Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

How do Readers of the Rotten. Well, it's time once again for a fan request and yeah it's a Troma movie. I'm not pleased at that but I will let it go and not vent my spleen. Yeah we are back in B-movie territory so buckle up, brace yourself and make peace with your dear and fluffy lord. This is Chopper Chicks in Zombietown a.k.a. Chrome Hearts a.k.a. Zombie Town a.k.a. Cycle Sluts 

 

Looks like they just barely "Escape From the Bronx!"

 

 

 

 

 

Yup right off the bat, we got alternative titles with writer/director Dan Hoskins (Pretty Smart and Chopper Chicks in Zombietown) seemed to wanted some dark humor with his horror film and I believe he managed it.

Our opening title card begins with "Life's a bitch and then you die. Usually." Followed by a maniacal cackle, I think that sets a tone. Cut right to the girls on bikes zooming along. Hey! California is a helmet law state! Rule breakers!

A gang of biker chicks are out raising hell and giving it their all. They screw around in this remote California town Zariah, scaring the locals and creating all sorts of malarkey. Heavens!  They could ratchet it up to tomfoolery. These girls are far less intimidating than The Switchblade Sisters and I love the serious tone the film is trying to put out. 

 

Welcome to Thorton's Casting Couch.

 

 

 

 

 

These group of Jezebels are ran by Rox (Lyica Naff of St. Elsewhere, The Clan of the Cave Bear, Fame, Lethal Weapon, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Return to Green Acres, Total Recall and The Flash (1990 version), this brunette smoke show and IMDB is showing her as T.C. Sooooo somebody screwed up and I don't think it's the film.  Getting back to our opus of a film, the girls had an encounter in the last town and gave exposition about a member name of Candy, stating we don't need any more heat on us.  FYI, their gang is called The Sluts. Not exactly terrifying. Might I make a few suggestions that won't get you laughed at? The Vipers? The Ball Breakers? The Insanguinators? Hoes of Death? Just mull those over.

Feels like I just stepped into some 70s biker exploitation movie and got a little bit of zombie on my boot. Big surprise is the local yokels don't take kind them there biker trash. The local mortician just removed a body and replaced him with sand bags in the coffin. Foreshadow perhaps? Or maybe he's either a necromancer (mage with powers over the dead) or a necrophile (man or woman with obscene infatuations for the dead). Either way, I am sure it will progress the story.

Bob's gotta roscoe now, see? Meh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The local dwarf, Bob Littleton (Ed Gale of Howard the Duck, Phantasm II, Child's Play, Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Dolly Dearest, Land of the Lost (1991-1992 version) and O Brother, Where Art Thou?) is in charge of population. That is he and his chalkboard establish the live ones accounted. Bob Littleton. They really just gave Bob the shaft there, didn't they? Guess Seymour Butts was too classy. FYI, Ed there is credited as Chucky's stunt double in Child's Play. Does that mean they tossed him into fireplace or the wall? One wonders.

The town Sheriff Not Wiggum (Lewis Arquette of The Real Ghostbusters, A Pup named Scooby Doo, Tango & Cash, Tales from the Crypt, Book of LoveYo Yogi, Hypernauts and Mojave Moon) and his mustache might not care for these chippies in his here jurisdiction. And yes he is father of Patricia, Rosanna, Alexis and David Arquette. Even stars in Scream 2 as Chief Hartley.

 

Ernie?!

 

 

 

 

 

Shockingly enough, our mortician is also a mad scientist name of Ralph Willum (Don Calfa of 1941, The Return of the Living Dead, Weekend at Bernie's, Bugsy, Doctor Dolittle, Downward Angel, Night Creep and Sharkskin) is responsible for all this mayhem to even happen. Shame on you, Ernie! Didn't you learn from The Return of the Living Dead?

Naturally the best way to not provoke the undead, the supernatural or demons is to STOP PESKY KIDS. You all know what I am talking about. They read from the book, they trash the cemetery, they take a crap in your refrigerator's crisper bin.  KEEP an eye on these little chaos factories.

As luck or plot point would have it, a bus full of blind orphans (many of which are smoking) has been stalled out not far from the abandoned zombie mine. Uh-oh Spagetti-Os! By the way, as a subplot, no I have no idea why the blind orphans are doing out in the heated two lane blacktop. Traveling to go see The American Gladiators? That may require sight. Um...off to hear New Kids on the Block? No wait, that would require wanting to listen.

Well, the cat or in this case, the scourge of zombies? Maybe a plethora of zombies? A mass of zombies? Well however you want to quantify it, the ghouls are loose and looking for flesh.

 

Sheriff Not Wiggums asks for the Sluts' help in saving those blind orphans and defending the town. The proper answer is NOPE. ALL THE NOPES! Alas the Sluts may have hearts of gold and join in the fray. With the populous be zombie food? Couldn't they call in the National Guard or Raccoon City's S.T.A.R.S.?

We have a quote from the Austin Chronicles via its VHS box cover claiming, "Shades of Night of the Living Dead and a bit of The Seven Samurai, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is a very smart and very funny movie." Hmm, late 80s...beating the deadlines. AHA! Cocaine was the deciding factor!  It all makes sense now.

What did I take away from this picture? Well the humor was dark to the level of Night of the Creeps, some decent tongue-in-cheek gags and the zombie FX was fair for this low budget job. Gorgeous girls beating the crap out of zombies. Sorry fellas there is absolutely no titty in our flick today WHATSOEVER.   I too, was stunned at this.   Guess they were going more for female empowerment rather than give off a jiggle fest.  Now use those McDonald's napkins and dry your tears, boys.  At the end it was gory and goofy. Felt like I took my brain offline and just had a few laughs.

 

She really likes that jukebox.