with Tales from the Darkside and Two Evil Eyes.

NOM NOM NOM!!!

24 hours prior in California: a Japanese family are simply being a family. The kids are playing in the dirt and gravel and eldest sister Mallory (Ashley Mei of I Am a Knife with Legs, Tango Europa, Astro, Morbid Stories and Clown Fear) has her hands full with sisters Olivia (Emma Koiso of Clown Fear and Morbid Stories), Ava (Kelly Koiso of Clown Fear and Morbid Stories), Aiden (Lucas Koiso of Morbid Stories) and Jayden (Marcus Koiso of Morbid Stories).

Obsessed with the selfies, vlogging and her friends, she isn't bad at the babysitting but she could be better. Pizza ordered instead of making them a meal? Deducting points already. Friends James (Austyn Reale of Morbid Stories) and Lola (Jocelyne Daugherty of Morbide Stories) are frittering away their afternoon with an Oujia board to contact spirits. Because that never goes wrong in a horror movie...ever. James has attitude and is crashing at a buddy's house. Angsty teen boy issues. Probably body hair, his voice cracking and various body odors no doubt. Oh and he's sweet on Mallory. That much is obvious. Due to the negative vibes given out, an entity proceeds to raise a little Hell for our younglings. Something gets into Lola so you better lop off more than her wrist or maybe an exorcist. You got that on speed dial right, Mallory?

Candy is a responsible doggy mom as she is loading them up with little sips of water. Y'know instead of a big bowl of it, spilling all over the back of the car and making a mess. Exposition radio station is warning her of incoming zombies? Very Zombi 3. Without Radio DJ Fresh Zombi kicking the airwaves with some 70s funk of course.

Meanwhile in Delaware, a published novelist/teacher is correcting writing errors on his works. Yeah just truckloads of run-on sentences and those dreaded dangling participles. The Horror of it all!!! Improper grammar aside, Robert Zirn (Will Devokees of Macabre Medicine, Agent Emes 8: Agent Emes and the Shavous Trial, The League of Science, The Perils of Posting and Morbid Stories) has the expression of a man burned out. Trying to bash his new novel out, the house he's staying at doesn't promote the warmest atmosphere. Hell it's just missing a cannibalistic family with a homemade human chili fetish and I can see it getting great YELP reviews.

Being isolated from everything and anything, Robert is trying to make the new book work, if his paranoia or random creepy sounds would stop happening. His assistant assures him this was the best place for him because there isn't anything else available 50 miles in any direction. Here's hoping he doesn't find a book bound in human flesh and inked in human blood. After all, such a book was never meant for the land of the living. The pitter patter of feet on the roof is disturbing. Caretaker Don (Ryan W. Phillips of Macabre Medicine and Morbid Stories) drops by to hear Zirn kinda whine and bitch. This guy's helping you out, dude. Little more gratitude, man. That being said, Don may need a good smack. No cable no beer makes Zirn something something.

The house has been making odd noises during a thunderstorm. Could be the wind or a mess of Chupacabras. Who can say? 

 Don gives a cryptic warning to not go in the attic. My first thought? Mom's chained and gagged up in that attic. Fate is playing silly buggers with Zirn and clearly he has had a few things on his mind. Nightmares are hounding him or are they nightmares? Again foot steps sounding like it's coming from the attic. Scooby gang of one decides he's gonna see what is a-goin' on there.

Reports of zombies and vampires roaming about. Lock your doors, bolt your windows and pray to your deity of choice.

Cut to arty pale goth girl attempting a rare steak and well it didn't go down well or even at all. Instead of food, she simply has an injection of dubious fluid or liquid. Guess she has a taste for the crimson stuff in our veins. Methinks she is a fledgling to go all Radu there. Armageddon is well into swing as more vampire and zombies seem to be attacking one another. Just a vampire girl living or nonliving in this lonely world. I loved the incidental humor, excellent camera work and the credited acting. This felt like a bizarre rom com.

