Obscure Slasher Week: Madhouse

Hello readers and welcome to day 3 of Obscure Slasher Week and I have a treat for you this time around with two Horror legends in one film.  Vincent Price and Peter Cushing so yes there will be lovely ladies put in macabre settings so don’t walk down that stairwell with only a flashlight, learn to stay together and for crying out loud never ask, “Is there anybody out there?”  This is Madhouse.

And that's my squirrel impression. Next, a ducky.

Spoilers will be the death of me…

Actor of horror Paul Toombes  (Vincent Price of Last Man on Earth, The Fly, The Abominable Dr. Phibes, Theatre of Blood and Journey Into Fear) playing his claim to fame character Dr. Death is living the high life with success, riches and a lovely fiancée to be wed.  His thanks go to Herbert Flay (Peter Cushing of Horror of Dracula, The Curse of Frankenstein, The Mummy, Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors, Dr. Who and the Daleks and Star Wars) the writer for creating such vivid imagery and a truly sinister character that has brought them both so much.  On the eve of the premiere party Toombes announces his formal marriage to his fiancée Ellen (Julie Crosthwaite of Dixon of Dock Green, Get Charlie Tully, Rock Follies and The Picnic).   All is bliss until it is hinted by a sleazy producer Oliver Quayle (Robert Quarry of Count Yorga, Vampire, Dr. Phibes Rises Again, The Return of Count Yorga and Alienator) that young Ellen had a hand or two in the adult industry and Toombes feels slighted by his would be gold digger.   Toombes has a mental breakdown for some time before the brutal murder of his fiancée leaving him questioning if he himself did it.

When Home Depot goes bad.

Years later, Paul Toombes is cured but his career is ruined and reputation besmirched a Television setup in England wants to run a Dr. Death mini-series ran by the same sleazy producer and Herbert Flay brought him to restart his career in the hopes of giving Paul some peace and improve his health and wealth.  All too soon murders are happening in fair England in the exact fashion a Dr. Death victim would.  Is Paul doing these grisly killings and then forgetting about them?  Is someone seeking to drive him mad?

A few side notes of the movie itself is the special appearances of Basil Rathbone and Boris Karloff is through clips of the gentlemen in a few films that Price had previously done with them.  This is of course seven years later after their passing so it is a bit of a touchy subject but was used with their mutual families’ blessings.   

That's no way to get ahead in life, dear.

Based on the horror novel Devilday by Angus Hall; Madhouse delivers a steady pace of mystique, bizarre and ominous forebode.  Cushing as always the personification of poise and well mannered and a constant level of elegance and Price seems on the ragged edge one minute and completely the steadfast gentleman the next.    I could not help but comment of the collective of buxom blondes they had at the ready.  The casting directors must have been scouring the countryside for them. 

Amando Ossorio Week: Horror of the Zombies

Back again boys and girls as we trek further into our Blind Dead tetralogy.   The opening credits start us off with the same Gregorian chant yet again and I will be buggered if I know what they speak of.   I have it on good authority that there will be some surprises in store for us this time around.   So saddle up, settle in and get ready for this whirlwind of excitement.   This is Horror of the Zombies a.k.a. El buque maldito.

Tee hee!

A’ vast maties there be spoilers on this voyage of the damned!

Moving our location we find ourselves away from Portugal and on the happening streets of Madrid and it’s fashion week…in Madrid…didn’t know that was a port of call for such so I will just smile, nod and sally forth.     We see that world of modeling through the eyes of Noemi (Barbara Rey of El chulo, Zorrita Martinez, Rostros and Vampiresas) as she is looking for her missing roommate Kathy.  Her last known location was with her employer Lillian (Maria Perschy of Man’s Favorite Sport?, 633 Squadron, House of Psychotic Women, Fox Hunt and The People Who Own the Dark), a woman so cold to the touch you could keep a side of beef in her for a month.    Lillian states that Kathy (Blanca Estrada of I Hate My Body, Suesualidad, The Book of Good Love, Las locuras de Jane and Mystery on Monster Island) no doubt is a typical dumb girl and is shirking her responsibilities and shoos Noemi away.   Noemi threatens to call the police and Lillian looks genuinely nervous.   Later that day, Lillian explains to Noemi that Kathy is fine and in a boat in the Atlantic with another model partaking in a publicity stunt for a sportswear advertising campaign.   Yeah I am stumped how that helps the shareholders too folks.   

Curse you, He-Man!

