Yor, the Hunter from the Future

Welcome back from the week of Linda Blair. Wow, I knew the lady had fans but my God I had no clue the hold she has on folks. Again kudos to you Ms. Blair, a class act and thank you again for re-posting this blog. This week we are keeping fast and loose. No real theme happening this time.

This time around we look at an obscure Italian director finding himself in Sci-fi, Sword and sorcery, horror/giallo, spaghetti western and war flicks. Antonio Margheriti (Legs of Gold, Assignment Outer Space, Battle of the Worlds, The Golden Arrow. Castle of Blood, The Stranger and the Gunfighter, Hunters of the Golden Cobra and Alien From the Deep) brings us a film with more than a few twists attached to it. Based an Argentine comic in 1974 with a mixture of prehistoric and futuristic. This is Yor, the Hunter from the Future.

My wig itches.

Our opus opens with Yor (Reb Brown of Uncommon Valor, Howling II: Striba Bitch, Death of a Soldier, Strike Commando, Robowar- Robot da guerra, Space Mutiny, The Firing Line, Cage, Street Hunter, Cage, Cage II and Night Claws) jogging through the region of Turkey in Cappadocia mountains (region of Mount Taurus for the ancient Cappadocian empire) with his epic rock musical number behind him when he must save Kalaa (Corrine Clery of The Story of O, Hitch Hike, Moonraker, The Tunnel, I Hate Blondes, Skipper, Per sempre, Errore fatale and Moscacieca) and her mentor Pag (Luciano Pigozzi of General Della Rovere, Two Women, Blood and Black Lace, Yor, the Hunter from the Future, Double Target, Robowar- Robot da guerra, Cop Game and Zombi 3) from a dinosaur with a stone ax then drank its blood???

I thought he would to just paint himself with its blood. So clearly a feast in his honor. Only to be interrupted by bluish looking cavemen, trashing the village and only Pag and Yor can go back and save them all. They will need a lot of hemp before the day is out.

Man, Sandpeople need to keep the masks on.

Yor finds the most unusual way to hang glide into the cave to do battle with the blue cavemen, with Yor's World jamming behind him as he throws cowboy with a massive flood filling up the cave he gets to...save Kalaa and that's about it. The rest of the villagers and cavemen drown. Whoops.

Yor and Pag discover some more origins of Yor with the golden amulet he wears, they encounter a race of mummies lead by Roa (Ayshe Gul of Yor, the Hunter from the Future) who bears an identical amulet. Rather than find out their stories Yor slaughters them all but the sultry blonde. Why does Schwarzenegger line from Conan the Destroyer, "Enough Talk," come to mind?   It does appear that Yor needs a few women for his superior breeding but before those flights of threesome fancy come to pass, more blue cavemen end up slaying Roa so no more backstory following then.

Jonathan Pryce is Darth Moodius.

Saving yet another village Yor, Pag and Kala proceed to make nice with yet another tribe from yet another dinosaur only to watch this tribe get vaporized by flying saucers with frickin' laser beams!?!

Are we in the past, the post-apocalypse or possible future!?! What the nine hells is I am watching!?!

Well this does not have copious nudity as it does commonly in Italian Sci-fi Fantasy, mild swearing, scale model work, blue screen and practical effects galore and all honesty, in spite of some of the goofy dialogue, this is not a bad film. Reb gets to be a beefy barbarian to hack and slash. Sweeping bouts of silliness aside, I had fun watching this film.

Wow, Liam Cunningham really let that beard grow.

Robowar

Back again ladies and gents and do I have an award-winning film I want to talk about. By award-winning I mean steady yourselves for a boat load of Razzies and fiery poops from Hell. This moving pictures was brought to us overseas via Italian exploitation director Bruno Mattei (Hell of the Living Dead, Rats: Night of Terror, Strike Commando, Cop Game, Zombi 3 and Terminator 2 a.k.a. Shocking Dark) who is known for lifting plot, music and even stock footage of existing films all the while hiding under pseudonyms to avoid lawsuits. I was dying when I discovered that Cruel Jaws a.k.a. Jaws 5 lifted footage from Jaws, Jaws 2 and the knock off Jaws films Mako: The Jaws of Death and The Last Shark. So what do I have for you today? How about a knock-off hybrid of The Predator and Robcop? This is Robowar.

JAKODAAAAAA!!!!!!!  Oh wait, wrong flick.

For a director whose stock-in-trade is women in prison flicks and blatant rip-off films involving sci-fi, action and horror, this movie should not have been a big shock to me and yet here we are. Leading a team of commandos in the bush (jungle! Stop being pervy!) Major Murphy Black (Reb Brown of Yor, Hunter of the Future, Uncommon Valor, Howling II: Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Space Mutiny, Strike Commando,Cage and Night Claw) is recruited by the CIA to rescue hostages taken by guerilla fighters in a Central American country...hey doesn't this synopsis seem familiar?? I mean Arnold's name isn't on the box but gosh if this doesn't sound like the Predator. So Slab McBeef Large and his crew sneak into the jungle and you can tell this is a Mattei film. Not just for the low budget but once again he hires Italian Chuck Norris Massimo Vanni (The Last Shark, 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Warriors of the Wasteland, Escape from the Bronx, Double Target, Cop Game, Zombi 3 and Shocking Dark) who I kid you not looks like a brunette Chuck. It is eerie.

