Yeah folks I am back. I know, I know you missed me. So I thought I would focus on slasher films yet again but I do like the idea of us delving into the phenomenon that is Cult Classic Slasher movies. Or is it Cult Slasher Classic? Whatever the notion is, I thought it would be a bit of fun to eyeball this concept. Keep in mind, this will not be a fleeting look at an impression on a subgenre but actually some fan favorites. So howabout a wacky concept of a serial killer escaping a mental hospital and goes on a killing spree? This is Splatter University.
|Manscaping can be dangerous.|
Yes we are back into an Aquanet and mousse commercial so expect a lot of CFCs being released into the atmosphere but that being said, our story starts with our crazy. Yup I know it is a huge surprise that the killer has a turbulent life story arc that drove him completely off his rocker but it was an 80s thing we never questioned. Our esteemed director of Class of Nuke 'Em High who also responsible for the film's editing so that's...good I guess. Giving you the opportunity to point the finger at everything you find flawed? Dunno. Moving on, we open in an asylum (wacko basket, nut house, screwball clank) with what looks like it is either underfunded or its staff is a bit too laxed for my tastes. You are watching over people that cannot fend for themselves anymore dammit! Be professional. So as an orderly is searching for their only aggressive head case he gets stabbed right in the hardy boys. Yup. Right in the dingy and our killer leaves wearing the orderly's clothes bloody pants and all. Those are some observant guards at this joint. If anything goes awry at this job, they are assured a position at Arkham Asylum easily.
|So I have to be the heroine in this. What are you doing?|
Off he goes right into a credits sequence that the font and the arrangement actually looks like it should be the end credits and not the beginning credits but beginning credits to a film seem like a lost art these days so I am allowing it. Before going any further I should point out that Troma Entertainment (Screamplay, The Toxic Avenger, Class of Nuke 'Em High, Blood Hook, Surf Nazis Must Die and Chopper Chicks in Zombietown) are responsible for the theatrical release so it is up to you if you wish to continue further. Three years later. Yup he evaded capture already so no Doctor Loomis on the case giving exposition on his habits or personality. Julie Parker (Forbes Riley of Splitz, Ground Zero Texas, Savage, Sweet Valley High, Shadow of Doubt, Mr. Murder, Megiddo: The Omega Code 2, Strong Medicine and Cooking from the Heart) has just taken the vacant teaching job at St Trinians catholic college, greeted by Father Janson (Dick Biel of The New York Centerfold Massacre, Tenderloin, Bad Girls Domitory, If Looks Could Kill, Firehouse, Slime City and Slime City Massacre) who gives her greetings, exposition about the previous teacher dying in her classroom in the late hours of the night and no one punished or even found for that crime. Hell boosting security at the college would be nice, an couple of ex-special forces with a conceal and carry would be a step up. Her landlady is all pleasant about murders and how they can be thoughtful to those that need to be dispatched. Enough warning bells screams get another job! To round this out, how about a visit from Crazy Ralph of Friday the 13th to announce death curses and call the college "Campus Blood". No sooner has Ms. Parker planted her books that students and faculty start dropping like flies courtesy of the POV killer going full-on knife happy.
|Sheesh now that is a bad date.|
Julie decides the logical course of action is to Nancy Drew her way through the list of potential suspects and solve the mystery herself. To be fair, she is better qualified than the jackoff police department that is stereotypical in most of these slashers. They operate as well as the lieutenant in Plan 9 from Outer Space, scratching themselves with their pistols and having no idea where to look next. Will Julie solve the murders? Can she find the wolf amongst the sheep?
Well overall this is an ambitious story with a small budget and while this is supposed to be over the course of a few days to weeks no one told the cast to bring different clothes I guess or the cat playing Wolf just liked sleeveless shirts so everyone could enjoy his armpit stench. The gore effects are simple enough and feasible, the pacing is a bit slow but similar to House On Sorority Row or Final Exam building suspense. At least I liked the cast in the latter movie, that Wolf guy spoke, howled or just looked at the camera one more time I was going to find this guy, fly out to his place and bludgeon him with a log. The ADR recordings volume didn't match with the film's volume so that made me snicker. Never saw so many Lee and Jordache jeans at mom level rise EVER.
The MPAA felt this was demoralizing, gory and without value and blah blah blah. Yes there are childish jokes, pranks, horny teens and typical behavior in a college. With the dark humor of pregnancy, doing drugs and drinking this is nothing shocking but I am curious how the human body spews blood like a fruit gusher. Still the MPAA makes this flick sound like Pieces and nothing could be further from the truth. 79 minutes run time does feel a bit long but it was a decent enough film.
|You...didn't have...a hall...pass.|