 Say, wasn't there supposed to be Knights Templar in this flick?  This is where the story sort of detracts from the story presence of the second film.  With a foundation of explaining who the Knights are, what is their purpose and overall goals this film does a 180 and just leaves you thinking, “I really could be doing the laundry now.”   Methinks the producers or money lenders had too much influence and said, “Hey we want to see jiggly girls in bikinis!”    Ossorio went on record during his interview/documentary that he was less than satisfied with this film so you can be assured there will be some chop in the waters already.

Getting back to our riveting story, entrepreneur Howard Tucker (Jack Taylor of The Vampires’ Night Orgy, Call of the Blonde Goddess, Conan the Barbarian, Panther Squad and The Sea Serpent), sporting goods mogul hired both Kathy and second model for this brilliant concept to bring vast media attention as they are…out in the sea by a main shipping route.  Tee hee girlies all defenseless and in need of rescue.    I really do not get the crux of this plan but Tucker is convinced this will net him millions, since his car didn’t do so well.  Oh wait.. that was Jeff Bridges’ movie.  Boy that sounds much better to watch.   The girls report in every other hour via CB to inform us they are fine but this time around they see in the *ahem* Fog an ancient Spanish Galleon that crashes into their little speedboat.  They are forced to climb aboard as they are many miles from civilization.  Such awesome power does the ship emit, that it can turn day into night.  And more Fog than the Carpenter flick and yet it is less dense than the models.

Jazz Hands fail!

With no communication since their last contact, Noemi threatens to go to the press and Tucker’s henchman locks her up and collars her to a cot.  Yeah so now endangerment to human life, fraud and kidnapping is the order of the day.   For a business mogul Tucker seems a bit dumb.  Clearly he needs to just take Noemi for a little drive that ends with her in a trash compactor but hey I can only do so much for the guy.   Tucker and Lillian go to the girls’ aid after making a stop at the University for an expert on 16^th century Galleons.   Keep in mind the description of the ship was so vague it bordered on a big boat.  

33 minutes go by with a tick tock of the slowest clock and finally a hint that the Knights Templar are even in this fricking movie.  OVER A HALF HOUR!!!!!   The pathetic attempt at a back story for almost every character except the ship’s parrot just drug on.   The parrot didn’t get much of a speaking part and was a womanizing booze hound. 

The production quality went really downhill, the lighting with fog looks atrocious, I feel like I watching a Scooby Doo mystery…with implied rape, slow pacing and death scenes that takes ages to start.  Yes it is about the same level grisly kills but it just felt forced.  Yes somehow we’re supposed to forget Tucker’s henchman clearly attacked Noemi prior to this rescue attempt.     That’s all for now folks.   Here’s hoping number 4 is a vast improvement.

Toxic Zombies..or Why Some Should not star and direct.

Well it wouldn’t be a zombie film a bit of gore and cheesy comments but this one takes the cake on music steals, bad dubbing, and yes even sound effects’ timing is off.  So grab your bug out bag, machete and solid rifle.  This is Toxic Zombies.

Spoilers can only be destroyed if you get the brain.

Charles McCrann is our writer/director/lead actor brings us the depths of this utter hell that this film is.  Violence with no real explanation nor any real attempt at character development and all back stories consists of people babbling about events we have not seen or these people should not yet have knowledge of.  Citizen Kane this is not.  Hell I wouldn’t even give it Citizen Toxie.   With a cast of no one I could recognize other than John Amplas (of Martin, Day of the Dead, Creepshow and No Pets) and he is not even a lead part.  He remains in the shadows of obscurity.  To start us on this journey; pot growers are using government land to score 2 million big ones in grass and have no qualms about killing officials to keep their crops.   We open this film up with what I thought was two hunters with rifles.  I mean commonly you see two guys decked out in flannel and hiking boots you would come to that conclusion too.  Cut to a topless bathing scene?  Well of course there’s one.  We are two minutes and forty seconds into this flick we got to keep the male audience or their attention span might wander.  So we get spliced cut shots of hunters and back to topless sudsy goodness.   After a quick dress she is informed the two hairballs with rifles are federal officers, she tries to bail and they shot her in the back…well the back of the neck according to her cheesy flesh wound.   No sooner have these crack officials realized they shoot a woman, that by the way was their only concern.  Not that they just shot an unarmed person but the fact she happened to be female.  Stay classy, movie.   Two hippies do in the officials and the frigging knifing sound effect is about a second and a half off from the strikes.  Yeah this is not exactly quality entertainment.   

Establishing from Commander Exposition and Junior Plot Point; two other officials realize the only way to tend to this problem is to release an untested chemical on the government land and thus destroying the pot.   With the help of a drunken sot of a pilot the chemicals are released and the hippies turn more yellow than a colony of vegans.   Suddenly more violent tendencies are occurring in the hippies and they proceed to do away with anyone that is not as messed up as they.

