Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. This week I can assure you we will NOT being reviewing anything of giallo or supernatural nasty because while I love Argento's work I need to be able to sleep at nights. That being said I will be diving into the severely sprained minds of writers and creative team of Red Dwarf with Rob Grant and Doug Taylor (Spitting Image and Red Dwarf) and I thought I would share with you my favorite episodes.
You're not gonna rub my belly??!!!!
This goes without saying will bounce through several of the seasons. With a 20 year hiatus with the promise of a movie that never saw fruition the mini-series of Back to Earth had hit or miss from the fans and breathing life into Season 10, the fans across the pond, around the states and frankly anyone with TV has heard, seen or caught a glance of Red Dwarf.
Whether you have hygiene issues that would unnerve a baboon, so anal retentive you could sharpen pencils with your bum, licked your clothes and took a session of naps or you really liked doing laundry, this show was for you.
That in mind, smeggers we now begin the Red Dwarf Favorites!
While this is not an official holiday nor does it have a stamp of approval by the states, my friend Brandon Gardner and I always made it an event to gather snacks, soda and watch 20 somethings playing teenagers being systematically slaughtered like pigs in the Friday the 13th sequels.
Greetings mortals!!! I trust that... hey, that is a flaming bag of dog feces on my porch!
As there are more than a few superstitious folks out there that do NOT even want to journey on the road, go for a walk at night or head to the store for an item. I say no worries. Those twinkies you wanted will be there tomorrow... unless the ax murdering loony from beyond the grave has a certain spongy goodness sugar rush, mauled the clerks and claimed them for himself. I'd suggest calling the cops on the mass homicide scene, leave your statement and just go to another store.
Howdy folks! I wasn't kidding about a double feature and boy oh boy it made my skin crawl, sluff off and run for the hills. It has been more than 25 years since Inferno and Argento began weaving his warped web of terror and surreal visions of the final chapter to The Three Mothers. In 2007, after more than a few re-writes since 1984, the ancient tale first described in Suspiria and Inferno. The final story begins without further adieu. This is Mother of Tears.
Okay, who wants a thigh?
Mater Lacrimarum: Who wants to eat the spoiler?
Diving right into the film we see dirt being unearthed as members of the Catholic Church observe the digging up of a 19th century church official when they discover there is a large box chained to his casket. The scholars demand to this box be removed and placed in their care. Observing the contents of the box they reveal artifacts, scrolls and tomes belonging to Mater Lachymarum (Moran Atias of The Roses of the Desert, Good and Evil, Land of the Lost, Just Married, Crash and The Next Three Days), the last surviving member of the Three Sisters, a despicable triumvirate of black art witches that date back as far as the 11th century whose corrupting powers could effect events on a global scale, twisting and contorting people of all minds to utter evil. The Monsignor who attended the dig, goes over the artifacts to the limited knowledge of witchcraft, occult and magic he has available and feels horrified at his discovery.
He then sends the urn to Michael (Adam James of Ashes to Ashes, Bonekickers, Wired, Doctor Who, Last Chance Harvey and The Execution of Gary Glitter) a foremost expert on mysticism, alchemy, the occult and the histories of ancient religions and magic of the highest and darkest orders. Michael's colleagues at the Museum of Ancient Art in Rome, Sarah Mandy (Asia Argento of Demons 2, Close Friends, Trauma, XXX, Last Days, Land of the Dead and Dracula 3D) an American art restoration student that is dating Michael and Giselle (Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni of Demons 2, Opera, The Phantom of the Opera, Ghost Son and The Dirt) a fellow restorative take it upon themselves to open the box. Giselle cuts herself but they press on to find three statues representing the Three Mothers, a ornate ritual dagger, a cloak and even the box itself is carved with runes, wards and magical glyph. Okay, I need to press on. I sound like a Dungeon Master describing the treasure.
Well the Vatican funds vampire hunters so, why not magical theory?
