Holiday Havoc Week: Santa's Slay

Welcome back to Holiday Havoc Week and I sure hope the New Year’s hangovers go as quickly as the hundred years war.  Yes I am a bit sour but moving right along into today’s flick about a less than holly and jolly old rosy cheeked fellow.  A towering mammoth of a man bringing holiday death to all the good and bad girls and boys is on the loose and coming to your town.  So say your prayers and be true in your hearts.  This is Santa’s Slay.

Ho, ho, holy crap that's Bill Goldberg!

Santa: I’m Santa, not spoilin’ Dracula!

In the tradition of cheese that was the horror films Jack Frost and Uncle Sam brings us to the tale of the Anti-Christ losing a bet with an angel.  Y’see in spite of the Devil’s son being big, buff and down and out nasty, he is lousy at curling.  Yes I did say curling.  For his spectacular loss the demon must be a good jolly fellow that hands out toys to all the good girls and boys.  For a thousand years our cherub demon suffers being good until 2005 and he is off the hook and out of control.  Our opening scene consists of a gathering of folks around a dinner table snarking at one another when down the chimney comes old Saint Nick (Bill Goldberg of WCW, WWE, Universal Soldier: The Return, Ready to Rumble and The Longest Yard remake) who greets this happy family with gore gags galore.  Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus…and boy is he ticked. 

Fran, I told you to stay away from the green screen. Sheesh actors.

Our dark comedy shows some passes from a book written in what looked at a guess given the Latin text and pronunciations telling the tale how Santa lost his bet.  Course that is nothing compared to the Chubacabra having to go Vegan for a lousy poker hand.  

Back to our story, a young teen Nicolas Yuleman (Douglas Smith of Blast from the Past, Big Love, Antiviral and Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters) not of this festive time turns to his rather quaint grandfather (Robert Culp of I Spy, Bob & Carol &Ted & Alice, The Greatest American Hero, Columbo and Gargoyles) who shows the lad the Book of Klaus telling of his origins.  Knowing that Santa is on a bloody rampage Nick and his girlfriend Mary “Mac” Mackenzie (Emilie de Ravin of Lost, The Hills Have Eyes, Brick and Public Enemies) to avenge their happy go lucky boss, stop Santa’s spree of death and ensure people have a merry Christmas.

Okay now this is just a collection of spoilers and fun facts about this movie.  Our opening scene looks a bit anti-Semitic given the various Jewish actors being slain in the first 3 minutes of the film.  Fran Drescher, James Caan, Rebecca Gayheart and Chris Kattan all slaughtered and then it hit me.  Bill Goldberg did them all in and I relaxed my PC button just so.    I got a kick out of Dave Thomas as the local pastor at a strip club escaping the terror as it burns down and yes fellas there was nudity at the club.  The large buffalo that was Santa’s Helldeer was an interesting choice and overall this was a cheesy film with some mildly hokey effects but I got a good laugh.

Flaming reindeer poop works great as a hand warmer.