Is Candy crushing the apocalypse? Will Angel get his soul? How many more pop culture references can I do?

Just in time for Halloween, our movie has been released already to Amazon as of October 22^nd. What we have is five talented stories being told injunction with the main story. The world as we know is gone and these are the final tales to be told. Another example of indie directors managing a good, solid story on a minor budget. Just seeing this you want to give them a huge budget and watch for the wonder to unfold. 

OMG! the apocalypse took my bars!

Zombie Army

Okay campers, how are we? Well today's film should be quite illuminating. No I am kidding, it's a SOV (Shot on VHS). These geniuses thought a home movie look would be significantly cheaper to create a movie on and they're right. That process would be cheaper and it looks like crap trying to process it to 35mm and back to video. This is Zombie Army.

Brother, can you spare some brains?

We start the film with a homemade anti-piracy threat of they'll rip out lungs out if we copy it.  If this wasn't a fan request, I wouldn't have gone near this potential stinky diaper. Not because I think SOV was a bad call but YET ANOTHER Zombie film.  I presume that poor audio was capturing monkeys farting on a snare drum or the junior high band student they got to establish a military flick just saw Platoon. With all the naughty bits in it.

We have a couple scientists with a high budget they seem to be in a high school hallway as they converse and kids pour in. I count 6 guys in lab coats, so I guess they teach here. The professor is giving a lecture while we get odd flashback scenes of a kid getting dunked into a bathtub. Yeah I can't correlate these scenes either. With so much grain on the screen I'm pretty sure I am staring at a field of wheat.

Naturally we cannot know what director Betty Stapleford's (Zombie Army) true vision is yet. Pretty sure it revolves around hash brownies. Ow, they added the creepy sting music in later and it is much louder than the dialogue. Just hurt my ears. Professor Hipster beard was actually a part of an elaborate test to see if they could conform a convicted rapist and murderer into a productive member of society. Then he loses his shit and they have to drug him on the spot. Experiment failed!

You're not Mr. Cooper and I refuse to hang with you!

The nuts take over the school er um asylum and madness looms in the air.  Not really.   Due to government rationing of expenses, the hospital is supposed to be shut down. Which the rest of the staff is informed after tossing Professor Hipster and a woman thinking she is a little girl into solitary. Together. Yes we have implied rape scenarios too. Nothing but class for this viewer, let me tell you.

The military takes over the hospital and its grounds because...the budget? Hell if I know. I have seen the layout of the place and you really couldn't fortify it much to say the least. And you know they're serious, they even brought their willy jeeps. A jeep that was replaced by the Humvee what? 70 years ago?  Time Traveling Militia!!!!

So Colonel Plot Point rambles on how the nuts got tossed out on the street and they have these buildings for nothing. The military in a habit of taking over disused complexes?  This place was thoroughly checked from top to bottom. That's how the starving crazies managed to sneak on up on trained infantry. Look I have a light step but sneaking up on a soldier can be difficult without similar training.

The two remaining nuts use electroshock therapy on soldiers they have clubbed to death and somehow they're re-animated. Sure. Fine. Why the hell not. One of the zombies is trying to be Bub to Professor Hipster's Dr. Logan via Day of the Dead. Just not well. This film drags on longer than a dog's poop after eating a wheel of cheese.

Gomer Pyle vs Zombies.

Anyway zombies vs army blah blah blah. I like the idea of filming in an abandoned complex but I think I would go more ghost story than anything else. The decades if not two centuries worth of illegal or immoral experimentation to better understand the human mind? But that's what I would have wrote.

Instead we got closet zombies, bad jump scares and scare stinger chords that hurt the ears. Surprised the "Army" were armed with cap guns.  The zombie makeup is competent, the innards look decent and one could possibly grossed out on this.   Oh sorry almost forgot to mention, "Yes there is titty in this film."   Thank God we got that covered. 

 If I want incompetent soldiers, zombies galore and some creepy rape scenario, I will watch the scintillating opus that is Day of the Dead: Bloodlines.

