Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Sid Haig Week: Warlords

Welcome back for Day 3 of Sid Haig Week.  Hey, let's get away from the women in prison subgenre because... well there is so many implied violence on women my stomach can endure.  Yeah, I know I lost the better chuck of the male readers but so be it.  Instead how about a nice slice of post-apocalypse instead?   Where might makes right, governments and police are gone and the weak will be stomped on.   Sounds far more wholesome by comparison.  This is Warlords.

*hic* Line Please!

First off our motion picture is brought to us by Corman protege Fred Olen Ray so expect jiggly girls, nudity, pointless sex scenes and a very low budget.   When a class act director's collection hails from film as: Evil Spawn, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Alienator, Dinosaur Island, Bikini Drive-In and Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds, expect panache.    Well I'd rather have five teeth pulled out of my head but let's get this pain started already.    The world has ended according to the stock footage of nuclear testing, scale models with stills of wreckage and mayhem and only a few will survive.  Most died in the cities, few have retreated to the desert (where it is cheaper to film and you can drag in some thrashed cars) for the simpler life.   We catch up with a very paltry car chase scene in which we met Danny (Dawn Wildsmith of Evils of the Night, Prison Ship, Commando Squad, Surf Nazis Must Die, Future Force and Alienator) a harsh woman with well manicured fingers, make up looks spot and and hair is 80's frizzed.  

The secret Tusken Raider slave trade.

She deals with these raiders in short working order, steals their car and is on her way when she meets Dow (David Carradine of Shane, Kung Fu, Death Race 2000,  Thunder and Lightning, The Serpent's Egg, Deathsport, Circle of Iron, North and South, Future Force and Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat) causally strolls into shot, armed to the teeth.  They tootle around in their stolen rust heap Nova until the radiator hose gives and then it's on foot and let me tell you have not seen such chemistry since Spencer Tracy and Kathrine Hepburn.     Sorry, I meant you haven't seen such lack of chemistry since Bossom Buddies.
Our tiresome twosome wander into the hills as a band of marauders, excuse me mutants (decked out in German gas masks and leftover Tusken Raider apparel) scoop up a couple of bimbos with obvious saline jobs brought to the Warlord by Beaumont (Ross Hagen of  The Hellcats, Speedway, Daktari, Sidehackers a.k.a. Five the Hard Way,  Gunsmoke and Dinosaur Island) a crafty man that knows where the power is in this region of the states and that is the Warlord (Sid Haig of Galaxy of Terror, The Aftermath, Fantasy Island, Commando Squad, Kill Bill: Vol. 2, Halloween and Brotherhood of Blood) and he supplies him with women and guns.

Sid Haig: Lord of the Apocalypse.

Dow reveals to Danny that he has a disembodied robot head as a early warning device, navigation and more than a few weapons when he cannot get close for hand-to-hand with his martial arts.  He is searching for the Warlord that took his wife (Brink Stevens of Slumber Party Massacre, Tales from the Darkside, The Jigsaw Murders, Spirits, Bad Girls from Mars, Teenage Exorcist, Roots of Evil and Illicit Dreams 2)
Will Dow find his wife and claim his revenge against the Warlord?  Will Beaumont be given his just desserts?  Can they find a car that lasts more than 2 miles?

Here some trivia on our amazing moving picture.  This flotsam was shot in ten days.  The demolished tank in the opening credits sequence was a MBT-70, a joint West German/American prototype of the late sixties, early seventies that did not make it past the initial creation.

Once again our cinematic creation was filmed on location via Vasquez Rocks Natural Area Park in Agua Dulce, California because this means you require very little in the way of props to show a post-apocalyptic film.  Miles of desert in all direction except where the plot should be.

Stock footage... OF THE FUTURE!!!