NES Friday the 13th

Uh Happy Friday the 13^th. I guess. Not really a holiday per-say but plenty of superstitious folk and fans of Voorhees are all excited. Yup Brandon I am still doing this almost every Friday the 13^th.

Well, I was going to review the 2017 survival horror, time-trial multi-player game buuuut, funds weren't available. Yeah I know, a two year old game out of reach. So with that in mind I thought I could slough through the LJN (The Karate Kid, Jaws, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage, Alien 3, Wolverine) faux pas and see how easy it was to beat.  This is Friday the 13^th NES.

Lord Humongous! RUN GEORGE!

Released in 1989, a year after at the height of Friday the 13^th Part VII: The New Blood and a few months before Friday the 13^th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan the cover resembles Jason from Part 7 in his rotted zombie hillbilly mongoloid self and we have seven camp counselors watching over the kids, enjoy the lake and all the wildlife and lush forest.

Of course we can't have the counselors getting some nookie, beer or weed because...Nintendo is a family friendly console. So why do a Horror game? Got me. So Jason is on a rampage and you must protect the kids and look out for your fellow counselors. Let's talk weapons! Yeah!

Rocks! Yeah fricking rocks! With a half-assed 30 degree lobbing arc, you have ROCKS! Against a near 7 foot tall murder machine with terrifying strength, a big machete and whatever other melee weapons he could have and you have rocks. But wait! There's also an infinite supply of what appears to be LL Bean hunting knife that you can chuck at Jason. Of course one hit and you lose that weapon so, NO TOUCHY!!! As you go the madcap maze of the woods, you can also get a hurling axe and you can use fire on Jason as well. After all, fire bad.

Eat...rock.  Yeah it still sounds pathetic.

Well now it gets nutty. Yeah in addition to Jason being a serious massacre waiting to happen, Crystal Lake is overflowing with scourge of zombies, killer crows that look like Heckel & Jeckel, bats, wolves and Jason's mother's severed head. Yeah she flies right at you and bonks you like the damn Medusa heads from Castlevania.

If I had to guess, Crystal Lake resident pilgrims slaughtered the naive and innocent Native Americans and dumps the bodies in the lake rendering them to soap. How cursed could this chunk of land be??

Hot side scrolling action, the main goal is to defeat Jason three times. Not too different with LJN's Jaws. Little interesting how Jason looks to be almost 9 feet tall, wearing a glow in the dark hockey mask and a purple jumpsuit. Swinging massive fists like Mike Tyson's Punch-Out and yeah you guessed it; me stuck with ROCKS!!!

Aside from having the option of swapping out to different counselors who have different speeds and strengths, ultimately if all the counselors are dead, it's game over. Now a strange addition (LJN never cared about source material), Jason can end up threatening and murdering kids. Teens and 20 somethings, even 30 somethings playing teens will die by Voorhees' hands but he doesn't gack kids. Could have something to do with his tragic drowning forever changing his life and undead status.

Zombie depth charge!

This two repetitive soundtracks and sound effects were developed by composer Hirohiko Takayama (The Karate Kid, King of Kings, Ghostbusters II, Time Zone, Trax and Bonk's Adventure) and yeah that continuous looping of music you can't shut it off, change it so it was just turn down the sound. Similar to Castlevania II: Simon's Quest, there is transition from day to night and vice versa.

This single-player survival horror game is...well kinda dull. I beat it in 25 minutes. I am told that is still not that fastest it has be bested at.

Nostalgia wise, this game has a place in pop culture, in 2013 NECA (National Entertainment Collectibles Association Inc.) released an exclusive action figure based on this game's appearance with his purple jumpsuit, an axe, machete and his glow in the dark hockey mask. If you think that looks silly, Freddy Krueger has orange sweater, pants and blades coming out of his fingers and a brown hat.

Naturally the critics took in the name and immediately crapped on it. Complaining about the repetition of the music and the game play was too frustrating. Aside from not giving a damn about the source material, it's just a survival horror game. The first real horror franchise for NES era.

Much better. Eat knife ya zombastich!

Blastfighter

So back again. Thought this time we would head back into exploitation. This time around we hit Italian Action under the helm of Lamberto Bava (Devil Fish, Demoms, You'll Die at Midnight, Demons 2, Delirium and Turno di notte) Son of cinematographer/director Mario Bava (also known as the Godfather of Giallo movies). Today's film follows a revenge story of a ex-cop going to completely sick house on the men that wronged him. This is Blastfighter a.k.a. Force of Vengeance.