This stink nugget is 82 mins long and moves at the speed most cancers do. The dialogue is barely heard, the story has so many subplots and our "actors" look bored more than anything else.

So if you have 82 minutes to spare, watch this movie. If you stopped loving life, watch this movie. If you want to not how to NOT shoot a movie, watch this movie. If your kids are misbehaving, make them watch this movie and take notes.

I wanna be Captain Rhodes, dammit!

Night of the Creeps

Heya kids I am back and we are going for some 80s throwback. Why 80s? Well they are some of the most outlandish, bizarre and risk taking with stories. We are back with Tom Atkins (Escape from New York, The Howling, The Fog, The Rockford Files Halloween 3: Season of the Witch and Maniac Cop) and his awesome power imbuing mustache which has served him well via the 1980s and our film is being handled by writer/director Fred Dekker (House, The Monster Squad, If Looks Could Kill, Ricochet, Tales from the Crypt and Robocop 3) so expected weirdness. This is Night of the Creeps.

Yeah I didn't get lead, got stuck as love interest.

With an alternative title of Homecoming Night; our film already has cult classic status, as if college wasn't a difficulty enough but they now must contend with the Homecoming Dance. In the far away time of 1959, a spacecraft race to find an experiment from getting released by a member of the crew. This container holding said experiment crash lands on Earth.

A couple are parking and necking when they follow the path of a shooting star. An criminally insane patient has recently escaped and meets the creature, the aliens were in hot pursuit. A slug like creature makes the nutter butter even more crazy as he engages in a little axe murder. Said creature glurks out of ax murderer's mouth and the now ex-boyfriend captures it in a container.

Yes I am the hard ass. give it a squeeze.

30 years later... Sorry love the ellipses.  At any rate, 30 years later we have a gaggle of teens headed to college, jammed pack with hormones and need for identity.  Two frat pledges, Chris (Jason Lively of Brainstorm, National Lampoon's European Vacation, Monday Morning, Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever and Maximum Force) and JC (Steve Marshall of Night Heat, 21 Jump Street, Justice Denied and Sleeping in a Dream) end up releasing our film's evil McGuffin and the guy frozen in '59 and out and about infecting brohans and making slug wagons (pithy euphemism for zombies controlled by semi-intelligent, intergalactic slugs).

Damn Zombrohan! Use a door!

Chris while freaked out by the walking dead guy, he makes his way to the dance. Meanwhile the cops get a report from the cryogenics department in this small town college and head of investigations is none other that Detective Cameron (Tom Atkins of The Fog, The Howling, Halloween III: Season of the Witch and Maniac Cop), a hard-assed, bad ass on the ragged edge. Probably two weeks from retirement. He recognizes the frozen body as it was the kid from '59 that disappeared all those years ago. Cameron has to get to the bottom of all this.

And before it is asked, yes there is mild nudity so thank the gods we cleared up the age old question I get. "Will there be titty?" With Chris, Cynthia and Cameron working together, the slug wagons attack the prom pre-party for some monster mayhem. Still love that Cameron happened to have a flame thrower in police armory. In a small town. Totally believable.

The cluster of ideas and themes blends pretty well together with a mixture of 1950s Sci-fi alien invasions the zombie craze courtesy of George Romero, a dash of slasher film and even some teenage touchy feely dialogue worthy of John Hughes.

With seven days this script was penned by the director, selling the product with the notation, unless he directed it, he wasn't selling the script. The granite hew balls on this guy! Tristar floats him $5 million for his 1986 release. Not too shabby. While the gross was only about five hundred thousand in gross box office, this film did better with the video rental crowd and became a cult classic.

