George A. Romero Week: Night of the Living Dead

Good day all and welcome to Day 1 of George A. Romero Week and what better way to start the week off right than with his original work? I have seen this film no less than 75 times because it has been made fun of, marveled after and even used as a project viewing for film students. From the grainy texture of the black & white 35mm Spherical, to the wooden acting of summer stock folk to the desolate farm house that has clearly been abandoned and second hand furniture has been brought in, this movie put the audience on edge about a group of strangers all hiding from the same threat and forced to work together to fend them off. This is Night of the Living Dead.

I'll set the table, you coat yourself in barbecue sauce for the zombies.

Field Reporter: Chief, do you think that we will be able to defeat these spoilers?

Sheriff McClelland: Well, we killed nineteen of them today right in this area. The last three, we caught them trying to claw their way into an abandoned shed. They must have thought someone was in there, but there wasn't though. We heard them making all kinds of noises so we came over, beat 'em off and blasted them down.

Johnny (Russell Streiner of Night of the Living Dead, There's Always Vanilla, The Majorettes and Night of the Living Dead 1990) and his sister Barbara (Judith O' Dea of Night of the Living Dead, The Pirate, Claustrophobia, October Moon and Women's Studies) have trekked out deep into rural Pennsylvania to a yearly visit to their father's grave. Barbara does not seem comfortable around gravestones as Johnny teases her prior to be attacked by a strange man with tattered clothes. No, it is not a zealous hobo but in fact a reanimated body that wrestles with Johnny before bashing his head into a gravestone. Barbara lunges for the car after performing the flattering ankle twist and hurling herself in the dirt which most feminists are probably irate at this point, dives in the car and manages to wreck a slow moving car be simply not steering worth a tinker's damn. Now in her defense she just saw her brother murdered and a shambling weirdo chase her.

Jimmy Carter: the hidden drunken years.

She flees across the countryside spotting a farmhouse and scurries into it. A quick discovery around the house she finds a mangled corpse of a woman and prepares to flee yet again when a truck arrives with a man dressed in a neat cardigan flogs a couple of zombies allowing him to get into the house and slam the door shut. Barbara mentally checks out for a good chunk of the film as Ben (Duane Jones of Night of the Living Dead, Ganja & Hess, Losing Ground, Beat Street, Vampires and To Die For) proceeds to drown Barbara in a vat of exposition to kill time while he does his Bob Villa impression and fortifies the house... with a few nails and boards. So instead of taking spare doors off of rooms and barricading the windows and believe you me there are a lot of windows in this place, we find there are more people hiding out in the fruit cellar. Can we all get along in this time of crisis or will we all be zombie chow in no time flat?

A few interesting facts of the film now. 200 extras were cast to be the townsfolk as well as zombies back to back and given how dimly lit our movie is and the makeup work did obscure more than a handful of our extras.

The ground breaking aspects to this film are one of the first movies to graphically depict violent murders on screen, first film shot in Pittsburgh and the first truly successful independent films ever made. Casting a black man (Duane Jones) as lead role having to slap sense into a woman, being violent and judgmental to the rest of his cast in the late sixties is considered an edgy choice by many but Romero didn't look at this with racist glasses as viewed it as shooting a flick with a friend.

Due to the lack of knowledge of distribution, Romero did not see a fraction of the money the distributors might as well just sauntered by him with the gross takings.

George A. Romero co-wrote this with John A. Russo who later went on to pen for The Return of the Living Dead film in 1985 with writer/director Dan O' Bannon.

One step closer and your crotches are toast!

Werewolf Week: Werewolf: The Devil's Hound

Welcome back again fellow fans of film and enjoy Day 3 of Werewolf Week.  (There wolf.  There castle.)   Looking at the cover of this flick and the title alone it sounds like it may be worthwhile but this little white duck has been down this creek so many times I am a trifle jaded so let's put on the elephant enema gloves, a gas mask and painter's coveralls then tackle this movie house masterpiece.  This is Werewolf: The Devil's Hound a.k.a. Lycan.

Dad pants show off a competent hunter!

Our opus opens with three guys looking like they are on an outing for airsoft when they are attacked by choppy camera work attempting to give a fast zoom effect with no stabilizer or the ability to undercrank the film by 1/4 its speed.  Looks like it is shot on HD handheld for picnics and family outtings.   Our elite cadre of werewolf trackers/hunters tranq the creature in someone's backyard.  The filming locations claim Conneticut had to put up with this gathering of summer stock rejects that project too loudly and are as subtle at staring at the camera as much as the cast of Sleepaway Camp III.    After the great white hunt, our trackers UPS the critter in the box and airship it to the states from the remote areas of suburban Europe?   Next time get a more believable house and guys that can do accents please.


