Can I Kill You?

Howdy doodly doo, my readers! Yeah stole that from a talking toaster 3 million years in the future and deep space. And what of it? So the talented and lovely Tommie Vegas (Sorcerers, The Interrogation of Cheryl Cooper, Project M, Interstellar Civil War: Shadows of the Empire, Party Night and Another Evil Night) put out a few requests of some bloggers and reviewers to get off their cans and take a gander at her project. Okay she didn't say that, because she is an absolute sweetie. She did ask if I was interested on a project she was very proud to be a part of. A little bit of horror/thriller all wrapped up in some psychosis. This is Can I Kill You.

That look in her eyes. Brother get her some chocolate ASAP!

Writer/director Nicholas Grant (Within the Shadows, In the Dead of Night, Mr. Jiggles, Brit Kids of Vegas, Homecoming,The Val Chronicles, Orey and Dark 72) delves into the obsession of morbid curiosity. That itch that cannot be scratched, that longing notion that must one day be made reality. Clearly only something your best friend, your confidant would understand, yes?

Rachel (Crisann Smith of Social Girl, Can I Kill You?and Infidelity) is having one of those dull nights when nothing is good on TV, you've seen your DVD collection and you just finished that latest novel you bought. What to do to fill the time? Now if this was an adult entertainment film, she'd order pizza and have the pizza boy for dessert.

Dunno. May get killed. IDK.

Alas, that cannot be and she instead invites her friend Tammy(Arlette Yousif of Family Bond, Eros.Emmanuel and Me, The Concord Chronicles and Emmanuel and Me)over for to shoot the breeze and to hang out. As a straight male, I can only conclude they will be doing each others' hair and talking about boys. That is all put on hold when a gentle wrapping happens upon her apartment door. Hey kudos to Rachel for actually using her peephole instead of opening up the door to a potential chainsaw wielding maniac. No in fact, it is her friend Sandy (Tommie Vegas) popping by unannounced and plunks down on the sofa.

Sandy proceeds to hint to almost life changing event and Rachel doesn't quite get what Sandy is being so mysterious about, but she doesn't seem quite herself. Well...no new visible piercings, no new tattoo, no insanely expensive wardrobe. Yup I'm stumped too, folks.

With a light hearten snicker, Sandy tells how she just had the most fun ever. It was a fluke, a random encounter and she just went to it. Rachel starts getting creeped out and hey, who the hell wouldn't be disturbed?  Sandy so proud of her determination, she apparently took some snaps on her iPhone.   Not to nitpick there Sandy, but you know that gets uploaded to your account as well as your phone, right? Just thinking it may be difficult for any future defense attorney to get you out of the alligator pit you just dug.

OMG RACHEL!!!

Sandy simply wants to share her experience with Rachel.   Hey, if you can't talk to your closest friend about a brutal murder you committed and the need to reminisce, well then you may be a crappy friend. Shame on you, Rachel. Shame on you.

Coming to grips with her friend has murdered someone and talking about it like it was a rush, Rachel is trapped in her own home with a complete and utter psychopath. The only thing she can do is stall for time.  Maybe Sandy will get bored, head home for a shower and some Mint Chocolate Chip?  She can't exactly call the cops with Sandy being right there in the room.   Wha? Oh, I'm ordering a pizza and in no way, shape or form am calling the cops on you.   I'm sure that will go sail like a lead balloon.

Not sure what is more disturbing about this film. Rachel's ensuing terror or Sandy's near euphoric state after murder. Sandy has a glint in her eye that says, "I may have a taste for this and I'm only just getting started."

With next to no budget, this 15 minute thriller is giving a command performance with a limited cast, a sinister story and the vibe that this could happen.  Crisann gives such a conflicted execution.  Does she fear for her life?  Is her friend even remotely salvageable?   Did she want chicken or pasta for dinner?  It's almost as you can see the whirlwind of thoughts in her head and they're all happening at once.

Tommie is just so blase about her murder and living off the thrill of the kill that it is a genuinely creepy performance. When typically you'd look at that this girl and think, "Yeah we can chase her with an axe and she'll deliver a Jamie Lee Curtis scream." Now you have to wrap your head around and come to terms that with the proper script and her performance, she is far more versatile than we thought.

Honey, your couch is lumpy.

