Super Ninja Doll

Okay and I am back. So today is a bit odd. Got the recommendation and request I review this and...I am perplexed.  I'm not The Cinema Snob and this is out of my usual bailiwick of film reviews, but I gave my word (really gotta stop doing that) and that was before I knew what it was.   So I am having Vampire Erotic Tales/ Big Tits Dragon flashbacks right now.  Yeah let's not mince words.  Described as a live-action anime but this is clearly a porno.  Maybe softcore possibly but a porn nonetheless.  Spoilers: There will be more colorful titles with these  various filmography.  I will attempt to find the least mind blowing ones, okay?   This is Super Ninja Doll a.k.a. Super Ninja Bikini Babes.

Tee-hee. Higher education.

Our credits start to a ample girl in a velour outfit and a mask of a girl with the deadest eyes I have seen on a doll. Treated to a watered down version of Wipeout as our stars' names hit the screen.

Brought to use by infamous mockbuster/softcore director/writer Nicholas Medina wink, wink (Dear Santa, Billy Frankenstein, Emanuelle 2000, Bikini Airways, Tomb of the Werewolf, Bikini Chain Gang), we follow the story as we open on what I thought looked like a superimposed set from the classic Dr. Who as alien warlord Gorath (AVN winner Evan Stone of Justice League of Porn Star Heroes, This Ain't Ghostbusters XXX, Betrayal, Big Breast Nurses 6, Just Jenna 2 and Corrupt Schoolgirls 3) and evil Queen Tantella (Nicole Sheridan of Carmen Loves Girls, The Surrender of O, The Cougar Hunter, Carpool, The It Girl and Wife Switch 12) has open a vortex in time and space via a cosmic storm (that old chestnut is just going to make superhumans, my friends) and steal the greatest female scientific minds of the world, drain them of their knowledge and take over the planet. 

I AM KIROK!!!

Buddy, it's Earth and you got recipes for pumpkin spice lattes, cost-effective, environment friendly power and boner pills. Not sure what you can overthrow with that knowledge but have at it.

To recharge his energy, Korath needs a sex droid to...boost him. That was a sentence I just wrote. Urge to kill...rising. Yeah shockingly enough we waited a whole 4 minutes and 40 seconds for our first sex scene. NO, there are no pictures for that, pervs. Go rent it.

Eriko (Christine Nguyen of Debbie Does Dallas Again, The Mummy's Kiss: 2^nd Dynasty, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Voodoo Dollz, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle), a comic book loving co-ed that thinks it would be cool to be a superhero and go on madcap adventures, not unlike the Goonies...but with sex.  Eriko explains to her friend Yumi (Kitty of Singapore Sin, Oriental Orgy World 5, Hot Asian Fever, Bi Accident and Voodoo Dollz) that Super Ninja Doll and all corresponding heroes and villains get their strength through sex.   Enter next sex scene at 11 minutes 47 seconds. Gee, I wonder what is going to happen.

Kamen Rider got that sex change he always wanted.

Gortah makes it to Earth and seeks out one of the scientists that will give he oh so such secrets that will render the inhabitants of this planet to their knees. Alas she has developed temporary amnesia so, sex. What? Were you surprised?   She appears to now be trapped in the comic book Super Ninja Doll. Sooooo...Gorath and Tantella are not just from another planet but an alternative universe? Again, not that strangest thing I have viewed for this blog.

One swift bonk to the old coconut and she is out cold, waking in a strange reality where she is given a talisman transmogrifying her into SUPER NINJA DOLL!!! Hmm so far this just sounds like Salior Moon without overly sexualizes really young girls. Kudos!

So Eriko is off to the Bureau of Scientific Strangeness to talk about a girl trapped in her comic book. Again, these are words being made into sentence structure that I wrote. I feel...so off. But don't worry, teen gang.  Agent Canola (Ted Newsom of Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfold, Deadly Tales Witchouse II: Blood Coven, A Passion to Kill, and The Craven Cove Murders)is on the case. Must resist slippery and pliant jokes... Must...resist.

In order to harness Super Ninja Doll's true power, Eriko must...well bang like a drum at a marching band. Yeah, really. Girls, Women, Men you name it. She's gotta put herself out there.

The queen clearly needs more minions.

A few side notes.   Many EVA or floor mat foam died for Stone's costume and he looks like a Chaos Marine out of Warhammer 40K (Table top strategic game of massing armies against one another, yes I am a nerd. What of it?) and Nicole Sheridan is clearly wearing a modified Slave Leia outfit. The sets are...well fairly elaborate and surprisingly well done and truth be told the sex scenes are softcore so...yay?

Evan Stone and Christine Nguyen are actually entertaining but Stone seems to be almost like a real life Zap Brannigan. His voice is even close. It was a bit eerie. Hell even the fight choreography was passable and I am a veteran of Ultraman and Godzilla rubber suit fights.

This material is superior to others in that it has a plot, story and character arc of which our heroine saves the world...with her vagina. Super, I think. 

Who's a naughty schoolgirl?   You are.