Nazi Week: Kelly's Heroes

Hiya, hiya hiya boys and girls!!!  Welcome to Nazi Week, to which we will see anything from deeply moving dramatics to screwball comedies poking fun at the Third Reich.  Say what sounds better than pulling out the war?  Why, pulling out of the war with about 16 million in gold bullion of course.  So grab your Kevlar, prep your sticky bombs and get ready for house to house search.   This is Kelly’s Heroes.

First, we invade Ireland.  You know... for liquor.

Spoilers stop calling me Barbara!!

35^th Infantry Division receives orders to leave the town of Nancy while under the attack of Ze Germans. After piss poor intelligence gathering former Lieutenant now Private Kelly (Clint Eastwood of Where Eagles Dare, Play Misty for Me, Dirty Harry, High Plains Drifter, Magnum Force and Heartbreak Ridge) helps capture a one Colonel Dankhopf (David Hurst of Hello, Dolly!, The Boys from Brazil and Skokie) of German Intelligence.  After finding a gold bar in Dankhopf’s briefcase, Kelly decides to get him hammered and get some intel on the whereabouts of the gold.  Just prior to Dankhopf’s untimely demise via Tiger tank, he tells Kelly that the gold of 14,000 bars are 30 miles west behind the enemy lines in the town of Clermont. 

Who loathes ya baby??!!

Knowing he cannot go this alone, Kelly recruits the rest of his platoon including Master Sergeant “Big Joe” (Telly Savalas of The Dirty Dozen, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Kojak, The Muppet Movie, Border Cop and Hellinger’s Law) Supply Sgt Crapgame (Don Rickles of Burke’s Law, Where It’s At, CPO Sharkey, Daddy Dearest and Casino)and Sherman tank commander Sgt Oddball (Donald Sutherland of MASH, The Eagle Has Landed, The Great Train Robbery, Bear Island and the Puppet Masters). Our greedy boys break through a German held town after a successful mortar barrage that was carefully arranged by Kelly and it looks like clear sailing from on end.   Not long from that brilliant analogy an American fighter plane believing Kelly’s platoon is the enemy he just cuts loose with rockets and strafes the hell out of their vehicles taking three of their number and forcing them on foot.  

Miscommunications hit the radio and Major General Colt (Carroll O’ Conner of Death of a Gunfighter, All in the Family, Archie Bunker’s Place, In the Heat of the Night and Convicted) is just blown away by the sheer audacity of these patriots trying to get through enemy terrain and opts to help and seize a little of that glory alongside his fightin’ boys.  By the by keep them eyes peeled for both Gavin MacLeod and Harry Dean Stanton.  They’re in there folks.   1^st Sgt Mulligan’s (George Savalas of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, Whodunnit and Kojak) name was killing me.  Yeah I know the old do-over golf term. So sue me.

I know what you're thinking boy. Did I fire 6 times or only 5?

A few points I would like to make about the movie at this time.  Panavision’s anamorphic camera was an excellent choice in that you feel like you are trudging through the mud and streets with the boys.  It was also one of the first movies filmed in stereo.   It was said that a female role was cast for this film that Ingrid Pitt was going to play but James Aubrey the head of MGM felt there needed to be cuts to not make the film quote “ drag on” end quote.   I am guessing it was trying to reconnect her and Eastwood from Where Eagles Dare. 

The irony is of the 35^th Infantry Division was a National Guard division made up of Guardsmen from Missouri, Nebraska and Kansas and yet none of dem palookas sounded a thing like a Midwesterner.    Oh here’s a good one. While still filming on location Eastwood gets a call that Donald Sutherland’s wife then Shirley Douglas was trying to buy hand grenades for the Black Panthers with…wait for it…a personal check from an undercover FBI agent.   You just cannot make up humor that good.