MST3K Week: The Brain That Wouldn't Die

Welcome back readers of the blog!!!  MST3K Week continues with the first appearance of Mike Nelson, the next goob that gets shanghaied off into space to the Satellite of Love and the bots are putting him through the rigors of bad movie marathons so he too can be quick with the quips, vicious with the verbal and callous with the comments.  So on with the episode of Season 5 Episode 13.   This is The Brain That Wouldn’t Die.

Nothing ominous here clearly.

Hey, c’mere…look at this spoiler…it just won’t die!

After the previous episode of Mitchell starring Joe Don Baker; Joel escapes the Satellite of Love in an escape capsule carefully hidden in a large crate of ham dingers.   Mike formerly a temp working for the Mads has been drafted to be the next test subject to this putrefying pile of celluloid that awaits him in the theater.   Being rebellious he doesn’t heed the Mads’ call to the view screen ASAP and Doctor Forrester realizes he shall enjoy breaking Mike’s mind and spirit.   The invention exchange begins with Mike’s creation of a umbrella with a gutter raining and spout.  The gutter bumbershoot is born!    Sharper Image is probably still fine tuning it.  Dr. F. develops an ultrasonic device purposely to emit frequencies to pop bratlings’ balloons.   No said name for it but my vote was for the sonic killjoy.  

She's just a head that can't say no! She's in a terrible fix..

Off to the theater you pixies you go!   Mike and the bots plunk down in the seats for a Joseph Green (The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, Day-Dream and The Perils of P.K.) directorial delight.   Our director apparently hung it up after these three wondrous moving pictures and rightfully so.

An operation is being performed on a patient that technically could be brain dead at this point. The lead surgeon throws in the towel and his son/ star pupil demands to experiment on the corpse bringing him miraculously back to life.   The young doctor is believed to be performing experimental surgery on human test subjects against the Hippocratic Oath and the advice of his father.  Those darn kids.

Off to the old family cabin for the weekend with his bride-to-be our suave surgeon butterfingers his driving, slams the car over the guard rail and for an encore, decapitates his fiancée.  Rushing her head to the cabin he manages to save her head in a pan using his restorative formula and her neck juices keep her alive whilst he is out on the prowl for a new body for the future Mrs. Giggles…I, uh mean Cortner.

FINE! FINE! I'LL SIGN FOR THE DAMN PACKAGE!!!

After perusing several doxies he settles on a glamour model that has trust issues with men.  With a bit of coaxing, some drugged tea and evil intent the doctor woos the model into a coma like state and she is good to go on the chopping block.

Meanwhile head in the pan Jan discovers she is not the first of her fiancee’s horrible experimentation as she discovers a latent telepathic ability within her…well head and she contacts one of the less than successful creatures hidden in the basement.   

Havoc issues, the guys get a great chuckle and some of the host segments were downright hysterical.   As this is my 19^th viewing of this episode I may be a little biased.

Amando Ossorio Week: Tombs of the Blind Dead

Howdy all.  Today I have chosen Amando de Ossorio as the subject of the week.    With the mass level of Spanish and European Horror films making a huge surge, Ossorio wanted to stem away from films like: Santo E”La Vengaza De La Momia, The Lepers and Sex, Mission Sabotage and of course the uprising continuation of the Hammer Films of this time like Dracula ’72, The Karnstein Trilogy know as: The Vampire Lovers, Lust for a Vampire and Twins of Evil.   Ossorio knew the mainstream was changing and more violence, an increase in gore and nudity was on the horizon past the exploitation films.   That did not mean that story had to be sacrificed in the process.   The basis of the Blind Dead series is around the ghost stories he heard as a boy.    So huddle in around the burning pit, and make sure your charcoal filtered mask is working.   This is La Noche del terror ciego.

Even spoilers need subtitles… (Incluso spoilers necesita subtítulos)

With capturing the legends of the Knights Templar a order of the Crusade that was said to be annihilated for performing the black arts of witch craft, Ossorio spins the tales of perhaps those very wealthy and pagan men did receive the immortality promised to them all those centuries ago.

 But enough of that, pool party!  Bikinis and more body hair than Ron Jeremy and John Holmes combined and yes everyone disco dancing.    Our story opens with a young couple on vacation running into an old friend from school.   Virginia (Maria Elena Arpon of The House That Screamed, Crimen imperfect, Black Story and El Cristo del Oceano) recognizes her dear friend Betty (Lone Fleming of Bad Man’s River, In Happened at Nightmare Inn, Where Time Began and Return of the Evil Dead) and the two proceed to catch up.  They speak on about their lives, work and any budding romances, when Roger (Cesar Burner of The Man Called Noon, Green Inferno and Last Chance), Virginia’s boyfriend pulls himself out of the pool in a suave yet smarmy manner.  Virginia tells Betty of Roger and her impeding trip into the country.  Free from the hustle and bustle of society and just enjoying the relaxation that the country provides.   Betty is hesitant to join as she is unattached and Roger assures her she will find a man willing and with this they are scheduled to meet up at the train promptly at 4. 

A few odd notes and it will be right back to our gripping story line.   To cash in on the popularity , foreign distribution want re-cut and released La Noche del terror ciego with the alternative title Revenge from the Planet Ape in some half assed effort to capitalize on the success of the Planet of the Apes films.  With a new prologue attempting to link the two stories together, this story makes ape prisoners whom been tortured and maimed, vow to return from the dead to seek bloody retribution on mankind and avenge themselves against man’s injustice and tyranny in the hopes of saving the planet.

