Rose Blood: A Friday the 13th Fan Film

 Hello again, readers of the Rotten and I realize I have not written anything since February but alas, this blog does not pay me at all. You can understand how why I would continue with freelance writing that actually pays the bills. With a slight lull between assignments, I was asked to take a peek at a fan film that has had serious buzz about it. A continuation of Part VII: The New Blood. For those of you following at a distance, envision an undead, mongoloid hillbilly with a hockey mask fetish and you'll be right with the rest of us Voorhees fans. This is Rose Blood: A Friday the 13^th Fan Film. 

 

Got yer nose!..or throat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember kids, this is a semi-professional film with no studio backing and solely raised money for such via Indiegogo.com. Harken with me to the Way Back Machine as 13 months after the events of Part VII occurred, Jason was dosed in flames and Tina's dead father (yup, never dragged the lake for his body) pulls Voorhees down in the depths rather nicely, Tina and Nick barely escaped with their lives. 

Flashback Tina (Jessica Hottman of And The All Blew Away, Shadow of a Doubt, Rose Blood: A Friday the 13^th Fan Film, The Perfect Find and Facade) was captured and brought to the newly completed Crystal Lake Research Facility (previously mentioned and outright thrashed by Voorhees in Jason X). Apparently Uncle Sam needs psionic warriors to keep freedom reigning...probably attack the Russians with espers(extra sensory projectors), feeding them false info or assassination via stroke. Hey! It's 1989 and they're spending money like crazy of defense and offense, so why not on bio-weapons?

Your cotton jammies itchy too?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All this falls under the purview of General Brackbower (actor/writer/director Peter Anthony of Vengeance, Red Swan, Reflections: Project Chameleon, Rose Blood and Z Dead End) and Dr. Sykes (David E. McMahon of NS404: Provenance, I Am Going to Kill Someone This Friday, Seeing Evil, 10/31 Part 2, Sharp Candy, Obsidian, Teacher Shortage and 13 Slays Til X-Mas).

Flash forward to 30 years later at the Hodder Mental Institute, Tina (Lar Park-Lincoln of Friday the 13^th Part VII: The New Blood, Knots Landing, Beverly Hills, 90210, From the Dark, Gravestoned, Sky Sharks and 13 Fanboy) is trying to not use her powers, to not be extraordinary but to be one of the good norms. Minor problem there is her former psychiatrist Dr. Crews (Terry Kiser of From a Whisper to a Scream, The Return of the Six-Million-Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman, Murder, She Wrote, Friday the 13^th Part VII: The New Blood, Weekend at Bernie's, Chameleons, Side Out, Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and Walker, Texas Ranger) seems to be haunting her. We know he's haunting her because Jason diced him like a set of spare ribs.  Well...the MPAA neutered several scenes in Part VII so not sure if it was quite the spare ribs treatment, but the point is Tina is having a bit of a time with the dead.

This mask is pretty durable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flashback Tina (Jessica Hottman) is being pushed harder and harder by Dr. Sykes than even Dr. Crews did but it's more subtle and yes he attempts to be her Yoda. Sith choke him Tina. She's been held there to "get better" for over a year, not even allowed to go to her late mother's funeral. Jason still remains in the lake, for now at least but how long with that last? Sykes passes the buck, claiming he'll have to check with the military. Spineless jack rabbit.

Trying to boost her abilities at the behest of one of the many Jason victims and characters with a stake in it, Creighton Duke (Jequient Broaden of Rose Blood: A Friday the 13^th Fan Film and Slasher Scotty), a character from Part 9:Jason Goes to Hell and it was never fully explained but the fans believed he was related to camp counselor Sissy from Part 6, but for some reason Jason Goes to Hell never went out of its way to explain that. Time constrains, budget balancing, body hopping entity Jason. It was a garbled mess. Maybe this is where Duke learned to dish out information one broken finger at a time.  His phone conversation made it sound like scholarship boxer Julius from Part 8 was his son. DUN DUN DUN!!