Friday the 13th Part IX: The Final Friday

Well the continuity may have a problem here. Hi folks. Friday the 13^th is upon us. Well there's a Friday I hadn't covered. I have put it off long enough. Bleh. After melting him with toxic waste in the 8^th film (somehow transmogrified into a small boy) and before he was sent into space. There was to be another "Final Friday". This is Friday the 13^th Part IX: Jason Goes to Hell a.k.a. Friday the 13^th Anniversary of Jason a.k.a. Friday the 13^th Part IX: The Dark Heart of Jason Voorhees a.k.a. Friday the 13^th: Heart of Darkness and Jason Goes to Hell

Um, my head's oozing out of my mask.

With no real explanation other than the writers forgetting about part 8, Jason is not a small lad but the size of Kane Hodder and already back to his wicked ways of butchery around Crystal Lake as he stalks after smoking hotty (Julie Michaels of Roadhouse, Jason Goes to Hell, Married...with Children, Batman & Robin, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and SEAL Team) when it appears to be a sting by the FBI and holy jeebus they open up on him with assault weapons and even a grenade launcher blasting Voorhees to charcoaled chunky bits. 

The End!

Okay no...not really but Hodder isn't going to be running around in his jumpsuit for some time because...we have exposition back story, establishing the Voorhees bloodline continued beyond Jason and Pamela. Yup an sister. Because? Oh why the hell not. Rather than the traditional undead mongoloid slasher, director Adam Marcus (Jason Goes to Hell: Final Friday, Let It Snow, Conspiracy, Fitz and Slade and Secret Santa)decided the body of Jason has been dead for ages and only a dark force or entity that resided in the body, waiting to be released again.

Woohoo! Jason found him a Regular Saturday Night Thang.

The morgue and surrounding guards and cops are all slaughtered in tried and true Voorhees style, leaving bits and body parts everywhere. Do we have a copycat or did Jason rise from the grave?..again?

Local anchor reporter Robert Campbell (Steven Culp of ER, JAG, Star Trek: Enterprise, The West Wing, Saving Grace, Desperate Housewives and Arrow) is doing an in-depth story of the mass murderer himself, showing the folks back home ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE on a local broadcast and even contracts a manhunter to kill Jason for the sum total of a quarter of a million dollars. Two things. 1) You just announced on the air you hired a contract killer. 2) that contract regardless if it is aimed at an undead mongoloid hillbilly, IS A FELONY!

Our manhunter himself, Creighton Duke (Steven Williams of 21 Jump Street, L.A.Law, L.A.Heat, The X-Files, DarkWolf, Stargate SG-1 and Supernatural) is poised to hunt Jason down even as that interview has been made. Yeah it will be tough to follow his trail of broken, bloody and gouged bodies laying strewn like so many rag dolls. It should be a cinch to find Voorhees except one minor detail...his body is lumped in the ravaged morgue. So who is doing all the killing?

Get off me, Gil Gerrard!!

Subplot adds a striving descendants of Voorhees, the Kimbles Diana (Erin Gray of Buck Rogers in the 25^th Century, Magnum, P.I., Code of Vengeance, Silver Spoons, Starman, Breaking Home Ties, The Princess and the Dwarf, Almost Home, Burke's Law,Baywatch, Port Charles, The Guild and Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Return) and Jessica (Kari Keegan of The Prince of Pennsylvania, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, Jerry Maguire, Maggie and Mind Games) trying to eek out a proper life in spite of the looming terror that is their family curse.

Yup, now we got lore. Supernatural lore. Like undead mongoloid hillbilly zombie isn't supernatural enough. Now we got a bloodline story. The darkness that makes up Jason can be reborn through one of his bloodline. While that is nutty enough; we have an alumni of Friday the 13^th: The Series, John D. LeMay (Friday the 13^th: The Series, Tour of Duty, Eddie Dodd, Sisters, Without a Map, Totally Blonde, and E-Ring) so sort of a universal crossover perhaps?

Now the nitpicks. The MPAA neutered the crap out of this flick. All of KNB Group gore effects are almost completely diminished, the nudity is mild and Kane Hodder third time at bat as Jason.  Also there are 3 versions of this movie, I'm having Highlander 2: The Quickening flashbacks!!!

So we have the theatrical release which was 87 minutes of garbled mess, the 91 minutes that added a bit more gore in it and finally a whopping 130 minutes of it being completely uncut (insert penis joke) and all cells used from what I understand.