Our hero/writer/director acts his way into the paper bag and cannot leave there as he and his wife’s passionate lovemaking turns night to day and vice versa with fade scenes.  Random campers and their children are not safe in these insane making woods as they are laid siege upon. 

Now let us step back and observe for a second.  These zombie like folk are wielding hand weapons, rocks and even mastered fire for torches again and all without the aid of Dr. Rickles from Day of the Dead teaching them, so not exactly certain how to describe this lot, other than all messed up.   Most of the music for this flick has been lifted from Day of the Dead, a sped up version of Halloween, Dawn of the Dead and a mutilated version of Jaws as well.   I am not certain but I can manage some disgruntlement.  Go enjoy your evening outside or sit in with a book.

Gem of the Month- Sundown: Vampire in Retreat

What do you get when you combine vampires, substitute for blood and Utah?   Well here’s a hint: Not True Blood.   No, this is Sundown: Vampire in Retreat by Director Anthony Hickox (Waxwork, Waxwork II and Warlock the Armageddon) and written by John Burgess.  Deep in the heart of…okay not Dixie but Utah exist a town called Purgatory.  A town filled with incredibly pale people that are covered from the sunshine with parasols and large brimmed hats.   This town of vampires has rejected the ways of the night and preying on the innocent is lead by master vampire Count Mardulak (John Carradine of Kung-Fu).  The town has a processing plant that is making an artificial blood to curb the need to feed but it breaks down and only one man can repair or refurbish parts for it.  Enter the Harrison Family.  John (Jim Metzler L.A. Confidential and Bad City Blues) brings wife Sarah (Morgan Brittany of Love Boat and Dallas) and their two kids to this remote and isolated town where neither of them is the wiser to this odd little bit of Americana.   Seriously they are so thick you could clock them in the coconut and it might not register until a day or two later.  On the trail of Count Mardulak is fearless vampire hunter Robert Van Helsing (Bruce Campbell of Evil Dead, Spiderman and Burn Notice) determined to end the evil that is a bloodsucker only to be smitten by lovely vampire Sandy (Deborah Foreman of Valley Girl and Waxwork) John’s former rival for Sarah’s affection Shane (Maxwell Caulfield of Waxwork II and Empire Records) who happens to be the town’s chief engineer but he needs John’s expertise.

  

  The Harrisons’ little girls note the townsfolk seem a bit different and are clued in that there are two factions of vampires.  One attempting to repent and the other is return to the old ways.   The Count attempts to maintain the peace while his right hand man Ethan Jefferson (John Ireland of Gunslinger and Waxwork II) tells vampires that they have nothing to feel guilty about and they should revel in their powers.   How does one solve those differences?  Why with a shoot out of course.   This film combines comedy, horror and western all in one unusual package.   My favorite thing about this film is the three brothers Milt (Bert Remsen of The Bodyguard and McCabe and Mrs. Miller) Merle (Sunshine Parker of Tremors  and Roadhouse) Mort (M Emmet Walsh of The Flash, Bladerunner and Chasing 3000) Bisby.  They all run this tiny gas station and look like they are just a gnat’s wing flap away from brutalizing humans.  Mort knocks the head off of this coked up jackass for being rude and abusive.   The two campers were really unnecessary characters as a whole.

Admittedly the film did seem like there was filler thrown in and John Carradine’s performance did seem a little off (methinks drinking days still), and sure he and Bruce were hardly in any of the scenes but dammit it was a fun movie.   The movie finishes off at 104 minutes and while it dragged a bit you got the scope of what the director was trying for. I ask you to find me a vampire story with conflict, romance and gunfight worthy of the OK corral and in general, an amazing cast.   A lot of tongue in cheek humor combined with a potential love triangle story line sprinkled with some rivalry and a few odd gore effects and you have a fairly decent film.  

There Can Be Only...confusion?

It’s a kind of magic.  This TV series is just that.  Taking place in 1992 at the height of the ill-fated sequel Highlander 2: The Quickening, The reluctant hero Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert of Highlander, Highlander 2, 3) has a fellow clansman 75 years younger than him, Duncan.  Duncan (Adrian Paul of Love Potion No. 9, Merlin: The Return, The Breed) took himself out of the immortal game of fighting to the death and claiming his opponent’s quickening or life force until a sinister immortal named Slain Quince(Richard Moll of Night Court, House and Batman TAS) seeks Duncan out, wanting his head.  Connor intervenes and frightens Quince off.  Eventually Duncan cannot sit on the sidelines any longer and must confront Quince.   This premiere episode launches a starring role of Duncan MacLeod for the next seven years of which becomes a phenomenon in captivated worldwide.  

