Stay out of my poops!!! |
Our leading lady Sarah Tyler (Isabella Amaryllis Charlotte Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe of Stage Beauty, How to Lose Friends & Alienate People, Trinity, Blooded and Fedz) has spent the last 2 years in L.A. and is returning to Jolly Ole England(and yes I am aware that some of my readers are from across the pond) She arrives home in time to see the festivities of drink and debauchery in a barn of all places. Oh right, secondary school kids and no means to procure a hotel. So the noise continues up to the house when we are fed some tripe subplot on how Sarah's stepfather is accusing her mother that she is having an affair. Her stepbrothers Stephen (Peter Gadiot of Hot Mess, Fresh Meat, Once Upon a Time in Wonderland and Matador) and Luke (Anthony De Liseo of Night Wolf, Shelfstackers and Remission) seem to be at odds with Sarah so there is a fair degree of shouting, swearing and the like.
Stephen's girlfriend Emily (Gemma Atkinson of Hollyoaks, In the City, Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3, Black Book, Baseline and How to Stop Being a Loser) Draco Malfoy..er.. I mean Gary (Tom Felton of Anna and the King, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire, The Disappeared and Rise of the Planet of the Apes) tries to calm everyone down when the power goes out. PLOT DEVICE!!!
Interruptis Vomitis!! |
Armed with a handful of flashlights our plucky youngsters find a substantial amount of blood at the top of the stairs. Malfoy... Gary goes to look for candles... in the dark. The group stumbles upon their now quite dead father Duncan (Simon MacCorkindale of Jaws 3-D, Manimal, Falcon Crest, Poltergeist: The Legacy, Relic Hunter and Causalty) in his room which looks as if someone attacked him with either a lawn mower or a creature with staggering strength and savagery. Will our cast make it through the night? What is prowling around the grounds and how did it get in and out of the house? Will Malfoy and Potter become allies?
A few comments at this time. The overall dynamics of this movies seems to revolve around mixed family arguing in very large house, various stages of getting pickled and more squabbling. The creature POV shots are well done but lack the real punch-up to ramp the terror factor they could have. Our creature looks more of a naked mole rat rather than a werewolf and I heard this was compared to Dog Soldiers. That laugh could be heard around my apartment complex.
Director Johnathan Glendening who brought us delights like Strippers Vs Werewolves (I kid you not!) was trying to create a honest haunted house vibe/ trapped scared humans fighting for their lives creeper creature feature and well... most of that was accomplished but Glendening's lack of storytelling experience really left his cast a little lackluster or unimpressive performances all around with the exception of Isabella Calthorpe. You geniunely got the vibe she wanted to be there and play the part.
Sadly this is also Simon MacCorkindale's last performance and you would have preferred he went out on a better standing that playing a corpse but I guess it can't be helped. Gore effects and jump scares aside, I didn't remotely care about the cast, their goals and need for survival. Felt flat on performance and editing.
Grounds need better keeping. |
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