Vampire Week: Bloodrayne: The Third Reich

What could have blades, fangs, Nazi oppression and utter lack of proper camera technique?  Am I referring to some sort of Fellini film?  No it must be the German disaster Uwe Boll. Gather up the villagers and prepare to kill the monsters.  This is BloodRayne: The Third Reich.

Guttin' goose steppers!

Spoilers are Eternal!!

Yes just went you thought it was safe to go to video game movie adaptations, director Uwe Boll (BloodRayne, BloodRayne 2: Deliverance, House of the Dead, In the Name of the King, Far Cry and Alone in the Dark) rears his head like the mythological Hydra and gives us more narrative, fast paced zooming in shots and more shaky cam than The Evil Dead Trilogy.  I have stressed this in all his films and I shall say it again.  If you have photophobia or are prone to seizures PLEASE AVOID THIS MOVIE!   That being said, the rest of us will suffer through.

So you think I need bridgework?

We recap this film with of course flashbacks to previous footage from the first two and followed with the usual unnecessary voice over.  With all the reel footage of World War II, I almost expected to hear Ron Perlman’s Fallout narrative instead.  Rayne (Natassia Malthe of Lake Placid, D.O.A.: Dead or Alive, Elektra, Bloodsuckers, and BloodRayne 2: Deliverance) returns to battle the blight known as the Nazi Party.  Boll believes in adhering to Hitchcock’s notion of reaprising familiar actors into all of his work so if you are confused why you see Brendan Fletcher and Michael Pare`of BloodRayne 2: Deliverance well these are different characters and their previous characters are in fact not immortal. 

After a lengthy battle on at an undisclosed train station and Nazis are being shot by resistance fighters or gutted by Rayne, she encounters the Commandant Brand (Michael Pare` of Komodo Vs Cobra, Eddie and the Cruisers II: Eddie Lives, Moon 44, Sunset Heat, BloodRayne and BloodRayne 2: Deliverance) and as she preps to spear him with a chunk of rebar she is shot by a soldier splattering Brand’s face and mouth with her blood.   Rayne impales Brand to the floor board and drains him.

Banter with the Resistance not withstanding she senses one of her own creation and rather that find it and eradicate it she goes to a bordello for a massage.  One of the soldiers gets rough with a girl and Rayne beats him well.  Again sensing her creation she nobly seeks…the company of a girl.  Yup, no needs for carrying out that pesky exterminate all vampires mission; bring on with the prostitutes.  Yes guys reading this you get some more BloodRayne soft core skin flick action in true tradition of the original. Brand with the aid of Josef Mangler hatches a scheme to use Rayne’s blood to strengthen the Fruhrer.  

Don't laugh...it bought me a condo.

Will Rayne get off her butt and stop Brand?  Will there be more unnecessary modern swearing mixed in the dialogue?  What of little Timmy trapped down the well?    Like BloodRayne 2, her paranormal abilities of the game and the first film are stunted and apparently too expensive for FX.  Nazis, vampires and eroticism really are a crappy blend.