Fusion of Film: Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark

Day 2 of Fusion of Film and I realized we have not covered a cheezy Sy-Fy Saturday feature in ages. Yes my stomach and colon can only handle so many of those at a time. So for your reading pleasure and my viewing agony this title just begged me to look away. Naturally I ignored the warnings of : NO!! TURN BACK!!! and DEAR GOD, ARE YOU INSANE??!!! Our esteemed director Emile Edwin Smith (The Grove, Age of Ice and Flight World War II) is primarily known for being a CG supervisoer on TV and films that don't blow. Does that help us? Writer H. Perry Horton (A Haunting in Salem, 2-Headed Shark Attack, Shark Week,40 Days and Nights and 100 Degrees Below Zero) has penned a few stinkers so let's see how far the sinkhole will take us.

This is Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark.

Ahh!!! It's NOT Bruce!!!

This has all the vibes of straight to DVD monster/disaster film of which SyFy has been known for the last 20 years. Released from The Asylum productions our opus opens with a tugboat dragging a large iceberg through a port in Egypt, when all of the sudden!.. the iceberg cracks, shattering open and releasing an ancient megalodon making impossible for fishermen to earn of living as it dominates the seas that several countries put their ports on lockdown and create a ban on fishing to save lives. Yup countries hundreds if not thousands of miles away are doing this that it creates a drag on the planet's economy.

This is the third installment in the Mega Shark series giving the previous films a bit of history and knowledge of those fights of kaiju. The UN is apparently already prepping a prototype submarine to combat the creature that is yes a mecha shark. Cue the Godzilla music.

WHO FARTED???!!!!

Piloting our new craft is Jack Turner (Christopher Judge of Stargate SG-1, Andromeda, X-Men: Evolution, Masters of the Universe vs. The Snake Men, Stargate: The Ark of Truth, Stargate: Continuum and Paradox) and Rosie Gray (Elisabeth Rohm of Bull, Angel, Law & Order, Heroes, Lake Placid: The Final Chapter, Aftermath and The Client List) and commanded by Captain Reynolds (Steve Hanks of Island Claws, Hold Your Breath, Jailbait and Listening). Shiny!  Reprising her role is Debbie Gibson as esteemed Oceanographer, Dr. Emma McNeil who has become the foremost expert on Megalodons warns the U.S. Navy of the dangers of this creature as it no doubt is searching for a mate and spawning grounds. Channel that Matt Hooper, Debbie!

With the Mecha Shark submarine giving chase, Mega Shark is most vexed by this. Our Sea Quest vessel also has an A.I. onboard with tactical analysis, awareness of its surroundings and how to best to serve their crew and captain. Yes I didn't stutter. An A. I. Program added to our prototype submarine and why not? We broke the goofy meter minutes prior. From a massive shark leaping out of the waters to nail a plane 30,000 feet in the air, Australia having a fishing fleet near Botany Bay and sharks pimp slapping a torpedo away from itself with its tail.

Green screened to death as well as CGI Asylum brings this trilogy to a grinding halt capitalizing on the Godzilla franchise under the sea. There is more cheese than a dairy farm, its campy nature is not meant to be taken seriously...or at least I hope not. So if you have 90 minutes to kill then have at it. Me? I think it gave me a migraine.

Seagate Soggy Bottoms 1.

Tremor Week: Tremors: The Series

Back again Graboid fans and I know many of you are asking; is this damn week over yet??!!!   Well as luck would have it we are at the cusp of the end with the last project involving Graboids, Shriekers and Ass Blasters.   Yes I still frown at that last name myself.  Sci-fi channel found them in a bit of a pickle with the 4^th season of Farscape put on hold to the point of not having it.  What to do for that time slot?  Well the folks at Stampede Entertainment provided 13 episodes of Graboid, Shrieker and Ass Blaster entertainment.  So grab your space blankets to block your body heat, grab your SMGs and stockpile your ammo.  This is Tremors: The Series.

 

Next thing I shoot is my agent.

Burt Gummer: The possibility for spoilers boggles the mind.

Recapping after the third movie, Desert Jack moved to Vegas and left the business to a poor dope name of Tyler Reed (Victor Browne of One Life to Live, Rescue 77, Desolation Canyon, The Confessional and The Invited), former Nascar racer and adrenaline junkie.  As his gorgeous Charger is drug under the dirt by the sterile Graboid known as El Blanco, Burt Gummer (Michael Gross of Family Ties, Cool as Ice, Tremors, In the Line of Duty, Tremors II: Aftershocks, Tremors 3: Back to Perfection and E.R.) saves Reed’s bacon by lobbing a concussion grenade in the area of El Blanco.   

Miss me??!!!

