Biohazard

Howdy folks. Well because of the re-release of the revamped with new bells and whistles Resident Evil 2, I decided to find something to brand that up. So digging through the archives of producer/writer/director Fred Olen Ray for anything resembling that and well...the Japanese title is acknowledged with this film buuuuut...I'm not sure what I am in for. This is Biohazard.

Are Boobs and I invited to the phone conversation?

Written and directed by Fred Olen Ray (Evil Toons, Star Hunter, Night Shade, Illicit Dreams 2,Tomb of the Werewolf, Bikini Airways, Teenage Cavegirl and Nuclear Hurricane) and I am not as versed with him as I am Jim Wynorski or their Italian mockbuster counterpart Bruno Mattei, so this should be interesting. I did see Alienator with Ross Hagen, John Phillip Law, Jan Michael Vincent, P.J. Soles and Joseph Pilato. Yes I recognized them all because...I have reviewed a lot of film, TV and near photographic memory.

Our movie begins as most do, with some simple slide texts and some synthesizer. We open with a APC driving into Vasquez Rocks??!!! AHHHH!!!! Sorry, sorry. I am a wee bit sick of this as a location. I get its appeal of being remote and isolated but ugh. Just a bit irked I can recognize it by sight.

Hearing a giger counter bury the needle is always a cause for alarm in my book. Could also have been a stock sound effect. Gonna punch most of our "Military Men" as NONE of them bothered with a G.I.cut. HAIR GROWS BACK! Well, for most of us. I hadn't taken in account of male pattern baldness. My bad.

As the experiments continue, experts range from a scientist Dr. Williams (Art Payton of Beverly Hills Madam, Never Too Young to Die, Emanon, Defense Play and Knots Landing) to a rather chesty psychic, name of Lisa (Angelique Pettyjohn of The Girl from U.N.C.L.E., Get Smart, The Touch of Her Flesh, Clambake, Star Trek and Hell's Belles)

So our heroes are experimenting with transmitting and assembling matter from nearby dimensions. Yup, the physics are right out the window with this grade of Sci-Fi but you normally expect it in 70s to 80s TV. Not everyone has a blue police box at the ready. So scientists twisting space and time and basically giving God the middle finger. Well this will clearly not backfire.

Probably measuring zombie rads like Zombi '90.

Transport expert and ex-military, Mitchell Carter (William Fair of Deep Space, Take My Daughters, Please, The First Power, Marked for Murder and Deep Impact) and his driver get to the secret lab in time to watch General Randolph (Aldo Ray of Johnny Nobody, The Virginian, The Violent Ones, The Green Berets, The Houndcats, The Centerfold Girls, Black Samurai and The Lucifer Complex) blow his top. With this science being fiddle faddle, poppycock and utter balderdash, Dr. Williams is hoping to change his mind.

They manifest some sort of container and naturally the general called dibs, ignores the scientist because...plot device.   I mean military intelligence knows all!   We also do not comment on how uniforms don't match military chain.  One guy is in civvies camo style. Again we are behaving. 

Trick 'r Treat, sucka!

Naturally the Army is made to look like asses as the container breaches and out comes!...a very small alien. Like the size of a kid. Um, okay. So toddler Clawful smacks a grunt to death and escapes into the wilderness.

Carter and Lisa team up to chase the creature down. Lisa seems to exhibit empathy rather than telepathy. Not sure if that was important but I noticed that. Of course since they are working together she feeds him Dinty Moore stew and then proceeds to mack him on the couch, with the girls out on display. Must be co-operational behavior.

Can Carter and Lisa capture or destroy our itty bitty invader??  Will General Randolph stop burbling lines like he is drunk?  How does Lisa's bra handle the strain??

I recognized precisely two people in this flick and that is rare I do not recognize more. Maybe more Fred Olen Ray films will fix that oversight. Aldo Ray I clocked from Black Samurai with Jim Kelly. Let's not get back into the hate crimes of that flick. Angelique Pettyjohn took even longer and then I remembered my original Star Trek era and Gamemasters of Triskelion popped in my head. Ample and very curvy, she tends to stand out. Buxom, I believe will get the point across.