A quick side note. All main characters' last names are the names of famous Horror directors, Bruce Solomon's Sgt Raimi (Sam Raimi of The Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn), Jill Whitlow's Cynthia Cronenberg (David Croneneberg of Scanners, Videodrome, The Dead Zone and The Fly) Wally Taylor's Detective Landis (John Landis of The Blues Brothers, An American Werewolf in London and Innocent Blood) Jason Lively's Chris Romero (George A. Romero of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Martin, Day of the Dead, Creepshow and Monkey Shines). There really is no one category for this film as it is comedy, horror, sci-fi and action.

This is another one of those flicks you can't simply quantify and group. Last film tidbit, Fred Dekker was roommates with Shane Black and they both worked on the script. Later Shane Black would go on to writing Lethal Weapon and Predator.   Scream Factory released a collector's edition Blu-ray a month ago. Considering it was in bootleg territory in 2005, it is nice to see it getting some love in the current format.

Evil slugs or sentient turds?

Daylight's End

Back again kiddies! Yeah you missed me. I can just sense these things. So I held a poll on two movies both post apocalyptic and apparently plague based zombies. Clearly I won? I guess. So today we concentrate to Daylight's End.

Winter Soldier?  Bucky?  BUCKY!!!

Directed by indie director William Kaufman (The Prodigy, Sinners and Saints,The Hit List, One in the Chamber, Jarhead 3: The Siege and Murder Made Me Famous)we open with an out stretched road POV shot, I am reminiscent of George Miller's Mad Max. A lone wanderer (Cue Fallout theme) makes his way to an abandoned gas station in a steel meshed covered Plymouth. I think it might be a Superbird. He makes his way in for supplies when he comes across a massive freezer, which he shoots letting in sunlight to fry the zombie/vampire? So these blood thirsty creatures are bringing me back to Last Man on Earth or I Am Legend. A gathering of exposition and visuals throughout the credits opening explains the outbreak of this apocalypse.

He heads into a wayward, abandoned house and cleans house. By himself. Three of these dead bastards were kind of terrifying and jump scares were limited. THANK GOD!

On his travels he sees a police squad car be accosted by the vambies. Zompires?

Anywho, the contents of the car is people and has been murdered and closer examination the group is actually armed humans. Our mysterious stranger dispatches the marauders efficiently.

Well it's no Mad Max ride, but not bad.

Our bad ass protagonist helps the lone survivor, Sam (Chelsea Edmundson of Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt, Camera Phone, Gangster Squad, Bloodsucka Jones, Isolation and Joe Bonamassa: Drive) who invites her savior named Rourke (Johnny Strong of Get Carter, Black Hawk Down, The Fast and the Furious, Sinners and Saints and Cold Brook) for safe harbor along with food, supplies and ammo. A girl the groupof marauders abducted, Annabelle (Farrah White of Miss Congeniality, Single and Dealing with It, Hate Crime, By the Devil's Hands, The Locker, Lunch Break and About Mom and Dad...) is lacking oars in the waters so of course Sam wants to take her along. They hop in his car and make it deep into the midtown of once was Dallas. Um go Cowboys? They narrowly make their way into the old police station.

Journeying in the police station, Rourke encounters leader of this group, Bishop himself (Lance Henriksen of The Terminator, Aliens, Near Dark, Pumpkinhead, Millennium, Scream 3, AVP: Aliens vs Predator and Hellraiser: Hellworld) known as Frank Hill. With a massive steel sliding door keeps the zompires at bay. Naturally Frank, his boy Ethan (Louis Mandylor of Martial Law, Price of Glory, Relic Hunter, Sinners and Saints, Sorority Party Massacre, Jet Set and Code of Honor) and former Dallas Cop Chris (Hakeem Kae-Kazim of Grange Hill, Critical Assignment, Hotel Rwanda, Pirates of the Carribbean: At World's End, The Jinn and The Bourne Conspiracy) don't trust outsider Rouke, so they lock him in a cell, after confiscating his weapons. Dude, trust me. This cat could snap necks pretty easily but Rourke agrees to it.