With the loud sound scaring him off, Gummer and Reed head into town.   Meeting up at Chang’s Market; Jodi (Lela Lee of Flow, Yellow, Charmed, The Girls’ Room, Scrubs and Exposed) and Nancy (Maricia Strassman of Welcome Back, Kotter, Good Time Harry, Booker, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Noah Knows Best and Third Watch) try to get the full story while Gummer rants and raves about the current conditions of Perfection Valley which dictates that El Blanco is an endangered species and their land is protected by law but they still have to tread carefully with the Department of the Interior which was assigned Agent Twitchell (Dean Norris of Total Recall, T2: Judgment Day, Windfall, Medium and Breaking Bad) to deal with these insane Graboid incursions as well as another McGuffin device known as a compound called Mix Master.

 Founded in a secret lab back in the early 50’s, this agent could blend animal, mineral and plant life to new and exciting hybrids.  Due to the lab not being on the up and up, the Pentagon had the lab sealed but Mix Master got loose and proceeds to combine creates and plants to a vast level of sheer insanity making the valley even more dangerous than before.

Hate being El Blanco's catering service.

The cast also adds a former Vegas showgirl and the late Miguel’s only living relative Rosalita (Gladys Jimenez of Secrets of a Chambermaid, The Young and the Restless, The Bold and the Beautiful and East Side Story), a sassy, brassy gal with a past she doesn't like speaking of.

Here are just a few highlights and critiques about the show.  The potential of this TV series was there but it was introduced on Sci-Fi after they announced they were not sure if they wanted to do more Farscape episodes so I can imagine quite a few pissed off fans and they didn’t want to give this “filler” show the time of day.  Its poor ratings really screwed fans of the movie series and denied the possibilities for more Tremors fun to be had.  As a fan of the movie however I have to acknowledge there was a bit of tripe writing as they were having adventures every other day or Gummer and Reed went out of town to tend to a Graboid issue so it was getting a bit silly. 

Snipe Hunt: In Color!

The crane, slow pan and zoom handheld was top notch and our boys from KNB EFX and 4-Ward Productions did a fine job with prosthetics and CGI renderings but guessing the fickle audience just could not settle down to this for the next 3 to 4 seasons.   Ah well that is life.

SyFy Monster Movie Week: Dinocroc vs Supergator

Hey folks I am back again with fun filled bad movie week of the dreaded channel of SyFy...  Yes the stink of this film is so pungent, you may be required a hanky while viewing.  So kick back, relax on your chair or sofa.  This is Dinocroc vs Supergator.

Spoilers are everywhere in the deep...
With producer/writer/director Roger Corman (The Wasp Woman, A Bucket of Blood, Little Shop of Horrors, Not of this Earth, The Trip, Death Race 2000 and Cockfighter) in league with his protege writer/director Jim Wynorski (Dinosaur Island, Return of the Swamp Thing, Demoltion High, Vampirella and Raptor) come the story of the ages... not it is actually CGI crocodile versus alligator.   As our tale unfolds, a biochemical and genetics laboratory are secretly breeding and manipulating the DNA of these creatures and to what end?   

Shockingly enough the film is shot in Wynorski's town of choice Santa Clarita and some of Kauai Hawaii.  Seems all top secret projects of this magnitude are shot on these two locations or I have seen too many Wynorski flicks.   Naturally due to all the safeguard protocols in said lab, the creatures both escape and start turning the island into the human buffet.  Owner Drake (David Carradine of Death Race 2000, Kung Fu, Kill Bill: Vol. 1, Kill Bill: Vol. 2 and Hell Ride) does not bother to alert the proper authorities and insists on a covert hunting team to track, tranq and retrieve his wayward creatures as money is no object in these matters.

FBI agent Paul Beaumont (Corey Landis of Lost in the Woods, Changing Hands, Camel Spiders and Dracula: Reborn) our death defying investigator who looks like he is late for a frat hazing is trying to figure out what Drake has created in his labs but cannot get enough concrete evidence to justify his work to the brass to snare Drake.  Decides today is a good day for fishing and heads that route.  Fish and game agent Cassidy Swanson (Amy Rasimas Holt of Girls Gone Psycho, Desire, No Game and Exposed Negative) and Dad are called into check out the whereabouts of missing hikers on the island unaware of the untold dangers of the island, our ditzy heroine makes her way to the danger.  With a helicopter assist, a mercenary team move at least an hour ahead of the Fish and Game to lock and load and dump down on dem fools.  Yeah I did not just make up that clever bit of dialogue.  

With any Wynorski creature film you can expect large breasted girlies screaming to the level that would rival Jamie Lee Curtis and Leanna Quigley, Assault weapons and sidearms of infinite ammo and really less that savory CGI FX.  Bottom line, this is a drinking game movie.