Can I Kill You?

Howdy doodly doo, my readers! Yeah stole that from a talking toaster 3 million years in the future and deep space. And what of it? So the talented and lovely Tommie Vegas (Sorcerers, The Interrogation of Cheryl Cooper, Project M, Interstellar Civil War: Shadows of the Empire, Party Night and Another Evil Night) put out a few requests of some bloggers and reviewers to get off their cans and take a gander at her project. Okay she didn't say that, because she is an absolute sweetie. She did ask if I was interested on a project she was very proud to be a part of. A little bit of horror/thriller all wrapped up in some psychosis. This is Can I Kill You.

That look in her eyes. Brother get her some chocolate ASAP!

Writer/director Nicholas Grant (Within the Shadows, In the Dead of Night, Mr. Jiggles, Brit Kids of Vegas, Homecoming,The Val Chronicles, Orey and Dark 72) delves into the obsession of morbid curiosity. That itch that cannot be scratched, that longing notion that must one day be made reality. Clearly only something your best friend, your confidant would understand, yes?

Rachel (Crisann Smith of Social Girl, Can I Kill You?and Infidelity) is having one of those dull nights when nothing is good on TV, you've seen your DVD collection and you just finished that latest novel you bought. What to do to fill the time? Now if this was an adult entertainment film, she'd order pizza and have the pizza boy for dessert.

Dunno. May get killed. IDK.

Alas, that cannot be and she instead invites her friend Tammy(Arlette Yousif of Family Bond, Eros.Emmanuel and Me, The Concord Chronicles and Emmanuel and Me)over for to shoot the breeze and to hang out. As a straight male, I can only conclude they will be doing each others' hair and talking about boys. That is all put on hold when a gentle wrapping happens upon her apartment door. Hey kudos to Rachel for actually using her peephole instead of opening up the door to a potential chainsaw wielding maniac. No in fact, it is her friend Sandy (Tommie Vegas) popping by unannounced and plunks down on the sofa.

Sandy proceeds to hint to almost life changing event and Rachel doesn't quite get what Sandy is being so mysterious about, but she doesn't seem quite herself. Well...no new visible piercings, no new tattoo, no insanely expensive wardrobe. Yup I'm stumped too, folks.

With a light hearten snicker, Sandy tells how she just had the most fun ever. It was a fluke, a random encounter and she just went to it. Rachel starts getting creeped out and hey, who the hell wouldn't be disturbed?  Sandy so proud of her determination, she apparently took some snaps on her iPhone.   Not to nitpick there Sandy, but you know that gets uploaded to your account as well as your phone, right? Just thinking it may be difficult for any future defense attorney to get you out of the alligator pit you just dug.

OMG RACHEL!!!

Sandy simply wants to share her experience with Rachel.   Hey, if you can't talk to your closest friend about a brutal murder you committed and the need to reminisce, well then you may be a crappy friend. Shame on you, Rachel. Shame on you.

Coming to grips with her friend has murdered someone and talking about it like it was a rush, Rachel is trapped in her own home with a complete and utter psychopath. The only thing she can do is stall for time.  Maybe Sandy will get bored, head home for a shower and some Mint Chocolate Chip?  She can't exactly call the cops with Sandy being right there in the room.   Wha? Oh, I'm ordering a pizza and in no way, shape or form am calling the cops on you.   I'm sure that will go sail like a lead balloon.

Not sure what is more disturbing about this film. Rachel's ensuing terror or Sandy's near euphoric state after murder. Sandy has a glint in her eye that says, "I may have a taste for this and I'm only just getting started."

With next to no budget, this 15 minute thriller is giving a command performance with a limited cast, a sinister story and the vibe that this could happen.  Crisann gives such a conflicted execution.  Does she fear for her life?  Is her friend even remotely salvageable?   Did she want chicken or pasta for dinner?  It's almost as you can see the whirlwind of thoughts in her head and they're all happening at once.

Tommie is just so blase about her murder and living off the thrill of the kill that it is a genuinely creepy performance. When typically you'd look at that this girl and think, "Yeah we can chase her with an axe and she'll deliver a Jamie Lee Curtis scream." Now you have to wrap your head around and come to terms that with the proper script and her performance, she is far more versatile than we thought.

Honey, your couch is lumpy.

Anyone Home

Hey folks. Sorry for the lapsed writing. Long rounds of working and a few freelance gigs. We won't go into it. Instead I got a written review request of Rotten Reelz's old friend, Joe Williamson from the Williamson Management Co. Today's movie is a hybrid mystery thriller horror film. Already I am intrigued. As many of you know, I don't get garbage to view from this man. With first time director/writer Patrick Cunningham and starring Emmy and Golden Globe winner Kathy Baker and Nolly Hollywood winner Jasper Cole, this is Anyone Home? a.k.a. Model Home.