Pew!  Pew pew pew!!

Former officer Jake "Tiger" Sharp (Michael Sopkiw of 2019: After the Fall of New York, Devil Fish, Blastfighter, Massacre in Dinosaur Valley and Bad Dog and Superhero) has been released from prison after murdering his wife's murderer. 7 years served and Jake is sprung. FYI, the credits are bonkers. They shift all over screen during stoic no conversation car ride. His buddy Jerry hands an ex-con a Smith & Wesson .357 Magnum and Spas 12 shotgun. Um not sure if Italy is as severe as the states are with allowing violent ex-cons with firearms but it is a big no-no stateside.

US wise, this shotgun became infamous or deemed cool in Sci-Fi/Action thanks to the 1984 James Cameron film, The Terminator during the police station massacre. To follow-up the pump action or semi auto shotgun, this thing has been equipped to launch mini rockets, dragon's breath (magnesium phosphate rounds), rubber loads, AP (armor piercing) and standard 12 gauge double ought. WHAT THE HELL??!!!

That's far enough, Three Dog Night!

Contemplating bloody murder for the attorney that sent up the river, Jake has a last minute change of heart to pass on being sent back and gives in to the idea to make his way to the Appalachian mountains. Fun tidbit, no follow-up to the whole revenge on the attorney subplot. Yeah! Just dropped like a steamy elephant turd and on his way. Blastfighter! The Waffler!

Perhaps the fresh air and cabin life in the wilderness might calm his urge to kill. Unless his porridge is just right then at least three bears will bust in the door, eat his porridge, crap on his floor and mock him profusely.

The composition sounded so familiar and that's when it hit me. Gotta be Fabio Frizzi (Godzilla, Zombi, Contraband, City of the Living Dead, The Beyond, Manhattan Baby, Pieces, The Scorpion with Two Tails, Devil Fish, and Tentazione) the go-to composer for Lucio Fulci, Bruno Mattei, Lamberto Bava and Claudio Fragasso. So that's a good thing...I think.

Getting back to our story you'd think being 7 years in the jug would have sent him woman chasing for at least a solid week. Again, just my realm of thinking if I had to go without sex (not excluding attempted bad touch in the prison shower) with a girl.

Hey, that's not Bronson!

Stocking up on supplies at a general store, I swear Jake passed a grown up version of the banjo playing hillbilly kid from Deliverance. Hoyt Pollard that is.

Attempting to make some semblance of a normal life, Jake has his very strained daughter Connie (Valentina Forte a.k.a.Valerie Blake of Cut and Run, Body Count, Arrivederci Roma, A Wonderful Family, Il giardino dei ciliegi, Mi manca Marcella and I ragazzi del muretto) come and visit him. Seriously man from one Jake to another; invite some girls out and burn off some...aggression?

Well as man plans, the gods do laugh because trouble is up on the ridge as Jake's deer get shot and taken. These inbred hillbillies threatened his life and told him off. Another fine example of civilized men. They have bagged at least 8 deer which any ranger worth his salt is giving them so many citations it's going to cost them into the thousands.

Jake gets hip to a Hong Kong poaching ring that uses the parts for Chinese herb remedies and are cleaning up. Didn't realize powdered deer penis went that great but folks got allergies.

Naturally hillbilly gun nuts are considerate to Jake's feelings, family life and overall health. Oh wait, no they are not.

Feeling like a mixture of Death Wish and Straw Dogs, Jake has his hands full with some poachers that just got to prove their might by popping deer. As if that wasn't enough, the leader of the poacher ring, Tom (George Eastman of Anthrophagus, Absurd, Cannibal Holocaust, 2019: The Fall of New York, Warriors of the Wasteland and 2020 Gladiators) who looks like a hybrid of Kenny Loggins and Nick Nolte is the man with the plan. Yup the crap hit the fan and it was on high.

Following the tropes of the vengeful ex-cop getting revenge and it feels like the film is just building up and counting down the seconds for the bloody rampage to happen. The thing is Tom and Jake were childhood buddies long ago and Tom really doesn't want to have to deal with Jake in the final sense.

