Beaster Day

Howdy readers! I'm back from the Easter weekend. I'd like to say I have a hearty and zany family film with enough sugary goodness to make a diabetic slightly green around the gills. Well that just wouldn't been my blog.That being said, I didn't want to a slasher film in a bunny costume or a series of zombies. This Catholic didn't feel that was cool. So howzabout a creature feature involving a giant, mutant killer rabbit? No, not Night of the Lepus. This is Beaster Day a.k.a. Beaster Bunny: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell.

Psst, lady.  Got any lettuce?

 With softcore pornographer/indie film director John Bacchus (Vampire Vixens, Zombiez, Kinky Kong, Circle of Fury, Bloodz vs.Wolvez and Bravengers: Age of Buldgetron), I am no doubt, in for a treat. No doubt at all. The generous consensus of IMDB fan reviews is pretty much throwing it under the bus. I shall remain objective. For this could be gold...in spite of all the warnings that it is congealed monkey vomit.

Exterior day shots of Easter eggs and a transition into night ceremony into a wedding. Aww. Most likely the best man Tom can't wait to tell the tale of his buddy, three midget hookers and a snorkle mask buuuuut... Keep in mind this is his father's new marriage. Oh yeah. Drunken, bitter son steps out for a Kent (psst that's a cigarette long ago, Millenials) and hitchhiking when suddenly, POV death!!!

We cut to kooky music and dressing montage of our local dog catcher Doug (Peter Sullivan of Beaster Bunny) who and let's be fair, it a complete and utter tit. He prepares for his mundane existence with such zeal; it would appear he is blissfully unaware he is the town punchline. Overthinking, over-prepared and underpaid, our youthful lad is attempting to be the best at what he does. Catching dogs. The bar is set a bit low for Doug.

Craigslist hook-up goes awry!

Young would-be actress Brenda (Marisol Custodio of Deathly Love, Beaster Bunny, Finding America, Comic Energy and Catching Up) hasn't had the best of luck breaking into gigs, Dad (Bill Joachim of The Waiting game, Beaster Bunny, Samuel's Game and Just Like We Used to Do) is tired of financing her educations and Mom (Valerie Bittner of Just for the Time Being, Hack, The Answer Man, Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell and Billboard) doesn't want to get in the middle of it. Jeeze we have a derpy little brother and we got the sit com: My Disappointing Kids. Coming soon this Fall on NBC!

Thus far, lemonade victim and yes she is credited as such (Darian Crane of of Lust for Dracula, An Erotice Werewolf in London, Kinky Kong, Sex Hex and Fist of the Vampire) has been the only actor I have recognized and well she's rabbit pellets. Spoilers?? Meh.

Crotchety boss Jake (Tom Cikoski of Carlito's Angels, Suburban Secrets, La casa loca, Sex Hex and Superbadazz) is given the dog catchers the low down of a rabid Labrador and to shoot on sight orders. He has a look of murder at Doug every time the kid speaks. The only reason the kid's alive, Jake's too tired to murder, clean up and dispose of his body.

Yet another girl working hard in her garden discovers a plethora of carrots munched and scattered about. Something something, dirty girl joke blah blah. Yeah I am not taxing my brain today. Meanwhile the "rabbit" sounds like a perv on the phone until it T-Rex shrills its attack.

CARROTTTSSSS!!!!!

Convenient swipe and the girls are free. Seriously, Briar Rabbit should have ended up lacerating half her chest with those 12 inch claws. I'm sure you can figure out were this is going.

Quick! We need a Matt Hooper archetype to explain the hunting pattern and evolution of this creature.No? Oh c'mon, movie!

Doubting Mayor Farnsworth (John Paul Fedele of Play-Mate of the Apes, New York Wild Cats, Zombiez, Lust in Space: The Erotic Witch Project IV and Kinky Kong) is taking his cues from Mayor Vaughn via Jaws and is a big time Bunny DaiKaiju denier. Not even a Quint? C'mon, who the hell doesn't want to do a Robert Shaw impression?! I envisioned an RV covered in rabbit pelts, and skulls named the Lepus. Fair well and adieu, to ye Spanish ladies...

Well movie, I just don't know. I just don't know. The stop motion creature is as graceful as Joe Cocker after an ether binge. The best part is him catching up to said victims with Jason Vorhees teleportation capacity. Still no theory on the creature at all. Mine? Drunk necromancer dug up bones of a Rugaru (Cree Native American tribe name for shapeshifter), Chupacabra (Four fanged goat bloodsucker of Mexico) and covered it in pelts of dead rabbits making a janky moving bone and flesh golem to meek out chaos and then had another slug of rot gut bourbon.

Doug and Brenda join forces as they are the only ones to save the rest of the dwindling populous.

Can they stop the creature in time? Will they clean up on the amount of coats and shawls it will make?

The overall vibe was parts Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Friday the 13^th volume of nudity and goofy creature attacks. We have campy story, a film that cannot be taken seriously and the need for ridiculous violence at the ready. Is it brilliant? No. Is it silly and aforementioned odd? You bet. Very tongue-in-cheek. Hell we even got a "Someone wake up Hicks," line added.

These folk are fans of action/horror/dark comedy. Our director has worked with this softcore stars before so gobs of nudity are added simply because. This is clearly a creature feature spoof. A lark. This was never meant to be taken seriously and it accomplishes that on all levels. Several critics are losing their damn minds over how bad the film is and I'm thinking, "Did we watch the same flick?" Okay so you don't want to put the kiddies down in front of the TV for this one. It is just damn silly so have a laugh. Still they missed out on so many JAWS jokes. 

Watch out for that treeeeee!!!