Our story is mostly revolving around a young pyrotechnician named Kevin (Michael Dionne of Crippled Creek, Whirlygirl, Blood Descendants and Little Soldier) who is happily married and loves his job.   Apparently he and his buddy are repairing these fairly made prosthetic park droids and their fireworks rigs that got smashed by the Vandals??  That band isn't struggling for headlines that much, are they?   So racist phone call later as Kevin's wife Liz (Jennifer Marsella of Werewolf: The Devil's Hound) calls Chinese firecracker specialists and you know they are Chinese thanks to the mandolin music in their warehouse or I might have mistaken them for Puerto Ricans.  This film drags for about an hour after werewolf wench scratches little Kevin and we go for an hour of strobing and flashing with fast zoom camera effects to kill just about any photophobic.

Your breath smells like Beer Nuts. Go away.

The band of supernatural paramilitary hunters with as much training as a gaggle of ten years old playing war have subject us to exposition, back story, crappy accents and more prat falls than a Stooges marathon.  The creature transformation has enough post production effects to drive a photophobic into a coma.  Personally, I thought I was going to yack on the keyboard.


Complaints about the film at this time.  This isn't even shot on 35 mm HD, just a format for home movies.  They know next to nothing about lighting, I hear more wind than dialogue so no sock for the boom mic and our terrifying werewolf vixen was wearing sneakers in more than a couple of shots.  Nice blocking, doofus. Directors/writers Gregory C. Parker and Christian Pindar could benefit from some technical experience on a film or TV set or heck, here's a nutty idea.  GO TO FILM SCHOOL, JACKASSES!!!

 
The stunts are less credible than a backyard wrestling fiasco and my head is nicely throbbing from the half assed attempts at arty camera techniques. USE A STABLIZER!!  One, it will make your film a bit smoother.  Two, it offers easier run in the woods without looking like there is an epileptic behind the camera and most importantly, people prone to seizures don't die from your flick and their families don't sue you!!!   This story was flat, the characters one dimensional, the action aside from the funky rigged robots was laughable.

Down Chewie!!

Film Noir Week: Gun Crazy

Heya kiddies! Welcome to Day 4 of Film Noir Week.   After the RKO Pictures Out of the Past movie yesterday I thought we would go a bit more B-Movie this time around.  This is a simplistic yet dark storyline about two misunderstood enthusiasts and how the world does not get them.    So clean your cylinder, make your loads and get ready to bear arms.   This is Gun Crazy.

Pardon my erection, ma'am. 

You were going to kill that spoiler!

1950 film noir thriller Gun Crazy a.k.a. Deadly Is the Female. Directed by B-movie mogul Joseph H Lewis (Invisible Ghost, The Undercover Man, Cry of the Hunted, The Rifleman and The Big Valley). This adventure stars a crime spree commited by a husband and wife, daring to buck the ends and devil may care attitude about the consequences. Bart Tare (John Dall of Rope, The Man That Cheated Himself, Spartacus, Atlantis, the Lost Continent and Perry Mason) is a man with a long association and fixation of guns. At age 14 he is sentenced to reform school for breaking and entering as well as stealing a gun. At age 20 he musters out of the military and returns to his hometown to settle down.

Dear, your ear's on fire.

While attending a carnival act with his childhood friends, the sharpshooter Annie Laurie Starr (Peggie Cummins of Green Grass of Wyoming, Hell Drivers, Curse of the Demon and In The Doghouse) finds an attraction to Bart and the two become close instantly.  Annie feels a natural kinship of a like minded Bart and asks on his behalf to get him a job with the carnival.  Carnival owner Packett (Berry Kroeger of Guilty of Treason, Battles of Chief Pontiac, Hitler, The Story of Ruth, The Time Travelers and Demon Seed) offers a challenge to outshoot the champion markswoman and Bart equaled out.  

More than a few weeks go by and Packett hates Bart and it tries to get him fired and Annie goes with Bart.   Annie has a dirty secret of an accidental shooting in St. Louis taking a man’s life.  The two are married and have the idyllic honeymoon until the money runs out.  Bart comes to the conclusion he could simply sells his guns and put a little coin in his pocket.   Annie wants the fat cash and easy life and this shouldn’t be too difficult to do.  Annie proceeds to twist Bart around her finger and they proceed to pull heists from armored cars. 