Dukey Pukey is bestowing his knowledge of Jason and his new mystical aspect to Steven (John D. LeMay) because game knows game. Or something.  Don't worry fellas, there's titty as you so often demand. Yes we do get the vital element to Friday the 13^th films: horny teens, booze, nudity and elaborate death scenes.

While this is one of the more creative take away from the sequels similar creating a twist like Part V: A New Beginning; trying to break away from the stagnate of Crystal Lake inhabitants and horny teens getting gacked by unconventional means and over the top murders.

That being said, changing Jason as some malefic force of damnation, hopping from body to body creating mayhem and chaos. Creative yes but a tad late into the series to introduce a new story element like such, let alone additional unmentioned family members.

As for the burning question of Freddy's glove reaching up snatching up Voorhees' mask was a hint to New Line Cinema and Paramount scheduled to make the crossover movie; Freddy Vs Jason...a film stuck in development hell for 10 years!  Not to stir up old feelings but the director of that movie didn't want Kane Hodder vs Robert Englund. Because...6'3" wasn't tall enough for that director's take.

Many of the fans had issues with the dark soul of Jason body hopping and felt it did an injustice to the franchise. I mean if you can stay tried and true to a mother avenging the death of her son, who didn't die, later replaced by a pissed off EMT and soon a crazy Tommy Jarvis; only to have that story line thrown out to resurrect Jason as a zombie then later melt him in the sewers of New York with a nightly toxic waste dump that leaves him as a dead child; well I guess you just don't care about continuity.

Is this a vital watch? Not really. You could skip it as it holds next to nothing for the franchise. Is it a fan favorite? I have heard of these "people" existing but I attribute them as believable as R.O.U.S. (Rodents of Unusual Sizes) and thus call out utter poppycock. Absurd! Risible!

 Happy Spring Forward Zombie Jason Day!!!

Mhm, that is a tasty burger!

Tales from Six Feet Under

Hey there, readers. Today I have been asked by rising director Nicholas Michael Jacobs (Night and Urban Fears) if I would be able to view his new Horror film. Naturally who am I to say no. I thoroughly enjoyed Night and Urban Fears was damn clever writing. Third time's the charm as the saying goes and let's see if that holds up. This is Tales from Six Feet Under.

Grandma Rotty?

Now let's keep in mind our movie is 45 minutes and would be considered by most viewers as a short film. That does not mean we are not in for a wild ride. In the story, we follow the bony skeletal figure known only as The Visitor. He is making his way through a moonlit and fairly creepy graveyard in search of poor unfortunate souls. (Cue The Little Mermaid song ASAP)

He stops to leave a flower on a grave and proceeds to cackle with a raspy and throaty sound that frankly made the hairs on my neck stand up as we gaze at the headstone of one Joe Roth (Brian Jacobs of Urban Fears and Tales from Six Feet Under) aged all of 17 years. Already the tone is dark, so let's dive deeper shall we? Our young lad has been instructed by Dad to go clean the basement and it had better be done before he gets home. Don't Go into the Basement fans are already screaming against that very idea. Noticing the vast amount of clutter, stored furniture, laundry piling up, various odds and ends I too was hard pressed to have an idea where to begin cleaning.

After a few minutes tidying and trying to get a lay of the land, Joe stumbles upon an Ouija board. Oh yeah that's never going to go wrong. Go ahead son, conjure up the forces of darkness. I'll wait.

Dad gives Joe a very vague but stern warning to not mess with the Ouija board so of course our rebellious teen is going to anyway. Parents! Listen, you want the little ones to not play dark and damned objects, give them a reason other than no. For the boys, tell them their penis will shrink. For the girls, their hair will fall out. Boom! Problem solved.

Joe decides to prank around with the board, asking those important questions of, "Is there anyone there?"and "Spirits, make yourself known.". One nitpick is the Ouija board is a current print. Should have hit a rummage sale for a battered old one. Like it was forgotten from the original owners of the house...who disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Okay, that's how I would have wrote it. So sue me.

A quick phone chat with his buddy, Joe finds out he can't possibly damn his soul without candlelight surrounding the witch board. Yes that is an old term for Ouija board. Sorry if I confused the younger readers yet again.

