Friday the 13th: The Lost Tales of Camp Blood

Hey gang. Quick question. What do you know about Friday the 13^th? Now I am sure most of you know about the undead, mongoloid hillbilly, Jason Vorhees but what do you know of Crystal Lake? For more than 3 decades we have stories linked directly to this small body of water and the Jason murders but did Jason just start right after Part 1? Many writers that love the slasher subgenre speculated since they went with him witnessing his mommy's death, that he just roamed the forest, living off vegetation and animals but what about any witnesses to his existence?

In 2009, Paramount Productions released the 8 films of the franchise on what they called the Ultimate Collection with statistics on the victims, body count, whether the kids were getting drunk, high or just sexing it up, trivia facts and even weapons used. What interested me overall of this set was a series of short stories and links to the original source material. This is Lost Tales from Camp Blood.

This chiropractor is very hands on.

Starting as a special feature, these stories are all based around the news clippings referenced around all the latter films giving an air of eerie to this region of the country...when logically the townsfolk should just move and get the Ghostfinders in to exorcise the hell out of that lake. These tales of dread are suppose to happen prior to the second or possibly the third film but the clothes, sets, haircuts really don't reflect that well enough. Harry Manfreni's theme and original scores are heard throughout the six-part story arc and the film looks like it was shot on Hi-Def camcorder. The Cannon XLH1 mini 35 with the Optar Super-Speed Prime Lenses giving it almost 35mm look translated from HDV. So for the sake of everyone's sanity let's put this around th 7^th film, The New Blood so Telekinetic Tina can have a business moving furniture.

Bleh, no more whiskey shots and darts again!

Our first part of the series is simply a couple sleeping peacefully in a cabin around the region only to get visited by a be-jumpsuited psycho that disembowels them and just wanders out of said home. Not a lot of dialogue needed written there aside from, "Is someone there?" "Billy, what was that noise?" and popular trope "This isn't funny". Our horrific assailant's face is never shown and kept in the shadows but exhibits terrifying amounts of almost supernatural strength. Hmm, Michael Myers perhaps? Nah, that would mean having to leave Illinois/California. Our second story catches right up with the previous the next morning with blood spatters all over the walls and puddles of the victims' fluids drained into the carpet. Camp Counselors Sarah and Eric try calling Mark and Amy but no answer. They're dead tired, kids. Yeah I slapped myself for the bad joke.

Naturally since the car was McGuffined, we have to go hiking to Mark and Amy's place. That's just common sense. No need to backtrack down the road you were driving from, hit a gas station, get the car towed and looked at. Nosirree. That's just crazy talk! Hell I was just stunned California still had payphones. Our actors play the parts and offer a decent performance of the type cast cookie cutter personifications of humans because...well that is all they are usually given in a slasher flick. Quality production from blocking to practical FX. Well done from cast and crew.

The theme continues the anthology of the Killer chasing after the Survivor story that has been in the slasher subgenre since it was conceived. I think the slight drawback to this is you can pretty much predict when the Killer will strike and it does throw off your viewing a bit but if you just allow yourself to view it as though you have never seen a slasher flick then you will enjoy it.

Your six-parter got so much love from the fan base that Ceperley cut it as a full-length short film in case you didn't want the original Paramount special edition collection with the two pairs of 3-D glasses (Screw your other friends and family I guess) and detailed 8 page booklet explaining nuances about the films.

Written and directed by Andrew Ceperley (known primarly as a cinematographer and visual effects supervisor for Football Is a Way of Life: The Making of Varsity Blues, Villains of Star Trek, Bing Crosby Christmas Crooner, The Crystal Lake Massacre Revisted and Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy) puts him in the path as a research nut for Horror and makes him a prime candidate to directing short stories of Jason's mayhem. An amusing bit of trivia here. Principal photography was in a canyon above Pasadena California but most of it was shot in Palo Verdes and then to Redono Beach for the practical makeup FX shots.

It's bloody, no ridiculous amounts of jiggly girl nudity and really meshes well with the Vorhees mythos establishing kills the locals don't even know about...presumably Jason discards their collective clothes and hides the vehicles they travel in. Like a one man Wrong Turn super mutant inbred hillbilly. Sorry Wrong Turn, but Jason is the original undead mongoloid hillbilly.