Yes happy pills are a bonus!

Again, I get another alternative titled film. Thankfully it isn't Bruno Mattei's Hell of the Living Dead and its 15 alternative titles.

Our movie opens with an infomercial describing a no rent or mortgage down place to live with slight eerie musical intro as we cut back and forth to title credits. This to me, says we are setting the tone and it promises to be all evil. What sounds like a Faustian pact, Brenda (Kathy Baker of Street Smart, Mister Frost, Edward Scissorhands, Picket Fences,Chicago Hope, Boston Public, Cold Mountain, Fathers and Sons, All the King's Men and Medium) is showing off the new potential home that Camila (Monique Gabriela Curnen of Lie to Me, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The Mentalist, Dystopia, Hawaii Five-0, The Following and Matters of the Heart) signs on this contract to live her new home as a sort of caretaker position. Three houses are complete, street lights are there and the roads are finished. Several empty plots are to be found but overall a modern day ghost town. BRING THE KIDS!

Being a single mother to young Jaime (Luke Ganalon of Bless Me, Ultima, Grey's Anatomy, Shake It Up, Out of the Blue, King John and Doc McStuffins), I have to say Camila there's got to be a better place to start. I'm getting Poltergeist vibes off this cul-de-sac of a community. Not even kids around his age in this place, a lot of construction equipment, supplies and regions a kid will explore and probably end up hurting himself on or with. Jaime finds his remote control spider caught in an inhumane coyote or small game trap (yes sadly I know what they look like). Again all these tools, equipment and building supplies just screams mangled boy!

Leatherface's cousin, Ceramic Head.

Jaime finds he and his mother's clothes strewn on the ground when he was away, proving there is someone else around these premises. An ill omen, perhaps? Camila is still been knocked over of the sheer size of this house. That being said, I think the plumbing, electrical and foundation need checking. Also might want to see if any ancient Native American burial grounds have been disturbed, Satanic rites have happened and the odd human sacrifice or two. Again, just precautions.

That being said, the highway is a quick turn up and go back into the areas of strip malls, fast food and probably the near amounts of grocery stores, possibly a good vet hospital. You know these in-fills can be like. Camila has a pill regiment of an 80 year old woman, looks like some are anti-psychotics and given how "normal" people think of any medicine for depression to dementia she is trying to keep it under wraps.

Jaime is making sure she adheres to her pill intake and boy that can't be stressful. Camila clearly suffers from bi-polar mental issues as the flashbacks indicate and I think they portrayed it well.

With that, the night belongs to scumbags. They would look at an single mother and her impressionable young son as open season. Would it also be bad to point out they don't seem to so much as have a patrol car doing a drive-by to see the neighborhood?

Such isolation the lovely home wouldn't matter as there are no real neighbors about. Just open desert, vacant houses and too much silence.

Thank God for the craft store. The one refuge from pure unadulterated boredom. Ran by Mr( Jon Jon Briones of Moonlight, Sons of Anarchy, Proud American, Brown Soup Thing, Southland, The Mentalist, American Horror Story and Ratched) and Mrs Fan (Cici Lau of Torchwood, Whitney, Breaking In, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Mantervention, Love Arcadia and Fear the Walking Dead).

Enter Walker (Jasper Cole of Alien Nation, Friday the 13^th: The Series, Pride & Joy, Once and Again, What Should You Do?, Prom Queen and Nothing But the Truth), a guy living in an RV and looks as stable as nitroglycerine. He has also laid claim to several of Camila's personal effects. Surprised he isn't rubbing them all over himself.

I liked the premise, the pacing of the movie and the general vibe of the sinister element hidden in the shadows. Nothing is what it appears to be.

Monique's performance was nothing short of astonishing, the cinematography is impressive and this cast and crew had passion for this project.

This film gives a decent view into history of mental illness, what it is to be a single mother and how awful it is to recover from a recession. Proof if proof was needed, that there is no such thing as secure. Whether it is a job or a home, there will always be something or someone lurking out there if they really want to.

Oh Johnny Depp?  Mmm girl I have stories.

The Emerging Past: Director's Cut

Hey there readers! I'm back again. Well last week started off timid with a comic book movie then we got a hard hitting action flick, a POV zombie movie, so what can we do to embrace this week? How about a psychological thriller? Starring, written and directing by...Thomas J Churchill? Andy from Syndicate Smasher? Oh hell yeah. Okay I am stoked. Let's do this. This is The Emerging Past.

Yes folks, turns out Thomas J Churchill (A System Devoured, Lazarus: Apocalypse, Check Point,The Rack Pack, Birth of the Zombie and Nation's Fire) writes, directs, produces and acts so he is a Jack of all Trades. Move over, Bruce Campbell.

