Not Of This Earth

Hey folks, I'm back. So we are hitting Jim Wynorski flavor country and we are in for a treat. A bevy of gorgeous girls are almost a guarantee, some funky effects and some memorable lines are in store for us. This is Not of This Earth.

Traci hard at work.

Now for you more picky fans, I will point out this is the 1988 remake with Jim and not the 1957 version with Roger Corman. There. I hope we got that one across. For those not in the loop, I was explaining that Carpenter's The Thing was a remake and that turned into a nerd rage battle for four days of BS notes.

Clay animation, explosions, lighting effects, gorgeous girls. This film has a lot going on. Practical effects and SFX make up is damn solid. Except...those opening credits were a mix mash of clips from Battle Beyond the Stars, Forbidden World and Humanoids from the Deep. There may have been more and have nothing to do with the flick. Methinks...filler perhaps?

Do you know the way to San Jose?

Moving on, our story is a hybrid Horror/Sci-Fi/dark comedy so you know there is a lot going on. Working hard for her money. So hard for it honey. Wait, that's a Diana Ross song.  Professional RN, Nadine Story (Traci Lords of Cry-Baby, Shock 'Em Dead, The Tommyknockers, Highlander, Profiler, First Wave, Novel Romance and Swedish Dicks) is hard at work in the office of Dr. Rochelle (Ace Mask of Transylvania Twist, Return of the Swamp Thing, 976-Evil II, Munchie, Ghoulies IV and Victim of Desire) when an unusual patient comes to visit. Always dressed in black, wearing sunglasses and in need of a blood transfusion. At first it sounds like a migraine sufferer minus the blood transfusion. Vampire with headaches?

The enigmatic patient known only as Mr. Paul Johnson (Arthur Roberts of Maneaters Are Loose!, Beyond Westworld, ChiPs, Deadly Vengeance, Revenge of the Ninja, Chopping Mall, Big Bad Momma II, Rorschach, The Curse of the Komodo, SharkMan, and The Mummy's Kiss: 2^nd Dynasty), which is uncomfortable coming out of my mouth. Heyo!! Ahem, he is mysterious yet polite and well mannered still gives off the vibes of something is amiss.

The cure for this fever is more Traci.

Nadine has been requested to give blood transfusions to Mr. Johnson and may have to assist him for several days if not weeks. There's a blood flow penis joke in there somewhere but I already made a moderately filthy joke as it is. Tending to his every other whim is his assistant, chauffeur, fix-it man Jeremy (Lenny Juliano of Commando, Lethal Weapon, Sorceress, The Wasp Woman, Vampirella,Final Voyage and The Bare Wench Project) who I am trying decide if he screams date rapist, toadie, lackey or lickspittle.

While continuing her duties, Nadine reads about random people attacked and their blood completely drained. Again, vampires? A scourge among us? Dr. Rochelle starts to become worried about this and wonders if he should inform the police of his suspicions.

Possibly aliens but that concept is so farfetched, I mean where would the proof be? I mean other than Mr. Johnson's hyper-dimensional, telecommunications device/gateway.

Will Nadine be in danger? Can pervert Jeremy keep it in his pants? Say didn't that radio announcer sound familiar?

Armed with some exploitation actresses of the like of Monique Gabrielle (Bachelor Party, Deathstalker II, 976-Evil II, Chained Heat and Return of the Swamp Thing), the late Roxanne Kernohan (Fatal Pulse, Critters 2, Phoenix the Warrior, Angel III: The Final Chapter and Tango & Cash), Becky LeBeau (Ninja Academy, Transylvania Twist, Jake Spanner, Private Eye, Nudity Required and The Malibu Beach Vampires) and Kelli Maroney (Fast Times at Ryan's Hope, Ridgemont High, Night of the Comet,Chopping Mall, Big Bad Mama II and Pop Star) the men folk will not be hard pressed to find someone to gawk at.

Amusing side note that both Richard Belzer and Michael York play predominant roles in the film yet, I cannot film this movie in their IMDB filmography. Wouldn't surprise me if IMDB screwed up but that is neither here nor there.

Oh, because that was the 1995 version. Yup same film, three times. 45 minutes elapsed and I didn't seem to realize I hadn't seen our star Traci. The streaming site managed to goof on the version. Luckily I found the '88 version. Hell if you think that is nuts, go look up Dracula, Tarzan and Sherlock Holmes Hound of the Baskerville. A LOT of remakes there, my friends.

It's campy, silly and doesn't take itself seriously. Behold, Traci can act. She can flirt, give attitude and has charismatic moments. Yes while this film is a bit oddball, I had fun hearkening back to this.  Wynorski and Corman fans, this is a must have for your collection.

Han Solo's been drinking again!