At 84 minutes, we have a killer ET that is roaming Southern Cali with murder on his mind. The transmat device interacting with psychic energy sounds straight out of Tom Baker Doctor Who era and some light to moderate skin with your violence. A few blocking issues and I swear Aldo Ray was drunk for his scenes but all in all this can be a fun drinking game for movie tropes.

The creature costume looks pretty damn impressive courtesy of Kenneth J. Hall (Ghoulies, Critters, Carnosaur, Puppet Master 4, Puppet Master 5, Jack Frost, and The Clown at Midnight) and Fred's son, director Christopher Ray (Reptisaurus, Megaconda, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Mercenaries, Circus Kane and Minutes to Midnight) was roaming around it the bio suit at age 5.

An amusing side note, the Mexican VHS release was called Space Gremlins or Gremlins del Espacio if you prefer.

I sense you are gawking at me.

An Interview of Christine Nguyen

So today we have another interview. Our lady of the hour is an actress, model, spokesperson and sports enthusiast. Involved in various charities and organizations, she may actually get time to herself. I found her to be positively captivating and very fun to talk to. This is Christine Nguyen.

 

 

Guys! I think we need some ibuprofen!

RRR: So I absolutely loved Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre. Your girl was no nonsense and kind of a badass. I am fairly versed with Jim Wynorski's body of work as well as Fred Olen Ray’s. I was just curious, what makes you want to partake in these projects?

CN: Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray do write a lot of sexy stuff, but their movies are a lot of fun to shoot because the storylines are campy and comedic and being that they played all the time on HBO, Showtime and Cinemax, they really helped to put me on the map. People like to refer to this genre of entertainment as softcore but I call it erotica. Why do I go for these types of roles? Simple… I am a working actress. The genre is not one that bothers me because the act of lovemaking is a natural one to act out. Key factor here… acting. Just as when you watch an action movie and a sniper shoots someone, it is not really happening, get it… acting.

RRR: We made contact because of Super Ninja Bikini Babes and I had a blast reviewing it and you seem to think I did a decent enough write up. What was appealing about that role? Did you enjoy manga, comics and anime?

CN: I watched anime all through college, so I was ecstatic to be able to work on this.. Fred Olen Ray wrote some parts for me because he seemed to like my work and my comedic timing, for which I will always be grateful.

RRR: What is it like to work with porn actors?

CN: They are, for the most part, ideal to work with for erotica because of the obvious reasons. In the beginning, it was difficult to get actors to sign onto these projects because they were worried about nudity or sexually related content. Funny, once they realized that these aired continuously on tv, sometimes even primetime and not just late at night, many changed their minds. The advent of shows like True Blood and Game of Thrones also probably helped changed the minds of many who before couldn’t see themselves in these roles. But, it all comes down to money though in the end. The more money you have for a production, the more time you can spend on the script and cinematography. We work on very limited budgets for erotica and that is one of the main reasons why there are so many, we call them “love scenes” in the shows. It’s a formula to fill airtime. Five or six love scenes at 3-5 minutes each (I can’t remember the exact length they need to be) can fill up airtime that otherwise would be quite costly to shoot and develop with a more in depth script.

Mummy and mister?

 

RRR: So clearly you model and I was wondering which came first, acting or modeling; or was it a natural progression of both?

CN: I started theater in middle school, loved it and kept pursuing it up until I went to college at UT in Austin. My parents wanted me to focus on school. I started modeling because a random photographer took my picture while I was walking through campus my freshman year and sent it to an agent in town that ended up signing me. The first thing I booked was a McDonald's commercial and then I did some commercial modeling, catalogues, editorials, etc. My parents really didn't want me to make a career of it, so I went to law school.

While I was in law school, Playboy got my picture somehow for a show they were doing called Sexy Girls Next Door. Girls sent their videos in to see if they could be the next Playboy model. When the producer got a hold of me for this, I told them I was in law school and didn't have time to make a video; but they said they had already chosen me to be one of the girls on the show so don’t worry about the video, they’d make one for me if I would come to LA to shoot the show. After a few weeks of persuasion, I finally decided to take a week off from school (without my parents knowing) and go to LA. I thought it would be an exciting adventure. Long story short, I won the contest and did the photoshoot. Then the West Coast casting director, Linda Kenny asked me if I would like to be in a couple of their books (what they call the other Playboy magazines they put out like Exotic Beauties and Nudes) and I said sure so they extended my stay to shoot with Kim Mizuno for those. While I was in LA, the performing bug grabbed me again and that was that. I finished my year of law school and moved to LA where I hooked up with Playboy again and started working on The Weekend Flash, Totally Busted and a slew of other Playboy shows for their channel, and at the same time booking more commercial mainstream work.