Back to our flick in process, our couple is met back up with Betty who couldn’t snare a fella but Roger insists she join them all the same.  Virginia seems to be quietly seething and is of the mindset Roger is looking for a little action on Betty’s behalf.   And with a bit of stomping out and a rather nice dissolve when find out in a flashback that Virginia and Betty were…close one might say and sorry fellas the shots are actually tender (minus the organ music) and feel innocent.  Roger now hip to what is going on, Virginia settles on the brilliant idea of leaving the train at the only port of call being some old ruins and no civilization to be seen.    GENIUS!!!  Roger and Betty discover this temper tantrum; jump the train in the hopes of finding her.  After trekking a bit in the ruins clearly it is time to camp in the very…eerie ruins that is not even on a current map. Now before this sounds cranky this is only in the first 12 minutes. 

Finally, the legion of Spamelot rise and it is clear they are not big on trespassers.    I had the hardest time not snickering as the burial crosses starting to shift in the loose soil. No no, that’s not Styrofoam, that is clear a marble and granite found in the area and just appears as though wind could push it about.   And what brings back the dead you may ask? Why those pesky kids with their smooth FM Jazz and their filthy cigarettes.    Given their complete lack of peepers it is said that the Blind Dead must hunt by sound and sound alone.  Don’t…make…noise.

The handheld, tripod based and steady cam work has been amazing.   I admit I was drooling a bit over the ladies but as characters boy they needed name tags establishing: Born to be disemboweled.  The tone of the movie is captured well by lighting and various fog and smoke effects. Exterior shots as well as a few day for night did not sway me from finishing this.  I gather what the overall effect was to be from this film in telling a ghost story that shook our writer/director’s very being but the limited budget must have been utter hell for Ossorio and personally I would have loved to see the knights’ mounts mostly skeletal with bit of fur and meat draped haphazardly.   Ah well.  What could have been.

Before They Were Stars: Magic

Well folks we finish off Before They Were Stars week with a Richard Attenborough flick from 1978.  The center or crux of this film is around a ventriloquist by the name of Corky Withers.   You may know him better as Sir Anthony Hopkins.   Gather around the idjit box and stuff your face with munchies.  This is Magic.

Spoilers tried…tried…and failed!

Actor/producer/director Richard Attenbourough (Oh! What a Lovely War, Young Winston, A Bridge Too Far, Gandhi, A Chorus Line and Chaplin) intentionally purchased writer William Goldman’s screenplay based on his same titled novel (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, All the President’s Men, Heat, The Princess Bride, Misery and Chaplin) in order to use the revenue for making Gandhi.   Until he really sat down and read the screenplay. 

 While the main focus is a fumbling magician’s assistant named Corky (Sir Anthony Hopkins of Othello, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Desperate Hours, Silence of the Lambs, Dracula, Chaplin and Legends of the Fall) and summoning the courage to go solo he bombs quicker than a sober guy on open mike night. (Seen it and it is not pretty)   The crowd mocks his act and Corky becomes a little unhinged and starts insulting the audience.  His mentor tells him he needs a real gimmick so a year passes since that conversation apparently and Corky is now seen with a dummy named Fats and what do you know, he is surprisingly good and starts making a name for himself in the entertainment circuit.   Talent agent Ben Greene (Burgess Meredith of Batman, Mr. Novak, The Twilight Zone, Night Gallery, Rocky, Clash of the Titans, Gloria and Grumpy Old Men) seeks Corky out and tells him he is ready for the big time!  I’m thinking Ed Sullivan or Johnny Carson myself.  Corky is ecstatic until he learns he will need to undergo a medical examination and Corky gives some half-assed excuse about fear of success and runs off the Catskills.   You see kids; Fats gave Corky more than confidence on stage.   

Corky stays at a hotel run by his old high school crush Peggy Ann Snow (Ann-Margret of Bye Bye Birdie, Viva Las Vegas, The Train Robbers, Tommy, The Villain, Twice in a Lifetime and Grumpy Old Men) who seems to be stuck in a loveless marriage and takes to Corky’s attention as it gives her life again.   Seriously the way Peggy and Duke act, you know they are dreaming of ending one another across the breakfast table. Peggy’s husband Duke (Ed Lauter of Dirty Little Billy, King Kong, The White Buffalo, B.J. and the Bear, Loose Shoes and Mulholland Falls) starts to think Corky may be after his gal and is getting a bit steamed under the collar.  This is not your typical love triangle as so much a quadrangle in that oddly enough Fats is not thrilled with Corky going out on his own either. 

 From what I gather there is no supernatural element in this that Fats is somehow possessed but in actuality it is all in Corky’s mind.   His unbearable self-loathing causes him to doubt his worth by acting out with Fats.   Ben attempts to get ahold of Corky again and pleads with him to get some help.   The best scene in this film is still has to be Corky putting Fats down for 5 minutes.  Sweat just trickles down his face and he cannot help but rush over to Fats yet again.

Now while the horror is a bit predictable when it occurs, it is fascinating watching Corky just losing his mind and soul a little at a time and Peggy really is the emotional lynchpin to this film.  Perhaps if we never saw Corky lose it on stage it would be more of a psychological thriller.  Not a great movie but overall a sound one.   A competent triumph from cast and crew by my account and I deem it noteworthy.