Hmm loving couple or Double Mint Gum ad?

Our opening credits sound like Harry Manfredini of the Friday the 13^th franchise and a news photographer Pam (Krista Grotte of The Rack Pack, The Lost, Check Point and Nation's Fire) describing some inherently messed up cult and a killing in graphic detail.  Jeez lady, the priest is used to masturbation confessions.   Father John (Edward X Young of Mega Man, The Green Monster, The Killer Clown Meets The Candy Man, The Gift and The Litch)is taking this all in stride as this crazy tale unfolds as Pam explains seeing a murder of a ritual sacrifice and the cops either didn't care or were in on it.

Father John kicks back with a whiskey and grabs a bath to Ave Maria playing in the background. I'm sure that was the soundtrack and not what he chooses to pipe in his room. Just before his appointment with Mr. Bubble, a POV killer gets to Father John, viciously attacking and gouging to death by a terrifying amount of strength, left looking like a cherry pie tossed at the wall.

Credits are interspersed with symbols of the church, Christ on the cross and the departed father now resembling stigmata and a crime scene. Within four minutes of our movie, the tone is clear. Evil's afoot.  Someone!  Call the Tick!!   A black clothed individual leaves the scene with a nice steady, and dare say carefree pace.   Guess it got the blood pumping as well as Father John's all over the walls.

Detective Vorheeses slashes through the red tape.

Detectives Vorheeses and D'mato (Rick Borgia of Ghost Source Zero, Proximity to Power, Tatalia, The Making of the Mob and My Father, The Don) are on the case. The moment I head D'Mato my brain went to exploitation/Italian mockbuster director Joe D'Mato of the Ator movies, Anthrophagous and Emanuelle flicks.

Cut to a hospital/mental ward holding Pam as she is cut up, been manhandled and no answers are good enough for the cops or the hospital staff. Yup she is being held for observation cuz she's talking crazy. Ugh, incomplete sentence structure there. Who am I? Frank Miller?

A quick stroll down flashback lane; we see Pam doing a little B & E and a fade to later cry in her bathrobe and hit the showers trying to make sense of the last 43 hours.  I normally cry in my PJs myself.

This film is shot and edited out of sequence to create an impact of events that have happened or ongoing. This isn't rocket science to figure out, people.

Is Pam having a nervous breakdown? Are there dark forces roaming the Earth? Did this black mass rituals bring about Trump's presidency?

And now trivia or things I noticed. Yes you didn't ask for it but you're getting it anyway.

Actor Mike Marino looked familiar and it hit me. Nikos, the Impaler. YuuuuuUUp, that Andreas Schnaas flick. Oh well, you got to start somewhere, right?

Funnier side note is Tony Moran. Any Carpenter buff would know him better as Michael Myers in the first Halloween. Okay, any obsessive fan would know this. Don't you judge me!

The orignal Jason potato sack and all of Friday the 13^th Part 2 fame, Steve Dash as Detective Vorheeses. Hmm might be a bit on the nose but hey I have done far cornier jokes in my Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Reviews on YouTube. It would also appear I am not above shameless plugs.

Okay I am actually confused on the hate poured onto this film. It's cut like a gruesome pulp fiction with supernatural themes, cult standings and visions that may or may not have happened to Pam. Maybe Pam is completely crackers. Maybe it is a huge cover up. Maybe you should watch it and draw your own conclusion like I did.

Ocu..pa..do..

With a smaller budget this was graphic, good camera work, subtle music hints and some quick and fast editing to offer a bizarre vision.  It offered good suspense and a solid cast bringing what they could to their roles.  I also didn't see half of the IMDB user complaints about every character had to be loved or deemed noteworthy.  The story is set, the characters are in play and I didn't see Churchill's focus that led me to believe you as the viewer, will remember every character. Secondaries get their time in front of the camera but it doesn't feel like favoritism.

Mind you, these are folks that buy an IMDB Pro account primarily to bitch and complain and offer no real constructive criticism. IMDB Trolls under these here bridges!

Little issue I had was how fast the pans were, photophobia didn't like that but nowhere near the BS of an Uwe Boll movie. That is Boll's filming without a stabilizer and puke worthy for anyone prone to migraines or seizures as we run through a forest with realism. Or lazy filming. Buy or build a unipod. Enough about Boll. No real bearing here.

I can't say I have any complaints about this film. Decent run time, good cast and compelling story. Of course the tragedy of the late Brooke McCarter (The Lost Boys, Thrashin', Double Switch, Wired, The Uh-Oh Show and Space Gila from the Deep) who passed away in 2015 as this was his last film.

