Welcome to the ICWXP Experience!
Fasten your safety belts. Put tray tables in their upright locked
positions and remember this is a non-smoking review. Today I thought
we would gloss over the Bride of the Gorilla experiment for many
reasons. The Warriors are not thrilled with it and given I was once
part of MST3K: Second Wave and had to see that piece of crap
more than 15 times, I'm not a fan. So moving on to the second
experiment of first season, a bit of trashy Italian exploitation
taking the Frankenstein legacy into an even more perverse nature??
Kinky.
This is Lady Frankenstein.
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| Dude, stop eye banging your daughter. Creeper. |
The good baron (Joseph Cotten of
Citizen Kane, Shadow of a Doubt, The Third Man, The Survivor,
Delusion, Heaven's Gate, Casino and Tales of the Unexpected)
is up to his grave digging and re-animation ways but this time via
Italy!! with his assistant Dr. Charles Marshall (Paul Muller
of Journey to Italy, Vampyros Lesbos, Nightmare City, Brush with
Fate, Brigands, Anxiety, and For Roseanna) they pay off grave
robbers and twist God's work to bringing life back to corpses. But
wait... Isn't this about Commander Rick Wolf and his trusty tin cans
yucking it up over bad films? A valid question, disembodied voice
of a reader and fan.
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| Psst, that chair doesn't hide an erection well. |
Rick and the bots proceed to clean the
theater to make it habitable as Rick really doesn't want to venture
out a zombie infested Kansas City, so one makes do. They let in
another human name of Darrell (Nick Evans of ICWXP), a
beer soaked gin weasel that gripes about having to sponge off his mom
and has personal hygiene habits that would make a crap flinging
monkey blush. Dr. Blackwood mercilessly send Rick and the
automatons into the theater for their delightful viewing.
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| Darrell dining in. |
The baron, elbow deep in a dead man's
sternum remembers his daughter Tania (Rosalba Neri of Top
Sensation, Blood River, Blackmail, The Devil's Wife, Libera, My Love,
The Arena, The Girl in Room 2A and High School Girl) will
arrive from university and has been certified as a licensed doctor
and deemed smokin' hot. Mysterious grave robbing has been going on
in the village and Captain Harris (Mickey Hargitay of Bloody
Pit of Horror, Delirium, The Reincarnation of Abel, Cool Million, The
Wild Wild West, Cjamango, Three Graves and Law & Order: SVU)
won't rest until he finds who is the culprit responsible. With a
rushed brain and not enough stimuli (like the plot),
the creature rises and squishes the baron to death. Harris rushes to
the scene questioning Dr. Marshall and Tania about a big man. A man
that could... So with a big man on the loose bear hugging people to
death, Harris is on the case.
Rick, Topsy and Cylon come back on to
the candy counter to what can only be described as a total
clusterf**k of a mess courtesy of Darrell. You get the vibe that the
bots about to break Asminov's first law of robotics big time. From
his whiny story of woe is me to his clear funk that could stagger a
feral ghoul, Rick is delighted at the chance to see more of the film.
Will the man ape and robots survive
this seemingly piss poor cash-in on Frankenstein?? Was there really
a need for this much nudity?? Is the dubbing as bad as it seemed??
Favorite riff is the repeated No
staaaaaaairs gag of which you will appreciate. With fan letters
tended to, some messages via antiquated answering machine and general
good vibes, the experiment is over...for now.
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| Ha ha. Nudity censored. Enjoy. |
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