Guardians

And we are back in action. Last week, many of you commented how there was only one write-up and that was on Sunday. With a series of migraines and tearing more muscles than I ever wanted, I am still not exactly skibbling along. Yeah I am writing this from my laptop because...ow.

The next complaint to address has been that there has been too many "schlocky horror and jiggly girl films, and I need to diversify my pantheon of writing."   Um have you read this blog before?    So with this in mind and the spirit of Halloween on the rise, I'll review something other than just horror. 

Killjoys. Today we look into a Russian superhero film released in 2017 which looks promising in the Avengers have differences but we settle them long enough to save the world kind of vibe. This is Guardians.

Group photo! No pushing and shoving, kids.

Note no trash pandas nor talking ficus to be found. Our story establishes credibility during the Cold War.   For those of the ages of 20 and up, we were neck and neck with spies, Rambo dropping his balls in Russians' faces and enough nuclear 180 megaton warheads to cook the planet to a nice even simmer.   Also space race.

We open with old timey stock footage of the Cold War era, unleashing spy planes, jet fighters, JFK giving us a stirring speech so you know that First Secretary Nikita Khrushchev was ready to bang a shoe during a UN Meeting and amazing vocals by Yuliya Tereshchenko.  Oh NATO, yeah you really did deal with a lot.

We see an assortment of medical trials, charts, graphics and early 50s tech as several people seems to be worked on or altered.  Whether it is genetic manipulation, mutations from hmm..Chernobyl perhaps?   80's reference!!

Testing mecha tank units and showing off deployment and effectiveness against T 34 and T 70 tanks when the mechas have a T-1000 Robocop moment and turn the contents of those tanks into chunky salsa and took out a Mil Mi-24 (heavy armored helicopter) with one missile.   Then took out the test control room.   Hmm probably a software glitch.   We'll iron that out in no time. Shock of all shocks, the advanced tech has been taken over by...a hybrid of Bane and Whiplash?   So Mickey Rourke or Tom Hardy.  Take your pick.

With this new threat imposing on the Motherland, who do they turn to? Well this isn't Marvel so no Winter Guard. Google it, Russian superhero team from the early 80s. An organization called Patriot (yes similar to SHIELD) gets the news and gets to work debriefing these agents to an series of experiments that hailed as far back as the late 40s. Recombining DNA, cybernetics in its infancy and genetic manipulation.

Dr Avgust Kuratov (Stanislav Shirin of Vse o muzhchinakh and Guardians) was discredited when dedicated his life to a project known as Module 1, a remote access to dominate any device with an engine running through it.  Saaaaay, aren't we biochemical batteries?   Moving on, Not Colonel Fury, General major Dolgov (Vyacheslav Razbegaev of Dark Planet, Dark Planet: Rebellion, Antkiller D.K., Bashnya, Bayker and Underworld Trilogy: The Cop) does a bit of exposition plot dump similar to Samuel Jackson via Avengers so yes the formula is fairly close and blah blah blah. No friggin aliens, Asgardians or frozen old timey guys, so move on.

Experiments gone awry, Kuratov became superhuman in strength, stamina and mass.

For honor! For Capcom!

Major Larina (Valeriya Shkirando of Battalion, Diggery, All That Jam, Guardians Obmen and S'parta)Not Maria Hill has been given the less than desirable task of reassembling a team of beings specifically capable of this looming terror. She must do this within two weeks so they can prep, outfit and hope equip these beings for the impeding fight ahead. With a man that can Earth bend, Ler (Sebastien Sisak of Racism in the Subway, Rosalie, Through the Air, Drift, The Earthquake, Guardians and Unforgiven), a geokinetic if you will, is promised revenge on Kuratov to him.  Um, not sure if that is standard protocol but hell he seems to be in.

A young man out of the deserts of Kazakhstan moves like the wind and deadly with two curved blades. Kind of looks like he is cosplaying Strider via Capcom but all in black, Khan (Sanjar Madi of The Other Side, Tale of a Pink Hare, Yolki 2, Hunting the Phantom and Guardians), to Siberia in the foot hills lurks Arus (Anton Pampushnyy of Bednaya Liz, Mstitel Poor Liz, Tatort, Come on- Therapy for the Undecided and Stepmother's Tales), an 8 foot high werebear and 6 foot in human form. Lastly, at Moscow Circus performance is Kseniya (Alina Lanina of Sled, Kuhnya, Guardians and Pervye) a girl with the ability for decent hand to hand combat, turn invisible and water abilities is...um an aqua ballet performer?   Yeah I am stumped on this one.

Mecha Tank. So cool to say and type.

To go further, all Guardians are roughly 40 years older than they physically appear. Apparently Kuratov's experiments stopped or stunted their aging process. That roughly puts them all about 90.

Kuratov is plotting to back the old chestnut of take over the world with his clone army. Cue the John Williams music.

Can the Guardians fight against this madman??? Will there be anything of Moscow left to save???

With a budget of 380,000,000 rubles...translates to about 5 million dollars, the effects for CGI, wirework, slo mo camera speeds, fight choreography and gun fu, it's pretty damn impressive.

Personally I hope it gets a sequel.

Yes, we can argue it is part of the foundation that is team of misfits, argue a bit, join forces and tackle the main antagonist. Hey that is the building blocks of far too many films, people. So before you start casting stones at a geokinetic(controls earth and rock), an invisible bad ass, a speedster with a wicked set of blades and a werebear with a minigun... give it a view first.

FYI, you can find this on Amazon for about 3 bucks to rent for two days just so you know or you Prime folk can watch it for free I believe.

Baloo??