Friday, January 29, 2016

Within the Woods: Camp Blood 3

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to this blog...another sequel rears its head. Hey folks and yes I cannot stay away from Brad Sykes' awful movies. It is becoming like a drug I swear. Yes I too was shocked to find out people are still giving this jagoff money "craft" some stories once again but I think he has a rich uncle or he is a coke mule. Pick one. That being said our story differs quite a bit from the previous films. So suck it up, take some Dramamine for the lack of a stabilizer and get ready for acting more wooden than the woods themselves. This is Within the Woods a.k.a. Camp Blood 3.

Well if you don't answer, I am just going to get naked and prone.

When last we were at Camp Blackwood, Tricia was stalked by an lunatic in a clown mask and ill-fitting jumpsuit. First her lesbian nature guide tried to off her and all her friends, then she went back to the woods with a film crew and cast only to be the survivor. I was hoping they would maybe make Tricia snap and be the new clown... but that bit of simplistic writing just ain't gonna happen.

Years have passed since Tricia's run-in with insane, be-jump suited serial killing sisters and an insipid reality TV show producers Tony (David Sobel of Wish Me Luck, Death Row the Tournament, CSI, Dragnet and Las Vegas) has conned er um I mean convinced five contestants to spend 24 hours at Blackwood a.k.a. Camp Blood for a million dollar prize. Folks, for a cool tax free million that clown would be carved into brisket. That being said Tony hires a stuntman to play the "Clown" in order to scare the contestants off and get some jump scares. Big question? One day event is going to generate what revenue? At least a week would give you the potential chance of creating multiple sites for the same gag because reality TV seems to be the modern day equivalence of game shows.

Nu-View camera gave a decent effect here.

But said stuntman isn't the only one running through the woods so let's meet our soon-to-be stereotypes/victims. We got the jock doofus Russ (Phil Lander of Zombie Nation, Black Dahila, XPW: Cold Day in Hell and Attack of the Slime People), scrapper goth tomboy Mel (Denise Lorraine of Diamond and Sphinx, Daniel & Isabelle, I Stand Here Ironing and Chase 'n Madi), pop singer/songwriter Kat (Erin Holt of Mutation, Office of the Dead, Some Sunny Day, The Playhouse and Bloodsucka Jones), bored rich kid Nolan (Adam Van Conant of Say It Again, Sam, Within the Woods and Driftwood) and bouncy jiggly girl Jessica (Stephanie Mathis of Operation Shock and Awe...some, Losing Faith, The Hangover and Get Him to the Greek).

So ignoring the mythos that has already been poorly written, the technical scale has improved and the characters are actually written like human beings. Slowly one by one they are getting knocked off. What's that? Not enough people for a body count? Well you are quite correct. So how about a nudey model and her Belgian photographer get iced by the Clown? Yeah I can imagine you didn't see that one coming at all. Will there be any survivors at all? Will anyone care about that million dollars when their very lives hang in the balance? And what about Timmy trapped in the well?

Okay there are a few improvements since the last two films. Technical wise, the camera work is better, there are actual night time acts and the lighting from that was impressive and the FX is still pretty spot on. That being said however, could anyone enlighten Sykes that a machete is a slashing weapon and not a piercing one? Also giving your slasher teleportation and superhuman strength is way too Jason Vorhees for my taste. Jason is an undead, mongoloid hillbilly so that is pretty commonplace for him. And yes that classification is all my creation and you are welcome. There is no real tension to speak of in spite of the attempts to ratchet it up but no fault to cinematographer when this is what is the director's vision and he needs a paycheck. Furthermore, going out into the scrub brush of Santa Clarita is kinda silly. 

Big Bear is about 40 miles away and TRUST ME there is enough trails that would be safe for folks to run around in.   Lots of ridges, streams and hey a bunch of trees!!! Still love El Jocko fleeing from the clown and his run is more effeminate that Hugh Grant's in Four Weddings and a Funeral. 

Shh, I think I just heard a crappy plot premise.