MST3K Week: Soultaker

Welcome ladies and gents back to the end of MST3K Week and I felt it was fitting and fair to have not only Mike and guest starring both Joel Robinson and TV’s Frank return for the fold.   Impossible you say?  All things are feasible in the kooky world of sci-fi comedy.  Grab yerselves a sodey pop, snag some popcorn and get comfy.  This is Soultaker.

So bacon doesn't fix out everything?

Is it every a time for spoilers to rock?

Ambitious writer/director/actress Vivian Schilling (Prison Ship, Terror Eyes, Project Eliminator and The Legend of Wolf Mountain) tried her gosh darnest to bring us a quality horror movie with dramatic undertones and a love interest story that would span the test of time.   Instead we got Soultaker, an amalgamation of gibberish, at least two B movie actors and an Estevez you do NOT recognize at all.  

As this is Season 10 in MST3K and the very first episode of the year our Best Brains Production came up with the wacky idea that a vessel that has travelled through parallel dimensions, foreign planets and different timelines just might…break down?   Say it ain’t so!  The Satellite of Love is still in her prime I tells ya!   

When it becomes apparent that Mike could not patch a relay let alone find his hinder with a flashlight and a GPS, They turn to Pearl for help.   As predicted Pearl could care less if their orbit decays and the crew roasts like suckling pigs at a redneck jamboree. 

Dream maker!! Oh wait it's Joe Estevez.  Thought it was Martin.

Enduring our overtly dramatic tale of an angel of death siphoning souls to Heaven or Hell, we find that our lead heroine and resident soul sucker might have very well been lovers…in another lifetime.  *Cues Dark Shadow incidental music*

Alas Soulsucker is thwarted by our plucky heroine and her Stamos wannabe boyfriend as they race across town, souls separated from their bodies in a desperate attempt return to the mortal plane.   Will they make it in time?  Will true love prevail?   Will Stamos wannabe run out of his nancy boy hair gel?

Yeah yea I am gonna poke fun at the film now.   Actually I love the host segments of the show.  Getting to see Joel and Frank again even for a short span of time was a great kick.   The end credits of this film Tom and Crow are just vicious to the film as they describe the never-ending torment of Stamos wannabe’s bleak existence and each turn of the page just makes him a horrendous shallow shell of himself.    They slowly snip and snipe at this poor lad and berate him to no end and Mike starts snickering through some of it.

Geez looks like a beanbag with eyes and a mullet.

Led Zeppelin was wrong man.  There is no stairway to Heaven!   Does that mean Sabbath was wrong too, bro?  Yeah it was long winded, confusing, disturbing and a bit out there but by no means was it entertaining nor thought provoking.   Mike and the bots cup your hand gently and give you a reassuring pat to tell you yes it is horrible but we have jokes to soothe your psyche.