Billy, you're on beer run and stop grinning!

 What is actually going on is our "Mac" knock off tells the team that a government engineered cyborg was set into the jungles to be tested out in real time, wipe out the guerrillas and assess his capabilities but due to plot device or sunspots, the remote link was severed and now he is blowing up stock footage of Double Target and Strike Commando. Once again, this an Italian film shot in the Phillipines so you know that if you trek 500 yards from this "movie set" you will run into the many fortresses used as Women in Prison films.

The biggest complaint of this movie is the early 80's synthesizer for our musical scoring. I feel like I am watching an episode of Miami Vice that Michael Mann didn't direct so you knew there was piss poor story and no Jan Hammer music. The action is fair, the acting competent and over all not bad if I hadn't seen the original inception I might actually enjoy this mindless blood and guts flick. Don't worry Reb Brown fans, our boy is still inhaling helium for his episodic and incoherent screaming...classics like "MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!!!", "GO, GO GO!!!" and my personal favorite of WAAAUGGGHH!!! But we kid Captain America of the 70's as he has a much better build than this writer hands down. Another so bad it's good. Penned by Claudio Fragasso (Women's Prison Massacre, Strike Commando, Shocking Dark, Zombi 3, Troll 2 and The 13^th Mission) you are in for many acquired line and cheesy delivery. Oh the only version I could find was with Filipino so yay me for international.

Screw this! I'm going to the Terminator 2 set!

Bruno Mattei Week: Strike Commando

Hey there folks. Sorry the delay the last two days. Personal issues including having to get a new cell thanks to my graceful dropping of the previous one. With that in mind we continue Bruno Mattei Week with an incursion to Vietnam but apparently this is not part of the war bringing the ever shouty, eye bulging Reb Brown as lead role gunning men down, driving knives into their bellies and all around being a terrifying bad ass. Will this be a rip-off of anything previously existing? This is Strike Commando.

Get off my roof, squirrels!!!!

Sgt. Ransom (Reb Brown of Captain America II: Death Too Soon, Yor, Hunter from the Future, Uncommon Valor, Howling II:... Your Sister Is a Werewolf, Space Mutiny, Cage and Cage II) leads his valant men into a weapons depot in Vietnam, prepping C-4 around the base to be obilivinized I guess. His superiors are keeping an eye on the team's progress as his CO, Colonel Radek (Christopher Connelly of Gunsmoke, Paper Moon, Police Story, Airwolf, Jungle Raiders and Foxtrap) is getting antsy about the time they are pain painstakingly taking sneaking behind enemy lines, avoiding barb wire, tripwires, mines and enemy patrols. Guess Radek expected everyone to go all Solid Snake, have their cardboard box handy and just ease in and out of the location.

Hey Radek, why don't you sprint across the open minefield then? Jerk. The bombs are laid and everyone is making their way out when one of Ransom's commandos is caught and killed by a roaming guard. Should have checked his proximity detector... which he didn't have. The alarm goes off and Radek jumps the gun demanding the bombs prematurely detonate (A constant complaint he receives from his wife) while Ransom's team are still in the blast zone. Another one of the team gets blasted as everyone hauls butt and Ransom is tossed in the river.

So after this gets blown up, let's get a beer.

Found in the river by a village boy, Ransom is nursed back to health at an alarming rate. Seriously, what is in the local herbs because he is fully healed in no time. Psst Ransom, score me some of that. He agrees to lead the villagers out of harm's way when it is discovered there is a Soviet attachment working with the Vietcong. The helicopter swoops in and Radek tells the pilot to leave Ransom because the LZ (landing zone for civvies) is too hot.

Cut off from rescue, one of Ransom's majors manages to calm him down long enough for Ransom to sneak back in and take photos of the Soviets for proof they are operating out here. Far too long he is spotted and captured. The Soviets led by a fella name of Jakoda (Alex Vitale of Hands of Steel, Urban Warriors, Strike Commando, Robot Jox and Beyond the Door III) torture Ransom with electrocution, beating him, forcing him to do village chores and barbaque his back with a blow torch. Any of this sound vaguely familiar? *cough* Stallone movie

Months go by and finally the Soviets give Ransom a chance to spare his life if he speaks out against his government and points out how they left him to die while being total cowards blah blah and so on. Ransom gambles with his life and mops the floor with the soldier, scoops up Jakoda's girlfriend and tries to make it out with his life. Will he succeed in escaping? Will he demand vengeance on Radek? Is there a horrible paying ransom pun in there?

Okay now just a few comments on the movie. While not brilliant or original, this is a hard hitting, fast paced action film that provides entertainment for those wanting bullets whizzing through the air, body count rack-up and a lot of violence.

That being said, it is easy enough to see where most of the inspiration (RIP-OFFFFFF.....) came from as it is very close to Rambo: First Blood Part II overall but it also has a lot of fight sequences that are just too exact to that of the Missing in Action flick with Chuck Norris and I swear Jakoda is nothing more than a hybrid of Dolph Lundgren's Ivan Drago from Rocky IV and Lt. Nikolai Rachenko from Red Scorpion. Film theft aside, I was actually having fun with the movie in spite of the heartfelt speech Ransom goes on about Disneyland rides, junk food and candy to a dying boy that has probably NEVER heard of Mickey Mouse. To Reb's credit he looked like this is the kind of thing he would tell an actual dying boy.

Scorpions in my pants!!!!