With the theme of evil striking from the darkness with no mercy or quarter, I think it feels a bit similar to The First Power where madness and reason are just not going hand in hand. A touch of The Omen on the scale of oddity, this film is pretty good. I think some of the users at IMDB need to get a hobby. Try knitting a scarf, guys.

Pam's Vegas vacation gone off the rails.

The Watcher

Hey gang. I have been busy with recording, editing and trying to give Rotten Reelz Reviews video reviews the love it deserves so yes I have been very laxed in my blog. I beg for your forgiveness and shall provide you with some much needed reading material. PLEEEEEASEEEE DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEE!!!!

Okay, with that slap at dignity, today's film is actually a thriller hailing from the far forgotten time of 2000. Yes 17 years and 4 months ago... Simpler times then. A sadistic game of cat and mouse for our hero and villain as both learn too much each other and leading to a final confrontation.

This is The Watcher.

Keanu a bad guy? NO WAY! Yes Keanu Reeves as a psychotic killer, David Allen Griffin who knows Kung Fu and exorcism, or maybe I am confusing a few movies. Any rate, our villain enjoys throttling the life from his victims. Typically sweet, innocent naive girls that are swept up in the moment of this handsome guy paying attention to them, caught unaware of the danger they are in until it is too late.

Careful, I know Kung Fu.

His nemesis, Joel Campbell (James Spader of Mannequin, Less than Zero, Jack's Back) is a guilt ridden, cluster migraine sufferer living on disability, regret and a fair amount of Vietnamese take out. Prior to that, he was an FBI serial profiler. Able to get in the heads of serial killers and catch them. Three years prior in L.A. He was hot on the trail of Griffin and a tragic death happened on his watch. He burned out and moved away from it all.

Living on a steady diet of bad food, pills,Coke and self-condemnation, Campbell left his job, handles his bills and stays out of police work...until he finds his old enemy followed him to Chicago to start "the game" again. Worthy of his attention, Griffin and Campbell have a relationship of give and take. Yeah this is how Griffin's sick ass mind operates. With a knowledge of police procedure, forensics and murder, Griffin is a predator stalking young women for days even weeks before his kill. His murder bag of tricks at the ready, his rituals to be adhered to and his victim completely terrified, he gets off on this every time.

FBI and Chicago PD are not thrilled with the idea of working with Campbell given what has happened in his past, but our Keanu has invited him to play and hopefully he can outwit, outguess or outclass him and take him down.

To take away from this film, well Keanu is actually quite creepy in it. Love the warm behavior to the potential victims. He comes on strong but not in an unappealing way. His grin and smile would easily put women off their guard and allow them to believe there are decent guys out there. He comes off charming and eccentric rather than a stalker plotting his next murder.

Spader as a brilliant burn out, showing all his former training and analytical thinking through waves of depression, pharmaceutical abuse and rattled nerves is compelling. One hand you want this poor wreck of a man to go home and just forget about this psycho. Then you realize, with Spader on the case; it stands a better chance of catching this nut.

Veteran character actors Chris Ellis and Ernie Hudson bring a lot to the table with their range of emotions and humor or darkness. The only one I felt wasted was Marisa Tomei. This capable, intelligent woman stuck in a shrink role on a couch gives decent drama but I swear they just didn't give her enough to do in this role. The hell, man? This is a talented woman and ya pissed her away.

Bottom line, I was a bit surprised the killer's reveal so soon in the film but given the story makes for an interesting history between Campbell and Griffin it works. The adrenaline for the chase, can he be stopped or will there be more bodies in the water?

This is a solid enough film, good pace so no drag factor but my other gripe is I wonder what even made Griffin who he is or was he simply born evil? Cue the Halloween Carpenter music!

The killer POV camera work was starting to hurt my eyes and head a bit though, so keep this in mind, photophobics. It isn't Uwe Boll territory but still hurt my eyes. Tomei wasted aside, I would have to say a fair 7 out of 10, decent story, excellent performances and awesome soundtrack.

Mood lighting always makes a Spader look cuckoo.

Fun with Bava: Shock

Welcome back for more Fun with Bava. Today I thought we would focus on the last feature Bava worked on in 1977. The ending of disco, cocaine and freaky deaky sex acts to later be replaced with the 80s. Chilling thought.  Now I bring up this film because we once again run into an also know as scenario.   Because we the subculture, crass Americans couldn't possibly distinguish different directors this film today was released in the US under the title Beyond the Door II.  IT HAS NOTHING to do with the original Ovidio G Assonitis' Beyond the Door.  If anything Beyond the Door is Italian Rosemary's Baby.  This is Shock a.k.a. Beyond the Door II, Suspense and The Demon is Nuts.

Ugh. He just kneed me in the boob.

Personally I love the last title because I am curious to wonder what would drive a demon crackers. Too much Barney? Sat through Dora the Explorer one too many times?