 A show where MacLeod fights not only other immortals of tremendous age and skill with a blade but mortal elements such as terrorists, freedom fighters and organized crime.  Admittedly it is the clique right man in the wrong place at the right time.   Each episode carries out a flashback sequence to an earlier portion of Duncan’s life and the people he met through history.   Establishing that all immortals were completely human until a fatal accident or slew in battle, this series did their level best to adhere to historical reenactments, period costumes as well as sets and one of the finest sword masters (Bob Anderson sword master of The Master of Ballantrae, Highlander, The Princess Bride, First Knight and Die Another Day) assisted guest stars who had not so much as held a blade to mastering the finer points in just a few short days.   Over the series guest stars ranging from rock n’ roll legends like Joan Jett and The Who’s front man Roger Daltrey to Babylon 5’s Traci Scoggins and 21 Jump Street’s Dustin Nguyen. 

Highlander has taken place over Bordeaux France, British Columbia Canada, Seattle Washington and even Scotland where the character was originated.  While some of the storylines may not be everyone’s cup of tea, this character driven series is worth anyone’s time if you have a fondness of sword battles, gunfights and a little martial arts thrown in.  In the end however, there can be only one.

Vampire Journals or dear fanged diary?

Well the folks of Full Moon Pictures came back to Bucharest, Romania for yet another vampire picture.  Ted Nicolaou , writer/director of the Subspecies quadrilogy , brings Vampire Journals to light.   Timeline based it occurs after Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm.   The vampire of that series Radu Vladislas has met his final end and his made vampire Ash is our head nuisance.   The story revolves around two vampires.  One is racked with guilt of being one of the undead and seeks to dispatch them with a blade in the form of decapitation.  The other is an amoral soulless creature that delights at playing with his food and instilling fear prior to feeding.  Guess it is a bit like adding Coke to your Jack.  No clue.   Zachary (David Gunn) lives with the unending life span that has brought him nothing but blood and torment.  Ash (Jonathon Morris) is a master vampire that owns a night club and assists in presenting it around the world.  Both creatures of the night fall for the same beautiful pianist named Sofia (Kirsten Cerre).  

Ah, the music spoilers make.

What do you mean they call me the dandy vampire?!

Predictably their ideals and ways of life rub each other wrong but they continue this odd game of cat and mouse back and forth.    Ash points out his former life to Zachary and clearly is giving him a chance to belong among his flock so long as he does not poach the pianist.   And we all know how well competition goes with men over a woman.  Zachary is almost as whiny and bitter as Louise of Interview with a Vampire.  I mean this guy whimpers on and on.   Flashbacks are a bit of a theme with this guy as Ash in some far back time of the powdered wig era fed and drained Rebecca, the love of Zachary’s unlife.  He makes this pact to slay his fellow vampires wherever he finds them.    Once again I have to comment on the prop people.  Since the Subspecies, these folks bust ass on what little budget they have and produce a wicked broadsword named Laertes.  Maybe someone was a big Homer fan or possibly just a fan of Hamlet.  Who can truly say?

Hmm hot floaty chick.  Well I see no cause for alarm.

While I feel the story has been played out to death and not exactly what I would call an original idea I love the camera work and lighting.  The music score is amazing and frankly for as low a budget as Nicolaou always seems stuck with it, the film is impressive.  An ancient city with so much architecture to work into your story, the movie maintains a gothic feeling and the characters are true to the nature of the beast if you will.  My complaints were pretty simple actually.  The script seemed light.  You had a simple love triangle story arc that did not get the love it should have.  Felt like there should have been more.  The nudity follows a basis for the seduction or feeding so I didn’t feel like it was over the top but there is a far amount of it.  Not one for the kids.  Erotic vampire tale hey you got to expect this sort of thing to be happening.    Nicolaou also seems to like to let every film end on a down note.  Admittedly I did not see a happy fluffy bunny ending with a tale of vampires but dammit man through in a tender note now and again.  What I don’t get is why these clearly different storylines are even linked.  Clearly Nicaloau had a plan to do something more in depth with the 4^th Subspecies using a few of the characters from this flick and it just felt clunky and confusing.  

To sum it all up, this flick was a pleasant addition to the growing vampire sub-genre.  Our vampires didn’t twinkle, they had no emo angst nor did they whine and bitch too terribly.