Getting away from the story for now, let's talk production value. The main story is all based (no pun intended) in the facility so less issue with sets. The flashbacks feel 80s from the chosen music, posters, clothes and dialogue. This is some actual research. As a child from the 80s I would have to plow through at least 15 popular TV series and hit the flicks for lingo and comments so it would feel genuine and this does. Camera work, lighting and sound all in the green, baby! Only thing needed now is a slight grain to 35mm film stock and we're watching an 80s film.

what do you mean Nick's fighting vampires with another girl?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But enough of the raving on excellent camera work and great sound quality, let's get back to our main character Rose (Sanae Loutsis of The Black String, Beloved Beast, Vengeance, The Parish, Rose Blood: A Friday the 13^th Fan Film and Friday the 13^th Vengeance 2: Bloodlines) who power levels rival that of Tina's and apparently, she too has a psychic link to the world's most pissed off goalie from the dead.

Military knuckle knobs apparently subscribe to the Steele and Captain Rhodes behavior protocol via Day of the Dead. Yes, they're assholes if that wasn't clear enough.  64 minutes into the film as all this back story and subplots make way before we see our slasher in act 3 and brother this fella ratchets up the gore and tension.  Understand that I am very partial to both C.J. Graham of Jason Lives and Kane Hodder of 7,8,9 and Jason X, so when I say Jason Brooks delivers, I'm not fooling around.  Height wise he is imposing, he adopted that odd head tilt Hodder always did and gore is being served.

Jason (Jason Brooks of You Don't Get Out, Experiment TC-9585, Happy Trails, Vengeance, Up All Night, Zombiegeddon and Watchdogs) is making mincemeat out of the military and doing that teleportation around the compound like the good old days. (I'm serious, the game got it right. The dude ports like Nightcrawler and then turns people into death pinatas)

Just for clarification, these kids are being held against their will as wards of the state. NO ONE even knows where they are, who they are with or if they are even alive. All for a black ops mission to capture the undead, mongoloid, murderous hillbilly. Which this brilliant general will turn into a series of bio-weapons. Look I know the Bush administration, coming off of Reagan allowed for many operations but you're telling me the Pentagon approved of this?

The dynamic of Rose and Tina is well connected from the performances. They're almost sisters in a way, given Tina is very maternal with her and has a near big sister/foster mom vibe looking out for Rose and the bond is growing fast.  Make no mistake, these two steal this movie.

This most obscure Friday the 13^th reference was Dr. Sykes talking about his sister is probably marrying FBI Mahoney and the only Mahoney I remember is during the gun down sting operation in Jason Goes to Hell and he was assigned to quote "Clean that shit up."by the agent in charge, Abernathy.  About had a mild stroke remembering that scene.   Last time I saw Jason Goes to Hell was when I reviewed it.

So what do we have? Impressive cast, solid story linking previous titles of the franchise and a decent set of story arcs and subplots giving this credence to be among the originals. Professional crew managing some difficult shooting in the space they were allotted but damn if they didn't pull it off.

For a moment, I did wonder why Jennifer Banko (Friday the 13^th Part 7: A New Blood, Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III, Nowhere Man, Barb Wire, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death and 13 Fanboy) wasn't called in to play to reprise Young Tina, annnnd then it dawned on me that she might have some difficulty passing herself off as a teen. Curves will do that.

 

 

Can you imagine how bad this undead dude smells?

Amityville Uprising

 Good day Readers of Rotten, I was staying away from Horror until I was looking through IMDB and saw bombastic and snooty remarks made on Thomas Churchill's creation. Thomas Churchill as many of you may remember as a writer and director of the following: The Day of the Living Dead, Check Point, The Emerging Past Director's Cut, The Rack Pack, The Hard Way, Nation's Fire Xenophobia, and The Amityville Moon. So what's with the hatred? With the collective production companies of Action House, Church Hill Productions and Lions Gate Entertainment, we have an environment survival horror/action film. This is Amityville Uprising.

Seriously doc, crack a window in here. Phew.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes I know, folks are tired of the title Amityville usage but several Indie Horror films have managed some clever concoctions, so let's give it a chance before we have preconceived notions.

