Horror of 1970 Week: Count Yorga, Vampire

Welcome back to the madhouse kids for Day 4 of Horror of 1970 Week and say what horror week would be without a good vampire movie and trust me this is nothing like a good vampire movie.   So grab your crosses, snag gallons of holy water and grab a lot of sharp pointy stakes.  This is Count Yorga, Vampire.

I come from your Techicolor Nightmares!!

Count Yorga: Doctor Hayes, what an unexpected spoiler.

Our story opens with my most favorite thing in the world…narration.  Relax; it is not a Uwe Boll film.  A truck is loaded up at the Port of Los Angeles and whisked away to a gated mansion up in the California Hills and its cargo is revealed to be a coffin. BUM BUM BUM!!!!  The hostess of said manor Donna (Donna Anders of Laredo, The Arrangement, Dream No Evil and Werewolves on Wheels) has invited her nearest and dears to a séance in the hopes to contacting her dead mother.  Not exactly certain why she is bothering the dead but maybe there was a typo in the will.  In order to prepare for this séance the party is lead by the unfathomable Count Yorga (Reggie Nalder of Perry Mason, Madhouse, Dr.  Phibes Rises Again, Rapid Assault, Jungle Boy and Dear Santa), a renowned psychic from Bulgaria to perform the channeling but Donna is disturbed during the proceedings and Yorga uses hypnosis calm her nerves.  The party breaks up and Donna’s friends Erica (Judy Lang of Dr. Kildare, The Trip, The Psycho Love and Count Yorga, Vampire) and Paul (Michael Murphy of Manhattan, Batman Returns, The Island, Magnolia, X-Men: The Last Stand and The Bridge) offer to drive the Count home to his own posh mansion.  

Psst. Debbie, can I borrow your conditioner?

Shortly after dropping off Yorga, Paul cannot seem to restart his van outside the mansion (must have ran out of gas. Wink wink) and the two opt to spend the night in the van.  Naturally this leads to diddling each other in the van as Yorga plays spying Torgo outside then attacks them both.  The next day Paul cannot recall their attacker and Erica doesn’t seem to even remember the attack one bit.   Erica visits with her doctor James Hayes (Roger Perry of Arrest and Trial, The Thing with Two Heads, The Elf Who Saved Christmas, Dirty Love and Wreckage) about this mysterious bite marks at her throat.  Unable to proper diagnose the cause of her being listless he notices she is also minus a pint or two and prescribes her a high protein diet and some bed rest.  OMG, that will go right to her hips.   Ahem…moving right along Hayes contacts both Paul and Michael (Michael Macready of Something Evil, Terror House and Rescue from Gilligan’s Island) to hold a pow wow and discuss how this could have occurred when they walk in on Erica having a snack…her pet kitten to be exact.  To add to the wacky Erica threatens to destroy the menfolk but then attempt to seduce Paul before breaking down.   Could vampirism be the key to Erica’s plight and who would be the dastardly monster responsible?

I’ve got just a few more notes on this film.  There are truckloads of nudity and sex scenes due to hypnotism and vampiric nature so this is definitely not for the kiddies.  The film feels rushed and conclusions are made a bit too early but the film attempts to be taken seriously even if you, the viewer find it a bit laughable.   The print I was watching had more lines than a renaissance faire porta-potty stalls after the turkey leg didn’t agree with you.  The police as always with these films are depicted as incompetents and leave our heroes on their own and pacing of the film seems to just vary from slow and steady to a crescendo of action and hand held work.  Good film for the chuckles but not one to log on your horror shelf.

I swear I heard something.