So naturally it is head long into the unknown and damn the consequences. So back to tampering with the dead, Joe realizes this game may just be more than he bargained for, as a creature made of silhouette and ominous glowing eyes (Gianna Jacobs of Night, Urban Fears and Tales from Six Feet Under) just manifests in front of him, the eerie incidental music kicks in and Joe knows this could be his last board game...ever.

My God...mildew.

Following the Visitor back in the graveyard, we are treated to a new tale of terror of one Sam Hooper. Not relation to Matt Hooper of Jaws. Yes I am a smart ass, what of it?

Sam, a young student simply wants to study for his big test without any distractions and quite frankly I don't think that is much to ask. A young med student is cracking open the books and is probably going to be there for a while. He may want to order a pizza, because he hasn't scheduled something pass making ramen noodles. Enough time elapses and he's done for the night.

Time for a slasher flick. Oh what luck, that's Urban Fears on. I always end up stuck with The Prowler or Mother's day. Our slasher delight is immediately interrupted for an emergency broadcast telling folks in the Riverside area to evacuate ASAP. What's the reason? Zombies? A scourge of vampires? Republicans demanding your vote? None of the above. It's a giant meteor being hurdled to that section of town. Well...didn't see that one coming. My guess was a gas leak or again, zombies. What a second, it was all just an elaborate video. Well, see if I trust the media any more. 

Bear in mind I am watching a screener but the Hooper storyline sound like Goblin is performing the soundtrack. Then a POV shoot which looks like his apartment got broken into, so yeah folks I am as confused as you are reading this. Sam has ideas but nothing coherently shot and edited yet. He hits on the idea of a slasher film but how do you make that unique and interesting instead of obscure but downright confusing. How? HOW??!!!

Much soul searching will be needed. Maybe a dummy or a dark force that warped a man into a mute antagonist? With a bit of improved shots, cut scenes and spatter effects, he will make a one man slasher movie as both the killer and the victim. Props for creativity but better make your slasher mute then. No catch phrasing ending up in Freddy territory or God help us, Killjoy.

This manual reads like...well a manual.

It's a bit meta but hell I liked it. Just not panning out with our young auteur.   He's close to what he wants but still wracking the brain figuring out what really is the horror he is trying to convey on film. Meanwhile an lunatic seems to be out and about stabbing victims and our boy gets a package...with a Charlie McCarthy ventriloquist dummy in it. BURN IT! Right now! Too many haunted, cursed and possessed dummy movies out there for you to not see the signs of bad things to come. Cleanse it with fire.

Moving on and yes for those keeping tally, this is anthology story going, we head to Jennifer Burton (Alexis Beacher of Night, Urban Fears and Tale from Six Feet Under). It's her birthday and so far it doesn't look like anyone is available to celebrate it with her. Yeah work, life, errands and raising kids can do that to you as you age gracefully or kicking and screaming. An unknown person wishes her a happy birthday thanks to social media blurting it out. Hey don't worry yet, hun. It didn't give up your age. Jennifer is cautious as this could be anyone creeping about. Anonymous gives off that vibe as many a girl can testify to, so she proceeds to ask who is messaging her. There is a lot of evasion and a slightly flirtatious nature to it.

Jennifer is starting to get creeped out and frankly it is at this point, I'm screaming, "Girl hit a mall, library, invite a friend or two over for shots. Something."

What I enjoyed the most is the handheld camera work, the POV creeper viewing and the tone being set by the music. Good mood and atmosphere established with some creative stories, combining old facets of horror story telling, with spins, twists and turns.

We could argue the spoiler factor of the cemetery showing us each a plot of these people but it gives enough of a nudge into our morbid curiosity to wonder what happened to these people, what was their final end and could it occurred at any time in their life?

We have a decent cast, clever tales and overall I was entertained. If this is what Jacobs can do with a meager budget, let's see if we can fund his next project and watch him go dark as possible. 

OMG! iPhone is the coolest!!

The Devil has Seven Faces

Hiya gang! We have two interesting things today. It is International Women's Day, showcasing women in life of what has been and what is yet to come. Ask your mom, aunt, grandma what contributions women have given to science, engineering, plans that have shaped the future and written works. Today is also a very good woman's birthday and to show how hard a worker she is, yeah you guessed it. She has to work today.

So Happy Birthday Wendy! Sorry the price of success means not too many days off but you're doing what you like.