Miss, you dropped your keys a mile back.

Blood+

Back again kiddies! Yes I have actually been watching anime, a concept I thought not possible in this modern era of CGI overlapping, countless reboots and more inept rewrites than the mind can handle. With that in mind, today's anime is not a reboot, re-imagining or any such nonsense but a continuation from the film. Will it cut the mustard or will it be dry and less than appetizing?

This is Blood+

But, but I signed up for debate!

After the success of the 45 minute movie in 2001, it was contracted to for a 52 episode series offering more background to the series and addition characters expanding upon the original 6 part episode plan allowing the main story, subplots and secondary stories to unfold more naturally.

So forging ahead from last we saw Saya was 1966 in Yokota Air Base near Fussa, Tokyo, Japan during the Vietnam War. The Chiropterans (bat-like humanoids, demons or vampires) managed to infiltrate the air base with no one the wiser until Saya dispatched with ease until attending to their higher ups which took a toll on her mentally and physically. We cut to 2005 in Koza, Okinawa Island near the US Kadena Air Base, our otherwise moody and methodical killer schoolgirl is... attending classes, living with a family and worried about her high jump for championship matches?? Huh?  Saya has been living with an adopted family and seems to be suffering from anemia and amnesia at the same time. Having no knowledge of her skill set, fighting style or even her past, her adopted family treats her as they would their own daughter and sister.

You just know the fan fic makes us gay in this scene, right?

All seems well in Saya's life when she seems a mysterious cellist Haji, who she seems drawn to and yet could not explain why. No sooner than plot device of "Left my track shoes and clothes at the school," is unleashed the Chiropterans make an appearance, slaughtering the innocent and looking to do away with Saya.  Haji brings Saya's blade and her old instincts kick in, take over and kick serious ass in the process. Haji refers himself to Saya as her chevalier (Knight) who will selflessly deliver assistance to her in her battles against the Chiropterans and stay on helping her recover her lost memories.

Of course the black ops link to the CIA is still there, allowing her passage around the planet and the ability to operate with impunity of the laws of the land. How long has she been without memory? The seemingly innocent looking 17 year old as we know it was 17 in 1966 and 1892 so...has she been off the radar since the Vietnam War for 39 years, going from "family" to "family"? Has combined intelligence operations been searching for Saya this whole time? Who has hidden her in plain sight?

The Chiropterans have a standard manga/anime monster feel as they are hulking monstrosities with bulging eyes, enormous fangs and the cackling process of tormenting the protagonists. With the creators of Ghost in the Shell on the job, the stories blending with CGI almost seamlessly added to the hand drawn work it is amazing. This series will be on your shelf next to Evangelion, Cowboy Bebop, Naruto and Ruroni Kenshin. I hope you enjoy this series as much I am doing now.

Turn the other cheek, perhaps?

Horror of 1970 Week: The Werewolf Vs the Vampire Woman

Hi there kids and welcome back to Day 3 of Horror of 1970 Week and again I want to apologize for Mark of the Devil, I also was not prepared for that level of Eurohorror.  Today is a total different story as seen from the absurd title alone so grab your silver bullets, prep a flame thrower and get some garlic.  This is The Werewolf Vs the Vampire Woman.

Hey, do I have anything in my teeth?

Beware of the moon, for it brings spoilers in the night!!

Journey into the realms and recesses of the mind of writer Paul Naschy (Seven Murders for Scotland Yard, The Mummy’s Revenge, The Man with the Severed Head, Curse of the Devil, Vengeance of the Zombies, Devil’s Possessed, House of Psychotic Women and Countess Dracula’s Orgy of Blood) a Spainard warped by the love of Universal horror movies, Hammer films and comic books such as Eerie Tales and Tales From the Crypt causing him to write more than 40 different movies for Spanish and Eurohorror films as well as produce and direct.  With his very dark humor and satire he brings an unusual blend of unintentional comedy with his horror and vice versa.  Mixed with director Leon Kilmovsky (Desert Warrior, Leap to Fame, Django, a Bullet for You, Vengeance of the Zombies, The Dracula Saga and Devil’s Possessed) the two have worked hand in hand trying to push the horror envelope without a huge budget to work with.   As for our movie this is a continuation of the title: Fury of the Wolf Man.