The Vambies (Zompires?) get around at night but seem to actually doing some rudimentary thinking instead of just being scavengers or hyenas on the kill. They seem to follow a beast of a man known only as the Alpha (Former UFC fighter Krzystof Sosynski of Here Comes the Boom, Tapped Out, Hidden in the Woods, Daylight's End and Logan).  Evolution occurs everywhere, folks and even in disease and this big boy is the apex predator. 

Jeez, does no one sew in the Apocalypse?

 Frank realizes it's only a matter of time before these bad boys and girls come smashing in and slaughter them all. Frank tells Rourke they need to regroup, grab some wheels and get everyone out of the area. Rouke is more determined to eliminate the threat of the Alpha during the day. Clearly something personal between the two, not that Rourke is forthcoming with that info.

Keep in mind, the budget is not huge, the musical score is done by our protagonist, and we have a very capable cast and crew. Yes, yes this is YET another post apocalypse but there is nowhere near the gore and rape scenarios of the Mad Max, 2019: Fall of New York or Book of Eli. While this is not an original idea, I like what you take away from this film.

The writer Chad Law (Hero Wanted, The Hit List, 6 Bullets, Isolation, Jarhead 3: The Seige, Beyond Valkyrie: Dawn of the 4^th Reich and Sinners and Saints: Vengeance) has a solid understanding of Action genre and Stuntman/fight choreographer Ron Balicki (Barb Wire, Escape from L.A., Point Doom, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, The Prodigy, The Sensei and The Dark Path Chronicles) broke down weapons handling, hand-to-hand and knife fights pretty damn well. The choreography feels like the Bourne series or Burn Notice...granted with zombies and scumbag humans against our survivors.

Strong's physical performance alone is worth going on about. The guy is doing Urban Warfare, sweeping through room to room and putting as little weight on his feet to give his position away. The camera captures all of this and it feels real. Continuity goofs? Well a few. Car windows were shot out and then reappeared whole, some magazines seem to have infinite ammo and not enough reload time between rounds and for some reason Frank's stirring speech, his hat kept disappearing and reappearing throughout it. That being said, this is a decent flick. Plenty of action and story to keep most folk interested and yes ladies I am sorry to say at least one rape scenario but no skin, just the fear.   An attempted one if you will, and our hero goes sick house on these skells.

It's graphic, got very few lull moments and keeps a good steady pace. Yeah I was impressed and I say, "Go Indie film makers!"

THE CUBS WON THE PENNANT!!! ANARCHY IN THE STREETS!!!

Night of the Comet

Welcome back to the blog! Today we start 80s Horror Throwback. Here's hoping at any rate, all the films chosen for this I have never seen. GASP! Yes, it is true. I am slightly lacking in my 80s Horror alumni. With that I bring you mad scientists, a scourge of zombies and two Valley girls. For those that already know this title, yeah it never fell on my radar. As for the rest of us, sit back and bear with me. This is Night of the Comet a.k.a. Teenage Mutant Horror Comet Zombies.

SMG toting teens!

Got to be honest, never saw the working title turned print. At the helm of this ship is writer/director Thom Eberhardt (Sole Survivor, The Night Before, Without a Clue, Captain Ron, Face Down, Ratz and I Was a Teenage Faust), so with his colorful background he has handled quite a few genre so should be fun.  Warning for younger and mature readers!   There will be...80s hair! Teased with Aqua Net or possibly more Mousse than Bullwinkle. You have been warned!

This comet returns to the planet Earth and the world seems totally stoked. (80s lingo, I apologize) Well that is except for Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart of The Apple, The Last Starfighter, Weekend at Bernie's, Dead at 17, Limitless and Red Dead Redemotion II) Samantha Belmont (Kelli Maroney of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Chopping Mall, Ryan's Hope, Big Bad Mama II, Not of This Earth, Scream Queen Hot Tub Party, Pop Star and Hell's Kitty). In their collective off hours not working for a movie theater as ushers, I guess they kill werewolves and vampires. Belmont...Castlevania joke? Sigh... Moving on, there are perks for Regina as she's necking with Danny Picket er um Depree (Michael Bowen of Valley Girl, Private Resort, Iron Eagle, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill: Vol. 1, Walking Tall and Lost) in the projection booth.