RRR: Let's talk a bit about Vigilante Diaries. This was an awesome take on the superhero genre. But really felt like The Losers and The Expendables at the same time. Still decent storyline and action, but dammit they didn't give you any guns, knives or let you fight for or against Michael Jai White.

CN: Hehe.., yeah, that would have been nice. My character was brought back from the webseries so maybe it might not have fit so well if they did. Vigilante Diaries, starring Jason Mewes (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, The Night Crew, The Last House and Halloweed) started as a webseries for Crackle, a subsidiary of Sony. The webseries did exactly what all webseries hope to accomplish and got them funding to make a feature. Like all actors, I hyped up it up on social media that I would be in it, but folks were a bit bummed I didn't have a bigger part. Again, we work with what we get. Christian Sesma, the director of Vigilante Diaries did offer me a juicier role in another one of his movies, The Night Crew, but I had already signed on for a lead role in Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre so I wasn’t able to take it. These are the times when I wish I could clone myself. It kills me to pass up opportunities.

RRR: Still would have been cool seeing you strapped with an AK, shooting up guys. Just a thought.

CN: You and me both! Well you can in my latest movie, Girls, Guns and Blood. My character is really badass in that.

RRR: I managed to find the episodes of TV you’ve been in: Dexter, CSI: Criminal Scene Investigation, House of Lies. So I am guessing you are a "go to girl" for loads of these kind of TV shows. Why do you suppose that is?

CN: Yeah, I think I’ve played a stripper or “bikini girl” for almost every network and major cable show there is out there. Work is work. When you start your career with Playboy, it’s hard not to get typecast.

RRR: I have found more than a few softcore films that seems to be humor and/horror based. You look like you are having fun. I also noticed you were in Bitch Slap with America Olivio and my brain just fell in the gutter.

CN: Hehehe… cute.

There will be probing.

 

RRR: So you have some new projects that are in the works. What are those and can you give any details without too many spoilers? We don't want you to get into trouble. Maybe we can some dates when these are coming out.

CN: Yes, I have a dark humor, grindhouse film called Girls, Guns and Blood coming out shortly, a sci-fi/horror series, The Cottages that is in production right now and I’m also co-producing, writing and hosting a sports talk show, Nguyenning Picks for YouTube that I am trying to work with some investors in Atlanta on getting picked up for a cable series, so cross your fingers! One of my passions is sports because I admire the dedication athletes have for their craft.

RRR: Looks like you have worked with a lot of different stars. Is there any one male or female you really liked working with and would you want to do future jobs with them?

CN: Director-wise, I would love to work with Todd Phillips again. His brilliant, warped sense of humor is inline with mine. Bradley Cooper was great to work with and just an all-around genuinely nice guy. I kinda quietly geeked out when I got to work with Barbra Streisand and Robert De Niro.

RRR: So this is you then? This is what you do.

CN: Yup, I'm a working actress and I just want to perform because that is my passion. I didn't ever want to be a star. I started in theater and just want to entertain people. B Movies have been good to me, I have done TV and other films and I love what I do. At the end of the day I am about the work, being funny and having a hell of a time doing all of it.

RRR: What do you recommend the mindset be for people looking to get into acting? What is the most important message you can get across?

CN: I would say don't do it unless you like to perform. Don't do it for the money, it may not happen, don't do it for fame, it may not happen. But if you have the passion, you need to stick out, have fun and enjoy this career.

RRR: Well gang, Ms, Nguyen was fun, warm and genuinely a wonderful conversationalist. Here at Rotten Reelz Reviews, I wish you good fortune and cannot wait to see the next big thing that you totally crush and smile while doing it.

CN: Thank you so much, Jake. It was an absolute pleasure. Thanks for taking the time to get to know me. Much love to all your Rotten Reels Review fans!

A gaggle of girls in the woods.

