Thursday, February 23, 2017

Felissa Rose Week: Silent Night, Zombie Night

Welcome again back to the week. Yeah it is odd to being viewing this in February when clearly this is a Christmas tale but hey it happens. A story of life in L.A. A torrid tale of two cops partnered with each for years and one of them is diddling the others wife. Oh yeah and there are zombies. This is Silent Night Zombie Night.

Hehe I beefed in the car twice.

From the title I just assumed Ricky or Billy of Silent Night, Deadly Night rose from the dead to "Punish!" but turns out I am wrong. Seriously though this flick is less three minutes in and we already have had three zombie attacks, two on-screen and one off so Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, man!?! Officers Frank Talbot (Jack Forcinito of Blackbelt, Night Trap, Bitter Vengeance, As Good as Dead, Breath of Hate and Jurassic City) and Nash Jackson (Andy Hopper of Black Tie Nights, Girl on a Bed, Cloud Seven, Saint Francis, Shining On, CSI: NY and Political Disasters) both with enough tropes in their back pocket find themselves dealing with a legion of undead spreading rather quickly leaving them trapped with the woman they love, Frank's wife Sarah (Nadine Stenovitch of Heaven,Another World, Nash Bridges, Roadkiller, The Opponent, Beacon Hill, Beowulf and Open House). Yes it's the old standing of cheating wife with best friend, being professional on the job while cornered to hash out their zany differences...with zombies.

Eh, probably healthier than Church's fried chicken.

Nash got injured in the attack, not sure if the gunshot or a zombie bite occurred but Frank pissed off at the situation goes out and blasts a zombie with a twelve gauge...basically ringing the dinner bell. Dude, not watching The Walking Dead or Z-Nation? At any rate, Frank further ensures the salivation of zombie taste buds as they work around the apartment trying to get inside to the tender vittles. "But Jake, I thought you said this was Felissa Rose Week?!" Take it easy, Mr/Mrs shouty, we're getting there.

With a bit of exposition on the failing marriage, misinterpretation of a friend's intentions and so on, Frank hits on the idea of odor repellent via hunting formula. IDJIT! They're not deer! Frank seems too eager to bash civilians with a baseball bat which clearly means it may be time for a sensitivity awareness workshop. Homeowner Jeffery Hannigan (Lew Temple of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, Waitress, Halloween, Rango, Lawless, The Walking Dead, The Lone Ranger and House of Forbidden Secrets) is holed up in his attic with a pistol, water, food and a slighly injured son. No clue where the wife is at all. Frank accidentally caps Nash and just left him at Jeffery's. Dude, crappy neighbor.

Yeah it beats Zack Synder's nonsense.

Frank and Sarah woke up to be visited by I thought Shocking Dark's Megaforce but it would appear to be NRA enthusiasts Paul Irwin (Vernon Wells of The Road Warrior, Weird Science, Commando, Innerspace, Darksiders, Drop Dead Gorgeous, 100,000 Zombie Heads, Throwback and Jurassic City) and the top billed lady Elsa Lansing (Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp, The Night We Never Met, Nikos the Impaler, Horror, Zombiegeddon, Dead Serious, Satan's Playground, Dead and Gone, Psycho Sleepover, Return to Sleepaway Camp and Dahmer vs. Gacy). Not that I am not glad to see some veteran bad asses but an hour into the film and FINALLY we see this dynamic duo is a bit of a wait. With the plan of dealing with more zombies and scooping up Jeffery that plan goes all to hell leaving Elsa running back to Nash's pad. Jeffery got nipped in the face gives Nash his pistol after a long winded speech of missing family.

Will Frank and Nash hash things out? Can Elsa and Sarah pull a zombie slayer duo off?

Big problem with Vernon Wells and Felissa Rose being glorified cameos but I guess the love triangle was supposed to be the pivotal standing on the zombie story. The CGI gun shots, blood splatters and gallons of Karo syrup is effective in cost saving but looks a bit cheesy on film stock digital or otherwise. Maybe if you knock it down to 16mm and then convert to 35mm digital and then add the effects it would work easier. 

Nadine Stenovitch's performance of a woman torn between two guys is believable but Andy Hopper's passive aggressive character was a bit annoying. No fault to the actor, I just hate that particular trope. Ambivalence is what the final response to the film. Not a bad movie but it won't be a memorable one either. Sorry gang but that is my read through. Also I really wanted to see Felissa got sickhouse with a machete or hand axe, blow stray hairs out of her eye and say something to the effect, "You coming along?" Would have sold it for me.

When Airsoft games go too far.