Mercenaries

Hey folks.  Back again with purpose.   So what do you get when you cram 80s, 90s and current action heroines in an Expendables clone but protagonists are female?   Well, The Asylum (Sharknado, Flight 666, Z Nation, Isle of the Dead, Little Dead Rotting Hood and Megashark versus Kolossus) folks decided to give it a shot. Will this be entertaining or will I want to whack myself in the head with a hammer? This is Mercenaries.

Okay, strip search ladies.

Annnd we got alternative titles. Yeah that will never leave me. These alternative titles are Prison Raid and Expendables 3.0

Under the wing of director, Christopher Ray (Shark Week, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Mega Shark vs. Kolossus, Circus Kane and A Second Chance) we have a meat and potatoes kind of film.  It's filling.  

 The President's daughter is journeying throughout Kazakhstan (in Russia for those out of the loop) when a ruthless warlord (or is that warlady?) Ulrika (Brigitte Nielsen of Red Sonja, Cobra, Beverly Hills Cop II, Domino, 976-Evil II, Chained Heat II, Snowboard Academy and The Hustle) holding the girl for ransom. The price? Oh the US only has to wipe out her competition for her to take over the government. Seems a bit Iran Contra for me but hey, not military so there you go.

On a side note, these seasoned, hard as nails gunmen/soldiers are not only taking orders from a woman but have no problem with her being installed as the new dictator of the region? That's surprising and disturbingly progressive of them.

Take that, camera man!

Naturally the CIA's finest is on the case. Mona Kendall (Cynthia Rothrock of China O' Brien, Above the Law, Honor and Glory, Lady Dragon, Undefeatable, Eye for an Eye, Sworn to Justice and The Hostage) gets the info on the base being a former Soviet gulag named "The Citadel" that just got lost in the paperwork and regime change. I can see that happening.

Rather than send a CIA task force in Russia due to the big scandal and international diplomacy issues, Kendall assembles a team of hardened criminals and give the full pardons Snake Plissken offer. So enter our collective of bad ass ladies. Guess Kendall just has detailed files on ex-military assets at her office. Makes you wonder how many off the books, black ops she runs, right?

Ex-Marine Corps Sniper, Kat Morgan (Kristanna Loken of Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, BloodRayne, Painkiller Jane, The L Word, Burn Notice and Body of Deceit), Former Delta Force Cassandra Clay (Zoe Bell of Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2, Whip It, Bitch Slap, Game of Death, The Baytown Outlaws, Django Unchained, Raze and Camino), Former CIA agent Donna "Raven" Ravena (Vivica Fox of Independence Day, Batman & Robin, Two Can Play That Game, Boat Trip, Kill Bill: Vol 1, Kill Bill: Vol 2, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Hitman: Absolution, Sharknado 2: The Second One and Independence Day: Resurgence) and pilot/explosives expert Mei-Lin Fong (Nicole Bilderback of Clueless TV series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Paper Bullets, Dark Angel, Castle, The Wrong Nanny and A Second Chance).

Hey, how come I don't get to whoop ass?

These four will infiltrate and extract the President's daughter alive. Sure, sounds like a cake walk. With Ulrika's wave of soldiers and mercs, the ladies have their hands full and they will deliver. With a helicopter insertion (Penis Joke!), our team sneaks in. 

Shockingly enough, Ulrika actually has a right hand man Grigori (Tim Abell of Soldier of Fortune, Inc, We Were Soldiers, Soldier of God, Trouble Creek, Whiteblood, Z Nation and Circus Kane) who handles the morale of the men, deployment and seeing to the overall security.  Gotta say, he's not really great at it.  Brigette needs to have a "Bob, gun," discussion with him.

Okay mild handful of complaints and then I will cease. One tons of CGI blood spatters and CGI muzzle flashes. I get that.   Not every film has the budget to toss in a weapons expert and firearm drill training so this is a quick Airsoft purchase and post production gig.  The use of slo-mo to draw out the fight sequences.  A little goes a long way but when it happens that often, kind of takes you out of the fight scenes.   Again, cost of a hand to hand choreographer gets pricey but maybe find an off-duty SEAL or Marine Recon and give him a couple hundred bucks for his or her inconvenience?

All-in-all this isn't a bad film. It does follow a simple formula of uneasy team up against the bad guys for the greater good and start forming a comradery among each other.  To say this is solely the "Chick Version" of The Expendables is insulting and really does a disservice to the film, its cast and crew. I had fun with it, the one liners were decent but a bit predictable.

Still, it's worth a view. Mind you, no Werebears with miniguns like yesterday.

Pew pew pew!!