B-Movies in Spaaaaace!: Prison Ship

Hi all! This week I am crawling through the Z grade films of science fiction. What's Z grade, you ask? Well this is a film that has next to no budget, original concept and resort to T&A to sell their product. So how about a nice women in prison film? Not enough? How about women in prison on a starship? Aha! I knew I got your attention now. Brought to you by Roger Corman protege, sleaze exploitation director of sci-fi and horror, the schlockmeister himself, Fred Olen Ray (The Alien Dead, The Tomb, Commando Squad, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Deep Space, Bad Girls from Mars, Wizards of the Demon Sword, Evil Toons and Dinosaur Island), so you know it will sting but there is a shampoo for that. This is Prison Ship a.k.a. Star Slammer, Prison Ship: 2005, Starslammer: The Escape and The Adventures of Taura: Prison Ship Star Slammer.

Leeches: best treatment for back acne.

So as you can imagine my expectations on this flick were not high in the least, which is more than I can say for the writers who were clearly high as kites on blow, chicken scratching this opus out. Our movie opens with a girl being tortured with leeches??? Because...reasons. You step out of line and we go medieval on your ass. Oh no. Marsellus Wallace owns this ship! Far into the future (ahem, 2005) on a distant planet, war rages on.

Taura (Sandy Brooke of They Call Me Bruce?, Bits and Pieces, Consider It All Joy, One Way Out, Terror on Alcatraz, Deep Space and Nightmare Sisters) is weighing a battle against the forces of evil (um, just take my word for it. Never really good at determining sides unless there is a deep music score) when she is captured by the evil forces of Ross Hagen..? Er um I mean Bantor (Ross Hagen of Sidehackers, Hellcats, Avenging Angel, Armed Response, Commando Squad, The Phantom Empire, Warlords, Alienator, Blood Games and Dinosaur Island) a insane political tyrant that sentences Taura to "hard labor" (insert WIP joke here) aboard the prison ship Star Slammer... yeah it does sound like a bad porno title. I agree. Dealing with her crazed, sex starved Warden Exene (Marya Gant of A Polish Vampire in Burbank, Prison Ship, Cannibal Hookers and Halloween Night) and her badly permed lesbian guards. Oh FYI, the guard uniforms look like bad vinyl numbers from Fredrick's of Hollywood and our prisoner outfits are tank tops and velour shorty shorts. Yup really here to sell the "plot" and I am certain they cranked the a/c.

Eric Idle as Father Guido Sarducci as Gandalf in The Two Towers.

No sooner does Taura gain support from the rest of our teen gang I mean devious and deadly prison population, that a plan to overthrow the warden and guards is moving into action, but first we need some cat fights and food fights. I have no idea who this film is geared towards. Emotionally repressed twelve years residing in adult bodies would be my guess.

Our musical score sounds like a octave higher than John Williams Star Wars theme but yeah no one would be fooled and our credit sequence looks like it was cut with Windows 98 Movie Maker with actor names in Veranda and Comic Sans MS.   Chilling.  While our space ship scenes are shot in Melrose Stage in L.A. The damn planet shots are fricking Griffith Park using Bronson Canyon YET AGAIN!!! Damn right I am sick of this location and no I do not care how much money it saves the location scouts! I have seen this place in almost every B-movie flick from 1950s and on!

Sadly, I do recognize a lot of the cast but that is only due to watching schlocky films for the defunct epinions.com movie review. Aside from Ross Hagen and Richard Hench, I spotted none other than Vivian Schilling (writer/actress of Soultaker as Natalie) and for that I do regal that MST3K episode of Soultaker so I had a good laugh. Most of the space sequences are brought to you bought or stolen exterior space footage of John Carpenter's Dark Star and Roger Corman's Battle Beyond the Stars. Well at least they left classics like Space Mutiny alone. There is only so much Reb Brown screeching you can listen to.

Coming at us at 86 minutes, jiggly girls fight other jiggly girls and Ross Hagen is seriously hamming it up in front of the camera. So no this is not related to the novel The Prison Ship via Peter Tonkin about Maritime laws nor is it linked to Michael Bowers Sci-fi novel Prison Ship. That is just a coincidence of title changes over and over again.  My favorite part of the flick is John Carradine shot in blue screen as "The Justice" looking baffled in front of the camera like they just woke him up and asked him to read from a cue card.

So if you have a jiggly girl need that has to be fixed, no need for character development and you like blasters...I guess watch this.

Wow Ross, that is a lot of EVA foam you are wearing.