Leprechaun 3

Hey gang! Hope everyone is having a decent St. Patty's Day. How do you celebrate it? Green beer, Haggis? A few rounds of the sweet science in the manly art of boxing? Enough corned beef and cabbage gas build up to clear bats from a coal mine? Or do you suffer one of the worse continuities in Horror history? Join me for Warwick Davis paying the bills. This is Leprechaun 3.

He's filling another pot right now.

Okay for those not on the up and up, the Leprechaun in Movie 1 (hey that rhymed!) was given a four leaved clover enema from Jennifer Aniston's former nose. Apparently the little bastard was as stable as nitroglycerine as he blew up the well his three foot five inch ass dropped into. Also his gold was a hundred coins. Movie 2, this leprechaun's gold consisted of jewelry, he lost his weird as Hell teleportation powers, now casts illusions and has voice mimicry and claims to be 2,000 years old versus the 600 year old from the first. Their half-assed conclusion to continuity? Um...different leprechaun but they all look alike? That is Species profiling dammit!! And now, onto our magnum opus part 3.

Stay off the moors!!  No wait.  You're all doomed!  DOOOOMED!

YET ANOTHER leprechaun apparently cursed into stone as (and I kid you not) a one-eyed, one-armed, one-legged man takes this grotesque statue in claiming it is a good luck charm but he is behind in his bills. Yeah, if the first film is anything to go by, you're a pawn shop dealer, you're gonna die in a ridiculous fashion. Seriously, the first guy died by pogo stick. Yup a dark and morbid tale only to be told around a bonfire as you are pickled.

Unlucky Pirate warns the pawnshop keeper in true Crazy Ralph fashion to not remove the medallion around the leprechaun's neck, so of course he does. Oh look another new form of warding off the leprechaun. Guess they are light on four leaf clovers in Nevada. The hideous seventies medallion causes much fear in the twerp but shopkeeper still gets pummeled to death with a shilleah. Again not a pogo stick, so upgrade?

Oh and movie, skip the eerie music scores. You're a Leprechaun sequel. Not a Hammer film.

Almost Jodie Foster...minus talent.

Don't worry! More gold inconsistencies here too. This little frosted, lucky bowl of donkey feces has Shillings in spite the face them having Charles III, King of Spain... wait. What? Doubloons yes, Schillings, no. Doubloons is Spanish gold. Schillings are English gold. Unless his armada set sail for the English channels, conquered the known British Isles and then had his goofy head stamped and molded on English gold, then it's a fricking Doubloon!!!!! DO YOUR HOMEWORK, DAMMIT!!!

Screw it. On to the star of our drama, Scott McCoy (John Gatins of Witchboard 2, Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings, Another Day in Paradise, Big Fat Liar, The Nines and Norbit) one of the pesky kids that dares upset a supernatural being. Young Scott is on his way to California to enroll in college but has a stop off in Vegas. I'm guessing the folks gave him some scratch or maybe Scotty boy saved some money. As he makes his way to the Lucky Shamrock Casino. Yeah, in case it slipped your mind, this is a Leprechaun movie.  Subtle as a hammer to the nut sack, movie.

Director Brian Trenchard-Smith (The Dragon Flies, Tyrannosaurus Azteca a.k.a. Aztec Rex, Artic Blast and Drive Hard) was...present when film was inserted into the cameras as this was being filmed. Lighting and sound crew are spot on. Writer David DuBos (Future Shock, Playback, Cradle of Lies, Seagulls and Bayou Tales) wrote...dialogue. Presumably. I mean I heard words and sentences that didn't sound like adult speech patterns but yeah he created this turkey.

I would also point out the Lucky Shamrock looks an awful lot like the Ambassador Hotel in L.A.and a bit like the Golden Nugget in Vegas. Hmm... See, I would have written it directly in the Nugget. Our prep is a gold fiend, he's in Vegas. Let's get him a week at the Bunny Ranch and about 50 large to hit the tables and wheels. Easy Peasy.

Scott is gobsmack over a magician's assistant, Tammy (Lee Armstrong of Classic Stories for Children, Leprechaun 3 and Magic Island) and the two of them hit it off almost immediately. I would also point out that neither feel as though they are overly burdened by schooling and I beg them NOT TO BREED.   Blocks of Concrete: The Movie. No there is absolutely no chemistry between these two and why would there be?  It's a Horror movie, were the antagonist needs teleportation or ridiculous children's toys to get him to and fro.  This isn't Vorhees who can take long strides over an entire lake filled with cabins.  Look, I am not expecting From Here to Eternity but the dialogue being spewed out is clunky, sounds like a guy that's never had a real relationship in his life and Tammy's isn't any better.  We get she's bitter on Vegas but at the same time her facial expressions doesn't underline it at all.

Tammy's boss Fazio (voice actor John DeMita of Vampire Hunter D, Princess Monoke, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, Black Mask and Jumper) is said talented magician and a total knob. Background!

Anyway, Willow bites Scotty boy and it starts to morph him. Yep more power inconsistencies. Transmogrifying him in to a new leprechaun and they shall enslave Vegas and rule ze world!!! Sure. Why the hell not. Sounds tons better than the actual reason. Hey maybe the leprechaun just wanted his own college boy via BDSM. It could happen. Scotty the gimp. Yeah I could believe that story. He probably will plow Tammy in front of gimpy just for added sadistic pleasures. Okay I made this flick creepier and in poor taste. You're welcome!

Eventually Scott and Tammy make their way into the pawn shop, discover the McGuffin and... you know? I don't care. This is slow paced, poorly thought out, a monster that attacks your ankles isn't scary and I was bored off my ass. Gore fans? The effects are decent but we have a body count of five. OooOoOOo!!!! Again not Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees height so I am amazed at the five count.

On further scrutiny, I discovered Caroline Williams (Stretch of Texas Chainsaw Massacre II,Models Inc., The Division, Zombie's Halloween II, Hatchet III, Sharknado 4: The 4^th Awakens and Blood Feast) and voice actor/character actor Argentinean marvel Marcelo Tubert (Lands of Lore III, Charmed, Batman Beyond, ER, The West Wing, Days of Our Lives and G.I. Joe: Retaliation) had bills to pay and this check cleared them.  Hey at least Marcelo and Caroline's scenes were funny.  I loved her "meh" attitude and she has a rather bizarre scene.  Spoilers, a death scene.

Who I would recommend this to? Gitmo for torturing information. Um parents with unruly children. Hospitals that need to clear the coma wing. College kids for a drinking game. Happy St. Patty's!!

Dare ya to lick it.