Dora Baldini (Daria Nicolodi of Deep Red, Tenebre, Phenomena, Delirium, Opera, Sinbad of the Seven Seas, Paganini Horror, School of Fear, The Devil's Daughter and Notes of Love) has returned. Returned to the house of her first marriage to live after an extended stay in an asylum for seven years. She moves back into this home that brought her horrors along with her son Marco (David Colin Jr of Beyond the Door and Beyond the Door II). OoOoO Pseudo Sequel!!!  The kid from the first one is in it...in spite of playing a completely different character.   With her new husband Bruno (John Steiner of Beyond the Door II, A Man Called Blade, Question of Love, Caligula, The Last Hunter, Tenebre, Yor, the Hunter from the Future, The Ark of the Sun God and Cut and Run) or is that Biondo from Salon Kitty? Oh crap it is. Lady don't trust an ageless Nazi with you and your son!

gorgogliare is Italian for gurgle.

Any rate Dora was released from the wacko basket given her incarceration was based around the mysterious death of her first husband. Bruno is an airline pilot and is gone most days of the week leaving Dora with Marco (POLO!) all alone. Thanks to extensive electroshock treatments (They still did that in the seventies?) she believes her son is channeling her dead husband to torture and torment even beyond the grave.

Dora starts to recall the events that lead up to late husband's death and what the memories of this house brings. She needs to flee and would take Marco but she now fears him. The walls of sanity are crashing down Dora as she looks about her in a feeble attempt to hold on to her mind and her son.

Will Dora succumb to madness?? Will Bruno inherit the house?? Can Marco lose both parents??

First off loving the handheld camera work. Some of these angles looks like tracking shoots panning for full 360 degrees, dolly track, other looks like the poor cameraman would have been hanging over a railing to capture certain shots. All in all a gorgeous shoot.   As far as the storyline, you can see the influence this film had on things like Stir of Echoes or What Lies Beneath. A notion of past horrors manifested in spirit and guilt.

You see dear, normally my British accent is allowed but not this film.

Looking at the earliest reviews of this movie, most of the critics give it a pass or call it mildly notable that Bava did this film. From trick cinematography, talented actors, moody lighting and an excellent musical score, this macabre film has creepy down pat. I was amused to hear Edward Mannix yet again for dubbing but sadly he was only voicing one of the movers at the very beginning of the film. Such a waste! 

Should have used lanolin on those dry monster hands.

Fun with Bava: Blood Brides

Welcome to the week. At the suggestion of my Rotten Ramblin' On co-host Shawn I tackle some more Mario Bava for your reading pleasure and my viewing enjoyment. A brilliant idea so I decided to dive right in on that today. With a series of unexplained murders of young brides-to-be, these grizzly deeds go unchecked. This is Blood Brides a.k.a. Hatchet for the Honeymoon, Honeymoon, Red Wedding Night and An Axe for the Honeymoon.

Italian Clint Eastwood??

Manager of bridal dress factory John Harrington (Stephen Forsyth of Love and Marriage, In a Colt's Shadow, Fury in Marrakesh, Death at Owell Rock, Acid Delirium of the Senses, Black Jesus, and Blood Brides) seems to suffer from narrative's disease. Thankfully no echo reverb like Chuck Norris in The Octagon. John also seems to have an Oedipus complex. While he is cool and collective on the surface, he has inner demons needing to be kept at bay with his older wife Mildred (Laura Betti of Teorema, The Canterbury Tales, 1900, Art of Love, To Catch a Cop, Mamma Ebe, All the Fault of Paradise, Sweets from a Stranger, Widow's Walk, The Blue Rose, Courage Mountain, Suffocating Heat and The Rebel) while he comes to grips with his obvious dementia. John keeps flashing back to some event in the past, something his own subconscious is attempting to forever conceal from him.

That being said he and the wife usually start the day with a screaming match at the breakfast table of John belting out about a divorce and Mildred will have none of it. John storms out of the house and to his office where he meets Helen Wood (Dagmar Lassander of Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion, The Black Corsair, Seagulls Fly Low, Sugar, Honey and Pepper, The Black Cat, The House by the Cemetery, Devil Fish, The Pleasure, The Family and Tommaso), a full-figured gal applying for modeling for the bridal gowns after the previous model..."disappeared".

Why, this model is dead on her feet. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

With this new model put into employment, one of the lovelier models, Alice Norton (Femi Benussi of The Hawks and the Sparrows, Blood Brides, So Sweet, So Dead, The Countess Died of Laughter, When Love Is Lust, Special Killers, Tales of Erotica, Blood Money and The Private Lesson) seems to want to leave the salon due to getting married, so John offers her a choice of any of the dresses in storage. Foolishly trusting her boss who has embraced his inner goofballs he proceeds to hack her to death with a meat cleaver and dispose of her body with the furnace of his greenhouse.

