Well folks I am back with the end of sequels that really
didn’t need to be and what better way to round that out than with another
creature feature series than a series of killer crocodiles not indigenous to
the area. So strap on your meat suits,
grab your stupid signs and don’t bother wondering what’s in the lake with
you. This is Lake Placid Collective.
Spoilers stay around
where the prey is…
In 1999, TV writer David
E. Kelly (L.A. Law, The Practice, Ally McBeal and Boston Legal) took a
whack at a treatment that got enough love to be made into a feature film that
has been a cult classic. Lake Placid
is helmed by Director Steve Miner (Friday
the 13th Part 2, Friday the 13th Part III, House,
Warlock, Forever Young and Halloween H20: 20 Years Later) is probably
more used to biped creatures that don’t seem to die rather than a creature out
of its usual element. In Black Lake
Maine lurks a 30 foot saltwater crocodile munching its way through the
ecosystem. Fish and Game are doing a
survey on perch in the area and notice unusual drag marks in the mud. A paleontologist from The American Museum of
Natural History (Bridget Fonda of Godfather Part III, Point of No Return, Singles, Army
of Darkness and Kiss of the Dragon) is to examine a tooth that may be
part of the cause depopulation in wild life.
The local sheriff (Brendan Gleeson of The General, Mission:
Impossible II, Wild About Harry, Troy and Beowulf) is dragging his feet
on the possibility that there is a huge predator around this massive lake until
he find decapitated moose head and head of a Fish and Game deputy.
What makes this film so enjoyable is Mrs. Delores Bickerman (Betty
White of Mama’s Family, Golden Girls, Pound Puppies, Boston Legal, Hot in
Cleveland) as a crotchety mature woman with the most vulgar mouth
raising and feeding said croc and Professor of ancient mythology and crocodile
fanatic Hector Cyr (Oliver Platt of Flatliners, Diggstown, The Three Musketeers and Three
to Tango). These two have some
of the best lines and as mix mashed as the group feels it all coalesced
together. With a massive amount of
tranquilizers the croc is taken in alive.
All is well until a second croc appears and the sheriff gets to vaporize
it with a 40 mm grenade launcher. God
bless rednecks, huh? As our film comes
to an end we see Mrs. Bickerman feeding infant crocs thus bringing us to…yeah a
sequel. What, do you want a cookie for getting that right? Moocher.
Lake Placid 2 is
helmed by Syfy Channel director David Flores (Boa vs Python, S.S. Doomtrooper
and Sands of Oblivion) appears on the scene 8 years later after the
original was made. Bit of a delay but
hey Syfy channel needs their creature features somehow. We do the cliché that
Mrs. Bickerman passed on and her sister Sadie (Cloris Leachman of Butch Cassidy
and the Sundance Kid, Young Frankenstein, Mary Tyler Moore and It Happened One
Christmas) now has the house by the lake as well as there’s a new
sheriff in town and his name is Bo Duke…er…um I mean James Riley (John
Schneider of Dukes of Hazzard, Loving, Touched by an Angel, Nip/ Tuck and
Smallville)and well this Duke boy finds shenanigans in this made-for-tv
movie with unrated scenes via DVD only. This
means if you find the lack of original plot annoying, don’t fret because
boobies are on the scene. The CGI of the
crocs looks unfinished, they move like at the speed of pregnant yak and the
Fish and Game apparently have access to military hardware. Sadie apparently had been feeding the crocs
meat with growth hormones and this is the reason they were enormous but not why
they were badly digitized. Pa Kent takes
out the crocs and yet no one does a sweep of the area for a nest thus leading
to…yeah you know it.
Lake Placid 3 is
tackled by Mockbuster director Griff
Furst (Universal Soldiers, I Am Omega, 100 Million BC and Swamp Shark)
A year later from the second incident and a couple of teens
munched for screwing on a mud bank later; Sadie Bickerman passed away…off
camera (Cloris either didn’t want to do a sequel or asked for more money) and
her nephew EPA Agent Nathan (Colin Ferguson of Rowing Through, The
Opposite of Sex, Because I Said So and Eureka), busybody real estate
wife Susan (Kristy Mitchell of The Royal Today, The Bill, Triassic Attack and
Silent Witness) and delightful scamp son Connor (Jordan Grehs of Oliver Twist,
Scoop and Just William). Young
Connor discovers baby crocodiles and more or less adopts them by feeding them
meat. Yes genius does run high in the
Bickerman gene pool. The current sheriff
Tony Willinger (Michael Ironside of Scanners, Highlander 2: The Quickening, Total
Recall and Bloodsuckers) assures Nathan that the sweep he did over a
year and a half ago points to no more crocs in the area and everything is just tickety
boo. Nathan notices a drastic decrease
in Elk and goes to investigate believing it to be a poacher Reba (Yancy
Butler of Savage Weekend, Drop Zone, Witchblade, Wolvesbayne and Kick-Ass).
Oh don’t worry about the crocs, they look almost believable now and there are
also boobies for the guys yet again.
Thanks Unrated DVD! Yeah so
basically same plot with same jump scares and humans triumph over crocs…or did
they?
Lake Placid: The
Final Chapter is brought to us by not the number 4 but director Don Michael Paul (Renegade, Pacific Blue, Half Past
Dead and The Garden) Reba (Yancy Butler of Savage Weekend, Drop Zone,
Witchblade, Wolvesbayne and Kick-Ass) ,former poacher of Lake Placid 3
somehow survived getting shot and chewed on by crocs; decides to be on the side
of the angels as an EPA Agent and Black Lake has become a secluded crocodile
sanctuary. Think about 300 acres worth. The
area is fenced off and the waters are gated until the friggin gate is left
unlocked??!! Man I don’t leave my house
door unlocked. Mind you I just have a
couple of cats but you get my point.
Pesky teens get on the land in question and another fricking Bickerman
strikes in these here waters. Poacher Jim
Bickerman (Robert Englund of Eaten Alive, A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Mangler
and Hatchet) gives a great performance whilst there is running about,
teenies screaming and getting naked prior and oh yes big fricking guns. Oh yes, yet another sheriff Theresa Giove (Elisabeth
Rohm of Angel, Law and Order, Miss Congeniality 2 and Abduction) hard
hitting, tough as nails gal with her deputy Nermal. Yes the world’s cutest kitty cat has a
gun? Well you can guess the plot overall
and it was mildly entertaining but only the original made me laugh as much and
frankly SyFy went apeshit over a film that unfortunately got a lukewarm
response at the box office. Much love in
rental and purchase though. That is my
take on this series and hopefully you may find something beloved in it that I
missed. Always glad to hear some
input.
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