A small town adjacent to an existing military base is going on about its usual daily activities. Unbeknownst to the townies, the base was involved in a highly experimental conglomerate of chemicals that would have dire effects. "He tampered in God's domain." So with our plot device into effect, a massive explosion blasting the town of Amityville. The aerial shots covering this was quite impressive, as the facility has gone completely tits up, the military assigned find bodies strewn all about. With this assortment of chemicals released into the atmosphere, a pending bout of acid rain will happen, the people have been warned but you have seen how well Americans reacted to Covid, so expect mass stupidity.

Ox Hungry!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Attempting to keep the peace, civilians are running in droves as the acid rain produced something else. Walking corpses rising from the ground they dropped on and in the search of fresh meat.

With the cops being swarmed by civvies and the undead, our team are trying to keep their cool and smoke some Zed Heads.

With level headed Sgt. Dash (Scott C. Roe of Dollhouse, The Stalker Within, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, J. Edgar, Road to Marakesh, NCIS, General Hospital, Megalodon, Alien Warfare, The Dawn and Big Freaking Rat), Lt. Howie Stevenson (Tank Jones of The Devil's Tomb, The Broken Hearts Club, Dollhouse CSI: Miami, Breaking Bad, Easy Rider 2: The Ride Home, The Sparrows: Nesting and Union Bound), tattooed bad ass Detective Lance McQueen (Mike Ferguson of Axegrinder 2, Meathook Massacre Part VI: Bloodline, The Devils Heist, 5G Zombies, Angry Asian Murder Hornets, The Beast Beneath, Arachnado and A Cry in the Dark) and officers Malloy (Troy Fromin of Street Soldiers, The Perfect Weapon, Saved by the Bell, A Doggone Christmas, A Doggone Hollywood, Bikini Car Wash Massacre, Horndogs Beach Party, Killer Waves 2, The Stalker, High Rise and Amityville Uprising) and Rossi (Kelly Lynn Reiter of Holy Terror, The Z Virus, Harker: The Awakening, Halloween Pussy Trapp Kill! Kill!, Dead De La Creme,How to Get Over a Breakup and Nation's Fire) are all that can hold back the zombie onslaught.

Aw man, I got brains on my shoes! Damn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not enough crazy in this fustercluck? How about Dash and his son Jimmy(Kole Benfield of YA Campaign Ambition, The Rack Pack, Nation's Fire, Amityville Uprising and Devilreaux)having a strained relationship DURING A ZOMBIE OUTBREAK. Dammit boy, keep that crap down until the crazy is handled. It is an actual heartwarming performance between the two. I saw something similar in 30 Days and Night but that portrayal came up short compared to the Dash family. Emoting and having a rapport between a father and son in the course of virulent epidemic? How many films successfully pull that off?

 

The biggest complaint from critics of this movie has been the pacing. God forbid a bit of foreshadow and putting characters together showing strengths and weaknesses, right? The pace for me felt like how an 80s action drama was setting everyone, the plot and the major antagonists into play against our heroes. Personally? I am grateful of fleshing out the players and allows for more of a connection to these people, making you wonder who will survive and who will sacrifice themselves for the good of the others? That's how you build suspense.

I would like to take the time to point out Thomas Churchill has also acted. My favorite to date is his fixer/bar owner character from Syndicate Smasher. The team dropped a couple of keys on his table and we both screamed "What the F*ck?!" He was genius in that. His rant would have impressed Joe Pesci. Yes that last tidbit was really for me.

Back to his technical prowess, this aerial shots, low pans, looks like some handheld giving a near claustrophobic sensation as we get into the police station. Hell even the lighting set an eerie as Hell mood. Grab your Raccoon City green herbs, boomsticks and flashbang grenades lady and gents.

The vibe I got from this flick was a mixture of Romero's Dawn of the Dead and Lucio Fulci/Bruno Mattei/Claudio Fargasso's Zombi 3. With the outbreak, civilian mass panic and seeking aid from the cops alone, and yet they question why they aren't doing enough. Ugh. Poor cops.

So let's look at the overall. Plot device for the pandemic? Check. Likeable characters? Check. Replay-ability? Check. We got a solid zombie story with some gruesome gores, next to no lame ass jump scares and it does grip you. Really think Mike got some of the best one-liners in this. He delivered. Frankly, I felt the pace was at a good speed, allowed for a build-up by the 40 minute mark and then just balls out guns blazing, zombies getting smacked. So naysayers; if you feel you have to bash a film, give me something more tangible than it's so slow or this sucks. 