Hmm, why does the cameraman have no pants?

The next day Inspector Russell (Jesus Puente of Teatro de siempre, Aventuras y desventuras de Mateo, Primera hora, Obsesion, El teatro, Novela, Blood Brides, Shouts of Anxiety and You're te One) comes snooping around Harrington at the request of Alice's fiancee giving Harrington pause as Russell points out that six models have disappeared from his bridal salon but no real evidence can bring Harrington in. Meaning John will have to kill with a tad bit more discretion. Meanwhile John is becoming smitten by Helen with plans of spending the rest of his days with her as soon as he gets rid of the nuisance that is his wife Mildred.

Will Mildred get more than split ends?? Will Helen ever figure out John belongs in the wacko basket??

Okay a few things of note now. Stephen Forsyth does an amazing balance of creepy and broken so well I wondered if they were just drugging his drinks on set or if the guy is a manic depressive. It was actually spellbinding watching him work. Patented Bava close up on hands and eyes while eerie as crap music ranging from a harpsichord to small orchestral plays gently in the background.

The story takes its time, builds suspense and gives gore fans some love as well. With lens shots through glass cut doorknobs, vases and mirror work, it gives the effect that the walls of reality are crashing down on John and he doesn't know what to do. Inspector Russell has been dubbed with the glory of authority of Edward Mannix. Man that guy got a lot of work. Sorry fellas but no large quantities of nudity. If you really need that in your giallo movie, toss me a message and I will point you in the direction for it to be found. This my friends is a psychological thriller.

Canoodling on a train can lead to DEATH!!!

Michael Crichton Week: Sphere

So we have Day 4 of Michael Crichton Week as we move into a sci-fi psychological thriller directed and produced by Barry Levinson (Diner, Young Sherlock Holmes, Tin Men, Good Morning, Vietnam, Rain Man, Avalon, Bugsy, Toys, Jimmy Hollywood and Disclosure) and you would think a story of a 300 year old spacecraft found in the great depths of the ocean would be a kick ass sci-fi story. But lengthy shots of water, a Samuel Jackson turning pages and Academy Award winner composure Elliot Goldenthal (Pet Sematary, Grand Isle, Alien 3, Demolition Man, Interview with the Vampire, Cobb and Heat) bringing the tone buUuuUuUut...yea not gonna lie, this one hurt a bit. This is Sphere.

I farted. I'm owning up.  Sorry about that.

With a team of experts in their field, the crew of the Habitat (self contained underwater observation and living conditional bio-sphere) consisting of mathematician Dr. Harry Adams (Samuel L Jackson of Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, XXX, The Incredibles, Snakes on a Plane, Iron Man 2, The Avengers and The Boondocks), Marine biologist Dr. Beth Halperin (Sharon Stone of Allan Quartermain and the Lost City of Gold, Action Jackson, Total Recall, Basic Instinct, The Specialist, The Quick and the Dead, Casino, Cold Creek Manor and Catwoman), astrophysicist Ted Fielding (Liev Schreiber of Scream 2, Jakob the Liar, The Hurricane, Hamlet, Scream 3, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Salt and Spotlight), psychologist Dr. Norman Goodman (Dustin Hoffman of The Graduate, Kramer vs Kramer, All the President's Men, Toostie, Rain Man, Sleepers, Mad City, Wag the Dog and The Cobbler) under the watchful eye of U.S. Navy Captain Barnes (Peter Coyote of Bitter Moon, Unforgettable, Top of the World, Seeds of Doubt, Patch Adams, Erin Brockovich, Femme Fatale and Purpose) as this contained unit is mere yards from the spacecraft.

Must...not...emote.

Closer examination points out this ship is in fact not alien but American based technology. With further probing and diagnosis, the crew find the ship's logs showing the ship undertook an unknown event similar to or perhaps actually travelling through a black hole sending the space vessel into the corridors of time and space. (*cue Dr. Who theme circa 1986!) After making it back to the Habitat, the crew notice a large perfectly spherical ball of fluid hovering about the cargo bay. No way to scrutinize or canvass its abilities, the one thing that does stand out is all objects seem to cast a reflection but no human faces or forms do in it.

Dr. Adams is convinced that mathematically they are all fated to die and the logs will prove this because of this non-eventual ship in an eventual horizon has come to be and wibbly wobbly timey wimey. Adams goes over to the sphere and into the spacecraft then back to the Habitat with a mere whim it almost feels. He and Goodman are trying to interface with the logs when it is discovered that a series of encoded messages appear over all the computer screens causing a bit of panic in the crew as the desperately attempt to decipher them.