Necking takes a new meaning.

A now dead werewolf, Count Wladermar Daninsky (writer PaulNaschy) slays the two doctors performing an autopsy on him after removing the silver bullets from his heart.  Well that is gratitude for ya.  Heading back to his ancestral home, the disheveled Count hides and manages to look civilized.

Making their way across the French countryside (which is shot in Madrid) two students and friends Elvira (Gaby Fuchs of Girimm’s Fairy Tales for Adults, As You Like It, Die Geisha and Tatort) and Genevieve (Barbara Capell of Lolita, The Love Mad Baroness, All Kitties Go for Sweeties and Madame Pompadour) explore the lands and stop at a foreboding castle and go in to visit only to be greeted by our Count who feels the need to tell the tale of a forgotten vampiric countess that ruled these lands in the 13^th century.  Yeah that is a different ice breaker.  Rarely do I take people around the house and tell them about a possible double homicide.

So intrigued by these tales of sin and debauchery that the girls go and investigate the tomb of Countess Nadasdy (Patty Shepard of Glass Ceiling, My Dear Killer, Hannah, Queen of the Vampires, Ella and Edge of the Axe) Elvira accidently resurrects the countess causing Daninsky to morph into the wolfman to do battle with the countess.

I had just a few comments on the film.  Now given budget wise this B movie has good pacing, excellent sets and even good lighting and camera work.  Given their timeline and lack of deadline this movie did the very level best that it could on a shoestring budget.  The only real annoying aspect of it was the English dubbing was a bit painful to hear but watching it in Spanish with subtitles gave it almost an art quality. 

Join us!.. we have cookies.

Take my advice people, skip the dubbed version.  Yes there is a fair amount of blood given well gee it is a werewolf/vampire movie but it is actually tastefully done.  There is brief nudity so the fellas will be thrilled of course but all in all it was pretty fun and I dare you to not laugh at the first appearance of the terrifying lycanthrope.  I spat up my drink and sniggered for a few.

Werewolf Week: Never Cry Werewolf

Evening boys and girls!!  Say what could I possibly been watching tonight that would scar the psyche of the average movie viewer?  I give you a few hints:  It feels almost shot for shot the original Fright Night, has animatronics and prosthetic effects less believable than Harry and the Hendersons and just might being something Kevin Sorbo wants to scrub off his IMDB listings??   Well gather up nice and snug, maybe have a flashlight and a forbidden lore book.  This is Never Cry Werewolf.

Spoilers may come with extra cheese toppings!!!

Cinematographer/ TV series director Brenton Spencer (21 Jump Street, Street Justice, Blown Away, First Wave, Dead Man’s Gun, Night Man and Stargate: Atlantis) combines his powers with writer John Sheppard (Armour of God, Mark of Cain, Higher Education, MacGyver, MacGyver: Lost Treasure of Atlantis and Robocop TV Series)and form Captaaaaaain PLANETTTTT!!!!  Well actually they create this slightly abysmal TV Movie for the SyFy Channel.   Brought to you from the terrifying burbs of Ontario Canada, comes a story of a new neighbor, inexplicable fog and dogs barking to the level that Johnny will go get his gun if they do not hush.  Kyle (Spencer Van Wyck of Knights of the South Bronx, Victor, The Lesser Blessed and Degrassi: The Next Generation) and big sister Loren (Nina Dobrev of Repo! The Genetic Opera, How She Move, Fugitive Pieces, The American Mall and The Vampire Diaries) notice an eerie fog blanketing the street.  Not so much the neighborhood with at least 5 or 6 fog bank machines but probably a portable back pack job.  Sorry broke the 4^th wall there.  The neighborhood dogs including the family pet are alert and scared.  What could ever be coming to town?  Oh also on this block apparently is a registered sex offender.  Boy doesn’t that sound like the area to raise your kids?  Alright perhaps abysmal is a bit harsh.  Less than satisfying TV movie but about what you would expect from the likes of SyFy.  

New to the area Jared (Peter Stebbings of K-19: The Widowmaker, Stargate SG-1, Jeremiah, Rabbit Fall, Cra$h & Burn and Murdoch Mysteries) is keeping to himself attempting to repair and rebuild his new home.  Everyone on the block as well as the town seems enamored by Jared except Loren who now spies on him.  Her gut instinct says something is off and witnesses Jared shape shift and murder a random girl in his home.  Or did she? 

