Two Evil Eyes

Okay I am back. Well having suffered Nightmare Beach, I am still on an Italian Cinema kick so what say we enjoy some short stories by Edgar Allen Poe. No, Not Lucio Fulci. Instead it is a collaboration of directors Dario Argento (Deep Red, Suspiria, Inferno, Tenebre, Opera and Mother of Tears) and George Romero (Night of the Living Dead, Martin, The Crazies, Dawn of the Dead, Knightriders, Day of the Dead, The Dark Half and Land of the Dead). This is Two Evil Eyes a.k.a. Edgar Allen Poe a.k.a.The Black Cat and The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar.

Big shoulder pads means she's not screwing around.

Alternative titles aside, I think I am in for a treat as an eerie as Hell composure starts right up with the title cards. Always a good sign. Composer Pino Donaggio (Tourist Trap, Beyond Evil, The Howling, The Black Cat, Beyond the Door, Gor, Sahara Heat, Appointment with Death and Deathproof) decisively tells you this film should be scary and by God I am outright demanding it is when two Masters of Horror are working in cahoots.

With a brief visit to Baltimore, we stop off at Edgar Allen Poe's grave then his former home. Darn no undead bikers thus far. I can breathe easy.

We slide right into The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar (Romero's segement) with 40 year old Jessica Valdemar (Adrienne Barbeau of Swamp Thing, The Fog, Escape From New York, Back to School, Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death and Batman: The Animated Series) jetted right over to the family lawyer for power of attorney over her terminally ill husband, Ernest (Bingo O' Malley of Knightriders, Creepshow, Equal Justices, The 10 Million Dollar Getaway, Guilty Until Proven Innocent, The Cemetery Club and Wonder Boys). With good reason Ernest's lawyer, Mr. Pike (E.G. Marshall of 12 Angry Men, Man on Fire, The Bucacaneer, Flesh and Blood, Vanished, Superman II and Creepshow) finds this most irregular. Similar to when a man of his age hasn't had enough prunes. Ahahahahaha! Demeaning poop joke!

Pausing to call his client, Ernest weakly explains that everything is in fact, in order and give Jessica access to liquidate what she wants. Pike reluctantly does so with the warning to Jessica; if anything happens to Ernest in the next three weeks she will be deemed suspect. Jessica scoffs as one does, and is off with the check. It was clearly all about the love in this marriage.

When acne afflicts.

A far more nefarious angle as Ernest's own doctor, Robert Hoffman (Ramy Zada of Jake and the Fatman, The Judas Project, Dallas, Dark Justice, Melrose Place, The Rockford Files: Punishment and Crime, The X-Files and Against All Evidence) has been scheming along with Jessica to through hypnosis to get Ernest to cough up his dough, so he can claim $3 million and plow his soon-to-be widow.

As the scheme is coming to a head, Ernest croaks. Leaving them stuck with a corpse that needs to be alive for another two weeks. Being the horrific money grubbing ghouls they are, they seal him in plastic and toss his ass in the freezer. Didn't know Ziploc came in human size. Freshness in, stale dead guy smell out.

Popsicle aside, they really aren't covering their tracks well. Jessica's pulling large sums of cash, netting an amount of over 900,000 even in the span of a few weeks; the bank is going to start questioning things. Okay the bank doesn't give a rat's ass but the folks working there have to have some semblance of a soul still.

Dear old Ernest may not be as dead as Robert and Jessica would like to believe...

Our next segment, The Black Cat is by Dario Argento now.

Dammit Argento, stop grossing people out!

Sleazy tabloid photographer Rod Usher (Harvey Kietel of Mean Streets, Bad Lieutenant, Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, From Dusk Til Dawn, Cop Land, Smoke, Chosen and The Comedian) gets the gig that the cops call him in to do the crime scene photos of some of the more horrific and morbid murders. A sensationalist photographer. Paparazzi for the dead if you will.

Detective Legrand (John Amos of Good Times, Coming to America, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Disappearing Acts, All About the Andersons, The West Wing, Two and a Half Men, Zombie Hamlet, Act of Faith and Bad Ass 3: Bad Asses on the Bayou) has this deranged cat on speed dial, showing up with good lighting and at least two cameras at the ready.

Hell, the guy has been winding away the hours in his two story house's darkroom creating a warped coffee table book, Metropolitan Horrors. Well sit that next to the Judy Blum novels, am I right?

Deep down under that harsh, rough exterior lurks the heart of a gigantic ass. Seriously, this dude seems to unwind better at a triple homicide with a cleaver than near his mousy, delicate girlfriend Annabel (Madeleine Potter of Hello Again, Slaves of New York, The Golden Bowl, The Whistle-Blower, Refuge, Caught in the Act and Animals). Annabel is a violinist and teacher with warmth, compassionate and just a radiance of light. So what in the nine hells is she doing with Rod? Opposites attract isn't always a good call. She adopts a gorgeous black cat and Rod takes an almost immediate dislike to and vice versa.

I'll go investigate that noise. Stay here, young Julie Benz.

Working and just developing the snaps, the damn cat gets paw prints on about three hours worth of work. I mean I know I get damn punchy when editing footage for Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Reviews but I haven't throttled a cat. Oh yes, kitty lovers that's a thing. And yes, yes we know it's fiction but got my hackles up. There is huge animosity between Rod and the cat. They stalk one another, taunt one another, it's like a sadistic marriage.

Annabel and Rod's heated arguments turn to blows and she finally sees him for the cold callous human he is. In a drunken stupor, Rod has a dream about a Pagan ritual, a cat hanging and how he is to blame and will soon joining it. 

This flick is sitting at 59% on Rotten Tomatoes. What the hell, guys? Beautiful yet disturbing score, great cast, true to the source material. Not enough jump scares for the modern day Horror viewer? Yes these films have taken interpretations and some liberties of each story, I grant you. How many of you really want to hear a narrative about the cat and Rod's lose of sanity day by day? Or for that matter Lady Jessica's exploits and prowess with her dying husband's doctor? Hmm?

So bottom line, this was a good flick. Solid story telling, each director their own style of gore and terror and believe me you can see influences of each other in the segments.

Interesting side note as this was Julie Benz's first film putting her at the age of 17. Yeah probably shouldn't have said that. I do have perverts that read this blog. You know who you are.

I was told that both Wes Craven and John Carpenter were called in to join on this endeavor but were each obligated to mutual works and couldn't get out of those contracts. Might explain the Masters of Horror series later down the road.

Clean up my poops!