Today we have intrigue, a double-cross, a mistaken identity and a jewelry heist!!! c'mon this is good stuff. Okay menfolk it is a Giallo as well. There, gain some of you back? Muhahahahaha, dance puppets,dance. This is The Devil has Seven Faces a.k.a. Bloody Mary a.k.a. The Devil has 7 Faces a.k.a. Nights of Terror

Yes these borders are ridiculous.

Our trek into this film is with cinematographer/director Osvaldo Civirani (Hercules Against the Sons of the Sun, Kindar the Invulnerable, Operation Poker, The Beckett Affair, Return of Django, and the Two Sons of Trinity) brings us a thriller Giallo with a pair of twins and some mayhem ensues.

Julie Harrison (Carroll Baker of Baby Doll, Something Wild, How the West Was Won, the Sweet Body of Deborah, Paranoia, A Quiet Place to Kill, Knife of Ice, Bait and Star 80) is a conservative, straight laced businesswoman. Mary on the other hand, is foot loose and fancy free. A girl that is a love 'em and leave 'em kind of gal. Julie starting receiving threats, harassment at home in the night and even unwanted and less than welcome visitors dropping by. Having no idea what is going on until...they call Julie Mary; her sister's name.

A pack of thieves proceed to scare Julie and don't believe she isn't Mary, trying to pull a fast one on them. They already can't trust Mary so this must be another one of her tricks, yet they can't help but think they may have the wrong girl.

Okay, fine. It's a wig. Jeez

With this relentless terror happening; Julie turns to two friends, Dave Barton (Stephen Boyd of Seven Days from Now, Island in the Sun, Ben-Hur, Lisa, Imperial Venus, The Fall of the Roman Empire, The Third Secret, Genghis Khan, Fantastic Voyage and Carter's Army) a hotshot lawyer and Tony Shane (George Hilton of Any Gun Can Play, Sartana's Here...Trade Your Pistol for a Coffin, The Strange Vice of Mrs. Wardh, Holy God, Here Comes the Passatore!, Double Game and College) a race car driver with guts and glory mentality.  Both men are not competitive with each other, in spite of they are both attracted to her. With a bit of cooperation and knowing shady men in dark places they found out a group of jewel thieves lifted a massive diamond from the Maheraja and one of the crew got left behind holding the bag.

Julie starts looking into the theft to encounter an insurance investigator by the name of Steve Hunter (Luciano Pigozzi of Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory, The Castle of the Living Dead, The Devil's Man, Vengeance, Blackie the Pirate, Yor, Hunter of the Future, Escape from Hell, The Exterminators of the Year 3000, Strike Commando and Zombie 3) hot on the trail.

Can Julie get out of this pickle? Will the thieves get their justice?

The film is pretty solid. We got a lot of association with slasher infecting Giallo with the cliche' POV wearing leather gloves and a blade slicing up topless jiggly girls. The most important elements in Giallo is mystery, dark story line, murder and a bit of nudity. A lot of critics professional and amateur alike treat this almost like a buddy cop drama mixed with a crime thriller.

Just go through IMDB on Mario Bava and you will see different examples of Giallo and you'll understand my meaning. I'm not bashing fellow critics, just asking them to do a bit more research into the subject matter you are praising or damning and I sat through that abysmal Zombie Lake!!

Lemme in! I GOTTA PEE!!!

Shot in the Netherlands, this 90 minute thriller was a good cast, Stelvio Cipriani's (The Lickerish Quartet, Guns for Dollars, A Bay of Blood, Death Walks on High Heels, Baron Blood, The Killer Is on the Phone and Tragic Ceremony) composure was spot on.  For my younger readers you would have heard his compositions in Death Proof, Planet Terror and The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

All praising goes to Carroll Baker. She really pulls off her double roles, the intensity of the film and the complete opposites of the twins. We have a good screenplay with dare I say, a bit too many subplots and red herrings. It was almost they were trying to outdo each scene.Clever camera work with the Eastman Reversalscope, a good enough car chase (Could have been better) and suspenseful argumentative and physical fighting in a windmill of all places. At the end of the day, this was a decent mystery and not the typical sleazy look most Giallo get labelled due to the use of so much nudity. I would recommend this one for the causal viewer and the Giallo fan alike.

Think we oughta let that girl in?