Between the eco-system destruction, the high deer kill counts and impending bloody rampage to ensue, this actually is a decent flick. The pace is even and not as slow as I thought it would be. The only gripe I have had was the English dubbing. The translation from Italian to English is awful with swearing. I mean the poachers first meet Jake, tell him to f*ck off and turn their backs on the guy armed with a semiautomatic shotgun. He could have smoked all three before they could have spun around and leveled the rifles. 

 A quick spoiler, yes lady readers there is a rape subplot once again.  Sorry.  I could have done without it too, but I thought you should know.  In case you went to go watch it.

During the erstwhile vigilante justice, this film makes you know that it is making an eco plea. Think of it as a precursor to On Deadly Ground, a decade before. It was actually a fairly compelling story and has some solid action, so overall was a good action movie.

Maybe it's a telephoto lens?

Resident Evil

Hey Folks. I'm back. My hiatus has been a series of headaches, paid writing work and penning Episode 2 of the impending Noir Horror radio show I will be producing, Fiends and Flatfoots. Those excuses aside, I felt I got to make it up to my readers. So what kind of pain should I endure? The pervy standings of Jesus Franco? Nah, not enough agony. Godfrey Ho movie? Well I am editing Robovampire for Rotten Reelz Reviews Video Reviews on YouTube so no. Perhaps a Bruno Mattei movie? Then as though a bolt of lightning charged through, it hit me. I must endure the burden of Barry Burton. That's right! Old school tank controls, lines delivered so awesomely bad and the forever pornographic term, Jill Sandwich. This is Resident Evil.

Jill Sandwich? OMG that is filthy!

A Capcom treasure for so many, brought to us by Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil 1,2,3, Dino Crisis 1,2, Resident Evil: Code Veronica, Resident Evil Zero and Resident Evil 4) in 1996 for Sega Saturn, Play Station, Windows and Nintendo DS. And yes yes yes, nerds. It is called Biohazard in Japan. Frankly a better and more descriptive title. HAPPY?! Now shuddup. Gotta get my Barry on.

Bravo Team of S.T.A.R.S. (Special Tactics and Rescue Service) lost control of their helicopter. It was on the H train. The helicopter crashed and no one has heard anything of them for several hours. Alpha team moves in to conduct the investigation, locate Beta team and find out what's all the hooting and hollering on about, eh?

Hope I get Frost's stereo after he's Zomberman chow.

Set in the time of July 8, 1998 a bizarre rash of murders have broken out around the fictional Midwestern town of Raccoon City. God the name alone. How do you take RCPD seriously at all? Moving on, Alpha team leader Captain Albert Wesker leads his band of special forces and tactical weapons experts in the the woods past Spencer Mansion only to lose the first red shirt, Joseph Frost. The team's pilot Brad Vickers goes complete wuss, fires up the choppa and abandons the whole team and dammit if he isn't getting a hot poker in the ass later.

The team is ambushed by zombie dobermans (Zombermans, you're welcome) and they flee to the nearest structure, the Spencer mansion. Now at this point of this single-player survival horror you can be former Air Forces spec ops, Chris Redfield or former Delta Force, sneak thief and gets waaay more ammo Jill Valentine. FYI, she can pick tricky locks in the mansion and doesn't have to waste time looking for small keys. "The Master of Unlocking!" Oh Barry, how your dulcet tones can make me cringe.

Lockpick?

I chose the Jill route so throughout the cut scenes she is paired up with former SWAT(Special Weapons and Tactics) vet and weapons specialist for STARS Barry Burton. Whose line delivery are as deemed, awesomely bad. Yeah hit YouTube, get the original game walkthrough with no chatter and listen to the Jill scenarios as Barry gives us such gems of utter oddity. 

 For those not clued in the Norwegian voice actor Barry Gjerde worked as a translator in Japan and lent his voice for Clock Tower, Soar High! Isami, Fastening Days, Bloody Roar and Mega Man X7 (Red).

Bear in mind, Barry doesn't defend Jill throughout the game and she is 100% bad ass. Okay a few spoilers...Hey! You had 20 years! Suck it up. The mansion has catacombs, secret caverns, hideouts and highly illegal labs conducting experiments with the T-Virus, a highly contagious and mutagenic bio-weapon or agent. Experiments were conducted on plants, animals and insects creating twisted works...oh what's the line? "He tampered in God's domain." 

With these results, Umbrella Corporation will be using them as bio-weapons to sell at the highest bidder and TAKE OVER ZE VERLD!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! They could also just want to improve their stock portfolio. So there's that.   Can you even fathom the company picnics?  Sir? The Zombermans are loose at the playground.