With her Charlie Brewster senses tingling Loren asks her buddy Steve (Sean O’Neil of Common Ground, Prom Queen: The Marc Hall Story, Queer as Folk and Baby Blues) who is offbeat, bizarre and in no way, shape or form Evil Ed archetype for advice on dealing with Jared.   Enter Redd Tucker (Kevin Sorbo of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Kull the Conqueror, Andromeda, The O.C. and Avenging Angel)  a washed-up, has been TV hunting show host who of course is actually just a paltry actor at best attempting to salvage his career so yes he does get the Peter Vincent feel.  After Jared’s German Sheppard/Hellhound morphs and goes bat shit in the local hunting store, Loren drops this sick pup and he dissolves when nailed with silver.  

  Jared becomes obsessed with Loren and Loren begs and pleads for Redd’s assistance in killing Jared.   Redd comes clean on being just an actor and less manly than Marlin Perkins.   So the showdown commences as Loren rousts the silverware for arrowheads and makes her way to the lair of the beast.    Boy that explanation made this sound fairly good didn’t it.   Lot of handheld, some dolly and clearly the upper staircase shots someone had a death grip on the cameraman.  Granted we are free of most CGI minus bad temped pooch.  Old school rubber furry suit and animatronic head.  Certainly not the worst thing Sorbo has done and frankly he looked like he was enjoying the sheer silliness of it.   Hardcore werewolf fans may want to skip away from this title.

Critters...yes well...

Okay kids I am back with a series that frankly is a doozy.  So strap yourselves down, put in your mouth guard and going out swinging.  This is Critters Collection. 

Spoilers can save your sanity…

New Line Cinema attempting to branch out Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Ator films with Miles O’ Keefe and Son Chiba’s Street Fighter series. Wes Craven’s pet project, A Nightmare on Elm Street truly breathed life into the company and offered with a series of creature features.    Of these modern day monster films, the Critters franchise is born.   In 1986, Critters was released just after the success rate of Joe Dante’s Gremlins and has been a long standing of dispute on cashing in on its popularity but this reviewer says nay nay.   The focus of the movie is around the creatures themselves, the Crites or Critters if you will.   These carnivorous aliens from outer space resembling hedgehogs with more teeth than the entire Osmond family spread like a plague from planet to planet eating whatever they can.    They live to simply eat, breed and the cycle repeats.  LAND SHARKS!!!!

The standard storyline is the aliens attack a small town in Grover’s Bend Kansas thrashing a farm and of all things they attack Billy Zane (Back To The Future 1, 2 and 3, Demon Knight, The Phantom, Titanic) A duo of these faceless bounty hunters Ug and Lee and yes I did not make those names up have a chameleonic head allowing them to blend into whatever society they are hunting in.  Not to mention enough firepower to take on the Bolivian Army.  A family of four fends off the Crites with fire axes, ball bats and of course the old fashioned double barrel boomstick.  We even have a bumbling sheriff and town rummy.  Town rummy Charlie (Don Keith Opper of Android, City Limits, Critters, Critters 2, Critters 3, Critters 4 and Infection) takes off with the two hunters.  All is said and done from the first film but apparently these space mammals lay eggs. (Suck it Darwin!)  

These eggs of course make our way to Critters 2: The Main Course.   Our bounty hunters are off world popping a giant worm creature when they are given a contract that Crites are still on Earth. Hunter Lee has more face shifting issues and he hasn’t settled on one. Ug (Terrance Mann of Critters, Critters 3, Critters 4 and The Dresden Files) seems content to using a popular rock star’s visage. Lee is ambushed by Crites and killed. Ug and Charlie rally together and throw down with said Crites blowing the lot of them off with their ship.   But…did we get every egg again?  Wah wah waaaaaah.   Off to Topeka Kansas to create Critters 3: You Are What They Eat starring Don Opper and Terrance Mann of the previous films as well as Leonardo DiCaprio’s first movie.   A down trodden building owned by a heartless landlord is under siege by Crites so clearly that is a pest issue.  Charlie (Don Opper) tracks and takes out the Crites but Ug (Terrance Mann) is again nowhere to be found until a holographic message sputters out of a wrist unit and Ug explains Crites are now on the endangered species list. Charlie drops the last remaining Crite eggs into stasis but fell into the pod that was to carry it to this Shadow Consul.