 If you haven't sat through a Jesus Franco movie, you don't get to tell me what sucked. 

 

Contortionist zombie! Run!

 

Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold

 Howdy Rotten Readers! Well I felt we could stay away from Horror and that means we're gonna dive into some more Blaxploitation. We will be heading back to the 6'2" heroine with a mean mule kick and dead eye aim. This is Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold. 

 

You're very tall, Rupaul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our amazonian agent Cleo Jones (Tamara Dobson of Cleopatra Jones of Fuzz, Cleopatra Jones, Murder at the World Series, Jason of Star Command, Buck Rogers in the 25^th Century, Chained Heat and Amazons) gets a call from her superiors about a couple of her fellow agents, the Johnson brothers, Matthew (Albert Popwell of The Peace Killers, Dirty Harry, Night Gallery, Fuzz, Search, Cleopatra Jones, Magnum Force, The Single Girls, The Enforcer, Steel Cowboy and Sudden Impact) and Melvin (Caro Kenyatta of Night Gallery, Trader Horn, Cleopatra Jones, The Young Nurses, Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold and Uncle Joe Shannon), from the first film have been captured by a notorious casino owner known as the Dragon Lady (Stella Stevens of Say One for Me, The Nutty Professor, The Silencers, The Poseidon Adventure, Adventures Beyond Belief, Down the Drain, Santa Barbara, The Terror Within II, Eye of the Stranger, South Beach, Little Devils: The Birth, Hard Drive, Molly & Gina and Illicit Dreams), a militant lesbian with world conquering objectives. Again another lesbian drug queen-pin. Yeah even Doctor Doom can't top that.

 

We get you Happy Ending, no sweat!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ms. Jones finds the boys were shanghaied in Hong Kong and she'll need local information. Ultimately she's looking for a guide and not a partner but she's getting both with Mi Ling (Ni Tien of Shui wei cai, My Darling Slaves, The Rat Catcher, Forbidden Tales of Two Cities, All in the Family, Wu qi bu you, Cleopatra Jones and the Casino of Gold, Black Magic 2, Crocodile, Little Dragon Maiden and Edge of Darkness) also known as Tanny, Ling has the goods on the Dragon Lady in knowing her Macaoian casino is also importing heroin and distribution to the masses.

Cleo and Tanny whoop some serious ass in the infamous Walled City, working side by side like true partners cleaning out a den of scum and villainy.  No they're not in Mos Eisley. The best part of this is a bike gang joins them in their struggles in order to crash through the casino.

Most of the story unfolds like a Bond movie, minus Cleopatra isn't seducing women left and right. The violence levels as well as sex isn't anywhere near a Pam Grier flick. Dobson refused to do any nudity and overall the film feels like a spy drama than it did blaxploitation. As for as action and fighting is concerned, this movie ratchets up the drama. Solid gunfights and plenty of chase sequences. That even surpasses the original film. Stevens actually had some training with a sword. Take that Christopher Lambert!

 

 It's Cleo. Ms. Jones, if yer nasty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 We have enough martial arts in this flick to give it a Hong Kong Cinema vibe as well. The Shaw Brothers were heavily involved with our movie as they were WB's Hong Kong Kung Fu flicks go-to guys. To say it is a trifle confusing is like saying Ghengsis Khan was a bit adventurous.

Between bikes flying around as much as the lead being spewed, Cleo reminds the kids they aren't Evel Knievel. Maybe a bit of Steve McQueen via The Great Escape buuuut, more of the tossing a baseball at a wall rather than the bike stunts.

 

I still love that her previous handler Crawford (Dan Frazer of Take the Money and Run, Tick, Tick Tick, Fuzz, Cleopatra Jones and Deconstructing Harry) mattered so little (in spite of helping her in the first movie) that they don't even go into detail while he wasn't handling her case files anymore. Instead I got the best laugh when Mr. Roper (character actor Norman Fell of The Good Life, Love, American Style, The Heist, McCloud, Three's Company, Needles and Pins, Rabbit Test and The End)as Stanley Hagel. If he was any less hip, his pants would be around his ankles.

