Greetings one and all to Day 1 of Bruno
Mattei Week. This would normally be the part where you would be
subjected to an insanely gross zombie film of far too many titles but
is commonly known as Hell of the Living Dead but I have long since
reviewed that film and have no desire to go back to it. Much like
Godfather Part III, once is enough in my book. Instead we hearken to
the Post Apocalypse universe of such popularity since Mad Max. The
re-emergence of this sub-genre has life breathed into every 5 to 10
years or so. Some are thought provoking, dark and abysmal existences
and some are Waterworld. I kid Waterworld. Not such a bad flick if
viewed a tad bit more objectively.
Nevertheless, I speak of a movie
established 100 years after the nuclear fallout with inhabitants of
this scorched Earth rise out of underground shelters in search of
power, food and other such needs. This is Rats: Night of Terror.
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| Have fun cleaning up our poops!! |
Brought us by the letter A for Atomic
Fallout our band of underground dwellers in secure sanctuaries ascend
to the surface to see what is become of the planet. Set in a desert
town, our band of dirt covered, scruffy survivors are out and about
travelling in trucks and bikes that somehow work well, the radiation
didn't screw up the gasoline or perhaps they run on hopes, dreams and
unicorn farts. Not sure what the deal is with that.
Puttering around this battered town
that is rad free and the buildings are simply abandoned, our team is
lead by a bearded goof name of Kurt (Ottaviano Dell 'Acqua of
Crime Busters, Uppercut, Zombi, Nightmare City, Days of Hell, Cop
Game, Zombi 3, Strike Commando 2 and Double Team) and his
collection of half educated warrior wastelanders including: the very
striking and ridiculously named Chocolate (Geretta Geretta of
Demons, Buy & Cell, Shocking Dark, Sweetiecakes, Bloody Christmas
and The Becoming) and white afro wearing Video (Gianni
Franco of The Phantom of the Opera, The Wax Mask, Crimes, Third
Person and Colpi di fortuna).
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| Looks like a savvy bunch. |
The rest of them... seriously you will
not care. When they are not bickering at one another, they are
discovering an elaborate hydroponics garden, filtered gallons of
fresh uncontaminated water and a couple barracks full of packaged
food. Which begs the question, who built this paradise and where
are they now? Okay, we have to get to the goofy part as they raid
the local tavern/watering hole and all these rats are just lumped
together on the floor and around the bar top. A large gathering of
rats seem to thwart our one dimensional gibbering mongoloids at every
turn! With scenarios of them burrowing through stomachs and
throats, the rats seem to be cutting our travelers off from the
exits. What will they do next? Is there no end to their devious
behavior? How can they be stopped?
A few comments about the movie now.
Mattei is trying to get you to suspend loads of disbelief as the rats
are overrunning the place like zombies when in actuality they are
huddled together and some of them have dye in their fur to make them
look black and menacing. Yup, white rat minstrel going on. Tsk tsk.
Most of the wild leaping scenes of the
rats hurling themselves in the air like demented anime characters
minus the speed lines you can clearly guess the arc and trajectory
was possible by a stage hand lobbing the poor critters at the actors.
The close-ups on one of the actors engulfed in rats you can easily
see they are fake, plastic and glued onto his costume. Their main
tech guy Video is convinced every piece of hardware simply needs a
kick in the balls. No really. That is actual dialogue. Truly a
film worth poking fun at, assuming you are not just laughing at the
poorly dubbed dialogue and lack of inflection in the voices.
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| Kate Moss before Photoshop. |
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