Tales of Frankenstein

And back again, my readers. On this windy Tuesday I was ask by Joe Williamson of The Williamson Management inquired if I would glance my peepers over another film and of course I am always up for something new. Today's film is brought to us by writer/actor/director Donald F. Glut (Spider-Man, Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, Dinosaur Valley Girls, The Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula, The Mummy's Kiss: 2^nd Dynasty and Blood Scarab) tackling an old tale and bringing it to life if you will. This is Tales of Frankenstein.

Previously...on Old Timey Nip/Tuck.

We have a quadrilogy story line, based on Glut's short stories with a blend of Horror and Comedy. So each tale centers around descendants or former students of Victor Von Frankenstein. We open with a text crawl and a narrative setting the tone that there will be tales told.

Some of the cinematography shots are reminding me how a Hammer film would unfold, orchestral score, scenery pans and a dissolve into our character reveal shot.

The monster (Scott Fresina of Tales of Frankenstein) roams about in the abandoned castle, looking reminiscent of the Universal monster portrayed by Boris Karloff. I was particularly impressed with the portrait of Frankenstein by storyboard artist, Pete von Sholly (The Blob, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Child's Play, Heathers, Swamp Thing, Puppet Master II and Drop Dead Fred). I imagine acrylic a tad easier than oil painting with a layer of cattle blood as thickner. Ugh, can you imagine how awful those paintings had to smell drying?

Our first story is "My Creation, My Beloved", establishing a yarn about deformed cousin of the ancient Victor Frankenstein, Gregore (Buddy Daniels Friedman of The Wizard of Speed and Time, Eddie Presley, Psychic Detectives, Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles, Posers, The Mummy's Kiss and Ninja Cheerleaders). He strives using his ancestor's forbidden knowledge and his own genius to create the perfect man and woman. Ho boy, getting in Arim Zola territory there. Ze Germans! So naturally he must select prime specimens for his dastardly deeds in the name of science. After a successful brain kidnapping, Gregore encounters a drunk and a prostitute Helga (Lilian Lev of Blood Runs Thick, Shadow: Tale of an Assassin, Red to Black, African Mystique and Acceleration) which leads to two dead bodies. That being said, Gregore loses his chosen brain but gains a dead girl in spite of the circumstances. So glass half empty?

Gregore hits on the idea of transplanting for his co-correspondence pen pal and fellow doctor, Irma in order to be all the man she deserves. Maybe she is prejudice against humpbacks.

Enough of that macabre, let's check out the dance/music hall because...yum er um I mean several dancers in preparing for a class or a number when, the building is engulfed in flames! No appreciation for the arts. With a few nips here, a tuck there, everything should be fine.

This is a bad Tinder date.

The appearance of the Monster is almost as if he is telling these tales but more or less just grunting at the portrait. Which is a shame. I was all set to take notes on his five hour lecture of "Fire Bad."

Our next story is called "Crawler from the Grave", which I made too many filthy jokes to, so we will move on. With another descendant of Frankenstein hard at work dealing with plague victims and the fun to be had with those parts. Man name of Vincent (John Blyth Barrymore of Kung Fu, Full Moon High, Mansion of Blood, Dances with Werewolves, Mata Hari and Hollywood Boulevard) is having series of nightmares or possibly dark memories of the owners of a ring that seems to be passed to generation to generation. Hey at this point, why not premonitions?

Seeing faces left and right I recognize in this torrid tale, such as: Ann Robinson (War of the Worlds, Imitation of Life and Midnight Movie Massacre), Jerry Lacey (Dark Shadows, Play it Again, Sam, Blood Bath, Super Shark and Unwanted Guest), Tatiana DeKhtyar (Super Power Beat Down, Heroes with Issues, Six Feed Down Under, Dances with Werewolves, and Wolverine: Lost Chapters) Beverly Washburn (Star Trek, Pit Stop, The Manhunter, The Streets of San Francisco, White Paint and Unbelievable!!!!) and Len Wein (Creator of Wolverine, Sotrm, The Human Target comic character) Vincent is obsessed with fine jewels and none finer than Helmut Frankenstein's ruby ring. Helmut (Len Wein) is obsessed with alchemy and immortality following his ancestor's notes while his young bride Lenore (Tatiana DeKhtyar) bats her gold digging eyes at him in distraught as he turns blue (literal, not he is in a funk), gasps and drops dead. Helmut's wish was to be buried with the ring to further snub Vincent.