No sooner does Giselle send Sarah off to fetch some translation books for the texts on the artifacts she is attacked by bizarre creatures that disembowel her. Sarah witnessing this, runs like Hell and with good reason. Mater Lachrymarum's familiar, a baboon gives chase after Sarah as she narrowly escapes with her life. Giving her statement to the police she spends the night at Michael's. Michael contacts the Cardinal that sent him the urn only to find out he had a massive stroke and now lays in a coma. His assistant hands Michael a piece of paper with only Mater Lachrymarum written on it. Back in Rome, all Hell is breaking loose with wave upon wave of mass suicides, murder tolls in the hundreds and anarchy in the streets. Under the radar of this chaos a movement of pagan witches are joining Mater Lachrymarum's expanding coven quietly, gathering their strengths to bring an age of darkness humanity has never known in this modern era. Can Sarah and Michael overt this mass of lunacy or are they doomed to swept away in it?
A few comments to make about the movie now.
The first screening of the film's trailer took place at the 2007 Cannes Film Festival. On that same day in question, a restored print of Suspiria was shown in the Cannes Classics section.
Dario Nicolodi, a writer/actress and former lover of Dario Argento played Elisa Mandy, Sarah's mother in flashback sequences. Interestingly enough that Daria Nicolodi and Asia Argento are mother and daughter in real life as much the film.
Now the nice folks at Medusa Film felt his film was too dark, graphic with depraved visions of perverse sex, cannibalism themes and sadomasochism... Didn't they read the script?? Argento was forced to water down the sex and violence for the release to theaters for a broader audience but released an uncut original version that yours truly just finished watching. Kinda wished I got the neutered version. Quick FYI, parents. Due to the extremely graphic violence and sexual scenes, this is DEFINITELY NOT one for the kiddies. The parents that let said children watch this movie, well... it is on their heads and not mine.
Sorry, I was holding in a sneeze. Continue, please.
Greetings to Day 4 of Dario Argento Week and I must be honest in saying my sleep cycle has been interrupted by more than a few nightmares. No joke, it has been a few times of drenched in cold sweat and terrors involving me walking around my apartment. The sacrifice I make for you people!!! All joking aside some of these flicks have been a bit eye-opening. Today's film is no exception as we burrow into the life of a young opparata who has deemed the performance of Verdi's Macbeth is cursed. Another giallo film involving a mad stalker and yes that is a bit of a theme for our esteemed director. This is Opera.
Give me sight beyond sight!
Betty: I am nothing like my spoiler! Nothing like her!
The movie opens with these extreme close-ups of a raven's eye and a slight pan back to a wide opera theater house as practice to Macbeth as this innocuous raven caws about as the duet sings the piece and Betty (Cristina Marsillach of Estoy en crisis, La gabbia, Every Time We Say Goodbye, Days of Inspector Ambrosio and The Sea and the Weather) is anxious and paranoid about the composition as the lead is ran down by a car and Betty is thrust into the lead role working with Marco (Ian Charleson of A Private Matter, Jubilee, Chariots of Fire, Antony & Cleopatra, Gandhi, Ascendancy and The Sun Also Rises) a talented, charismatic director that tries to bring her to ease in her new role. The show must go on! During her opening performance, a murder occurs in one of the opera boxes giving the cast a sense of forebode. Marco does his level best to bring the cast to a calm that would rival a Hindu calf.
A sharp tale to be told!
More murders keep happening during the productions and the only loosely thing these murders have in common is Betty. On her way out of the theater she is abducted by her stalker, bound by rope, tape over her mouth and a series of needles on tapes are placed just under her top eye lids forcing Betty to watch whatever her stalker/serial killer wants her to watch. Will she get away from her horrendous captor? Will there be anything left of the cast to perform the show? Will this effect her acting career?
Just a few interesting trivia notes from the film at this time.
The ending of the movie was inspired by Thomas Harris's novel Red Dragon being such a visual disturbing series of images, Argento felt obligated to bring the same to his audience. The character Marco, horror director turned opera director was based on the maestro Argento himself. No ego there, folks. According to Urbano Barberini (Inspector Alan Santini of Opera) the film had over 140 crows that took hours for the crew to re-capture as they were released in the opera house for filming. only a rough tally of 60 of them were ever reclaimed. The others must have escaped from the opera house during filming.