With random encounters of giant bugs, zombies, lizard creatures called hunters, not everything is as it seems. Betrayal! Corporate overhead! Super soldier creations known as Tyrant, Jill or Chris has some serious issues. For some reason you cannot put items down you pick up so I really hope you needed that defense dagger. Yeah these bizarre happenings is just one of the factors that makes the game a bit odd with its dynamics. Also apparently a size 10 boot can't kick down a door.

Chris' item slots is an amount of 6 to Jill's 8. Chris' campaign is more difficult which yeah a bit sexist. Jill is one of my favorite video game protagonists...so after Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil: Apocalypse, imagine how thrilled I was. Go ahead. I'll wait.

For further mishaps on Bravo Team, look into Resident Evil Zero. Be warned continuity is very tricky in this franchise. I mean not to the level of the Resident Evil movies or God help you, the Highlander franchise but it does get a bit screwy. Also check out the paperback novels of the Resident Evil by S.D. Perry. Pretty entertaining.

Man, that hall rug is gonna need serious steam cleaning.

Eternal Code

What's the old cliche? A new spin on an old thing? Hey folks, I'm back with a request review from our old friend, producer Joe Williamson of Williamson Management Company (Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Check Point, Holy Terror, Nation's Fire, Moon of the Blood Beast, Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter) and he had a humble request to give the once over for a new Harley Wallen film. Director Harley Wallen (Deceitful, Moving Parts, Bennett's Song, Abeyance and Betrayed) has a new action thriller so let's give it an eyeful. This is Eternal Code.

Honey, I think this Craigslist orgy is wrong now.

We open with a young man on the ragged edge, hastily scribbling notes and pulls a USP .45 to clear his mind when a young prostitute, Stephanie (Kaiti Wallen of Moving Parts, Bennett's Song, Iced Out and Betrayed) is getting slapped around by her would-be John (Brian Heintz of Moving Parts, Lizard of Dogs, Betrayed, Revenge of the Mask, Ring of Silence and Be Somebody). Naturally the need to help another puts our suicidal lad Corey (Damien Chinappi of The Web of Spider-Man, Knightmare, Retribution, The Girl in the Attic, Betrayed and I Thought You Were a Nice Man) off his coconut scrambling ideas and proceeds to lay smack down on the puke and they disappear into the night.

Basing this story on Juan Ponce de Leon's(Conquistador, explorer, soldier and first governor of Puerto Rico) discovery of the fountain of eternal youth, a genetic research company has developed a miracle cure. One that will enrich human life for, shockingly enough for the rich and powerful. The idea of infinitely prolonging human life and slowing the aging process.

Hobo Hero...

However, the methods to bring this miraculous creation to be was immoral and completely unethical. The company's CEO Bridget Pellegrini (Erika Hoveland of Sparkle, Mary's Buttons, Ticket to the Circus, The House That Jack Broke, Believe Again, Proxy and Good News) wants to pull the plug and not watch her empire to go crumbling down. Her board of directors is trying to coax her to the dark side with promises of money and chocolate chip cookies and hey if you can't trust Oliver (Richard Tyson of 3 o'Clock High, Kindergarten Cop, There's Something About Mary, Battlefield Earth and Black Hawk Down) well, who can you trust?

Who took my smiley face mug? You Gary? Hmm?

 

The looks on the interns and lower echelon workers, seems to me a typical board meeting. Screaming and scheming is the order of the day, if not the week. Dr. Magnus (Yan Birch of Slumber Party Massacre III, The People Under the Stairs, Cyber Bandits, Ghost Rock, Terror Tales, Death House and Betrayed) also attempts to get Bridget to see the benefits that outweigh the repercussions. C'mon Bridget, the Stairmaster is right!  At least Mr. Pomeroy (Mel Novak of Game of Death, An Eye for an Eye, Sword of Heaven, Moonbase, Vampire Assassin, Thunderkick, Kill Factor, Syndicate Smasher, Holy Terror and Nemesis 5: The New Model) has her back. GO STICK!   I swear I will try to stop doing that.

Ongoing concern about this merger veto even hits home with Bridget's husband Mark (Billy Wirth of The Lost Boys, Body Snatchers, Reunion, The Talent Given Us, Duress, Chicago P.D., Last Curtain Call and Betrayed). He expresses he just doesn't want her getting hurt and is there to support her while he is making dinner. Damn right she put a ring on it!