Zombie Grady Sanford, NOoOoOoOo!!!!

Meanwhile Samantha is stuck at a Comet party, watching her way too flirty stepmom Doris(Sharon Farrell of Marlowe, The Reivers, Lone Wolf McQuade, Can't Buy Me Love, Arccade, Yakuza Connection JAG and Broken at Love) try to mount everything while hubby is out of town.

A low filter over the camera with dust blowing everywhere indicates that L.A.isn't doing so hot. Red dust blowing all around when it dawns on you that red dust is PEOPLE!!! Cars, homes and the streets are cluttered with crumpled piles of clothes. One could almost call them the lucky few, just obliterated to carbon atoms. Regina wakes after a most likely disappointing sex with Depree and stumbles into what I can only describe as a survival horror video game but she only gets one life. DUN DUN DUN!!! Thankfully she does upgrade past her melee weapon, the monkey wrench and has borrowed a cycle to check on her sister Sam.

Now how does a Valley girl defend herself, you ask? Well she's an Army brat, so that means hand to hand and firearms training. Noticing the downtown is as deserted as a Toto concert, Regina makes her way back home.

Last Known Photograph.

The zombies are capable of speech and using weapons, so no Romero formula there. Maybe their just hideously scarred cannibals. Yeah that makes everything so much better. The whole while I am watching this when trucker Hector Gomez (Robert Beltran of Calender Girl Murders, Slam Dance, Models Inc., Star Trek: Voyager, Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force, Manticore and Big Love) comes on screen, I am torn between making Lone Wolf McQuade Kayo references or Chakotay Star Trek:Voyager references.

During the interval, an underground location known as a think tank actually talks to Sam on the radio but she's a bit of an airhead and didn't get details.

The shopping montage reminiscent of Dawn of the Dead. Jamming out to Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun", was a nice touch as well. A shoot-out with Mall Mauraders was interesting as well.

What you have hear is a post apocalyptic film with a touch of Dawn of the Dead, Valley Girl and Better Off Dead. Gruesome FX, kick ass girls and who truly knows the think tank's ultimate goals.

With half a million in the kitty for pre and post production, our zombie FX was handled by veteran makeup artists David B. Miller (Freddy's Nightmares, Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare, Needful Things, My Girl 2, Night of the Scarecrom, The Mangler and Batman & Robin) and William Snyder (John Carpenter's The Thing,Trial by Terror, Running Hot, Savage Streets, Night of the Comet and Barfly), this film grossed over 14 million. Not a bad investment there at all..

The biggest impressive creation was the think tank. All done with scale models and forced perspective and trust me, without the Blu-Ray release; it is damn hard to tell otherwise. That gorgeous bike was a 1972 650cc Triumph T120 Bonneville and yeah it is damn hard to come by these days.

Interesting side note, the theater Regina and Depree work at is the El Rey Theater, a historic theater used in films like: Thank God It's Friday, Zombiethon and Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back. Okay, I thought it was interesting,

Finding a copy of this isn't too difficult but thank God I am not doing a Video Review on it. I have to cover international, VHS, re-distribution in the credits or someone would complain. These days, the 2007 MGM release for DVD and the 2013 Shout! Factory Scream! Factory Blu-ray release covers quite a bit. I for one will be adding this to my collection.

Clowns.  Harbingers of Doom.

Rotten Reelz Reviews Audio Review #41: George Romero's Land of the Dead

Hey gang!  I screwed up again and forgot to put the review on here.   My apologies.

As always, the link is up and sorry again about that.   Stay tuned!  I will be posting a review on Vampire Journals as well.

Meh Movies: Zombie'90: Extreme Pestilence

And we are back folks. Yeah I am reviewing Zombie '90.  Sorry Zombie '90: Extreme Pestilence.