Time travel?  Next you be talkin' about Asgardian and gamma monsters.

A large typhoon over the surface of water forces the crew to stay longer than predicted, with equipment failures, and aggressive lifeforms in the water attacking the crew. Beth, Norman and Harry believe an A.I.on the spacecraft is responsible. They have been naming it Jerry and demand to know what is going on. As they calculate and postulate, they realize that every death or haphazard scenario is something the crew was afraid of.

Are these manifestations even real? Have the crew been about to tap into power allowing them to create matter from nothing? Does this sound like a Neil Degrasse Tyson drunken rambling??

Now I have a few complaints about the film itself. One, you really start to feel the two and half hours drag and your own conclusions to the film hit you pretty early. It almost feels like you are waiting for the actors to play catch up. Two, the conclusions made by the cast kind of feels like they are grasping at straws to the level that impossible was made possible by them sitting around and debating. 

Dustin Hoffman felt the issues of this movie were never properly addressed and the movie is incomplete at best. I have to agree. These are complex mathematical concepts and to just run into them so quickly felt to confined a result. We are dealing with five dimensional math and theoretical physics that are never addressed well enough for an outcome to be believable enough for a proper ending. With a budget of $80 million in 1997, they managed to only clear $81 worldwide and was considered a flop greater than Waterworld.

C'mon contract, gimme a loophole to get out of this flick.

Giallo Journeys: The Third Eye

Hey folks. Sorry for last week, a lot of family interaction plus I tore some muscle and sitting down in front of a computer just was not happening. I'm fine now and by God we will get started on some reviews. I thought we could take another look at the Giallo movies for two reasons. One, it goes as far back as 1964 with its main originator Mario Bava (Evil Eye, Black Sunday, Blood and Black Lace, Planet of the Vampires, Kill Baby, Kill, Danger: Diabolik, Blood Brides, A Bay of Blood and Baron Blood) a cinematographer/director/matte painter and truly the Godfather of Italian horror. Two, inspiring his own son Lamberto Bava (Demons, Demons 2, Macabre and The Cave of the Golden Rose), Lucio Fulci (Don't Torture a Duckling, The Beyond, City of the Living Dead, The House by the Cemetery, The New York Ripper, Manhattan Baby and Touch of Death) and Dario Argento (Deep Red, Suspira, Inferno, Tenbre, Phenomena, Opera, Trama, The Phantom of the Opera and Mother of Tears).

Why yes, I am Django.

Again, Giallo hails from the Italian word "yellow" in reference to the cheap paperbacks containing crime fiction that had serial slashing or a supernatural element to it in the mid 1960s. Think the pulp murder mysteries of the 1930s and on for the states or the French fatastique genres.

Today we focus writer/director Mino Guerrini's eerie tale of a young count destined for happiness in marriage when fate's cruel hand decides a roll of the die not in his favor and his fiancee dies in a car accident... or was it an accident? This is The Third Eye.

Like a good neighbor...CRAP!  STATE FARM IS THERE NOW DAMMIT!!!

Our movie opens with a young girl Laura (Erika Blanc of Kill Baby, Kill, The Devil's Nightmare, El juego del adulterio a.k.a. The Game of Adultery, Blood Money, Nobody's Children, Bello come un arcangelor a.k.a. Beautiful As An Archangel and Eye of the Cat) romping through the meadows with flowers in hand and a song in her heart as the young count Mino (Franco Nero of Django, Submission, Sahara Cross, Force 10 to Navarone, The Visitor, The Shark Hunter, Enter the Ninja, The Last Days of Pompeii, Django Strikes Again and Django Unchained) looks on with love in his very being for this girl, his mother (Olga Solbelli of Odessa in fiamme, The Little World of Don Camillo, Mill of the Stone Women and Quando la pelle brucia a.k.a. When Skin Burns) and maid Marta (Gioia Pascal of Menage Italian Style and The Third Eye) turn their collective noses up at the bride-to-be.   For Marta an allusive love for Mino is there but he does not see Marta at all.    For his mother, she simply wants the strapping fellow to never leave. Momma got issues to say the least. With less than a month for the wedding, mother stews and Marta longs.

Gimme that.  Go wash your hands.

Laura is leaving for a few days at the most and Mino has his mother claiming their relationship is nowhere near what it was, he will abandon her so on and so forth. Yup Mino, pack your bags for the guilt trip of unreasonable coming your way. Taxidermy is a hobby of young Mino and you get hints of Psycho if Norman had noble blood and frankly I am disturbed by anyone that stuff sawdust into bodies of small animals period. Laura speeds off in her car with Mino in hot pursuit ten minutes behind. Mother has an "accident" after arguing with Marta.