Diabolical deeds done via Vida!

Corey and Stephanie slowly gain a rapport as two people broken by life are trying to mend. Two people guarding who they are opening up in a fashion they didn't think even possible again.

Oliver is done playing nice and contracts a crew to capture and contain Bridget and family. This nefarious piece of work, Sam (Harley Wallen of Moving Parts, Love Espionage: Spy Revenge, Halt: The Motion Picture, Betrayed, Be Somebody and Eternal Code) tells Oliver 5 million upfront so they can have a location for the kidnapping and another five once completed.

Considering kidnapping is a federal offense, yeah his team is gonna need the scratch to avoid prosecution. Costa Rica would be ideal.

With Bridget out of the way, Magnus can start the trials with the aid of Nikita (the vivacious Vida Ghaffari of Circus of Dread, The Catch, Holy Terror, Horndog's Beach Party, Robowoman, Moon of the Blood Beast and Meathook Massacre: The Final Chapter) and her talents.

With Corey and Stephanie trying to find out what happened to Bridget and Mark, time is ticking down. Can a burned out Vet and a street walker save the day? Will the company collapse?

This is just some damn good story telling. We got heart and soul of good people, that grim and gritty darkness of the villains and business being dealt regardless of the damage that it could produce. A solid thriller, good dialogue and an impressive cast, I have to say this Indie thriller is damn captivating. A nice slow build-up to give you all you need to know about the players and then, something new happens. Take notes, A-list films. This is how good yarn spinning is done. Does it need a sequel? Maybe not but I would like to see this cast brought back for a similar project. Took me ages to realize Charlie was Scout Taylor-Compton (Charmed, Halloween, Halloween II, NCIS Los Angeles, Wet and Reckless and Nashville). Brain was expecting her to be blonde. Smooth move, brain.

Just a side note here. Damien and Kaiti had real chemistry. I really hope to see them in more work. Maybe give them villain roles this time around. Sinister and brutal. Again all just ideas to toss out there. A tale of morality versus injustice. Strong character development for a 105 minute film. Excellent playing off each others emotions and I especially enjoyed Richard Tyson having next to no morals. Vicious character.

September 6 is a release of VOD on iTunes, Amazon, GooglePlay, Vudu and FandangoNow and the DVD release is scheduled later in the fall. Keep those eyes peeled, people!

Ho boy, Joker crew.

Finding Purpose

And we are back. Hello ladies and gentlemen. I was going to follow up Ninja Death with its sequel when the lovely and talented Dawna Lee Heising (Blade Runner, Kung Fu: The Movie, Big Trouble in Little China, Forbidden Warrior, Waiting for Dracula, Legend of the Red Reaper, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance, Meathook Massacre II and Nemesis 5: The New Model) made request of me directly to take a look at today's cinematic, and who am I to refuse a lady her humble request? A compelling story of brotherly love, a fight of what is the law and what is morally right. Being helmed by writer/director John Reign (Bullets for Jesus, Snuff: Diary of a Serial Killer, Exorcism of the 7^th Demon, Blood Woods and Brokedown) it looks like it should be a bit heart wrenching. This is Finding Purpose.

Um, pack of cigarettes?

With an all too familiar tale of a soldier that has fought for his country with distinction, Sergeant John Kayhill (John Reign of Bullets for Jesus, Destitute, Snuff: Diary of a Serial Killer, Brokedown, Finding Purpose and On the Arm) fought in the Bosian War and saved his men out of a serious slug throw fest that was that ambush.

25 years later, he is reduced to living in a trailer with no job prospects, the power and water being shut off and caring for his mentally handicapped brother, Rodney (cinematographer/actor Thomas Stoops of Wormwood's End, Blood Woods, Brokedown and Finding Purpose). Naturally Social Services had a field day with this, gathered the cops and took Rodney away from John due to unfit environment. Rodney is scared and the change in his life will have devastating effects for years to come. Furthermore, John is deemed less than savory to be around his brother at all and loses rights to visit him. Yeah folks, rock bottom is sinking in.

This a bug hunt, man. Game Over!

Not leaving a brother in the lurch, John's old army buddies decide they would help John and concoct a jail break for Rodney. Cue The Great Escape theme! Loaded with some getaway cash and a ride, the brothers are on their way to wherever the road takes theme.