 Yeah plenty of you requested this Andreas Schnaas festivities. I am beginning to think you people hate me. I cannot for the life of me fathom why anyone wants this viewed or needs me to crack jokes at this. Just listen to the audio track in English. It's...kind of like comedy. Okay we've put this off long enough.  Ah yes those zany government types with no safety procedures and check systems. A secret C-17 cargo plane crashes into a dense forest after being up in the air for maybe 20 minutes.  You know they crashed because of the fade to black screen wipe.   Translation: We didn't have a budget for a mock plane crash.  Sheesh, scale model it and go to Hobby Lobby for some model planes to blow up with a firecracker while quarter cranking the film.    

 Why, it's a wonder that IBCMs don't just launch themselves all willy nilly under the government's watch.  Hmm he may have meant Ze Germans.

Damn, Trumpcare got hard core.

Well that's definitely a hospital. You have established that. Well done, movie. We cut to a doctor handling the infection of zombie but not officially called that as they have yet to determine this. By the way, when I look at this man I have to admit I wouldn't have seen Samuel Faux Jackson for his voice. Just doesn't pop immediately in my head. Doctor Berns and his assistant immediately are attacked by the very patient that died on their table but thankfully Berns is packing a Luger. In case Blue Cross doesn't cover the procedure obviously. Couldn't afford the muzzle flash? Just cut away to sound effect and FX bladder.

Sheesh shot him right into the credits. I'm not even kidding. I've seen low budget indies but they were ten times more professional and better edited. Oh that's the problem, the Violent Sh*tters Hamburg edited. Trips to the can made by two guys suffering from dysentery made it impossible to cut this properly. They had Hardee's bacon deluxe no doubt.

My God...the sheer numbers.

Car trouble and Leatherface is prowling the woods with a hard on chainsaw? Now the zombies understand melee weapons and power tools? Why not.

Berns and assistant carry a dead body to study of its reanimating issues. They carted a dead body in a hatchback. Didn't anyone know at least one EMT? Shocking this adventure goes awry as the zombie attacks them but the valiant doctors manage to bust a cap in his ass.

Berns is convinced that this has to do with the plane crash the government has been covering up and the toxic chemicals released in the immediate area...the area about 40 miles out or how ever many klicks. I had no idea that house painting smocks and gas masks equate Hazmat suits. They both check out the site and just start poking things randomly and the dialogue is astounding.

 High tech analysis with a volt meter tells us zombies afoot. Yeah a volt meter. Guess a PK meter prop was hard to build. Couldn't have bought one on Ebay I guess.

That can't be good for her back.

This wide spread contagion is...well a few zombies here and there.

Burns still packing his rod has to smoke zany assistant.  Thank Christ.   I wanted to murder him and blame it as he was turning into a zombie a half hour prior.  Voice was so shrilly.

Oooo new characters.  Will we have scintillating dialogue, meaning and in depth looks into the human psyche? Course not, Schnaas films don't have time for that sh*t.   Besides he had to go take a dump.   His words.   Never go outdoors to piss or the self proclaimed dump. You will die.   By penetrating  Jason Vorhees demon worm??  Okay that one was different.  

It wouldn't be a Schnaas film without some good old fashioned genital mutilation.  Bet you're glad I skipped mentioning or showing that in the audio review.

Doctor Burns just starts taking these undead mothers down. Well you ain't Ash of Evil Dead or Reggie from Phantasm. Hell you're not even Captain Rhodes, buddy!

Burns stumbles and bumbles down a hill and I think is knocked unconscious as we are treated to I guess a dream sequence. The audio is painful as most of the dubbed actors weren't miked worth a damn, some sound like their in a booth, others sound like they are in a hallway.  I would dare say that footage of the C-17 cargo plane was probably along the fence line and illegally obtained.

To give credit, aside from Nikos the Impaler this is the first Schnaas film with a plot, some characters to go with the gore effects. The downside is... it was made. Okay that is all I got and I am out.

Failed hybrid clone of Steve Buscemi and Clint Howard.