Edward Mannix Week: The Shark Hunter

And we are back. Normally I don't blog on the weekends but this could not be helped. I attempted to find The Manhunt 1975 with Henry Silva but no dice so it is time for another Enzo Castellari flick again and no wars in sight. Boobage seems assured, men folk so simmer down. And for you ladies the awesome that is Franco Nero. This is The Shark Hunter a.k.a. Guardians of the Deep and Django and the Sharks.

Hulkamania comin' at ya brother!

Director Enzo Castellari ( High Crime, Street Law, The Heorin Busters, The Shark Hunter, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Escape from the Bronx,Warriors of the Wasteland and Hammerhead ) is no stranger to action, adventure and sadly creature features where I cannot confirm if animals were killed or just dummies with blood bags. Shark hunter/recluse/woman pleaser/martial artist Mike di Donato (Franco Nero of Django, Street Law, The Last Days of Pompeii, Gaaribaldi the General, Django Strikes Again, Run for Your Life, Il Magistrato, Die Hard 2 and Django Unchained) a gruff and scruffy looking nerf herder spends his days hunting sharks with either a Bowie knife or a harpoon. The dude is intense. Pretty sure his sperm will make decathalon winners so ladies watch out.

Fabio hair can get you into fist fights.

When he isn't making records, love and a living; he is deep sea diving to a broken plane. The lagoon and coral that surrounds said plane has plenty of sharks at the ready no matter which route you took. Personally I envision sticks of dynamite to stun or kill the sharks and make my way down to the plane that smuggled more than 100 million dollars. The depths are too great for Mike as his equipment cannot be relied on, but fate or writer's twist he meets Acapulco (Jorge Luke of Ulzana's Raid, The Shark Hunter, Salvador,Trampa mortal, Cartel mortal and Clear and Present Danger) a savvy diver of a oceanographer's big rigged deep sea vessel who Mike tells of the treasure inside and has spent more than 2 years figuring out how to retrieve it.

Cabo's only bar apparently...they were allowed to shoot at.

But Mike may not be the only aware of the treasure co-ordinates as Douchy McWhitey Americano (Michael Forest of Ski Troop Attack, The Virginian, 100 Rifles,The Message, The Shark Hunter and Cast Away) seems to be chummy with a one Captain Gomez...voiced by our basso toned fellow Edward Mannix and sadly we do not hear him for 40 minutes but thank the Gods he was given a title named character. After Redneck Bastard via The Inglorious Bastards, my hopes felt dashed but Enzo was not about to disappoint me a second time.

With a gorgeous location of Mexico near Cabo, the cinematography is astounding, the cast is rounded out minus the female types as they are nothing more than eye candy and I was a trifle pissed at this. Granted they aren't well developed as characters as a whole but dammit a bit of fine tuning and they are backing up Nero or Forest as partners/Femme Fatales. Maybe that is just my take on it. Could have had the cliche' trope of the internal squabble for the money between partners and back and forth who gets it and so forth but nope. Relegated to eye candy jiggly girls.

Mike after the death of his wife and son, he threw himself in the Organization i.e. Mafia and a show down with Nero and Edward Mannix's voice is impeding. A running gag is Nero sticking chewing gum on people's heads. I guess a slight or insult there. Kind of gross I suppose. Mike is continuously has woken by nightmare flashbacks from the loss of his family or the plane crashing.

The music is confusing from having an almost Miami Vice feel to soft core porn music and at inappropriate times. Hell the boat/plane chase sounds like an industrial version of Sisters of Mercy tune. It has all the themes of having loved and lost, action, adventure, gunfights, fist fights and even a few decent chase scenes. Not a brilliant movie by half but I have seen far worse. Give it the once over if any of this sounds entertaining.

Walt, we let them get a bit closer and then eat them.

Post Apocalyptia Italianio: New Barbarians

Hey there all and welcome back to the week. Well if you read the general vibe of social media, people are either heading off to Canada and Mexico, hoarding water, gasoline and MREs and overall being insane because of the ginger demon will shortly be running the country. So with that theme in mind, it is clearly time for some post-apocalyptic films but not any old doomed region. No, no. We are heading towards Italian Post-apocalyptic films. Spaghetti Sci-Fi? Post-apocalyptic Pasta? I prefer Post-Apocalyptia Italiano of which my lady made it sound like a bistro that serves a lot of rat based meals. Starting us off down "The Road", ha slap me, is the Sci-Fi, Sci-Fi Fantasy and Action exploitation director himself, Enzo G. Castellari (A Few Dollars for Django, Eagles Over London, Cold Eyes of Fear, Street Law, The Inglorious Bastards, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Escape from the Bronx, Tuareg: The Desert Warrior and Hammerhead) and the dark fiendish fate awaiting humanity. This is The New Barbarians a.k.a. Warriors of the Wasteland a.k.a. Metropolis 2000 a.k.a. The New Barbarians: Warriors of the Wasteland

Mad Max's Cousin: Snarky Sid.

