Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold

Hey folks. I am working this Monday and for those that didn't see their Instagram or Facebook, the lovely Laurene Landon sent me some 8x10 glossies and I thought that was incredibly awesome of her. So much so, I decided let's snag another Laurene Landon film. But what to choose? Hey! Here's a Western! I don't get to review Westerns often. This is Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold a.k.a. Yellow Hair and the Pecos Kid a.k.a.Yellow Hair & the Pecos Kid.

Um the mating dance commence?

Yay! Alternative titles give me the warm and fuzzies! Okay kids, we are back with director Matt Cimber (The Black 6, That Girl from Boston, Butterfly, Fake-Out, Hundra, Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold and Miriam) so we are in Spain again shooting an Italian director, so is this technically a Spaghetti Western? Our opening credits feels like a nod to Western serials from the 40s and 50s.

Yellow Hair (Laurene Landon of Hundra, Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold, Maniac Cop, Maniac Cop 2, 1313: Hercules Unbound!, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Syndicate Smasher) is a half breed Apache (Cue Gunsmoke intro music!) who travels with her faithful companion, the Pecos Kid (Producer/actor Ken Roberson of Rigged and Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold) have heard the legends of Mayan gold and set to go on an adventure in search of this elusive treasure. Mind you, Yellow Hair will have to bust Pecos out of the hoosegow before they can high tail it to the gold.

They have stiff competition such as a band of outlaws led by Flores (Aldo Sambrell of Shaft in Africa, the Golden Voyage of Sinbad, Voodoo black Exorcist,House of the Damned, The Black Pearl, Cabo Blanco and Last Harem), Colonel Torres (Luis Lorenzo of Waiting for Daddy, Children's War, Estudio 1, The Black Wolf, Revenge of the Black Wolf, National Adultery, Hundra and Eliminators) a ruthless, vicious tyrant as butch as an ice skater's partner and a plethora of Talupans, direct descendants of Aztec warriors (in Spain? Or are we in Mexico? Meh.) 

 

Italian Lee Van Cleef?  Nah.

Flores using a an antler carved with sigils and map runes, is well unto his way to finding the Lost City. Lotta lost empires and kingdoms, right? You notice this too? He and his crew are ambushed by the Talupans with a ton of rocks and spears. I'd point out they have the high ground and plenty of cover as well if needs be but Flores whips out his six shooter (the gun you pervs. I don't know the man's prowess) and starts a blastin'. We are treated to at least one Wilhelm scream, so yup official Western now.

With a ritual by the Talupan Indians as they sew a guy's eylids, hang him upside down and dunk him in molten gold like a chicken Mcnugget.   So perhaps not one for the kiddies.   Kinda get the vibe it was hoping to piggyback on Raiders of the Lost Ark or King Solomon's Mines.  Hey I think its story will merit its own following.

After bouncing Pecos around in his cell a bit, the Colonel is beside himself. Maybe a bucket of chicken would help. (Yeah cue the boos.)

Dave & Buster's of the Old West.

Yellow Hair's mother, Grey Cloud (Claudia Gravy of Rebels of Arizona, The New Spainards, The Nun and the Devil, Kilma, Queen of the Amazons, The Black Pearl, The Creature and A Dog Called...Vengeance) has basically raised both Yellow Hair and Pecos since they were small.

Yellow Hair is training against an Apache warrior and it's kind of intense. Thankfully unlike Charlton Heston in Arrowhead, you can root for her and not feel icky. And she did a Kirk double jump kick!

Half of these canyon shots, suddenly the theme song from Yor, Hunter of the Future popped in my head. Occupational hazard I guess.

Explosions, gunfights, fist fights fire fights on horseback! Near escapes from gatling gunfire!!

We got a lot going on as at least three parties trying to lay claim to the booty. The treasure. Not grabbing Yellow Hair's hinder. Trust me, she doesn't seem that forgiving for an ass slap. Really has a El Dorado gold hunt/Treasure of the Sierra Madre feel to it. Landon again does her stunts in this and let's face it, that is a lot of rock, gravel and next to no pads to land on.

She and Ken Roberson steal the scenes. Their chemistry is pretty solid and it works as a partnership. You almost see her having a kid brother relationship with Pecos but it could bloom into something else. Flores pays Grey Cloud a visit but she stuck him pretty good. Dude is a hot mess. Arrow wound to the leg, blade wound to the gut. It hasn't been a pleasant few days for him.