A story of unrequited love, jealousy and murder as frustrations of not getting what you want drive people to the breaking point of madness and shot in black & white, this even paced tale unfolds perhaps a tad too slow for the "born with a cable modem crowd", but ideal for the fans of suspense and gothic horrors. Yes it takes a whole twenty five minutes to kick in but after that it is down the rabbit hole of bat shit crazy. It's macabre with human depth and emotion and I highly recommend it. For you more bloodier Giallo murder mystery buffs, the gore is good for the day and focuses more on character development.

Funny bit of trivia, exploitation/sci-fi fantasy and horror director Joe D' Amato (Heroes in Hell, Emanuelle in Bangkok, Eva Nera a.k.a. Black Cobra Woman, Emanuelle and the Last Cannibals, Porno Holocaust, 2020 Texas Gladiators, Ator the Invincible, Cave Dwellers and Quest for the Mighty Sword) remade our flick under the title Beyond the Darkness written by Mino Guerrini's son, Giacomo Guerrini. Et tu, Giacomo?

Honey, all I said is I just don't want to stay at your mother's place.

Dustin Ferguson: Shockumentary

Welcome back all! We have made it to Day 4 of Dustin Ferguson Week and you will note that it has been a pretty easy case of big ideas and tiny budget still making the grade. This time around in the true fashion of Mondo cane or Faces of Death, a gathering of teens hellbent to party, neck and enjoy films find a rare creation that hasn't been distributed in a wide range. This is Shockumentary.

The look of a girl just noticing her boy wears Axe.  Pity her.

Quick clarification before you all drop by my pad and pelt me with rotten vegetables, this is NOT the ICP (Isane Clown Posse) goofiness that happened in 1997. Relax, I am not sadistic nor that masochistic. Our collective college kids decide to kick the tires this Fall break and decide to rent some horror films, drink a few beers, get some mad munchies and prep for a fun night. Apparently in this universe, video stores still exist and kick butt. So our young happy-go-lucky gang split up and divide the party chores.

The boys Chris (Christopher Christiansen of Shockumentary and Camp Blood 4) and Justice (Justice Strong of Shockumentary and Meathook Massacre) are in charge of getting something terrifying and disturbing. Guess Faces of Death Part 8 will not cut it. The girls Sky (Schuylar Craig of Shockumentary, Blood Claws, Camp Blood 4, Camp Blood 5 and The Amityville Legacy) and Brit Brit (Britany Dailey of Blood Rites, Cheerleader Camp: To the Death, Shockumentary and The Amityville Legacy) are off for snacks, beverages and probably a fair degree of condoms and lubes. Hey, you don't know! Watch the flick yourself! Sheesh. The guys hit a mom and pop video shop (Would that not be a great name for a store?) and they find a clam box with permanent marker describing the title Shockumentary. They figure what the hell and grab it.

Wait, why did you put in Scream 4, dude?

No sooner are they all in for the night, bad food and drinks galore as they watch depictions of graphic gore and execution style murders. Looks as feasible as a Umberto Lenzi flick like Cannibal Holocaust but to each their own I say. I'm more of a Lenzi's Eaten Alive fan myself. An unusual theme in the film is two guys dressed in Halloween hoods and skull masks doing in a girl that appears to be flailing and screaming for her life. Everyone is really impressed with her performance.

Later on the news and after seeing a few local flyers, Brit Brit recognizes the girl missing as one of the victims on the movie and she is convinced it is an actual snuff film. Justice, Sky and Chris remain a bit skeptical but agree to go find out a little more about the movie. They make their way back to mom and pop video shop (Now I can't stop writing that!) to get some inside info on the flick itself. IMDB was absolutely worthless for my search lemme tell you. The video store owner is real reluctant to even talk about it, exclaiming some things are better left alone, stay off the moors and it's only a movie!

The kids aren't sure what to do at this point. Do they go to the cops with only the VHS as proof and wouldn't that be easily argued it looks like a shot on video nonsense to the likes of Savage Vengeance? Yeah that was a painful flick. Paranoia starts to set in as our youngsters realize they are making waves and creating a stir. Will the maniacs find them? What pain and torture awaits them? Will they be forced to sit through an Eli Roth marathon???

This film is kinda reminiscent of Lucio Fulchi's A Lizard in a Woman's Skin or Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust in the sense of they have a great premise and rolled with it..minus animal killings of course. Hmm, this may have been poor examples.   Not too different to a crappy shot-on-video Gary P. Cohen's master flop VHS film called Video Violence but vastly more believable camera work, digital captured with the good performances given by our cast, the eerie ass music following them about and the atmosphere giving a sense of it is only a matter of time.   Ferguson gets old school scare and manages to bring that in easily enough. 

Hostel 4: The Midwest Edition.