Losing his mind over the ring, Vincent proceeds to dig Helmut's grave to claim the prize but gets more than he bargained for.

Crazy Ralph?

Our next narrative called "Madhouse of Death" brings us an anecdote of Los Angeles with a hard boiled P.I. Jack Anvil (Jamisin Matthews of Raspberry & Lavender, The Wright Stuff, Will & Grace, FBI Guys, and Drift)hot on a case as he is toodling around in his car listening to a Frankenstein radio serial. The same old story, a dame done wrong, a palooka needing a pop in the puss and check to be cashed.  Dammit, gotta stop listening to Old Time Radio shows.

His car breaks down an old road, leaving him to hoof it before the business end of a rainstorm soaks him to the bone, he happens upon a eerie house that every horror fan would have screamed, "Don't go in there, ya moron!"   With a friendly meet n' greet with the house servant, Mogambo (T.J. Storm of Punisher: War Zone, Resident Evil 5, Star Trek, Avatar, Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds, Soulcalibur V, Dead Space 3 and Godzilla) Anvil is given the royal treatment from Dr. Mortality (Mel Novak of Game of Death, Truck Turner, The Ultimate Warrior, Capital Punishment, Vampire Assassin, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Syndicate Smasher).

Yeah the digs are real cushy, if you're Christopher Lee.

Our fourth and final fable is "Dr. Karnstein's Creation" Holy Crap it's Tom the Inn Keeper! Yes, I do occasionally have a Harry Potter reference, as Jim Tavare (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Rabbit Fever, Zombies and Assholes, Chuck, Californication, Walking in LA, Killjoy Goes to Hell and 15 North) tackles the role of a mad scientist creating his own monster in a vampire infested Transylvania. The Zombies were having fun. The tavern wenches were quite appealing. The year is 1957 and the copious amount of garlic and crosses on the wall are a bit off putting. Think the Slaughtered Lamb in An American Werewolf in London. Karnstein is having a titter tat with Carl (Justin Hoffmeister of San Andreas Quake, Break-Up Nightmare, Being Black Enough, Flight 666 and Trunk) a lad that dreams of going to America and getting away from the hills and tavern girls that keep shooting him down. Might behave less like a creeper and you just may have a chance, Carl. Now git in the house!

The good doctor is oddly enough also a prodgeniture of Frankenstein and his surname was altered to avoid the stigma of the family shame. In spite of this, Karnstein plans on using atomic energy to create his own creature but make him completely subservient to his will. Hey Carl, now would be a good time to vamoose!

Throughout the town there seems to be a common superstition that vampires roam the night and most of the townsfolk are in at night so a bit of grave robbing won't get interrupted.

Please excuse the screen captures as I was working with a screener. Yeah it can't be helped sometimes.

Yes there was minor nudity, fellas. I know how that is such a criteria for some of you. The violence is suiting and primarily it is all about the stories allowed to uncoiling. So yes, you do have to pay attention.

I would point out the warped sense of humor our writer has. A house of women of ill-repute called ghast haus, a wine from The Cask of Amontilado (famous short story of Edgar Allan Poe) and the grave of Lucy Westerna (Bram Stoker's Dracula) to name a few. Trust me, there are some good gags in there and Glut enjoys the classics. This has some good moments, great cast and some clever writing. The lingo for the P.I. Story and Vampire story really was handled well. I clearly need to partake in some more Donald F. Glut. Trust me, I didn't even cover half of the Easter Eggs of this flick so grab a copy, enjoy and find a few I missed.

Does he know I farted?