Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Werewolf Week: Never Cry Werewolf

Evening boys and girls!!  Say what could I possibly been watching tonight that would scar the psyche of the average movie viewer?  I give you a few hints:  It feels almost shot for shot the original Fright Night, has animatronics and prosthetic effects less believable than Harry and the Hendersons and just might being something Kevin Sorbo wants to scrub off his IMDB listings??   Well gather up nice and snug, maybe have a flashlight and a forbidden lore book.  This is Never Cry Werewolf.

Spoilers may come with extra cheese toppings!!!

Cinematographer/ TV series director Brenton Spencer (21 Jump Street, Street Justice, Blown Away, First Wave, Dead Man’s Gun, Night Man and Stargate: Atlantis) combines his powers with writer John Sheppard (Armour of God, Mark of Cain, Higher Education, MacGyver, MacGyver: Lost Treasure of Atlantis and Robocop TV Series)and form Captaaaaaain PLANETTTTT!!!!  Well actually they create this slightly abysmal TV Movie for the SyFy Channel.   Brought to you from the terrifying burbs of Ontario Canada, comes a story of a new neighbor, inexplicable fog and dogs barking to the level that Johnny will go get his gun if they do not hush.  Kyle (Spencer Van Wyck of Knights of the South Bronx, Victor, The Lesser Blessed and Degrassi: The Next Generation) and big sister Loren (Nina Dobrev of Repo! The Genetic Opera, How She Move, Fugitive Pieces, The American Mall and The Vampire Diaries) notice an eerie fog blanketing the street.  Not so much the neighborhood with at least 5 or 6 fog bank machines but probably a portable back pack job.  Sorry broke the 4th wall there.  The neighborhood dogs including the family pet are alert and scared.  What could ever be coming to town?  Oh also on this block apparently is a registered sex offender.  Boy doesn’t that sound like the area to raise your kids?  Alright perhaps abysmal is a bit harsh.  Less than satisfying TV movie but about what you would expect from the likes of SyFy.  

New to the area Jared (Peter Stebbings of K-19: The Widowmaker, Stargate SG-1, Jeremiah, Rabbit Fall, Cra$h & Burn and Murdoch Mysteries) is keeping to himself attempting to repair and rebuild his new home.  Everyone on the block as well as the town seems enamored by Jared except Loren who now spies on him.  Her gut instinct says something is off and witnesses Jared shape shift and murder a random girl in his home.  Or did she? 

With her Charlie Brewster senses tingling Loren asks her buddy Steve (Sean O’Neil of Common Ground, Prom Queen: The Marc Hall Story, Queer as Folk and Baby Blues) who is offbeat, bizarre and in no way, shape or form Evil Ed archetype for advice on dealing with Jared.   Enter Redd Tucker (Kevin Sorbo of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Kull the Conqueror, Andromeda, The O.C. and Avenging Angel)  a washed-up, has been TV hunting show host who of course is actually just a paltry actor at best attempting to salvage his career so yes he does get the Peter Vincent feel.  After Jared’s German Sheppard/Hellhound morphs and goes bat shit in the local hunting store, Loren drops this sick pup and he dissolves when nailed with silver.  

  Jared becomes obsessed with Loren and Loren begs and pleads for Redd’s assistance in killing Jared.   Redd comes clean on being just an actor and less manly than Marlin Perkins.   So the showdown commences as Loren rousts the silverware for arrowheads and makes her way to the lair of the beast.    Boy that explanation made this sound fairly good didn’t it.   Lot of handheld, some dolly and clearly the upper staircase shots someone had a death grip on the cameraman.  Granted we are free of most CGI minus bad temped pooch.  Old school rubber furry suit and animatronic head.  Certainly not the worst thing Sorbo has done and frankly he looked like he was enjoying the sheer silliness of it.   Hardcore werewolf fans may want to skip away from this title.