With a vengeance story underway, Yellow Hair seeks out Man Who Knows (Eduardo Fajardo o f Django, Maniac Mansion, The Shark Hunter, Nightmare City, Oasis of Zombies, Hundra and The Brother from Space) as he tells Yellow Hair the secret Grey Cloud held from her all these years. Will it bring new meaning to Yellow Hair's life? Will the foppish Colonel have his day? 

Read too many scathing reviews on IMDB just brow beating this movie. If you don't like it, fine. No need to make sound as viewing this film you sacrificed yourself to the film gods for the good of the fellow cinema goers. Personally? I have enjoyed the hell out of it. It a slow start for about 17 minutes but really starts kicking in the moment Laurene's on screen. A great musical score by composer Franco Piersanti (Tenerezza, The Spider Labyrinth, Open Doors, Corto Maltese, Don't Tell, The Caiman and The Missing Star) really sets the moods.

My copy hails from Mill Creek Entertainment. I know because the damn logo pops up every 8 minutes. This really needs a good Blu Ray release as well as Hundra. Make it a Landon Double Feature!

Periwinkle blue is working there, Yellow Hair.

Hundra

Well hello, gang. Welcome to the first of February! I got an amazing response for Laurene Landon. I knew the lady has fans but didn't expect the love. Not to mention, the demand of a Cult Classic review. So with taking these notes and suggestions in mind, I will be looking at the 1983 Sci-Fi Fantasy with a need to breed. This is Hundra.

Message for you, sir!

Directed by exploitation director Matt Cimber (The Black 6, That Girl from Boston, Butterfly, Fake-Out, Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold and Miriam), this is an Italian film shot in Spain. So you can imagine how interesting this is already. This timeline women are deemed second-class citizens similar to property, cattle and pets. A band of women felt they have had enough, broke away from the male dominant society. Took too many demands of grog and mutton, probably cleaning the keep and thatch roofed huts. This colony's isolation provided them good hunting, crops and fine hunts. Perfectly content with their lives, our warriors/hunters/gatherers know no commands or demands made of them. They chose to stay away from men until they need to increase their numbers. Yes, that bouncy bouncy activity.

All of them except Hundra (Laurene Landon of Hundra, Yellow Hair and the Fortress of Gold, Maniac Cop, Maniac Cop 2, 1313: Hercules Unbound!, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance and Syndicate Smasher). A true warrior woman that has no need for a man. They are useless creatures in her mind's eye and well, not sure if I disagree with her. We got some beer chugging jagoffs, sexist butt monkeys and too many abusers with bible quotes floating about.

The SCA attack nearby picnickers!

With her tribe flourishing, Hundra is on the hunt while at the same time; a horde of barbarians cut a bloody swath through the Amazons slaughtering the lot of them. Kind of similar to Conan's village being obliterated in Schwarzenegger's Conan the Barbarian. I sense a vengeance subplot! In minutes she finds the raiders and goes sick house. Hundra is a bad ass. Got to be close to twenty five men and she is gacking them left and right. Red Sonja has nothing on this woman. Time to loot the bodies!!! Um we do that, right? Hell just the horses alone should fetch a decent price.

Was a great little slapstick as a guy with one of her daggers in his belly tried to smack Hundra with a good sized rock.

Hundra: After the Hunt.  Oh, my.

Being the lone survivor of the tribe, Hundra seeks out the wisdom of an ancient elder Chrysula (Tamera of Hundra) who tells her it now falls to her that she must rebuild her tribe. The very duty she never deemed neccessary for herself. She must go south to the land of the bull to get her best breeder stock. Geez Grandma, don't talk to me about sex. Ewwwww!!!

Can Hundra find a man she deems worthy? Will she be with child? Can she rebuild?

It turns out ,a Spanish designed action fantasy game; Zeus Software by Dinamic Software for the 8 bit home computers for the Amstrad CPC, MSX and ZX Spectrum in 1988 also called Hundra, but turns out it is only inspired by the film and not directly related to the plot or character. Confused the crap out of me when I saw it.

Interesting bit of trivia is Laurene did all her own stunts with the exception of the tower jump. Still that's horseback riding, sword-mastery, archery, some hand-to-hand. That is damn impressive. My final thoughts? This is not some Conan knock off. Solid orchestral music by the great composer, Ennio Morricone (Navajo Joe, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Once Upon a Time in the West, The Exorcist II: The Heretic, The Thing, The Untouchables and Bugsy) setting the moods of the scenes.

We got the hero's journey, loss of all she knew, a voyage into the unknown, actions and consequences of all such in the path. Landon has an emotional whirlwind throughout this film and shoulders it well. I don't get to see enough films of this caliber and would love my readers to start recommending more. 

Just dig swordplay and hunting. What of it?