While they never had to kill anyone Bart grew tired of a life of crime as it was something he was not comfortable with.   Can’t imagine why that is.   Annie sets up work for Armour Meat Company (festive name), prep work there and plan the payroll heist.  The plan goes sideways as the burglar alarm gets pulled as Annie throws lead at her supervisor.  

 

Females be wily, Officer Bumbles.

I have just some minor thoughts and conclusions on the film itself.  35mm Spherical naturally capturing every single nuance of the film and it is very clear that Bart and Laurie is modeled after Bonnie and Clyde.  While this is an extreme example of how weak men of decent heart can be corrupted but I think it really sets a tone of realism.   Rear projection car chases aside, the heist scene of 3 and a half minutes was all shot in one take was pretty impressive.

Old Vs New Week: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Well kiddies I am back for Day 2 of Old Vs New and we shall see the variant between of the original and its 2003 remake.   The stories are a bit different with each director having their own vision.  So get your clogs on, make a lot of noise, and shucks go hide in the basement with the killer.  This is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

In abject fear, Biel's hair is still looking good.

Spoilers need killin’!!!

The original Chainsaw film was loosely based on the exploits of real life serial killer Ed Gein formerly of Wisconsin.  So we change locations and build a bizarre family of cannibalistic, graverobbing nutter butters tormenting teens and making spare ribs.  Doesn’t that sound keen?  Director Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Eaten Alive, Salem’s Lot, Poltergeist, Lifeforce. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, Body Bags and Night Terrors) claims in articles and interviews the thought behind his horror Mecca was being swarmed by mass loads of shoppers in a department store during the holidays and the first thing he spied was a chainsaw and how ideal that tool would have been to cut a bloody swath to the exit.  I think we all have had days like that. 

Welcome to Applebee's. Texas style.

Five teenagers go on a road trip because their friend and her brother want to pay respect to their grandfather’s grave.   This time it was desecrated with a human skeleton perched on top of the headstone posed like some sick joke. Our plucky teenagers pick up an odd fellow on the road who informs them all about a killing floor and head cheese.  He freaks the kids out when he cuts on himself and they chuck him out their van.   The kids head to an old house looking for some assistance only to be ambushed and systematically rubbed out of existence by our villain Leatherface and his demented family.   One survivor makes her way from the loony tunes and we assume went into hiding.  Enter a decade of abject silence other than did you see that warped film on the drive-in or Beta-Max.    The sheer desperation of our lead actress is felt from the disgusting view of this house covered in bones and dead animal carcasses strewn throughout the home of these raving nutters and it gives such a bleak vision. This film is brutal, vicious and an awe inspiring example of an independent film.

Director Marcus Nispel (Frankenstein, Pathfinder, Friday the 13^th and Conan the Barbarian) created a different vision of 5 carefree teenagers that pick up a terrified girl hitchhiker who warns them all that they will all die out here and blows her brains out in the back of the mini-van, grossing her would be saviors and thus putting a cramp in the day.   Looking for local help our teens happen across the house of horrors with shockingly enough a demented family of cannibals and lunatics.  This film has graphic dismembering and gouging death scenes unlike the original which most of the violence was implied.  ArteriaI sprays, bodies being worked on by Leatherface.  The meat hook scene will cause the weak of stomach or heart to have more than a few issues and quite possibly another look at lunch.  This version is bloodier, disgusting and a bit on the odd and while there is some dark humor make no mistake that they wanted to top the original.

 I gather Nispel felt the visual was more necessary than dialogue driven in describing how wacko the Hoyt family is.  Writer Scott Kosar seems to be a remake writer with 3 remakes under his belt including: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Crazies and The Amityville Horror.   So clearly he can write…something someone else already created groundwork for him to write ahead of time.  An amusing fact of both films that the narration is done by John Larroquette and I hope he got more than a joint for the remake.

Ah the annual chainsaw dance of joy.

For me they were some solid scares, decent enough performances but honestly they plugged it entirely too much via media of TV, Internet and papers.  Also I am not overtly thrilled with Michael Bay producing so much as a high school play let alone a film.  As a film, the remake starts off with a fast pace, peters out, starts up again, gets extremely gory and then start waning down and frankly that is an odd beat for the watcher to dance to.  The original starts off slow and depicts disturbing issues off the bat but it moves at a leisurely pace which was not uncommon for films of that age but to be perfectly honest it still scares the figurative crap out of me.