Greetings and salutations readers of
the blog and welcome back to ICWXP Week. I know this may be
difficult to comprehend but I am actually reviewing something I enjoy
for a change. That being said today we move to Episode Three of
Season One. More body oils than you are comfortable with viewing.
More armpit stench courtesy of Italy. Yes, time for another sweaty
Mickey Hargitay film to make Rick question his sexuality yet again.
This is Bloody Pit of Horror.
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| Routine maintenance at the Cine-a-Sorrow. |
Yes readers, I know that Riff Trax also
did a version of this. Guess what? Still prefer this one. Directed
by Massimo Pupillo (Terror- Creatures from the Grave,
Bloody Pit of Horror and The Revenge of Lady Morgan) and
well, not 100% sure how this was ever horrifying...in 1965...in
Technicolor but there must have been someone fudging their shorts
over it somewhere. A photographer, editor and former newspaper man
takes an assortment of models to a seemingly abandoned castle for
some "sexy horror covers" for horror novels. Yup that is
truly the plot we are all contending with.
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| The wheels on the bus go to Hell. |
But wait! What's happening to Rick and
the bots?!! Well firstly the bots to boy had to sit through a short
film called the Talking Car and no, amazingly enough David DeCoteau
didn't write or direct this along with his sweaty, awkward 1313
softcore gay porns either. These possessed predecessors of Christine
demand that young Timmy learn the see and be seen rules of pedestrian
safety or they will gang up on him and spin donuts on his little soft
and underdeveloped brain. Also we have a new face at the candy
counter, a Professor Zediakah Logan or Zed the Head if you prefer. A
sophisticated and brilliant psychologist that just happens to be a
zombie head that kept his intelligence. Topsy and Cylon want him as
a pet and promise to tend to all his needs.
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| Dude, your wingman's slouching. |
Uh-oh, zombie signal! Back to the
theater of anguish and torture!! Why torture? Well you go ahead
and look at Mr. Universe of 1955 oiling up his hands and arms and try
not think of getting fisted. GO AHEAD, TRY! Ya can't do it, can
you?!! So our young models scantily jiggling about and the most dull
of photo shots get into mischief as they deal with the owner of said
castle/recluse/chess master and body fitness instructor played by
Mickey Hargitay who lives with a deep dark secret... No he is not
gay. Sheesh, if only they were that lucky. Instead he hears in his
head the voice of...the Crimson Executioner! He kinda dresses like
Disco Pervy Phantom and the bright red leotards tell me he is circumcised. Thank God I know that now. Dude this outfit includes a
cowl, domino mask commonly found on Bucky or Robin, red leotard pants
and buccaneer boots. I was expecting an ass flap to go with his pants
too.
Host segment takes the boys out for a
nap as they are tormented in their sleep by the craggy and crotchety
voice of a Model A Ford from beyond the scrapyard...OoOoOOo...
If only I was still a reporter, there
might be something to this. Some "accidental"deaths occur
and we should think about how much of a safety hazard the place is.
Calling OSHA for starters possibly EPA. Think of the oil drizzlings
at least. Given how much muscle grease Hargitay had on him, I was
envisioning those stone steps as a major trip issue. Will the
models survive the night?? Can anything be done to stop the
madness?? Has Blackwood developed Smell-O-Vision to further mess with
Rick??
Our host segments are enjoyable and
for those bitching about low budget and such I remind you of MST3K's
KMTA and Season 1 years and then tell you to go pound sand. The
introduction to Zed was fun and the fellas embrace the inner Dio
within. Plenty of good stuff here. Favorite Riff : Here for the
Porno and What have you done to the Janitor. Watch and see!!
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| Channeling Psycho Power!! |
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