I was a little bummed that Mrs. Johnson (Esther Rolle of Nothing But a Man, The Bold Ones: The Senator, Who Says I Can't Ride a Rainbow!, Cleopatra Jones, Maude, Summer of My German Soldier, The Incredible Hulk and Good Times) wasn't a reprise. I mean her boys have been abducted for crying out loud!

The god awful silver eyeshadow Cleo wears has been dabbed on by Dobson rather than a proper makeup artist. No idea why that happened but it did. The film and its precursor was released on DVD by 2010. WB released it on an inferior version (looked like a conversion from VHS to DVD) in 2004. 

 

Hey man, this ain't L.A. Knock that off.

 

 

 

 

 

 Like many sequels they are deemed inferior to the predecessors. This film has enough going for it but I do understand why this didn't have the draw as the original did. Fast paced it may be, but the story felt a bit too close to the original and really lacked a cohesive story path of its own.

Maybe the audience wasn't digging the scene as there was a dip in blaxploitation by 1976. So The Mechanic and Dirty Harry series were more viewed? Cleo is not quite the anti-hero there so this could be the reason behind that standing. Overall I felt it could have benefited from a third movie to round out the series but due to the lack of ticket sales, WB just didn't see a third film was likely.

 

Fine, Mr. Roper. I'll smack Jack.

 

Mansion of the Living Dead

What's this? A gaggle of jiggly girls that work at a topless bar? A vacation that may go awry? Gobsmack oodles of nudity, all with a horror theme? Why this has to be the work of prolific pornographer/hardcore/softcore and horror erotica, Jesus Franco (White Skin Black Thighs, Ilsa, the Wicked Warden, Kiss Me Killer, Voodoo Passion, Wicked Women, Women in Cellblock 9, Cannibal Terror Hellhole Women, Zombie Lake. Oasis of the Zombies and Alone Against Terror). 

Quick question, who in the nine hells requested me to review this??  Well, I suppose it won't be too painful.   This is Mansion of the Living Dead. 

 

The blocking is this way. Hoist those bewbs, girls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Given the references of Blind Dead characters, I am guessing some folk are feeling this is somehow linked to the Amando de Ossorio's Blind Dead quadrilogy. SPOILERS! It's not. I have a feeling whoever requested it, full-on knew it! Yeah I'm a bit irked. 

We open with monks vacating a monastery in orderly fashion.Why they are wearing masks left over from the last Day of the Dead festival, no clue. And then they buggered off.

 Four colleagues, Lea (Mari Carmen Nieto of Mansion of the Living Dead, Diamonds of Kilimandjaro, Blood on My Shoes, Alone Against Terror, The Sexual Story of O, Night Has a Thousand Desires, Lilian and Una rajita para dos), the constantly randy Caty (Elisa Vela of Mansion of the Living Dead, Confesiones intimas de una exhibicionista, Cries of Pleasure and Fury in the Tropics), ditzy Mabel (Mabel Escano of La promesa, Las camareras, Foul Play, Curro Jimenez, Cabo de vara, Mi adultero esposo and The National Mummy) and lovely Candy (Lina Romay of Female Vampire, Mansion of the Living Dead, Pick-Up Girls, Oasis of the Zombies, Night of Open Sex, Revenge in the House of Usher, Diamonds of Kilimandjaro,White Cannibal Queen,Fury in the Tropics and Angel of Death) all work at the same topless bar and have a fairly tight knit relationship. None of that back stabbing, trying to steal clients away from one another. 

 I was stunned to see the girls arriving in what I believe was Franco's fetish: Terrycloth Shorty shorts and high heels. The women in his flicks do seem to almost always wearing them. 

 They apparently really put their backs into work that they need a weekend away from Munich and off to Gran Canaria or the Canary Islands via Spain for those unaware of the region. With the recommendation of the travel agency, the girls went to a dream hotel right next to the beach is all the girls could hope for.  Given this is an 80s Italian horror jiggly film, they'll need penis and booze before they are sated. 