An alternative ending gave Betty Stockholm syndrome as she began to see her captor in a different light and she fell in love with this killer that proved himself time and time again that there were no boundaries he would not cross to please her. Similar to Thomas Harris' novel Hannibal. Great and warped minds think alike I suppose.
Due to my stomach acting up all day today and it is almost three in the morning I really can't say I want to watch a slasher movie at this hour. With that in mind I will have a Double Argento Feature where I will suffer through some thriller giallo and potential supernatural story afterwards. Mind you if I have to sleep with all the lights on, shriek like a little scared twelve-year old girl and snivel, I will know I sat through two Argento movies.
Welcome back to the nightmares my fine readers. Day 3 of Dario Argento Week and as was mentioned in Inferno's review, the continuation of the Three Mothers will not be until 2007 with The Mother of Tears. So we will walk away from witchcraft, mutilations and the like and head back into some Giallo territory that started with Deep Red. Our story is about an American novelist who is in Rome and he is being toyed with by an insane serial killer who is wiping out anyone attached to our writer or to the book that is published. Kooky, ain't it? This is Tenebre.
Art critic goes over the deep end.
Peter Neal: Let me ask you something? If someone is killed with a Smith & Wesson spoiler... Do you go and interview the president of Smith & Wesson?
Our film opens with a leather gloved individual reading aloud a passage from a book and it almost seems like he will justify his evil acts from this thriller murder novel. As it was pointed out our novelist does murder thriller novels and they are quite popular in Europe. While in Italy, Peter Neal (Anthony Franciosa of A Face in the Crowd, The Long, Hot Summer, Valentine's Day, Blood Vows: The Story of a Mafia Wife, Death House and Ghost Writer) catches up with his agent Bullmer (John Saxon of Black Christmas, Enter the Dragon, Gunsmoke, Fast Company, The Electric Horseman, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Falcon Crest, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and No Escape No Return) as they are plugging the book Tenebre in Rome which has been on the best seller for 12 weeks.
Unbeknownst to Neal, his ex-wife Jane (Veronica Lario of Sotto... sotto, Lavedova e il piedipiatti and Bel Ami) has been secretly following him in order to throw a major wobbler his way via public outcry. His assistant Anne (Daria Nicolodi of Deep Red, Beyond the Door II, Phenomena, Opera, Notes of Love, Scarlet Diva and Mother of Tears) has all of Neal's goings on wired, his hotel room stocked with a few nicer liqueurs and in general is indispensable.
I just.... conditioned... my.... hair.
At the hotel, Neal is met by Captain Germani (Giuliano Gemma of California, Corleone, Even Angels Eat Beans, The Desrt of the Tartars, Closed Circuit, The Warning and Mad Love) a homicide detective and his partner Inspector Altieri (Carola Stagnaro of Dark Eyes, Opera, Phantom of Death, Dial: Help, Fun Jump, 500! and The Murder of a General) came to Neal assuming he knew a murder victim based on her wounds alone. Not the brightest cops to say the least. They point out how the murder is almost exactly as it is depicted in Tenebre with pages of the book crammed in her mouth and it disturbs them. Of course they are not so bothered to show the girl's murder crime scene photos to Neal. I think I would have demanded a scotch neat after seeing that gruesome series of snaps. The police want to work with Neal to capture the killer, who is obsessed with his work. Bouncing ideas off is one thing but they basically want to dangle Neal out like a carrot for this psycho mule.
From a creepy phone call that sounds like a madwoman, this lunatic seems to systematically killing off people that Neal has associated with or been involved with the deaths always the same fashion including the pages of the book stuffed in their mouths. When will it end and can the killer be found and brought to justice? Make no mistake, this will keep you guessing.
A few notes about the film now. as every director has a trademark or two, Argento's main ones are a victim crashing through a window in almost every movie as well as a character having a memory jog of usually some tragic portion of childhood or harmful memory. This film's inspiration was after Dario Argento was repeatedly stalked by a fan. As in many of his films the killer's hands have a close up shot wearing black leather gloves.
Get me my agent! I thought I was working with Fulci!