 Now this sad bit of sputum was actually an extended film and not intended to be a continuous beyond this film but New Line Cinema said we will shoot 3 and 4 back to back.  Critters 4: They're Invading Your Space Charlie places the Crite eggs in a stasis unit only to goof up yet again and get trapped into the pod only to have slept for 200 years and rescued by a salvage ship. Yeah cue James Horner music, some pulse rifles and a kick ass Sgt Apone.   The crew decides to claim salvage rights on the pod and receive an update from the Shadow Consul and demand the pod, offer an obscene reward and set coordinates to arrange a meeting.  The space station was in shambles and the Crites are loose, eating and breeding.  Charlie is brought to consciousness and up to speed on the Crites so he springs into action, if action was constituted for bumbling and inept.  With a gun fight with the descendant of Ug and his white clad storm troopers, the Crites eat most of them and the surviving crew blow up the station and flee to safety. 

What is the point you may ask?   Well ambition versus common sense is what occurred.  As this is the way of many storytellings, lack of continuity, re-writes and schedule conflicts can create a jumbled mess and while this is not what I would consider viable entertainment but it is an aspect of my childhood.  Well okay the first one is.  The other three are ideal from extremely dumb movie night...

Moonlight...gone too soon.

What do you say about a shamus over 85 years of age that is young and vibrant, mysterious and intrigue surrounding his every other action?  So grab a fresh willing victim, open an artery and feed.  This is Moonlight.

 

Spoilers exist in a realm of darkness and mystery…

Writers Ron Koslow (Lifeguard, Beauty and the Beast, My Life and Times and Beauty and the Beast remake) and Trevor Munson (Lone Star State of Mind and Moonlight) try to unfold a show of humans and vampires without it being clouded with too many flashbacks, horrible atrocities and the need for more Victorian garb than an Anne Rice novel.  They give a spin to scoff at coffins and holy icon warding them off.  Garlic can leave a bitter aftertaste in one’s mouth.  They do adhere to the mythos that stakes merely paralyze vampires and fire and decapitation are always the call of the day.

A private investigator named Mick St. John (Alex O’ Loughlin of The Holiday, August Rush, The Back-up Plan and Hawaii Five-O) gives us the viewers a bit of narrative of life as a vampire from his perspective.  By all accounts he is a young pup in the realm of forever ranging in at the age 85.  Yes our protagonist is not old as dirt like for example: Nick Knight from Forever Knight or Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.   He is barely out of touch of the mainstream but lives by a code similar to theirs.  A bit of a foot dragging vampire in that eternity is a bit of a bummer.   A murder is captured on a digital network called Buzzwire.   The lead investigative reporter Beth Turner (Sophia Myles of Underworld, Underworld: Evolution, Outlander and MI-5) has a veracious appetite for success and a gnawing hunger for the truth that she could easily end up a chalk outline.  She and Mick meet at the crime scene, he charms her then swoops off into the night leaving her wondering if that just all happened.   

Oh don’t worry readers there more bloodsuckers out there.  Take Mick’s best bud and mentor to all things fangy, Josef Kostan (Jason Dohring of Deep Impact, Veronica Mars, Supernatural and Ringer) a 400 year old investment financial wizard and ruthless for corporate takeovers.  He gives a light hearted standing on vampires enjoying the humans for food, fun and fiscal gain.   Mick’s main hang-up is he did not request to be made a vampire by his bride-to-be and somehow she kept this all secret.  Not exactly a difficult task. “Say Honey, why do I never see you eat at all?”    Bit of a pointer there.  

 Alas this series has only 16 episodes and we are left with that same achy Firefly moment without even a band-aid of Serenity to patch it up.   Shot in L.A. and my belief vamps just want to feed on models and movie stars, these series of stories unfold of murder, conspiracy, vampirism and human brutality.   It all has that nice third person narrative that the detective delves into and frankly went before it really had a chance to shine.   Guess the popularity of the Jersey Shore tromped it so proof that taste in American viewing pleasure can be limited but feel free to snag a copy because all in all it was enjoyable.