A quick stop off at a strip club (no folk, no zombies.) and John reconnects with the lovely Skye (Dawna Lee Heising) and they see each other with seasoned but kind eyes. A shcmuck with a fat wallet, attitude and frankly in need of a serious ass whipping grabs young dancer Anna (April Love of Creed II, Finding Purpose and Volition). John's having none of this and well you know the fight is on. With the law not taking kind for this sort of action, April joins John and Rodney on the road.

The comaraderie is there and sometimes misery is beaten back by having company. A journey of the soul and simple dreams to be met. A mixture of the family you come from to the family you make.

Keep in mind, we have all the elements of a thriller/action drama with a thirty something ex-Special Forces badass and all the pithy one liners to be had. Instead with we have a down on his luck guy in his fifties that has integrity and duty. Honestly I appreciate this fresher look to it rather than a drag out action exploitation film without any real meaning and a huge body count.

So many taboo subjects that cause polite society to turn a deaf ear to. Mentally handicapped, to impoverished to near homeless veterans to the mere cruelty that is life. Imagine all these woes that John could have walked away from but his heart, his soul and his very honor would not allow such.

This film is not demanding special treatment or being preachy about bad things happen to good people. What this story is telling the audience that life will throw some wicked curve balls and you have the choice to wallow in your own pity or rise up and meet the challenge. It is that courage to tell this story that really makes the film. Some damn good hand held work, excellent blocking and a very professional vibe on the indie budget.

Call me Boris one more time...I dare you.

 As many of you know, I have...endured some indie films that have looked like a failed high school student with a handy cam and a bottle of Thunderbird got it in his/her head to put a film out there. Not so here. Our director allows a peek into his very life as his late brother was mentally challenged and that love and pain translates from the page to the screen. An authentic glimpse to the highs and lows of the family that must be strong. This was a tight cast and crew. A great cast, memorable moments and great performance. So impressive this film; that a sequel has been green lit and I think they will knock it out of the ball park.

Okay so who order the Moons over My Hammy?

Ninja Death

Okay, back from the hiatus. I have been working on freelance writing as well as, a radio script known as Fiends and Flatfoots. Basically Noir meets Horror. That however is not what we are enduring today. So combing through the more obscure 80s films, I noticed the 50 to 100 disc collections of martial arts, three titles and their alternative titles keep coming up so I thought I would take a gander at this. This is Ninja Death a.k.a. Ninja Kid.

Pajama Party!

No time for credits, introduction or story build-up! Yeah I am serious. This opens up with Samurai spilling Ninja blood. A gathering of warriors, their grand master watching over a princess with a baby and attempt to escape their capture and deaths. Guess we just dive into the action. This ridiculous fast pace is the first five minutes. With that in mind, the princess hurls herself off the cliff (clearly a dummy) and one of the brothers makes off with the baby.

Then for some reason we still skip title cards and have years later tag and fade.

Finding our protagonist Tiger (Alexander Rei Lo of Kung Fu Commandos, Shaolin vs Ninja, Shaolin vs Lama, Mafia vs Ninja, Shadow Killers Tiger Force and Ninja: The Final Duel) in a brothel and a cadre of pointless sex scenes (Yeah boys, there's titty!). The dialogue among the prostitutes sounds like it was written for a porno. Stay classy, movie.

Chinese Gandalf is most vexed.

Gobsmack amount of nudity, this bit of pointlessness is all leading up to intro of a brother and sister that work for Tiger. Tiger makes the brother engage in tons of montage training footage. Seriously, this all look like B footage set aside for filler. Also the grand master has to make a fabulous entrance worthy of Rip Taylor. He send the brother out to converse with a blind soothsayer because...why the hell not. The dubbing goes from American English to the Queen's English throughout this whole scene.

For some reason we have a gaggle of ninja trying to still find Tiger and the siblings. The Grand master has a bunch of ninja along with one wearing a devil mask, who goes completely mental every time the Grand master plays the flute. Who knew that could be a trigger?

With more fighting we see the devil masked ninja is actually Tiger's brother. Okay we have tons to get through.

Ninja Casual

 Firstly, the movie just abruptly starts as well as ends. I mean there weren't any title cards on either the beginning or the end of the film. I am baffled to what the hell I was watching.

After a bit of research, I found out this film and its sequels is actually all one movie that was diced up to make for sequels. This was a friggin' acid trip. Nothing of coherent for story, acting or even a decent explanation. This is either a brilliant bypass to story telling or a garbled hot mess.

