Hiya kids and welcome back to Day 3 of
Horror for the Holidays. Initially I tried to find a copy of the
1996 Santa Claws starring Scream Queen Debbie Rochon but that is just
not happening. Seriously, an hour has gone by searching for this bit
of tripe and I guess we just have to shuffle on to the next pile of
festering feces. Hey! I know! How about a sequel in name only?
Yeah we haven't had one of those since the Return to Salem's Lot.
Boy that was a delight... for people that dislike Stephen King books
I guess. Not sure who that film was for. So tallying back to our
Santa Claus Killer when find... no continuation into the story of
Ricky. Apparently after Bill Mosley's Jiffy Pop Popcorn dome in
Silent Night Deadly Night III: Better Watch Out!, the producers were
embarrassed for a follow-up and Ricky is no more. Go ahead and shed
a tear, folks. This is Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation.
Ah, young fornicators!!! SINNERS!!! |
With a grainy translated VHS to
streaming feed I am guaranteed too much Dolby reverb and the post
production audio track coming as loud as Evil Dead 2's "WORKSHED!"
Our film in Los Angeles again but no orphanages or vindictive
Mother Superiors this time. Yes, gone are the days of "Punish!"
and we must adapt, gentle readers. Our movie opens with a hobo
enjoying a half devoured burger when a girl atop a six story
building gets set on fire via jump cut, slow pyrotechnics and then a
dummy fall, cut to actress looking bored (dead) but not aflame then
finally engulfed after landing on the safety mat the wrong direction
from the fall. Completely seamless. And that is our minute
forty-five intro and right to the credits.
We follow the lead investigator Kim
(Neith Hunter of Born in East L.A., Less Than Zero, Fright
Night Part 2, and Inside Out) is trying to channel her inner
Lois Lane as the editor of Classified Ads is not as hard hitting as
it sounds. Her boss Eli (Reggie Bannister of Phantasm, Phantasm II,
Wishmaster, Bubba Ho-Tep and Revamped) is a sexist porker that
believes anyone without a penis has no gut instinct for a story.
Actually he comes across as the editor that doesn't give a budding
reporter a hot story because she has had a month's experience and not
been in the trenches.
I'm late for Quidditch!!! |
Kim goes behind Eli's back to cover a
spontaneous combustion story when she finds out at her first stop of
the local butcher's shop that it would appear to be a suicide. Kim
makes her way into the nearby bookstore to view the surprisingly
impressive occult section when hobo Ricky (Clint Howard of
Freeway, Tango & Cash, Leprechaun 2, Ice Cream Man, Barb Wire and
House of the Dead) goes all Torgo of Mano: The Hands of Fate
on her causing her overacting outburst and gathering attention of the
bookstore owner Fima (Maud Adams of The Man with the Golden
Gun, Rollerball, Octopussy, Hell Hunters, Angel III: The Final
Chapter and The Seekers), who shoos Ricky away and sends him
packing. She comes on a bit creeper as well and invites Kim to a
picnic she is having with friends for the following day. Ominous
music follows this woman's every other sentence so no worries there
at all.
With her investigation bearing no fruit
she head home only to be under seige by roaches from her sink ruining
dinner she then goes to her boyfriend Hank's (Tommy Hinkley of
Lethal Weapon 2, The Cable Guy, Star Trek: Generations and Ocean's
Thirteen) parents' home for a Christmas dinner. Hank's
father has been guzzling beer and decrees a woman's place is in the
home and not out being career minded even since Eve was made from
Adam's Rib. Hank attempts logic with his father and gets shot down
after explaining it was an allegory.
Kim makes her way home having strange
visions and dreams, thinks to skip work and visit this picnic of
musical ill-boding intent. Finding a certain connection with these
women, Kim seems to notice how the women adhere to Fima's will and
her teachings of Lilith, first wife of Adam. As events of the week
unfold, people seem confused to Kim's whereabouts or should they
questioning her intent. Fima's gathering seem almost cultism in
their actions unnerving Kim as she seems to feel they may be
responsible for the young girl's death.
A few comments on the film now. This
is the first of the series not having a killer Santa Claus in it.
The views of man and woman having issues in the workforce is a tad
cliche and point to almost every man being either a sexist pig, a
lout or a creep. Granted, the work environment has its share of
problems but this is way over the top establishing that black magic
and blood sacrifices is the only way to alter that. I am sure
feminists worldwide would be just thrilled at their sacrifices made
to be summed up in this fashion, let alone any follower of Wicca
portrayed as dark, sinister monsters. So while different from the
original three I was not blown away with this creation. A moderately
original story to be certain but not eye-opening at all.
Sweetie, it was this film or another Roger Moore Bond flick. |
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