The year is 2019 and the Decepticons have control of Cybertron and.. hang on a tit, that Transformers: The Movie. Sorry about that. The year is 2019, after a nuclear bombardment, humanity has been reduced to handfuls of starving groups struggling to survive from day to day. Couldn't help but notice this particular crowd had a streaming water basin by them that looks similar to Lake Havasu Arizona but I must still be in shock and awe of the world's ending.

Damn, they trying to make me look uncool.

Our paltry crowd of survivors are attacked by a gang known as the Templars, that raid, pillage and plunder whatever settlements pocketed with humanity to clean the Earth of their verminous ways. Lead by One (George Eastman of Ironmaster, Monster Hunter, Endgame- Bronx lotta finale, Blastfighter, King David and The Barbarians), they are zipping about in dune buggies, bikes and wearing hand-me-downs from either the Motion Picture or Wrath of Khan. It is hard to tell. That and lots of white plastic. Guess this is Post-Apocalyptic Endor and they just stripped the stormtroopers. Mako, his "Number One GuuuuUUuUy" (Massimo Vanni of The Inglorious Bastards, The Last Shark, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Rats: Night of Terror, Zombi 3, Zombi 4: After Death and Body and Soul) wipes out fallout fools left and right in their souped up buggies. I think they stole Megaforce's entire patrol enforcement vehicles and removed the armament. Sadly No Persis Khambatta in or out of scanty outfits.

My hair is fabulous!

The Crazies and no not the George Romero nor its remake are wrapped in dirty white cloth like mummies, wearing welding goggles ,duct tape and a few spears. They mostly grunt, hobble and make like Sand People. 14 minutes in and the movie's bad ass is on the scene. Scorpion (Not the Mortal Kombat guy, Giancarlo Prete of Street Law, Who Breaks... Pays, The Loves and Times of Scaramouche, Messalina, Messalina, Midnight Blue and The Last Shark), a former Templar dispatches the crazies with Han Solo/Indiana Jones style with his pistol. Engaged in a long range fight with his blaster versus a sling shot I saw it was a boy. Turns out it was a mock battle then I saw the boy. Frickin' Bob from House by the Cemetery's Giovanni Frezza. KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!! Scorpion doesn't trek the wastelands in a buggy or BMX, no sir or lady. Our boy rolls in a souped up black 1967 Pontiac Firebird. The bubble dome and wing looks a bit screwy but damn if that isn't a fine piece of machinery.

Having a Templar encounter, Scorpion picks up Alma (Anna Kanakis of Sugar, Honey and Pepper, Warriors of the Wasteland, 2019: After the Fall of New York, A Season of Giants, Young Catherine, Money and The Final Contract) who wants to move her people to a safer location away from the Templars but it will take some doing. Enter Nadir (Fred Williamson of Black Caesar, Hell Up in Harlem, Tough Guys, The Inglorious Bastards, Hell's Heroes, From Dusk 'Til Dawn, Vegas Vampires and Revamped) an explosives expert with archery skills and a disturbing leather outfit with golden shoulder pads. How the hell do you make Fred Williamson look uncool and what gives you the right, Enzo Castellari!?!

Rectum?  We're gonna kill'em!

Between the two, they figure they can fend off One's army of bad touch marauders long enough for the group to get off to where they need to start a new life with their leader Father Moses (Venantino Venantini of The Exterminators of the Year 3000, My Other Husband, Ladyhawke, The Assisi Underground, Final Justice, The Erotic Dreams of Cleopatra, The Repenter and The King's Whore)

Composer Claudio Simonetti (Deep Red, Suspiria, Demons, Opera, The House of Witchcraft, Nightmare Beach and Mother of Tears) a real electrofunk, disco electric drum beats giving it an groovy, yet funky vibe. Now with all this coolness in mind, there is a sodomy scene while not graphic is creepy enough so you have been warned. Yes fellas there is a fair degree of nudity so you won't get bored.