Back again oh Readers of Rotten. Yeah
I am liking that tagline. Feel free to shoot a variant or simply
different term to quantify yourselves, my readers. Today we haven't
had nearly enough schlock in some time; so who better to go to then
Bruno Mattei (Rats, Shocking Dark, Strike Commando,
Robowar, Strike Commando 2 and Island of the Living Dead) and
Claudio Fragasso (Monster Dog, Zombie 3, Troll 2, After
Death, Beyond Darkness,Operazione Odissea and The Squad) the
Mockbusters of Italy. Is the film a Giallo? Is it a slasher film?
We will find out.
This is Night Killer a.k.a. Do not
open that door 3
Eww, your hand smell of Astroglide and pathetic tears. |
Wow with in the first 8 minutes we got
nudity (Yes fellas there's titty in this) and I just know this will
be an international epic. We also have English dubbing that may or
may not actually, possibly mimic human speech patterns. This is due
to an Italian film crew needing all lines having everything
phonetically translated. This is one of the many reasons Troll 2 is
awesomely bad. Also question your life choices if you are
considering watching Troll 2 without a drinking or riffing game.
On with the film as we see choreography
on the stage. Work those calves guys and dolls. No they aren't
doing a production of Guys & Dolls. The dancing is all over the
stage, aerobics in the background and the play director looks like
she is doubling over from bad clams. All in all a fun time clearly.
Honestly, these many uncoordinated white folk dancing brings me right
back to Friday the 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter. While
viewing Crispin Glover's character looking like he is have several
myocardial episodes, I screamed at the screen offering Jason $80 to
off them all.
FAME! None of you gonna get it! |
One of the dancers shows up late and
director well, she really didn't chew the girl out. It was tame so
she is gotta get dressed for rehearsal and we got a music cue of bad
guy about, with a near Freddy Krueger knifed glove and bad head?
Going by the shadow, folks. An almost Radu from Subspecies hand
eases the changing room door as we gander at nude blonde
soon-to-be-dead. Keeping it classy, right movie? In addition to a
Kreuger knock off mask, he has Zombified, Mongoloid, Hillbilly Jason
Voorhees murder strength; as he penetrates her entire chest with a
slightly effeminate jab. One Punch Man could have made that strike.
Also the killer's apparel is already revealed to be wearing said
mask, a maintenance jumpsuit and a black trench coat. Between Michael
Myers and Jason Voorhees, those jumpsuits just fly off the shelves.
The director has a slight meltdown and
by that it sounds like she is supposed to be frustrated...it came off
like she forgot her lines. I could be wrong. With the PG-13
Tourette's aside, she goes for a smoke and calming down. Ew Camels
non-filtered. I think I figured out why she couldn't project loudly.
Oh in case it sounds like I don't even care about the actors
dancing, there are no credits to their IMDB I could find. Yeah!
That's what I am dealing with here.
Frustrated, the director/choreographer
goes to give Elizabeth Ross (Yup, Betsy Ross) a piece of her mind and
she bumps right into the killer; who rakes her throat with his Radu
claws. 8 minutes in and we are finally getting our title cards. A
few directors still like that gag. Finally, lead characters.
Melanie (Tara Buckman of The Cannonball Run, Silent Night,
Deadly Night, Xtro II: The Second Encounter, Freddy's Nightmares, and
Blindfold: Acts of Obsession) sends her daughter Clarissa
(Tova Sardot of Night Killer) to see her dad. Ahh
divorce but still behaved. Good call, parents. I would also point
out the striking resemblance Tara Buckman has to Linda Hamilton.
Kind of eerie truth be told.
Suburban life of 90's coifed hair,
shoulder pads in business jackets for both sexes and economy cars.
It is winter in Virginia Beach (in spite of being shot mostly in Rome) and
the exposition plot dump tells the tale of the killer as he is
also...a rapist. Yay. Grrr. Really need to start viewing synopsis
better.
Renegotiating nudity clauses. |
We know that Mel is a serious writer,
because her whole den is infested with books and she smokes indoors.
I vaguely recall smoking indoors. We get a red herring with her
ex-lover as he drinks too much and sounds like he was voiced by a
drunk Angus Scrimm (Tall Man from Phantasm series).
Melanie is attacked by said
murder/rapist and she saw his face but the events are so traumatic she
can't bear to think of it. A quick technical note, there was a
beginning scene of Tara topless and mere seconds later, she's got a
sweater on. The editor fall asleep or fall off the wagon? Your
guess is as good as mine.
This masked sicko roams the streets and
the cops are doing everything but yelling at Melanie for not
remembering that horrible day. Yes fellas, it's all her fault your
investigations turned up nothing. Jerks.
Will the killer be brought to justice?
Will Melanie remember the killer, let alone who she is?
I get the vibe that Fragasso was going
for an intense thriller and they snagged Bruno Mattei for the
gobsmack collection of nudity and gore as he is known for. You can
really tell the difference in their two styles. The gore is
definitely there, the effects are pretty hammy and the music score
sounds like someone sat on a Casio keyboard. What had the
potential for a good ,psychological thriller murder mystery got dumb
down for blood, guts and nudity.
So if you need implied rape and murder,
see a shrink. If you want complex story line and clever dialogue,
don't watch this. The irony is in the title as most of the
murder/rapes were happening in daylight hours or really well lit
homes. Yeah well this was awful and I am out. Please again, feel
free to suggest titles for future reviews.
Shall I hold you closer, tiny dancer? |
No comments:
Post a Comment