Day 4 of Savage Titles bring us off to
Science Fiction and thank God for that. Half expecting raper aliens
and a women in prison in space. Fortunately, it is none of the above
as we approach a distant planet for its riches of mineral,plant and
oxygen atmosphere. The planet is being surveyed by humans in the
hopes of finding a safe, new world to probably colonize, but they
what the get is a mediocre plot device instead. This is Savage
Planet.
Sure hope I don't get an off-screen death! |
With Earth choking on its own
pollution, and expedition was take under way in the search for (No,
not Spock) oxygen. Presumably they have a giant vacuum attachment
with them. Hey here is a nutty idea. MORE TREES!!!! Our team led
by jump cuts and film sped up armed with hi-tech machetes as one of
the crew gets his hand lopped off by a machete, falls down a hole,
yellow goop completely regenerates that hand and then he is attacked
by a poorly Blue screen matted film stock space bear. So to recap,
no text scroll of titles, no real introduction to our team and space
bears... all in 2 minutes. Yeah I can hardly what to see what
happens next.
Boom Mic guy has been working out, fellas. |
Sean Patrick Flannery leads the
new expedition as Randall Cain, a charismatic leader that thinks
things belong in a museum. Lifted footage from Sanctuary showing
you a home of the future and desperate times. Tired cliché of news
offering exposition blurted on Flannery's tinfoil covered home as he
preps his morning coffee and dear God it is depressing how in shape
this man is. Sorry, bitter writer moment. His vacation canceled,
he is off to go on to a foreign planet dubbed “Planet Oxygen”.
Yeah it lacks punch. Their mission is to acquire an vast oxygen
producing plant that will make the rain forest seem redundant by
comparison. And they will be teleported on the planet with a long
range teleporter. The survey bot that sent a recording was shown to
the team via a MS DJ machine...OF THE FUTURE!!! Cain and his team
assemble gear and supplies, transform and roll out!!! Okay, fine
they just grabbed their gear and went to the teleportation ring.
20,000 light years away seems like
quite a distance as they go through what looks like a Stargate
prototype and the team scientist arrived safely as he preps the way
for the others to come through and he must be deaf as a post as stock
sound effect of bear growls and grunts are happening right behind
him. The space bears draw near. Our team are going through one at a
time to ratchet up tension or they think it is a nifty effect to keep
showing and pad the film. Teleporter mishap of folding a guy bones
the wrong way but no real worry the character was hastily put
together and looked like a prison yard scumbag.
Will the space bears slay them all?
Will the team find the needed planet? Can they get back home?
With a thrown together plot from a
cheesy dimestore novel we have the characters fighting off space
bears. The mildly cool predator POV shots almost made me expect
something even more menacing than that but no. Funny thing is, I was
just talking to my mom about this flick and she pointed out it was
going to hurt. Death by stock footage is nothing new to me in this
racket but dammit all, this was a stinker. Earth in turmoil because
of humanity, last minute rescue for the planet and next to no budget
for practical effects so we get CGI blood splatter, stock footage of
brown bears to grizzlies. Yeah they changed species and the faces of
distraught actually looked like they were constipated. To take
care when viewing this film, because the Space Bears are very cross
on the negative stereotypes that were portrayed here. They are all
around us.
Fear the awesome power that is...SPACE BEAR!!!! |
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