Good day my fine readers and welcome back for Day 2 of Dario Argento Week. I trust your goose bumps and lack of sleep has subsided long enough for another helping of horror/thriller. Today, I would like to apologize as my research into this was not as exact as it should have been. The basis of Suspiria, Inferno and Mother of Tears are a trilogy of supernatural horror films depicting a triumvirate or trio of ancient, powerful and evil witches whose magic allowed them to alter world events on a global scale to suit their own dark purposes. With that in mind, all these films are loosely connected without the cliche of bringing characters back from a car accident or back on for the sequel that would be out of context or continuity.
This trilogy is simply referred as The Three Mothers or Le Tre madri if you will. Each film shows one of the Mothers warped and twisted in a fashion.
But what say we look into some pesky college kids doing a bit of Scooby Doo in Rome where strange and unusual events of the past reflect on the present for the very worse? This is Inferno.
Hey, why did those credits materialize at my feet?
Kazanian: There are mysterious spoilers in that book, but the only true mystery is that our very lives are governed by dead people.
A young poetress Rose Elliot (Irene Miracle of Midnight Express, In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro, The Last of Philip Banter, From Hollywood to Deadwood and Puppetmaster) reads from an ancient she found a local antiquarian and using a Latin to English diary translates an architect's writings , a one E. Varelli about the terror that he was contracted by. Three women had him design and build three houses located in New York, Rome and Freiburg, Germany. Terrified at this new found knowledge Rose suspects that she may very well be living in the New York house and writes to her brother Mark (Leigh McCloskey of Dawn" Portrait of a Teenage Runaway, Executive Suite, The Love Boat, Cameron's Closet, Dallas, Santa Barbara and I Might Even Love You) and urges him to visit her from Rome as soon as possible.
Using the book for clues and details Rose Nancy Drews her way her way to the cellar of the building (yeah because cellars and basements are always great to investigate) and finds a hole in the floor that leads to a former ballroom that is filled with water. She bumps her house keys into the water and has to retrieve them. After finding her keys a bloated gnarled corpse pops into frames scaring the figurative crap out of her.
In Rome, Mark is attempting to read Rose's letter but is distracted by a fairly hot fellow musical student (Ania Pieroni of Stay as You Are, Velvet Hands, The House by the Cemetery, Tenebre, Count Tacchia and Fracchia contro Dracula) and proceeds to follow the girl because hormones rule most men's lives. Mark's friend Sara (Eleonora Giorgi of Don't Shoot on Children, To Forget Venice, Velvet Hands, Beyond the Door and Carefree Giovanni) picks up the letter and is shocked to learn of Rose's discovery. She heads to the library to find a copy of The Three Mothers and is attacked by a brute of a man. She hurls the book at him and beats cheeks and hides at her neighbor's place. Again the huge gloved figure finds them both and stabs them to death.
Found... your.. bread knife...
Mark drops by to visit Sara and heads to her neighbor only to find them both dead at the floor and fragments of Rose's letter. Scooping this up and phoning the police, Mark tries to piece what is going on and calls Rose immediately but the connection is so scratchy. He vows to be in New York ASAP before the line goes dead. Will Mark arrive in time? What other mysteries has Rose uncovered? What is the secret of the Yeti? Why is the sky blue??!!! Why are security guards so insecure??!!!
A quick few fun facts about the film. Argento wanted James Woods for Mark but he was already committed to Videodrome. Shame on you, Mr. Woods. Our gloved murderer hands POV was Dario Argento. The entire film was shot in three months time. Italian horror director Mario Bava assisted in the special effects of this film in that is where he got his first start in the film industry. Bava sadly passed away shortly after the film's release. In 2005, Total Film magazine credited Inferno as one of the 50 greatest horror films ever made. In 2007, the continuation of the trilogy, Mother of Tears was filmed and released with both Daria Nicolodi (writer/actress and Dario's lover) andAisa Argento (actress/director and daughter of Dario and Daria Nicolodi)
The basis of the trilogy is founded on the written works of essayist Thomas De Quincey's work Susipira de Profundis (Sighs from the Depths) written in 1845. Talk about doing your homework.