 

They are the Monks, the Loneliest Monks. huh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The place seems completely deserted and yet none of these girls' survival instincts are kicking in? And by deserted, I mean the town in question. With all their collective giggling and jiggling, they really hadn't noticed how empty the town appears to be, scoff at it as everyone must be at the beach.  A building with more than 300 rooms, the streets on the way to said hotel and COMPLETELY DEVOID OF LIFE!!!  Oh I know, they're probably all at the beach. Yes this line is used over 5 times! WAKE UP!!! You're in a bad Twilight Zone episode, your lives are forfeit if you don't act now!!  

With the only person about, the regional manager Carlos Savonarola (Antonio Mayans of Emmanuelle y Carol, White Cannibal Queen, Cannibal Terror, Hellhole Women, Zombie Lake, Pick-Up Girls, Emmanuelle Exposed, Revenge in the House of Usher, Alone Against Terror, The Panther Squad, Angel of Death and Fury in the Tropics) is giving the ladies the grand tour and leads them all to their rooms. Oh wait, no he doesn't. He gives them their keys and vague directions to their room. Prick.  Ladies reading this blog, he is giving either a lecherous eye or a full-on John Carradine creeper eye. Whichever it may be, you'd mace him, knee him in the balls and run, right? 

 

Udo Walken: for all your creeper needs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The guy looks like a hybrid of Udo Kier and Christopher Walken. Stranger Danger!!!  There are more than 600 rooms, but Udo Walken wants the lot of you on other ends of the quad. They're booked solid. Really? Are you? Show me these people! Show me their cars, trucks, jeeps, Hell even those fruity little scooters! SHOW ME EVERYONE!!! 

 By this point, the girls should be hitting him with heavy objects and running for their lives.  Also, what the hell, German travel agency?   This hotel pay you in blood money?  5,000 deutch marks just get slipped your way every month?  Was the ramshackle hotel in Eaten Alive booked?  Thank goodness. That way the girls don't die via crocodile and the Lord's will.   Guess the girls will be bummed knowing that they could have been with Buck and he likes to...fornicate. Yeah this is still a PG-13 blog, get over it.   Could have made a stop-off at Motel Hell as well.  Farmer Vincent always sets a nice table. 

 

And now my friends, I must appease the male horndog readers. YUP nudity. Buckets of it! Faux lesbian scenes, tanning topless scenes, shower scenes, solo scenes, so much nudity you will forget this is a horror film. Sorry ladies. I felt you should be warned and it starts at the 8 minute and 37 second mark, which is a bit of restraint of Franco's behalf. Just going by Zombie Lake and Oasis of the Zombies time slot for jiggly tits getting freed. 

 Shot in Panavision, the sound is sadly in mono, so it dips in and out. Probably an effect corrected with an updated DVD or Blu-Ray version. Sadly, my POS viewing was the direct from VHS to DVD so no one cleaned up the picture or sound. Yay me!  I also have the English subtitle not the English dubbed version. 

What does faux lesbian mean?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This movie is an hour and 37 minutes long and you feel every swing of the pendulum like the Sword of Damocles hanging over your tacky head. Also a wide-screen version. Not even sure if this wasn't also a video error via compression. 

 Is this a worthwhile film? No. Is there any justifiable reason for watching it? No. Look, if you're horny, there's ridiculous amounts of porn. I'm not judging. These characters are simply too stupid to be alive. They would have been hit by buses, fallen through a uncovered manhole, a sandstorm would have stripped their flesh off. A plague of locusts would have eaten their bits. What I am getting at is, they are less than believable as human beings. I am surprised they don't have to remind each other to breathe in and out.

 We get past the 8 minute mark, the girls are either fooling around with one another, roaming topless or engaged in their faux lesbian shenanigans. 

The plot is more micro-thin than a spandex thong! What's the plot? I'll help you. Titty. Character development? How titties are doing. Character death? Whose titties are no longer available. Potential evil killer cult? Dislikes titties. 

 Yeah I really could have done without this flick. PLEASE STOP asking for Jesus Franco film reviews! I beg you!

Hi. We're here for the Scream audition.