Enough interest for me to see if the sequels would actually make ANY sense of this. What the hell, I'll give the second film a whirl.

Hmm decent Slipknot mask.

Night of the Creeps

Heya kids I am back and we are going for some 80s throwback. Why 80s? Well they are some of the most outlandish, bizarre and risk taking with stories. We are back with Tom Atkins (Escape from New York, The Howling, The Fog, The Rockford Files Halloween 3: Season of the Witch and Maniac Cop) and his awesome power imbuing mustache which has served him well via the 1980s and our film is being handled by writer/director Fred Dekker (House, The Monster Squad, If Looks Could Kill, Ricochet, Tales from the Crypt and Robocop 3) so expected weirdness. This is Night of the Creeps.

Yeah I didn't get lead, got stuck as love interest.

With an alternative title of Homecoming Night; our film already has cult classic status, as if college wasn't a difficulty enough but they now must contend with the Homecoming Dance. In the far away time of 1959, a spacecraft race to find an experiment from getting released by a member of the crew. This container holding said experiment crash lands on Earth.

A couple are parking and necking when they follow the path of a shooting star. An criminally insane patient has recently escaped and meets the creature, the aliens were in hot pursuit. A slug like creature makes the nutter butter even more crazy as he engages in a little axe murder. Said creature glurks out of ax murderer's mouth and the now ex-boyfriend captures it in a container.

Yes I am the hard ass. give it a squeeze.

30 years later... Sorry love the ellipses.  At any rate, 30 years later we have a gaggle of teens headed to college, jammed pack with hormones and need for identity.  Two frat pledges, Chris (Jason Lively of Brainstorm, National Lampoon's European Vacation, Monday Morning, Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever and Maximum Force) and JC (Steve Marshall of Night Heat, 21 Jump Street, Justice Denied and Sleeping in a Dream) end up releasing our film's evil McGuffin and the guy frozen in '59 and out and about infecting brohans and making slug wagons (pithy euphemism for zombies controlled by semi-intelligent, intergalactic slugs).

Damn Zombrohan! Use a door!

Chris while freaked out by the walking dead guy, he makes his way to the dance. Meanwhile the cops get a report from the cryogenics department in this small town college and head of investigations is none other that Detective Cameron (Tom Atkins of The Fog, The Howling, Halloween III: Season of the Witch and Maniac Cop), a hard-assed, bad ass on the ragged edge. Probably two weeks from retirement. He recognizes the frozen body as it was the kid from '59 that disappeared all those years ago. Cameron has to get to the bottom of all this.

And before it is asked, yes there is mild nudity so thank the gods we cleared up the age old question I get. "Will there be titty?" With Chris, Cynthia and Cameron working together, the slug wagons attack the prom pre-party for some monster mayhem. Still love that Cameron happened to have a flame thrower in police armory. In a small town. Totally believable.

The cluster of ideas and themes blends pretty well together with a mixture of 1950s Sci-fi alien invasions the zombie craze courtesy of George Romero, a dash of slasher film and even some teenage touchy feely dialogue worthy of John Hughes.

With seven days this script was penned by the director, selling the product with the notation, unless he directed it, he wasn't selling the script. The granite hew balls on this guy! Tristar floats him $5 million for his 1986 release. Not too shabby. While the gross was only about five hundred thousand in gross box office, this film did better with the video rental crowd and became a cult classic.

A quick side note. All main characters' last names are the names of famous Horror directors, Bruce Solomon's Sgt Raimi (Sam Raimi of The Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn), Jill Whitlow's Cynthia Cronenberg (David Croneneberg of Scanners, Videodrome, The Dead Zone and The Fly) Wally Taylor's Detective Landis (John Landis of The Blues Brothers, An American Werewolf in London and Innocent Blood) Jason Lively's Chris Romero (George A. Romero of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Martin, Day of the Dead, Creepshow and Monkey Shines). There really is no one category for this film as it is comedy, horror, sci-fi and action.

This is another one of those flicks you can't simply quantify and group. Last film tidbit, Fred Dekker was roommates with Shane Black and they both worked on the script. Later Shane Black would go on to writing Lethal Weapon and Predator.   Scream Factory released a collector's edition Blu-ray a month ago. Considering it was in bootleg territory in 2005, it is nice to see it getting some love in the current format.

Evil slugs or sentient turds?